Definitely nothing comes to mind...

Okay, so I'm being kind of cheap.

2011-11-21T11:17:00.001-07:00

I should be posting something with actual substance since I haven't posted in forever, but I'm not. Apologies in advance. I'm blogging about a giveaway. I love Mindy Gledhill. She has such a beautiful voice, and I love singing with her music. You should check her out here and here.

Between West & Main is having a giveaway, and they're giving four lucky winners Mindy's new Christmas album, Winter Moon. Gaaah!! I want to wiiiin! (Please say that like Nacho Libre in your head). Anyway, you should head over there and enter.

And just so you're not too disappointed in my cheap post, I will throw you a bone.

Cheap post complete.

Ch-ch-ch-chia

2011-03-17T23:08:00.002-06:00

I fully intended to post a lot sooner to prove Chris' comment on my last post wrong, but time gets away from you when you have a couple of hoovers perma-attached to your boobs. Life now is full of broken sleep, changing diapers, nursing, nursing, nursing, and snuggling two sweet wonderful little newborn babies. They're growing so fast already. I'm so lucky.
They're doing so well. And so far, in comparison to Ben as a newborn, they're dream babies. Obviously, I'm still sleep deprived, and it's hard to get anything done. That's just how it is when you have a newborn or two. They go back and forth between sleeping well on their own and requiring arms to hold them while they sleep, but I think with practice they'll get better at sleeping on their own. I love holding them while they sleep, but necessity dictates that they will have to sleep out of arms sometimes. Ben still needs me very much. He's kind of a mama's boy.

I miss Chris so much. Having him home just felt so normal and right. Having him gone again is just really awful and difficult all over again. I feel desperate to have him home every day. It's good that we're still pretty crazy about each other after almost 8 years together. Man, I feel old. Anyway, I miss him. Ben misses him like crazy, too. He asks me about his Daddy all the time, and he mentions him in some way pretty much every day. He was pretty upset at the airport when Chris left. He pitched a huge fit, actually. Passersby were touched to see this little boy so sad that his dad was leaving. What they didn't know was that Ben was actually so crazed because he really really wanted to get on the airplane. He was completely freaking out about it. And it was really hard getting him back out of the airport because my incision was hurting so bad. I had to tell him we were going to ride the escalator. He perked up and got pretty happy about that. But he did realize that his dad wasn't with us on the way out, and then I was able to talk to him more about Chris leaving after he was calm.

It's been up and down. I wish time would speed up, so I could see Chris again. But I also want to savor the sweetness of these babies, too. It's so different this time around. I wonder why I ever thought having one newborn was hard. I think I'll have it made next time we have a kid. It will be easy peasy. Logan and Bruce are so different from one another. They already have different mannerisms, likes, and dislikes. Logan will suck happily on whatever you put in his mouth. Bruce shuns pacifiers, but will reluctantly take one if you offer it to him fifty million times. Logan watches Ben intently, looking like he's planning on trying out Ben's moves right after his next nap. Bruce just watches everything calmly. He's more mellow. He's also just a little bit bigger than Logan. I love my boys. Every one of them.


A little hairy for a boob, but it'll work.

Put 'em up, wise guy!

1, 2, 3, baby fight club!


I wish I knew what they dream about when they sleep smile


Probably boobs. That's what they're usually thinking about when they're awake.

A two for one special

2011-03-01T02:37:00.001-07:00

They're here, folks. We woke up ridiculously early last Tuesday morning (2/22) and went to the hospital to have us some babies. It was really weird for me as I sat in triage for a non stress test for the babies and an IV for me as I thought about how I would be leaving there in a few days as a mother of three instead of one. I didn't really have any anxiety about how the c-section would go, but I did have a bit of anxiety about the babies' health. Just because that's what a mom tends to do. Well, I do anyway. I worry about the unknown.

My surgery started promptly at 7:30 am. Half of the staff in the room had twin children (or triplets) and one person was a twin. Everyone was also pretty excited about delivering my twins. My spinal was administered easily, and it wasn't too painful. They weren't kidding when they told me how fast it would take effect. My legs were half numb by the time they pulled them up onto the table. And then there was all the prep, and everyone chatted and joked. It was a pretty pleasant atmosphere in spite of being mostly naked and numb on a big table with lots of strangers crowded around me. And my stomach, of course, was just ridiculously huge. Chris took his place behind the blue curtain at my head, and things got underway.

Pretty quickly, I heard my doctor proclaim the presence of Baby A's head and very shortly thereafter I heard an angry cry. And then they pulled him the rest of the way out. He was so mad about leaving, he started yelling about it before he was even entirely born. After that, I felt more weird tugging around in my abdomen, and my doctor laughing about how slippery Baby B was. Pretty quickly, they pulled him out, though. We heard another angry cry. I cried, of course. It all seemed very unreal from the beginning until I heard those babies cry.

Bruce Banner (left) was born at 7:47 am, weighing 7 lbs 6.5 oz. Logan X was born at 7:49 am, weighing 7 lbs 3.5 oz. They are amazing and incredible and awesome. And I'll tell you more about them later when I have slept some. :)

If you could take a nap for me, that'd be great.

2011-02-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

I am so utterly tired. And it's so hard to sleep. I'm pretty sure I woke up fifty bajillion times last night just to roll my giant belly from one side to the other to keep my hips from having a revolt and killing me. I felt bad about it because it was my husband's first night home (!!!!!!!!!!) on leave, and I'm sure I disturbed him more than once. And then Ben came in to get in bed with us very early. It took him awhile to get back to sleep, and the position he fell asleep in was you know, right up against me because the kid is a pretty snuggly little guy. I love snuggles, but it's hard to sleep when you have so many kids on top of you. I'm going to have to cut off his morning routine of coming into my room to go back to sleep. I don't really know how I'm going to do it, though. It's one of his favorite things.
I have 3 days until my babies are born. I'm 38 weeks pregnant today, and I am astounded that I've made it this far. I am also just ridiculously huge.

This is last night before I went out and ate a big delicious steak. My stomach almost makes my butt look small, which really has just never happened before. Just for comparison, here's my post at 39 weeks with Ben. The distance is a lot different, but I think you'll be able to see through that eye trickery. My belleh is stupidly big.
I'm so excited! And so nervous! Two newborn babies just seems completely insane! And yet, it will work somehow. My mother in law managed to have three children who were five and under and successfully gestate twins to 41 weeks (I die.) before having them and subsequently raising them. So, yes, it will work somehow. And if I had to go to 41 weeks, I'm convinced I really would die. A lot. I also have so many family members and friends who have helped and are willing to continue helping me. I've been very blessed on that front, for sure. My mom is a huge help with Ben. He loves his Nana. He tells me so, "I yuv Nana," he says.
He is also now obsessed with his Dad, now that he's home. It's so adorable, and I love it. We were both afraid that Ben might forget Chris, but that has definitely not been the case. Ben talks to Chris on the phone, and when he saw him at the airport, he knew exactly who he he was. I couldn't see Ben's face, but I could see the sides of his cheeks in a huge smile.
I'm sure I have more I'd like to write here, but I also have a husband with whom to spend my time (finally!). So that's that. I'll try to post pictures of the babies as soon as I can after they're born.

Biggest watermelon ever

2011-01-25T23:37:00.002-07:00

I am currently 34 and a half weeks along now. And also very very tired pretty much all the time. And also it hurts when I walk. My pelvic floor is not a happy camper these days. Let me show you why.

I'm smuggling three hams and a turkey in there.

The kids are growing well. The last growth scan I had two weeks ago showed them each to be about four and a half lbs each. I imagine they're easily at least five lbs now. I'm not having contractions other than the usual Braxton Hicks, and my cervix is pretty sleepy, just like me. I have four more weeks until my c-section. I don't have a specific date yet, but I will on Thursday at my next appointment. I would wish to go a little sooner, but I'm pretty excited to have Chris home for the birth. I think it will be worth it to do whatever I can to keep them in there until he gets home. Exciting stuff here, people. So why am I so sleepy? Oh yeah, I have a crazy two year old.

My mom is here now! I'm so glad that she's here for so long. She's staying until May- my sister Eve is having a baby in May, so she'll be stealing Mom back from me. Mom's been such a big help already. She cleans for me and watches Ben. Also, she's a great friend to have with me. You get a little crazy when you only have a toddler to talk to all the time. And man, we can talk. Mom and I, I mean- not Ben and I. Although Ben is pretty talkative, too. But he says stuff like, "Mommy sleeping? Ben sleeping, too" right before he puts his cold little fingers in my eyes and nose and laughs. Ben will pretty much never sleep out of choice. Ever. He will also repeat everything he hears, like when I was talking to Chris on the phone and telling him that someone was a butthole. How does Ben know to which word is potentially the most offensive word to repeat?

Baby A is now head down, which doesn't matter much because I'm getting sliced and diced, but Baby B is still transverse. Baby A's butt is in Baby B's face. This is a 3d picture of the two of them. It was difficult getting any 3d pictures of either of them because they weren't very cooperative. Baby A kept his face hidden, and Baby B kept moving all around. Every time the tech would try taking a 3d image of his face, he would wiggle around, and it would look all blobby monster baby. Or maybe that's just what he looks like, but I hope not. So the only somewhat good picture we have of them is this one, which is kind of sad. But funny.

I'm almost ready for these babies. My mom helped me clean out all the junk in my bedroom, and I think we'll be working on my craft room next. I have a lot of diapers to make. Yes, I plan on doing cloth with the twinkles. Cloth diapering Ben hasn't really been all that different then using disposable diapers. It's actually easier in some ways because I don't have dirty diaper trash to take out, and I also don't have to go to the store to buy diapers. The laundry isn't a big deal. It's just one load every other day. I also just recently installed a sprayer onto my toilet downstairs to spray poop off into the toilet before I wash. It's wonderful, and my washing machine is kept a lot cleaner. The only inconvenience I have is when I have to strip the diapers because I still haven't really figured out exactly what works for them. But once I do, it won't be an issue anymore. I'm definitely looking forward to saving all that money, though. Sometimes I still have a hard time adjusting to living on one income even though it's been almost two years since I got laid off. I still feel guilty for not contributing monetarily to our household, but I try to help out where I can.

I'm getting more and more excited to meet our new babies as the time gets so close, and I'm becoming more ready for them to be here. I mean, seriously, did you see my belly up there? I didn't know my skin could stretch so much, and they're not even done growing yet. But all in good time. I'm even more excited to have my husband home to greet them with me.

Ringing in the New Year

2010-12-31T22:30:00.001-07:00

Thankfully, New Year's is not quite as bad without Chris around. I'm doing what he and I would be doing anyway. You know, just sitting around. Granted, it would be much nicer if we could do this together, but I'm not as sad about it as I was about Christmas. I'm looking forward to the new year, so I've got that going for me. We actually had a New Year's party last year. It was really fun and all, but it was a lot of freakin' work. And also, a lot of tired kids. But the food was good. I made a bunch of southern food. It's tradition in the south to have collard greens and black eyed peas for good luck for the new year. Well, I didn't actually make the black eyed peas, but I made collard greens (and they were actually good!) and a bunch of other delicious greasy fattening food. I'm thinking I might make all of that yummy stuff when my brother comes up to visit with my mom in tow in a couple of weeks. I have hambones from Christmas that need to be used. Don't worry, they're frozen.

Speaking of frozen, it's been so incredibly cold here lately. I think it stayed in the twenties all day today. It's killing me! Our house is kind of old. I mean, not really old, but it was built in the 60's, so it could use a whole lot of upgrades. Our windows are all original, which means they're crap. Our furnace is also original, which means it is pretty much the crappiest. We also have a wood stove in the basement, which is original, but surprisingly not crap at all. So I heat the house at night with a fire. Because Idaho is the last frontier, I guess.

I never knew there was anyone left who actually heated their home with a wood stove by choice until I came to Idaho. My in laws don't even have central heating, but their stove is huge and it heats their house easily. They also cut down their own wood on their property and pay $5 for electricity in the winter. Okay, so I'm guessing on their electric bill, but I'm sure it's not the awful amount that shows up on my bill every month. Although, my sister has since told me her in laws use a wood stove to heat their home in the winter, and they live in Georgia. But they also used to live in Idaho before they moved there, so maybe they got the idea from their frontier life out in the Idaho sticks.

Hey, look! I'm huuuuuge! With hopefully 7 weeks to go!

Anyway, wood heat is pretty nice, but it's getting harder for me to bring wood in from outside. I only bring in an armful each night, maybe two if I start a fire earlier than usual. I will probably have to start actually asking people for help soon. You know, either that or do everything myself and go into labor. I have such a hard time asking for and accepting help. I'm not really sure why. It's not like I'm cold calling folks and asking them to scrub my toilets with their tooth brushes. So very many people have offered to help me in different ways, and I haven't taken many of the offers yet. Well, I haven't needed to yet. But that time is finally coming, and I have anxiety from it. Like I said, I don't know why. I really like helping people because I like how it makes me feel. Why would I want to deny others of that?

Well, I must go tend to a choo choo crisis in the dining room now.

There's a choo choo crisis every five minutes in this house. I'm not even exaggerating.

Yeah, it was awesome.... not.

2010-12-28T02:37:00.003-07:00

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the hut (work with me here)

Nothing was stirring, except for Ben's butt

I had just gone to bed after setting out presents with care

In hopes that peaceful sleep would be the night's fare

Young Benji was sleeping, his bum poking straight up

His toots filled the air as he gripped his water cup

I slept a blissful hour or so, with dreams of delight

Imagining the morning scene after we'd awaken from night

When over in Ben's bed I heard a great splatter

I sprang from a dead sleep to see what was the matter

Away to fetch a diaper, I raced to the boy

Not expecting the explosion his gut had deployed

I lifted him up- I'd just change him as he slept

Unfortunately I discovered his jammies to be quite wet

I carried the sleeping boy at arms length to the bath

Hoping there would be nothing to trip over in my path

Ben woke as I stripped him of a poo filled sleeper

And rinsed him quickly in the tub before the water grew deeper

The middle of the night surprise bath filled him with cheer

I just prayed that more sleep might be near

Poo laundry was washing and the little boy clean

Snuggling me in new pjs with his eyes all agleam

I kissed his face and told him good night

Laid him in his bed and turned off the light

This story has no moral, but I attest to it's truth

Santa brought me nothing this Christmas except a big Benji poop.

Really, when stuff like that happens, you've got to laugh about it to stay sane, am I right? And this seriously happened to me at about 2 am on Christmas morning in every detail, plus a bunch of other details that had no rhymes to go with them.

Christmas morning was great. Ben was happy and excited. He loved everything he opened and immediately demanded that I remove it from its packaging so that he might play with it right then. So it took a while to convince him to open all the presents. I had been planning on hosting Christmas dinner, but seeing as how the plague saw fit to visit our home the night before, I apologetically canceled. There are a lot of little ones in our family, and I didn't want any of Chris' sisters to have 2 am poosplosions either. Meaning dealing with their kid's poosplosions, but I guess it would be unpleasant to be the one actually having the poosplosion, too. Anyway, I digress. I do that a lot. I ended up being alone on Christmas, which made me kind of sad, but Ben was super happy and crazy about everything, so that helped.

I cooked the hams I was planning on making for dinner because they were already thawed and they were from my in laws' farm (yum yum homegrown pig meats). The ham was pretty much incredible. Ben also really liked it. He kept asking for pieces as I was cutting it up.

I hope everyone had a great holiday. I'm glad it's over because I don't have to be sad about it anymore. I can just look forward to the babies being born and Chris being home for a couple of weeks and my mom coming out to stay for a while. All good things coming up in just a short time. It will be difficult and sleep depriving, but also doable. I have lots of knitting I need to do for the babies, so that will be fun in the meantime. And also decluttering the remaining rooms in my house that I haven't decluttered yet. Which are three. Well, maybe two and half is more like it. I think if I talk about it enough, I might be able to nag myself into actually doing it. Like, "Holy crap, Bekah, okay, I'll do it, just shut up about it already!" I'm hoping it works out that way. Although, I could just end up ignoring myself. Meh.

Happy Christmas!

2010-12-24T18:49:00.000-07:00

So my last post was kind of whiny and sad. Sorry about that. I do think I'm afforded some mope time what with Chris gone and all, but I don't need to spread it around. I'm healthy, all my kids are healthy, and I have a warm home. I should concentrate more on the positives in my life. Like babies.

I'll be 30 weeks tomorrow. So far, I've had no complications whatsoever. My dr worried briefly about my cervix, but an ultrasound showed it to be completely fine. The babies were 2 lbs 7 oz and 2 lbs 8 oz at 27 1/2 weeks, so I think they're probably three lbs each or close to it now. They move a lot, and I love feeling them move just as much as I loved feeling Ben move around when I was pregnant with him. Although, I'm sure they will be a lot more painful than Ben was really soon. I should really take a belly picture to post. I'm so crazy huge. I think I'm full term size now. I've gained less than I gained with Ben, though. I think I'll either gain the same amount as I did with Ben, or maybe a little bit more by the end of this pregnancy. Most of the weight is in my belly this time, though, less in the flabby arms and double chin. It's coming, though. I'm sure of it.

I'm pretty excited about tomorrow morning. I made a video for Ben at Portable North Pole. You fill out some questions and upload some pictures, and it gives you a personalized message from Santa. Ben freaking loved it. He squeals with delight every time he watches it. And now he thinks that anyone with a white mustache is Santa.

Yeah, anyone. I'm pretty sure he probably won't connect the dots between Santa and all the presents he's going to get tomorrow, but I'm still pretty excited. Santa was a pretty exciting thing to me when I was little. I can't wait to share that with Ben. I also made a stocking for him because I couldn't find any to buy that I liked. I found some pretty cute Christmas John Deere fabric and lined it with green fleece. Ben liked it a lot because it has tractors on it. The kid likes tractors. He always has.

Anyway, I should probably stop procrastinating now. I'm throwing the Christmas dinner at my house tomorrow, so I need to tidy things up a bit before it gets too late. And also start a fire. I'm freezing.

Merry Christmas (or whatever you happen to celebrate) and Happy New Year to you and yours!

A Sorta Kinda Christmas

2010-12-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

The last Christmas I spent without Chris was our first one as a married man and wife. I'm pretty sure most people know the story of how we got married 3 weeks before he ran away to Iraq the first time around. I was living in GA with my family, and we had a crazy cross country trip of a wedding and semi-honeymoon. That Christmas was also the last one I spent with my blood relatives.

Since then, I've adopted the traditions of Chris' family. My family doesn't really have many of those, short of eating delicious food all together, of course. My family does food and togetherness more than anything else. Not that we're a negligent bunch or anything. I'm just the youngest of six, so when I got older, the kids part of Christmas (meaning the fun part, of course) went by the wayside. When I married Chris, however, four of the five of his siblings were still minors living at home. Which is really weird, now that I think about it. All but one is out now and is or has been married and have children. Anyway, I digress. My point is they have traditions, and I've adopted them, or rather I have been adopted into them.

I generally take change pretty well. I've always been adaptable and just roll with it. But this year, I'm realizing how much these traditions mean to me. Since Chris is gone, I feel myself clinging to the familiarity of Christmas. But it's also not quite the same this year, not only because of Chris, but because his parents and brother are living on the other side of the country until next summer. Chris' other siblings and I are, of course, doing Christmas things together. But it doesn't feel the same. I feel lonely for a Christmas I know. For a Christmas with my husband home with me. For a Christmas together.

He'll be home next Christmas. And we'll have even more family by then. I look forward to that. But I also lament that he won't be home this year for Ben's first Christmas that he'll actually be aware that *something* is happening. It's the most wonderful time of the year, but also the most difficult when you're the wife of a deployed soldier...

This is going to be a short one

2010-10-31T10:04:00.000-06:00

I haven't spent much time on the computer since I came out to GA, so I haven't made any time to blog. Pretty lame excuse, I know, but it's true.

Last night we had a trunk or treat at church. I made a skunk costume for Ben to match the hat I crocheted for him in August. I thought he was pretty cute.

It has a tail, too, but I didn't really get any good pictures of it. He didn't want to wear it at all when I tried to try it on him after I made it. He chased his tail around and tried to pull it off when he caught it. The next night when we were getting ready for the trunk or treat, I told him people would give him candy if he wore his costume. He had no problems wearing his costume then.

Here's a picture of 22 weeks. I'm so big. Seriously. I'm going to be crazy huge by the time they're ready to come out.

2010-10-08T21:52:00.001-06:00

I'm thinking it might be nice for my husband if I try to update my blog more. It will be good to give him an update on everything. Not that he's been dropping me hints or anything... (I'll give you a hint- he has)

Since my last post, Chris left. It sucks. I miss him a lot. It's definitely different this time than the first time he was deployed. My every moment is consumed by Ben, so there isn't a lot of time for self pity. Ben is talking so much now, and he's a lot of fun. There are days when he's obviously about to turn two- testing his limits at every turn and throwing fits left and right. And sometimes it coincides with a very difficult day for me which makes it an even more difficult day for both of us. But things are usually better for both of us if I force myself to be more patient. So I've been doing that a lot more, and that's good. Ben is much more fun to be around when I can be calm about his chaos. A side benefit of that is he's much more willing to help clean up his messes- to the point that he's even occasionally picked up his toys before I even asked him to. If I can raise neat kids, that would be amazing. Because, uh, I'm not neat. Neither is Chris. We're the anti-neat.

In spite of my self professed disorganization, I have actually been able to keep my house clean since Chris has been gone. This is pretty good because when Chris leaves, I pretty much don't feel like cooking or cleaning at all. And I didn't cook at all for a while there. But I finally broke down and bought groceries, and I've challenged myself not to eat at any restaurants at all. It was a lot harder at first, but it got easier. I think these things help me not to be depressed, too. Cleaning house sucks, but if I stay on top of it, I guess it's not so bad. I still have to wrangle my laundry before I leave, though. It feels like a huge ginormous overwhelming task, but when I finally make myself do it, it probably won't be a big deal.

The twins have been moving more and more as of late. They're still not very strong, so it doesn't hurt when Baby A kicks me in the cervix yet. I'm getting so big, though. Seriously. I just went to take another belly picture because I've not been so on top of those. I took my first one at roughly the same point as the first one I took with Ben. This is almost 17 weeks with Ben. My belly was still lumpy with pre-baby fats, but it was at this point that I finally had a uterus with a baby in it poking a little bit outward.

And here is almost 17 weeks with Things 1 and 2. I realize the distance is different, but you can see the bigness with the second that is not in the first. I'm already wearing maternity clothes in this picture, people.

And here is me tonight at 19 weeks. I didn't realize how much I had grown in the last two weeks. Holy crap. And considering I will be having a c-section at 38 weeks (I'd like to hold out longer, but I know that when I get there, I will probably be ready to do anything to get them out), I'm half way, y'all. Also, 38 weeks is considered full term for twins, and their bodies are just as fully developed as a 40 week singleton. Just so's you know I'm not planning on getting them cut out of there before they're ready on purpose (crossing fingers that I don't have pre-term labor with these here babies).

Anyway, the point is- I'm fat, people. And I'm getting fatter exponentially. I'm totally okay with this, though. If I'm growing, that means they're growing. I don't know if you remember, but when I was pregnant with Ben, I was always worried that he'd have some kind of congenital defects. Not that it would have affected our love for him in the least bit. I just felt like it was just too lucky for us that we finally were having a baby and he might be completely normal and healthy. It was really lucky, and I'm so grateful. But this time around, I'm so terrified of pre-term labor and having the babies before they're ready and what if they're too little and they die? I'm afraid of not being able to take home any babies at all. Or taking home one instead of two (is it greedy of me to want both of the babies I'm growing? Okay, no, I know it's not). This time around, I feel like we were so lucky to get two babies from barely even trying (one IUI! one! And I only had 2-3 follicles ready. If I only had two eggs drop, that was a 100% fertilization and implantation rate, y'all. That just doesn't happen for us! But it did.). Anyway, it's just crazy pregnant lady brain. Every pregnant woman worries about her unborn child/ren. And the worry just never stops, even after they're born.

About the child of mine that I birthed almost! 2! whole! years! ago! I know I talked about him already, but I can talk about him some more. We've changed up our sleeping arrangement again. Having him in the pack n play in my room just was not working. I thought if I gave it enough time, it would, but it didn't. It took him forever to fall asleep, and every five minutes of that forever, he would stand up to request that I cover him up again. I know, I know- the easy answer is just to stop doing it and eventually he'll stop asking, right? He'd scream and scream and scream and scream. Now, I didn't reinforce the screaming by giving him what he wanted, but it made for nights that were horrible for both of us. And I didn't want to keep doing that, so I would get up and cover him up again the next night. Now that I have to roll myself out of bed (okay, that's an exaggeration- it's more like a shimmy-hop on my butt), I tired of the constant up and down. So I moved him back into my bed with the reasoning that I don't care if he plays until he goes to sleep, if he wants me cover him up, I don't even have to lift my head, and as a rule- he may not play with my hair to get to sleep. So, there are pros and cons- I'm happy I don't have to get up and he's happy to be sleeping next to me. However, the likes to be touching me AT ALL TIMES, which makes me crazy. Also, his playing before he goes to sleep consists of ring around the mommy (crawling all the way around me multiple times and laughing hysterically) and/or sticking packing peanuts (don't ask) into the floor fan in the room and consequently having it scare the crap out of me because I think he's getting hurt by the fan- which makes me jump up, completely wide awake and unable to wind back down into sleepy land. Okay, in fairness to him, he's only done it one time yesterday at nap time. The crawling around me thing happens almost every night.

I know I'll have to get him out of my bed before the babies come, but I'm still trying to figure out how. But we will do it somehow, out of necessity. But not until after I get back from Georgia. Oh, yeah, I'm going there for six weeks. Chris is in Mississippi, and I'll be able to go and see him before he leaves the country. It's about a six and a half hour drive to my family from there, so I figured I'd go ahead and make my last trip out to GA for a long while. I leave in less than a week. I still have so much left to do... Anywho, I'll leave you with some pictures of the boy.

Ben's playing in his dad's footlocker before he left.

He's modeling a hat I made for my cousin's little boy's Halloween costume. He loved it so much I had to chase him around the house to take it back to send it to said cousin.

Oh, the dramz!

2010-09-17T10:38:00.000-06:00

Okay, so they're actually letting Chris come home everyday after formation, and probably will keep doing so until he has to leave on Monday. Which is also my birthday. Boo! It's a good thing I'm not all into my birthday anymore. It's just really not a big deal anymore. I don't think I've actually even had a cake in years. Which is fine because I don't like cake. That's probably why I never have one.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll probably be pretty upset next week when I leave Chris at the airfield. I'm thinking I should be able to see him when he has pass again right before he leaves the country. We don't know when it will be, but I have an idea of around the time it *should* be. So Ben and I are going to GA for a little while to spend Thanksgiving with my family and also be ready to drive to wherever Chris is when he goes on pass (he'll most likely be at one of two bases in the southeast).
I'm so insanely tired. I'm always tired right now. Ben and the babies are pretty much sucking the life force out of me. Which is as expected, but it's pretty much kicking my butt. I keep waking up in the middle of the night at the tiniest little sounds, and then it takes me two hours to get back to sleep. I'm pretty sure this didn't start happening to me last pregnancy until third trimester. It's so frustrating, though. I'm so glad Ben still naps, though. If he stops wanting to nap before he's three and a half, I'm going to die. Period.
Blah. This is so boring. I don't blame you if you stop reading now. Uh, if anyone is actually reading this now. Hello? *echoes* Yeah, I thought so. :)

I got so bored just re-reading what I had written that I wandered off to read other people's blogs for a while last night. I found this great charity album that was put together by Pacing the Panic Room. The writer's step-son has Smith-Magenis Syndrome, which is an uncommon genetic disorder that affects the individual's physical and cognitive characteristics. More research is needed, of course, and the proceeds from this album are 100% going towards that. And the music is pretty awesome. Children's music usually grates on my brain. I HATE it. You will never find a Wheels on the Bus cd in my house. Because of course, Ben would love it SO much that he'd want to listen to it a million trillion times a day. Perhaps I'm a really horrible mother because of this deliberate omission in his childhood (I don't care). I already have to bargain with him as to how many times I will read his new tractor book to him in one sitting. I didn't even know he knew the word 'tractor'. Anyway, the music is for kids, but definitely enjoyable for an adult. Ben is currently dancing around the room to "Potty Time" and yelling "POTTY!!!!".

We saw the babies again this past week. I'm still not quite far along enough for their gender bits to be big enough for accurate identification. However, the sonographer's guess is two boys. TWO BOYS!!! I'm may have three boys, y'all! Just thinking about it makes me really really tired. I was SO sure I was having a boy and a girl, but I think it was mostly in interest of self preserving my sanity (and also buying cute girl clothes). So yeah, my sanity? Will be losing it. Baby A is pretty much definitely a boy, but she wasn't so sure about Baby B. So we'll see in a month.

Also, mah belly is huge. One day I just looked kind of dumpy and overweight. The next day I woke up and had a pregnant belly. I just looked through my archives for comparison with my last pregnancy, and I'm already so much bigger than last time. I'll have to take a picture because, uh, I've been too lazy to take any belly pictures thus far. Except for a really crappy one on my phone, but I'm not putting that on here.

Now if you'll excuse me, Ben is having a crisis because he can run his trains across the air vent in the floor. I think he thinks it's supposed to be a track...

2010-09-13T15:39:00.002-06:00

Chris is home on pass. He has today and tomorrow left. Time just doesn't stop. No matter how much I wish for it to stop or will it to stop with my mind ('cause, you know, the whole 'willing things to happen with your mind' totally works normally...), time completely disregards my desires. For the past several months, time has been somewhat of an aggressor in my life- constantly pushing me forward, hurtling towards some unknown future. Well, unknown except for the fact that I knew my husband would have to go, and that is what I've wanted to avoid. I've been trying very hard not to think about his impending absence, but the day is almost here. I can no longer avoid confronting his departure.

It's been easy to hold it together, simply because I've been in a sort of denial of time. There's always been more time, so I would make the best of it. But now there is no more time. Well, a day and a half. I have him for a day and a half more. My house will feel so lonely when he leaves.

P.S. I disabled comments on this post because I'm not looking to have a pity party of any sort. I know folks feel bad for me and wish that it didn't have to be this way, and I appreciate those good feelings from people. I just wanted to express what I'm feeling right now.

2010-08-22T08:01:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all. As usual, I've had a ton of ideas for blog posts in the past however long it's been since I last posted. But I don't feel like writing any of them (except for maybe the one about nose picking- but do you really want to read about that?). The husband has left for AT, which means I have about a handful of days left that I get to see him. A few days in about a month when AT ends and a few days in MS right before he leaves the country.

It's going to be hard for me. It already is. I miss him like crazy, and he just left yesterday. It'll be really hard for him, too. We're several years out of the newlywed phase, but we're still just as crazy about each other. No. More crazy about each other, I think. But I worry most about how hard it's going to be on Ben. He really loves his dad. His eyes light up when Chris comes home from work, and Ben runs to the door to give him a hug. He's used to Chris being gone for a weekend here and there for drill, but he'll probably start looking for his dad around the house soon.

We recorded Chris reading him bedtime stories, so I can show them to him every night. We also had some family pictures taken (which is kind of hilarious because Chris and I are not very photogenic- I'm pretty sure most of the pictures are of us looking weird and Ben being completely adorable), so I can put them in a book for Ben to look at whenever he wants to.

Side note: This is so not the time period I would normally choose for family pictures. I seriously should have planned better and done them three months ago when I weighed two babies + a food baby less (Food baby = when you eat a bunch of food and look pregnant). I'm at that stage where I don't actually look pregnant, but I've obviously gained weight. I just look like I've been eating way too many sloppy joes. I'm not really complaining about it. I don't mind. I just don't think I would have immortalized my pillsbury dough paunch with pictures if I had thought about it sooner.

Bah! So as I was writing this last night Ben woke up and wanted to go back to sleep with me while playing with my hair. Well, that just wasn't going to happen. That's how I used to put him to sleep a few months ago, and we're not going back there. He was pretty insistent about it. So I ended up having to go to bed while helping him to go back to sleep in his own bed (he'll go to sleep on his own (normally), but he won't go to sleep by himself- he needs someone in the room). But this is why he did it: I put him to sleep that way one night. I stayed the night at my mother in law's house, and it was the easiest option to get him to sleep without disturbing everyone else in the house. One! night! I've learned my lesson. Thankfully, he stayed asleep once he finally fell back to sleep last night.

I will be happy when this whole deployment thing is over, although it will be triple the crazy when Chris gets home. I hope the babies will be good sleepers. Seriously. If I have two more sleepers like Ben, I will probably die.

Aaaaaaand then my brain exploded.

2010-08-04T01:02:00.000-06:00

As you may remember, if you have known me for any length of time since I birthed my son, we have sleep issues. No. He has sleep issues. After my last post about it, I followed some of the advice I received. First, I just ignored him when he got out of bed (we had a baby gate set up in the doorway, so he couldn't get out- Parent A or B would sit in a chair outside the door). But the problem with this method was that once he realized I wouldn't play the game of putting him back into bed, he just played. He sleeps with a floor fan going in his room. It was really hard not to laugh at him when he would squat in front of the fan and yell to hear his voice get chopped up. So, anyway, this was not helping him get to sleep.
Next method was to put his mattress on the floor beside our bed with the hope that he would settle down to sleep if he was sleeping where everyone else was sleeping. Ha. Yeah right. The new game was to climb onto the bed and jump all over Mom and Dad. Again and again and again.
So now, we still have him in our room, but we brought in the pack n play. And that is his new bed. He seems to be adjusting to sleeping in it okay for nap time, but you can just forget about bedtime. We do our routine- the same every night- he's always yawning and rubbing his eyes during stories. I know he's freaking tired. But as soon as we close the last book, he jumps up and has a party. He goes completely wild. The end of story time is his cue to wake up and NEVER GO TO SLEEP. In the past week and a half, the shortest length of time it has taken to get him to sleep has been maybe half an hour, which is definitely not typical. Most nights, it takes an hour and a half. Tonight, it took three hours. THREE HOURS!! And we don't just put him in his bed and leave him there. One of us lays in our bed beside him, so he knows it's time to go to sleep. But it's such a huge thing that happens every single night, and it's killing me! But I just don't know what to do. I can only hope that eventually he will just sleep already. Because really, I got nothin'.

*sigh* I love that kid more than anything. Even if he makes me crazy. (Not a new picture, but still cute.)

So, we saw the twins again last Friday. They're growing and their hearts are beating. And according to the old wives tale about heart rates, we're having two girls. But I also remember that Ben's heart rate was pretty high this early, but it went down further later on.
I had my first appointment with my OB on Monday. I will just say now that I love my OB. She also did fertility treatments, and she had triplets. So she doesn't take this multiples thing lightly. I'm glad because I've been getting a little freaked out by all the potential complications that are more likely with each extra baby you're carrying. She gave me a book, When You're Expecting Twins, Triplets, or Quads, and I'm really glad. I guess I just had this idea that with twins, you're just a little more pregnant, and it would be a lot like a singleton pregnancy, but bigger. I had this idea that you couldn't really do much about potential complications unless you're unlucky enough to have them. And I'm sure some of that is true, but apparently there is a lot you can do to try and prevent bad things from happening.
Also, one of the things that's really stressed in this book is how much more weight you need to gain with extra babies and how quickly you need to gain it. Now, I'm not on the small side. I am a large milkshake. And even taking that into account, I'm supposed to gain 20-25 lbs by week 20. I am now 9weeks and several days, and I have gained one pound so far. I don't even know how I'm going to do this, y'all. Now, I totally buy into this business of the weight gain. Studies show a strong correlation between the weight a mother of multiples gains during pregnancy and the babies' birth weights. I would really like to be able to take my babies home as soon as possible after they're born, you know? But I just don't know how I'm going to be able to eat that much. And then there's all the water to drink and the milk. They advise drinking a quart of whole milk a day. A quart! That's a meal in itself! Well, at least the Zofran seems to be working well enough to allow me to eat and cook. That is a definite plus there.

I'm sure I'll do it all somehow. I'm just overwhelmed. I'm freaked out about Chris leaving so soon. We have no more weekends together. Well, just one, but I don't really count it because he has to use the entire time getting ready for Annual Training. And then we get to have a few days together before he's mobilized. There's just not enough time. I need him. I'm worried about what to do when I get so big I can hardly move, and it will just be me and Ben. How will I take care of him? How will I give him the snuggles and kisses and loves he'll need from his mama? And more practically, how will I change his diapers when I can't pick him up or get up off the floor once down there? I've gotten plenty of offers for help, but I can't really call someone every time Ben needs a diaper change. I have more worries than I have answers. I hope I figure it out before I get there.

Uuuugggghhhhhh....

2010-07-27T14:50:00.000-06:00

You know, I'm trying really hard to be a good sport about this morning sickness thing, but it just really really sucks. I could at least tolerate it if I could just feel better after I hurl. But of course not! The focus of much of my day is to not puke. And sometimes I lose it by the end of the day, and it's just bile. I try to keep something in my stomach all the time because it's worse when I'm hungry, but it doesn't seem to be working so well anymore. The dr's office offered me Zofran if it gets too unbearable, but I've read that it mostly just keeps you from throwing up, but you still feel sick. I don't know. Maybe I should try it. Sometimes my nausea is debilitating. If I move, I will puke. I know. Whine, whine, whine. Well, I guess I can because it's my blog. So there.

In preparation for Operation: Outnumber Mommy Overkill, we traded in my husband's truck for a minivan. I'm not really one of those people who gets hung up about what kind of car I drive, so I'm not worried about looking like a soccer mom or anything. Anyone who thinks that will see my slovenly butt get out of the car and perhaps change their mind. Or not. I don't care.

But now I'm obsessed with the possibility that I may somehow land in a body of water somewhere and not be able to get all of my children out of the car. I told this to my husband, and his response was, "Just don't drive into a lake or anything." But what if a semi rams into me on a bridge?! So I'm going to have to get one of these to be able to cut seat belts and break a window if I ever need to. But two infants and a toddler?! The idea of not being able to save one (or more) of them scares the pee pee out of me. I know I'm being a little ridiculous here, but it still seriously freaks me out. Luckily you don't cross quite as many long bridges over rivers in southern Idaho as you do in the northern part.
Although, just a few years ago, there were five kids going to school (this happened in my husband's home town), and they slid on an icy road into a pond. They all drowned. I didn't even know these children, but I couldn't even read that article just now without crying, I'm still sad about it. I also find it hard not to cry when I drive by that pond. I can't imagine what it must be like for their parents. So maybe that has something to do with why I'm so freaked out about my kids drowning in a car and me not being able to do anything about it. It's just so horrible and tragic.
Yes, I know. I'm crazy.

Man, now I feel like Debbie Downer.

Not for the faint of heart

2010-07-23T18:10:00.000-06:00

Or something. This is a disclaimer that I will be talking about a yeast infection (mine) and associated parts (the vajayjay- also mine). So if you are offended/completely grossed out by this, you might just want to skip this post.

Some people get a lovely pregnancy glow or shiny beautiful hair. And then when other ladies get pregnant, they get yeast infections. I guess I'm one of those ladies this time around. I thought that maybe it was an allergic reaction to the new progesterone suppositories I started using. (ahem, they do not go in the butt- in case you were wondering) But as time when on, and it got worse and worse, I realized the beast for what it was.
I did some googling and enough reputable (although I admit, I'm using the term somewhat loosely) sources told me that it was okay to use Monistat. So I get the seven day because it takes longer, so it will seriously just knock the crap out of that yeast, right? I wasn't relishing the idea of having to stick progesterone and Monistat up the hooha for a week, but really, I don't like sticking something up there every day anyway and I have to, so it's moot.
Did they do something to Monistat? Change it in some way? Because it burned like 300 flaming demon suns of evil doom. I have never wished I could completely remove my vagina until that moment in my life. I ran around the house doing the pee pee dance and basically dying. I thought maybe there was a reaction with the progesterone and cursed my brain for not thinking of the possibility BEFORE I took it until I found some forum full of people talking about how horribly Monistat burned them. Thank you, internet, for reassuring me that I hadn't ruined my vagina forever. It was really hard to imagine otherwise at the time. I called my OB, and they prescribed some diflucan. I didn't want to go that route originally, but my yeast infection was so so so bad at this point that I just couldn't stand the idea of waiting for yogurt and probiotics to work. It takes time, yo.
So I was bragging at Jen at Maybe If You Just Relax that I hadn't puked in days(!) I guess you must know what happened then. Vomiting and lots of it. (Wow, I am just the purest source of disgusting topics today, aren't I? Thank you, babies!) And queasiness that won't go away now. I want to eat, but everything looks just gross. I've been able to eat french fries and chicken sandwiches. I'm doing somewhat well with salty. I know I won't mind eating healthfully someday when I can actually eat again. I made this casserole last night with broccoli, carrots, celery, brown rice, and cheese that I would normally just drool over. I was able to eat it last night, but when I heated some leftovers for Ben today, I gagged. It's sad because the concept tastes so good to non-morning sickness Bekah. Anything with cheese on it tastes so good. But not right now. :( So sad.
Okay, no more complaining about being sick (at least for this post). I just didn't get hit with it very bad with Ben. But it does make me feel better that the babies must be doing all right in there. I'm anxious about my next ultrasound. I'd be pretty upset if we lost one and didn't know it.
I really should take some pictures of Ben to show you. He's getting pretty big. He's getting better at communicating, even though there's still plenty he tries to tell us that we just don't understand. He's such a fun kid. He's started to play pretend more. He has a plush snake he sleeps with that everyone kisses every night (and a puppy and a koala). Chris will make the snake hiss and tickle Ben's face with its tongue. Well yesterday, Ben brings a tower of single mega blocks over to me and hisses while he tickles my face with it. I just love that kid. And yes, I think he's amazing and awesome and adorable and the best. Because he's my baby. Holy crap, what am I going to do with three babies?

It's like the song that never ends.

2010-07-19T12:13:00.000-06:00

You know what's ironic about the title of my last post? I still don't think my mom has even read it yet.

I need to clean my house with an urgency. And yet. Here I sit. Not doing anything urgently even though I should be. I hate cleaning anyway, and moving too much upsets my stomach at the moment. So yeah, it's like that. I'm sure I'll get off my butt and do something about it today, though. Ben keeps pulling can openers off the counter in the kitchen. You know what really sucks? That he can pull anything off the counter in the kitchen. Man, it is really annoying. It's my fault. I'm supposed to keep the counters clear, right? *grumble grumble*
Let's talk about Ben's sleep habits. I know how boring it must be, but it's an all encompassing endeavor over here. Before I started working at that temp job, Chris and I decided it was time to Get Serious about having Ben sleep on his own. We put a chair outside of his door and after his bedtime routine, we kissed him, said good night, and put him in his bed. Chris sat outside of his door until he fell asleep. It actually went really well. He got upset at first, but in a pretty short period of time, he fell asleep. We had some ups and downs, but we managed to get it to where he was going to bed by himself consistently every night. When he woke up in the night, it was usually pretty easy to settle him.
Until, randomly, he started waking up in the middle of the night and not going back to sleep for three or four hours. I was working by then, so we pretty much died. We put him to bed later, and it stopped the extreme night waking, but I don't know if he gets enough sleep like this. And now, he has decided that going to sleep is for suckers and he'd rather get out of bed, so I have to escort him back to his bed. It's a game for him, but I don't know how to make it stop. It usually takes an hour and a half to two hours to get him to go to sleep this way, and there's a lot of frustration on my part. I don't like being grumpy and impatient with my kid, you know?
I guess I'll probably have to start from square one again, but even further from where we started in the first place. We're doing kind of a modified version of The Baby Whisperer's Gradual Withdrawal, but now that he is actually able to sleep on his own, I don't know if that will work. The problem seems to be that he gets up and wants me to take him back to his bed. Now, I will lead him back to his bed, and just say something like, "It's time for night night, go to sleep, " and then go back to my chair, not engaging with him in any interesting way. But for him, he thinks it's fun that when he gets out of bed, I get out of my chair and take him back to bed. He just thinks that's hilarious, and he will do it again and again ad nauseum. So, really, I'm just playing his game with him and helping him to prolong the inevitable of sleep. So now, I have to develop a new strategy. I know we wouldn't really have this problem if he was in a crib, but it's just not an option. He has never ever ever been a crib sleeper. And when I realized this, I took down the crib and got him a toddler bed. Anyway, anyone else have this kind of problem? Any suggestions? Even though it takes so long to get him to sleep, it has been so blissful to be able to sleep in my own bed all night, next to my husband even!
Blah. I guess I should go clean my house. I've been putting it off for long enough today, I suppose.

Hi Mom

2010-07-17T09:31:00.000-06:00

You're probably going to be the only one to read this, since it's been several months since I've posted anything here.

Some big things have been happening around here. I got a temp job. I got fired from said temp job after two weeks. Because I had one mild disagreement with my trainer. I didn't even get rude! But she told my boss I was being unprofessional, and that was that. The week before The Incident my trainer was talking to me about the long term opportunity of the position. I told her I wasn't interested at all in being hired on. When I interviewed at the temp agency, I specifically requested no temp to hire placements. My husband's being deployed soon (oh yeah, that's another thing), and I have no interest in doing the single working mom thing while he's gone. It's hard enough being a single stay at home mom. (Also, Mom, I don't know how the heck you managed working and taking care of six kids. Honestly, I will never get over how insane that must have been for you.)
So, anyway, when my boss was doing the firing, she said that the position was going to be around for a long time, and then said she couldn't have someone that couldn't get along with her lead person. Okay, remember, it was a MILD disagreement. I don't even dislike the chick at all. We have a lot in common. So, whatever. Keywords, I think, are "position is going to be around for a long time". I think they just didn't want to put all that time into training me when I was going to leave and then they'd have to get someone else. Whatever. I didn't like working full time in downtown Boise anyway. It added an extra unpaid two hours in traffic during which my head exploded daily. I realize that Boise traffic isn't as bad as most other metropolitan areas where they actually have people and all. I do remember Atlanta being much worse, and I would probably kill myself if I lived in Provo and worked in Salt Lake City like my brother used to do. Traffic still makes me angry, though.
Yes, the husband is being deployed again. It will be in the next few months or so for a year. I'm worried about several things- of course, I'm worried about his safety. I worry enough about him just riding his motorcycle to work. I'm also worried about how I'll take care of the house and Ben while he's gone. I envy naturally organized people. I desperately need routines and organization, and that's just not my bag. I mean, it took me long enough to get a solid bedtime routine for Ben, and even then it pales in comparison to the "recommended" bedtime routines from books. It's just going to take practice and lots of discipline, I guess. I'm also worried about being pregnant and giving birth while he's gone. Uh, yeah. About that.
We don't have that awesome fertility coverage on our insurance that we had when I got pregnant with Ben. But when my period came back, we both felt like we should try for another kid. After my second cycle, we decided not to leave it up to chance because we still had no idea what the condition of of our fertility was, and we just didn't have time with him leaving so soon. So I went to the fertility clinic again. Luckily, our insurance covered the meds and the initial bloodwork, but all the procedures and ultrasounds had to come out of pocket. And that part hurt, let me tell you. It was money that we just didn't have. So we decided we'd just do one IUI, and if it didn't work, well, there's always next year when he comes home.
Our fertility, by the way, is in the exact same state as before. My body still hasn't gotten the memo about ovulating, and Chris' swimmers are still wonky shaped. But you know what? It worked. I'm growing a baby. Actually, I'm growing two babies. My mind is still blown. It took so many months of IUIs to get pregnant with Ben, and this time? Once. And we get to have twins. I can't believe it! But it's true. Chris and I saw their tiny little hearts pumping away. Of course, the unthinkable could technically still happen and we could lose one or both. But at this point, the chances are way slim. I would post the ultrasound picture, but I haven't scanned it yet. We'll go back in two weeks for another peek at the babies at 9 weeks. But as of now, their heartbeats are strong, and they're measuring perfectly.
My morning sickness has been crazy bad this time around. Some days I can't keep anything but water down. Although there are some days that I don't puke at all, but even then I'm queasy all day. But how the heck can I even complain? I'm so freaking lucky!
When I was trying to get pregnant the first time, I went to a lot of infertility message boards for support. I saw a lot of women with primary infertility criticizing others with secondary infertility. Saying they didn't have it as bad. And you know what? They didn't. Primary infertility is worse. I was instantly at peace with the idea that this one IUI might not work. I'm sure I would have cried if it hadn't, but I still have my son to cuddle and kiss and love and mother. Dealing with infertility was so different the first time around. And I'll never forget how awful it was.
So if you know me on facebook, and you're wondering why I'm not shouting the news from the rooftops, it's because of primary infertility. I have friends on there that have been trying for years and years and years- tried all the treatments they could afford- to no avail. Granted, I'm not very close to some of them, but I still don't want to be that pregnancy announcement that makes their day feel a little bit worse. Most of them don't know my whole story with infertility, and I don't want to cheapen by saying, "Hi, I'm pregnant, but it's okay because I dealt with infertility too!" Somehow, I don't think that will make them feel any better.
But I will be happy and giddy and talking about the babies off of facebook, which is probably the reason I'm posting this now. I'm still awfully worried about how I'm going to manage two infants and a two and a half year old with my husband overseas, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

2010-05-05T15:02:00.002-06:00

I spend most early mornings curled up around Benji with my feet hanging off the end of his toddler bed. He wraps my hair around his fingers and twists it around and around to soothe himself back to sleep. Sleep is much different now than how it used to be. I've successfully managed to night wean Ben, but he still requires my presence to get back to sleep. He loves to have company in that little bed. For a while, Chris was able to get him to sleep, and he slept well for my mother in law while I was in the hospital. Since then, he has decided that I'm the only one who will get him to sleep. I've decided that I don't mind this too much. We've made progress, and this is good. I'm sure we'll keep making progress, however slow. That's all that matters.

I've started my gardening efforts of 2010. Well, sort of. I haven't actually tried to grow anything yet. The frost risk in my area isn't quite gone yet. Last weekend, my brother and his family came to visit from Utah, and they helped me with some yard work. Like scooping dog poop and filling in holes my lab has dug (hey, thanks, guys!). We also dug out all the dirt and weeds from one garden bed, and filled it with some deliciously wonderful soil for my future plants. Uh, delicious to said plants. I didn't taste it, or anything... I think I'm just going to start this year with one bed, and if all goes well (meaning, I don't kill everything), then I'll do the other garden bed next year, too. I'm planning on doing a square foot garden. I've had the book since we lived in the trailer. Chris got it for me as a gift because I really really wanted a garden, but our yard was so tiny. I never did anything with it because our yard was still too tiny for a garden and two big dogs.
But this year, I came across this site, and decided to give gardening a shot. I'm! so! excited!
But before I can plant anything, we have to put a fence up around my garden beds to keep the dogs out. To do that, we also have to cut down the apple tree. Before you go lamenting my apple tree, I will tell you that it has been very poorly kept. It probably hasn't been pruned in five to ten years, so there are a lot of branches that shouldn't be there. It also hasn't been thinned properly through the years, so there are a lot of branches that have been weighed down and broken by the fruit.
I'll also throw in this disclaimer- I don't know anything about growing apple trees other than what I just told you. The plum tree, on the other hand, can still be saved from its previous neglect. It really just needs a good pruning this fall. I thinned the plums out last year, and we had a fair harvest from it. Those plums were yummy.
Anyway, when I say that *we* have to cut down the apple tree, and *we* have to put up a fence around the garden beds, what I really mean is that Chris has to do it. I would try, but I would do everything wrong and then Chris would have to redo it anyway. Except, I probably would not try to cut down the tree. I would most certainly destroy property accidentally. And Chris won't be able to do it for a couple more weeks. So I'll be cooling my heels on the gardening front for a bit. But I may plant some seeds anyway. They probably won't sprout to be big enough for my dogs to bother them until Chris can put up the fence anyway.

Absenteeism

2010-04-24T23:27:00.000-06:00

I haven't felt like blogging in a long time. Or I would think about things to write and just never get around to it. They're always the same excuses with me, I tell ya. There gets to be a point when so much has happened that I could never remember it all to tell you. And well, I'm sure it's not all interesting enough to relay anyway.
I think the biggest reason I stopped blogging for so long is that my depression took a sharp turn for the worse after I returned from my visit to Georgia. I went off my prozac while I was visiting to see how I'd do. I did well because I was on vacation. Yeah, that figures. When I came back and the reality of daily life set back in, I went back on it. And as inadequate as the drug was before, it was completely ineffectual when I started it again. My mood quickly rolled downhill. I am still amazed at how awful and horrible I felt after such a short period of time. My thoughts flew uncontrolled into dark areas of melancholy and languished there unchecked. I knew if I didn't find a way to stop it, the rational part of my brain would eventually shut down and surrender itself. I have too much to lose.
I do see a therapist, but the medical doctor treating me was my Ob/Gyn. I had to wait three weeks to see her to talk about changing my medication. Those three weeks were agonizing, but I clung to my hope that when that time came, I would be offered some sort of respite. She told me my symptoms were beyond her scope, and I really needed to see a psychiatrist. I can't really fault her for that, and I appreciated honesty. However, the wait for a psychiatrist was another two and a half to three weeks. I couldn't wait that long.
In my desperation for help, I checked myself into the hospital. I was scared. I've had depression for most of my life, but I've never been in a psychiatric ward. I had images in my head that there would be psychotic, schizophrenic, involuntarily jerking people who foamed at the mouth surrounding me as we all settled down for the night in padded cells. And thinking of that now makes me laugh, heartily. There are probably places that are like that. But not the place I went to. It was a short term facility designed for people like me that need emergency mental health care and can stay for 3 days to 2 weeks while they get back on their feet again.
Because I felt ashamed of my inability to hold it all together, I somehow thought that would translate into how I was treated there- as though I had done something wrong. I was, of course, treated only with respect and kindness by all the staff and most of the other patients there, too. A nurse even went out and bought heads of cabbage, so I could use the leaves as compresses on my sorely engorged boobs (OMG, they were hurting so bad!). I really pushed myself to go to all the groups that were offered and to try to make a plan of how to change things when I got home. I actually enjoyed my time at the hospital, but I needed to get home. I didn't see Ben the whole time I was there, and it killed me! I was put on a different medication, and I was able to go home after a three day stay.
I'm glad that I went. I'm still waiting for the full effect of my new medication, but it seems to be kicking in a little after a week now. Everything is still hard. I have to make myself do things, so I don't fall back into the old routine that made my depression worse. They're silly things like getting out of bed, eating, putting on clothes. Simple things, I know, but not so easy when you're at your lowest point.
I'm so lucky, though. These things are easier when you have a loving, supportive family. Chris was with me through the admission into the hospital, and he came to see me every day I was there. He took time to talk to me every time I called him. He took great care of Ben that first night I was gone. My mother in law took him for the next few days. I was so grateful that she did that for us. She has been over to my house several times since then, just helping me to adjust and to get things done around the house. My sisters in law have helped, too. Like I said, I'm lucky.
There's much more to say. Hopefully, I'll have a bit of time to post some more soon.

To sleep: perchance to dream...

2010-02-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm home, home at last!
I stayed up until 1:30 am the night before we caught our 8:20 flight on Thursday. Ben does this thing where we sits in the suitcase and pulls all the clothes out while I'm trying to fill it. You know, because he's a baby, and it's fun. So I have to pack when he's not around. I was very very tired the next day, and Ben was, too.
Our first flight went off without a hitch. And I'll just say now that I am so very grateful to TSA for allowing families with strollers to cut in line. We wouldn't have made it to our flight on time otherwise. I was traveling with my sister in law, Velvet, and her two little ones. She also stayed up until 1:30 am the night before to pack. Nonetheless, we were a cheerful group. We were headed home! We had a two and a half hour layover in Dallas. We were dreading it, but it went by surprisingly fast with the help of the most awesome airport play area ever! On our way to catch our 12:25, we heard that our gate had changed, and we needed to get to a completely different concourse. DFW is pretty huge, yo. We made it at 12:08. Hooray! But wait, they weren't yet boarding, and the man and woman at the counter ignored us when we went to get tags for our strollers.
We thought maybe it was delayed, so we just sat and waited. Fast forward 15 minutes, and I see two lines of people at the counter. Hooray! We must be boarding! I go over to the counter, and see that the flight information on the board has changed. El Paso? Huh? "What happened to the SLC flight?" I asked. Gone. It left already. Wh-wh-what? We've been sitting here waiting for boarding to start! Apparently they boarded everybody that was there at precisely 11:55, and shut the doors. The lines of people at the counter consist of angry travelers who were supposed to be on that flight, just like us.
We spent the next several hours trying to get answers or a least a freaking meal voucher (for now, we had to wait for a 9:20 pm flight- MUCH to our chagrin) to no avail. I was told that we simply didn't hear the final boarding call- when we were sitting a merely twenty feet away, in view of the counter at the gate. We had come in on a connecting flight, so their staff knew we were in the airport. Why weren't our names called? I've submitted a complaint to American Airlines, and I hope to receive a favorable reply.
What we went through that day was outrageous. A complete and utter lack of customer service. I will never fly with them again. We spent twelve hours in an airport with three small children through no fault of our own and without any compassion from the airline for our situation. Luckily, our kids did really well.
The next day I caught a flight back home to Idaho. I'm so happy to be home. I've missed my husband, and I've missed my house. Oh, I have missed my bed so much.

2010-02-21T23:36:00.000-07:00

I'm in GA and have been for a couple of weeks now. It's always weird visiting my hometown. There are so many memories, and it was so long ago (well, relative to the length of my life so far). Sometimes I remember things as though they happened to someone else. I have a lot of regrets about the decisions I made. But I'm also really happy with the way things ultimately turned out. I guess if my present is where my past landed me, I could have done so much worse.
I like coming back, though. I like to see how much has changed. And obviously, I like visiting my family. That's probably my favorite part. I only wish that Chris could have come, too. He pretty much never gets to come with me because of work and/or school. Suck.
It would be nice to take a road trip across the country as a family, but Ben is so not ready for that. We would have to stop too much, and that would annoy the both of us. When we drive to places, we don't like to stop until we get to our destination. It works pretty well that we're both like that, but it doesn't work well with kids. At all. So, it will be quite some time. Well, especially since Chris is getting deployed again anyway. Double suck.

We had my father's funeral the day after I flew into GA. I wasn't originally planning on singing. One of my brothers and my two sisters have sung at most of the funerals that have happened in our family in the past 6 years. We decided at the last minute to sing some songs. I'm glad we did. The four of us sang the same hymn we sang at my sister, Sarah's, funeral- Lead, Kindly Light. Then Eve and I sang Blackbird and a song that she wrote about my dad several months ago before he died. We want to record it, and I'll post it if we manage to do it. It was a good service, though. I really felt closure, and the eulogizer even managed to elicit some compassion out of me for my old man.

Finally!

2010-02-02T07:35:00.001-07:00

I would normally be sleeping right now, but I got up to build a fire, so Chris wouldn't have to before he went to work. But Ben is asleep, and I can post. I'm really sleepy, though. My body isn't made to function before 8 at the earliest. Well, not when I have a kid that refuses to go to sleep until midnight or later. And even then, he wakes up a lot if I'm not in bed with him. I've kind of just resigned myself to the fact that this is just the way things are. It won't last forever, so I should just be patient. Sometimes it's really hard to be patient.
I'm gearing up to go out of town again. I'll be in GA with my family there for three! weeks! I'm pretty excited about it. I am a little grumpy about leaving my house for so long right after I got back from a two week trip to Utah, but it's worth it. I usually only get to go out there once a year. And I'm also supposed to sing at my dad's funeral with my brother and sister, but I just caught my second cold in as many weeks, so we'll see how my voice sounds when Saturday rolls around. Apparently, it also makes me form sentences with too many conjunctions.
How is it that I can think of things to write on my blog all day long only to have none of it come to mind when I'm actually sitting here typing. And I know some might tell me to write it down, but I pick my battles around here. If the cub sees his mama with a pen and paper, well, he just needs to have it.
I finished our taxes yesterday. Hooray! But because we're claiming the new homebuyer credit, we have to paper file, which kind of sucks, but it's worth it. Side note: Target makes generic cherry cough drops to compete with Luden's, and they are just as good. Actually, I really don't know that they could be considered as anything but candy. Nothing soothes a sore throat like some delicious candy cherry drops is what I always say. Anyway, taxes. They are done. The year that we don't overpay on our taxes will be the year that I hate to file. But it will probably also mean that our house is paid off and we'll both be done with school. So I guess that would be pretty nice.
I've decided that if I'm going to have an etsy shop, I need to put real hours into it if I actually want to to become a supplement to our income. Chris has reservations as to whether I'll actually make money doing it, and I really hope that I can. I have some designs floating around in my head, but I have no pattern making experience, so I'm hoping I don't ruin any fabric while I experiment. Because I hate to waste fabric. Really, I hate wasting anything that costs money. So stay tuned for the someday when I will actually start an etsy shop, I guess. But of course, that will be after I get back from GA. Poor Chris. I think he might starve to death while I'm gone. Man cannot live on ramen alone. It won't keep him from trying, though.

The Walmart here has put all of a woman's menstrual needs in one place. You can buy pads, tampons, woman targeted pain relievers, and Dove chocolate all from the same section of shelves. It made me laugh.
Speaking of pads (that segue just wrote itself, people), have you heard about the new iPad? I can't decide if it's awesome or not. Although, I think if I were to buy such a thing, I would purchase one of it's PC based competitors. Not that we'll be buying one in the next century. We have plenty of computers per capita in this house. (Sorry Chris) But last night, I was thinking about how cool it would be to have a small device that could access the music on our network and sing me to sleep. Because then I wouldn't have to have the foresight to divine what exactly I'm going to want to listen to later in order to put those musics on my phone. I'm also hesitant to buy an mp3 player because my phone plays music. But my phone's (which was not my first choice for a phone, but we got them for a penny! each on amazon) music player has horrible awful organization. I can't play an album in sequential order. I get to listen to it in whatever jumbled order the phone decides to play it. It's not set on any kind of shuffle or random. It's just stupid. But I just can't bring myself to purchase an mp3 player. If I could use one in my car, I might. But I can't use an FM transmitter because those plug into your cigarette lighter, and mine doesn't work. I have a feeling that it would cost more than it's worth to fix that. Eventually, someday, when I get a new car, none of this will matter (or maybe, just the cigarette lighter part won't matter). But right now, I plan on driving my Subaru for ever and ever until it dies. I like not having a car payment.
Wow, this post has been one long ramble. Sorry about that. I guess that's what happens when I've gotten negligible amounts of sleep and try to communicate.

2010-01-25T02:04:00.001-07:00

I've been avoiding posting on my blog because I knew when I did, I'd have to post about my dad. I haven't really had the best relationship with my dad ever, really, but I thought I had finally come to be at peace with the way things were and accept them. Then he died a few weeks ago. My initial thought was that I'd never have to feel disappointed again because he could never let me down now. I felt like I could finally forgive him for good. But that initial feeling wasn't cemented. I've gone back and forth and up and down. I've talked with my brothers and sisters and mom, and we all have different feelings and similar feelings and have just been trying to help each understand our feelings. I think we all feel guilty to some extent for not feeling worse about his death than we do. At least, I know I do. But I even waver back and forth as to how guilty I feel. Sometimes I don't feel that way at all.
I went down to Utah to visit my brother for the last two weeks while Chris had a training course for the Army down there. While I was down there, I had a realization hit me that I know some of my siblings have already had (heck, maybe all of them have). I don't know why, but the thought chain had just never occurred to me. My dad chose to leave when he did. He came to the hospital for my birth because my mom told him he had to (not to say he didn't enjoy it; he found the c-section to be quite interesting). Then he went home and packed his things, so he could be out of there by the time my mom's parents got there. They didn't like him, so he figured he'd get out before then.
I can't speak for everyone, but for Chris and me, the day our son was born was amazing. Nothing can compare to the magic that I felt when my child came into this world. How could my father leave his family on such a day? I've continued to think about it, and the train of thought has gone further, but I don't want to talk about it on here yet. It just really hurts too much. And as betrayed as I feel by my father, I still don't want to speak too poorly of the dead. He was my father, and I always loved him unconditionally for it. It feels fake to accept condolences for his death, though. I'm not hurt by his death; I was hurt by his life. I have to find a way to forgive him and at least accept the choices he made in his life, even if I can never understand them.

Firelight

2010-01-05T15:15:00.001-07:00

Our house still has its original electric furnace. Blech. That means it costs us an arm and a leg to use it. We found that out the hard way. Chris and I don't like to be cold. We hates it. And because we are self indulgent, that means our furnace has always been set on 71 or 72 in the winter. Because we also like lounging around in our underwear. We're way spoiled, obviously. So our power bill for December was absolutely outrageous and somewhat crippling, really, and now we've had to change the way things are meant to be.
Luckily for us, our house came with a wood stove. It's a smallish old thing and it's a bit drafty, but it appears to actually work well enough to keep our entire house warm. We were thinking about getting a new one, but I think we've nixed that plan. We were also thinking about getting a new furnace, but that was dismissed as well. We are determined not to go farther into debt.
So I've been learning how to build a fire in the wood stove. I've had limited experience trying to build them in my in laws' wood stove, but I've always failed. I've also pretty much failed in building lasting, hot fires in our little stove- until today, my friends, until today. I woke up too late to revive the fire Chris built this morning. I tried, and I'm actually a bit decent at fire revival (but let's face it, it's pretty easy), but there just weren't enough live coals left. And then I built a fire that I had to fight a bit to get going, but eventually, it was beautiful. I'm so proud of myself, folks. It took a while for it to start radiating heat into the rest of the house, but right now it's comfortable enough that I could be in just my underwear if I wanted to be. But, uh, don't worry 'cuz I'm not.
My husband and I sat down yesterday to look at our finances and make a plan for the next couple of years. First off, it was really apparent how much less we make without me working. I realize that what I do at home in caring for our kid is valuable, but I still feel guilty about not contributing to our income. I'm not sure I'll ever stop feeling guilty until I find some way to add to our bank account through my own efforts. Chris doesn't feel the same way as I do, though.
The process of looking ahead and making plans was really upsetting for me. Chris already talked about it on his blog, so I guess I can say something here. He's *probably* (but not certainly) going to be deployed again sometime later this year. I've done pretty well about not dwelling on it, but we had to talk about it last night, and I'm just really messed up about it. I hate it so much when he's gone. And this time I'll have Ben, and and just wish we could all be together. We've been trying to look at the positives like the extra pay that will be coming and how much we'll be able to save, but to be honest, the money just isn't worth it to me. I just wish he could stay home with us. But time will probably go even faster than it did last time he was deployed. We were thinking that we'd record Chris reading a bunch of books on video, so Ben can see him every day. I want him to be able to recognize his Dad when he comes back. Any other ideas on what we could do to keep them close during the deployment?

I've got to wrap this up, but I don't want to end on such a crappy note. My title reminded me of this SNL short. It makes me laugh so much.

The Ghost of Christmas Trash

2009-12-31T02:26:00.000-07:00

That is actually a real title in my husband's family on Christmas. Santa is the person who hands out the presents from under the tree, and The Ghost of Christmas Trash is the person with the trash bag for all the wrapping paper, obviously. It started a few years ago when my husband put a big black trash bag over his body and declared himself to be the ghost of Christmas trash. Everyone thought it was pretty funny except for his grandmother who exclaimed, "The child!", in reference to my young brother in law who was 9 at the time. She was afraid he would be influenced to put a bag on his head and suffocate. It's still a joke, of course.
I hope everyone's Christmas was wonderful and all you expected. We had a great Christmas. I managed to finish all my projects except for one, so I'm pretty happy about that. And I, of course, forgot to get pictures of them. I'll have to request pictures from their new found owners. I received some very nice gifts which are also practical. I love to get practical things. I believe in owning fun

Blech. Half of my post just got eaten, and it makes me grumpy. I'll just have to finish it later. Sorry, folks.

Happy Christmas Time

2009-12-14T00:37:00.000-07:00

When I was growing up, I remember my mom making Christmas candies and giving out plates of them to friends and neighbors. I don't really know how often she did it. It could have been every year or maybe just a few. But it happened enough for me to remember, so I'll call it a tradition. I've always wanted to do Christmas candies, but never have until now. And so I did. Yay! The end.

Okay, so I'm having trouble thinking about something good to write for you. For one, I really did make cookies and candies, and if you know what's good for you, you'll make these right now. I also made truffles, but I wasn't super happy with them. I'm a truffle snob. Ben tasted a bit of everything I made because I'm a terrible mother. But he was pretty happy about it.
Truth be told, I was hoping that it would make me feel more ready for Christmas, and it so didn't. I do this to myself every year, don't I? You think I would just buy all my Christmas gifts like a normal person, but I like making things for people. It's just that I have this affair with procrastination (my husband's totally in on it, too btw), and the little munchkin that demands my constant attention doesn't necessarily help either. He is fascinated by whatever it is I have in my hand, whether it's yarn or fabric. I do, however, have those times to myself when he goes to the sitter, but those times have thus far been lacking in productivity for various reasons. I can feel my anxiety bubbling up. Will I be ready for Christmas? Will I be able to get all that I had planned done? What if I don't? What if I grow a hunchback and move into a church to ring the bell and fall in love with a young gypsy woman named Esmerelda? What if, what if, what if?!
I know that my therapist would ask me what would happen if everything didn't get done. And I would say that nothing would happen, at least nothing bad. So why am I so stressed? I guess if I'm going to set expectations for myself, I shouldn't set them so high. That doesn't really keep me from feeling like a failure now, though. I'm still working on my projects, though. Hopefully I'll finish. I have four more days of Ben's being at the sitter before Christmas, which gives me 16 hours of child free work intensive project time. I can do it, I can do it!
Gosh, I'm so whiney. Some things just never change, heh. Okay, annoying pity party over. It's been snowy for the past couple days, and we're supposed to have more here and there throughout the week. It makes me really wish that Ben could walk, so he could play in the snow. I mean, I guess he could, but it's pretty cold to be crawling around in the snow. He's getting really close to walking, though. He's actually starting to show interest in it, which was lacking even a week ago, it seems. He'll take a few steps in short spaces to get to something else. It's exciting, and he's really excited about it, too. I have a question for you other moms out there who have been doing this for longer than I have. Is there every a time when you're not just completely interested in every little thing your kid does? Is it the novelty of having a child that makes me excited about everything he does, or is it because it's him who's doing it? Because I love him and he's a part of me and I'll always feel like he is even after he grows up, gets himself a wife and moves to Houston (purely hypothetical; I'm pretty sure the world will end before that happens)? Actually, though, Ben's training to become a chef.

Is he supposed to be a mom?

2009-12-07T16:11:00.001-07:00

I forgot to post this before, but it makes me laugh so much. I keep seeing this ad all over facebook, and I can't figure out why they used this guy's face other than to be really funny.

I was trained to do that with peanut butter.

2009-12-06T01:31:00.000-07:00

I had four hours all to myself yesterday, and it was blissful. I ran errands, did dishes, vacuumed, and went over our budget without having to worry about Ben needing anything from me. Even though I was still doing things that weren't necessarily fun to do, I still felt refreshed. And when I brought Ben home, I was happy to spend a couple of hours solely devoted to playing with him and soaking in his big happy smiles. Yes, this is going to work out really well for us.

Here is one of the diapers I made for Ben.

It is very hard to get good pictures of it while he's wearing it. If it looks really bulky, that's because it is at the moment. It has several inserts in it for extra absorbency for bedtime. When I'm able to make some wool soakers, those will probably be better for nighttime pee soakage. They fit fairly trim during the day when he doesn't need all the extra padding. But I won't even be able to finish making all these diapers until after Christmas, I'm sure, so I'm still doing a mix of cloth and disposables right now. And you know? Cloth really isn't hard to do. And I really like that any rash he gets wearing disposables is gone within a day of using just cloth diapers. And I also really like to sew and knit. It just kind of works for me, I guess.

You know how I posted about performance anxiety? Well, you're about to see the closest I am probably ever going to get to singing in public by myself again (well, besides the errant karaoke every now and then). We got a good Black Friday deal on a digital video camera, and I decided to record myself singing. I figured I'd probably end up deleting it because I always end up hating how I sound in any recording. But I watched it, and aside from my recurring ped lip and various strange faces, it actually didn't make me want to vomit. So I'm sharing it with you because my blog audience is pretty small and mostly family and friends, and I don't have to look at you while you watch it (or don't watch it). And if you have something bad to say about it, you can tell each other about it and not me! There's a reason I'm not destined for American Idol, people. And Simon Cowell's meanness is that reason! Well, that and inadequate talent, lol.

The best part of this video is Ben trying to open the door in the background in the last minute. That kid is so stinking cute. As soon as we can get a video of him laughing hysterically, I promise to post it. His laugh is so contagious and adorable, but I am pretty biased, I guess.

2009-12-02T02:56:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, er, almost a week ago. What the heck? Really? I swear, I spend all my time wondering where all my time has gone. Apparently, I should manage my time better. Easier said than done.
My Thanksgiving was great. I ate my turkey and mashed potatoes with my father in law's amazing gravy. Everybody liked my pies, which always makes me happy. I love making food that other people like to eat. I also like making food that I like to eat. We played Rock Band, and I sang a Journey song and an Allman Bros song. Everybody sang at least once. Well, I guess not everybody, but almost. The dumb thing is, though, I got performance anxiety. I always do, even in front of family. I don't even care if I fail miserably in front of them, and we make a joke about it that lasts forever. That already happens all the time. Chris will never let me forget about the time I tripped on NOTHING and fell while we were dating six years ago. And there was also the time that he called me and woke me up, and as I got up out of bed, I discovered that my legs were asleep. I fell on my face, and the phone flew out of my hand. I also made a bit of a screamy sound. These two incidents were in the same time period, and every time I've forgotten about them, he inevitably reminds me.
So, yes, performance anxiety. I hate it. I would love to feel confident enough to sing in front of people because I really do like to sing quite a bit. And I'm pretty sure the whole "imagine everyone is in their underwear" thing wouldn't work for me because then I couldn't look at anyone! I don't want to see a bunch of people in their underwear. What if they have really apparent skid marks? Ewwwwww.
I sang a song with my brother at my grandfather's funeral. We didn't know that song, but he and I were able to familiarize ourselves with it and practice a bit before we were supposed to sing it in front of everyone (my aunt was supposed to sing it, but she got sick right before and lost her voice. Boo.). So, we're singing, and it's really wonderful and I start feeling comfortable and I start into this really emotional part of the song, and I look down to find the next words to sing and I have no freaking idea where I'm supposed to be. Thankfully, no one was there to hear us sing (my brother did not mess up because he is not a freak like me). They were there to pay their respects to my awesome grandfather. But it was like my subconscious was all, "Wait, what? You think you can actually do this? Okay. Well how about THIS?! You don't know what the words are do you?! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" To which I am all, "Screw you, subconscious. Screw you."
In other news, I have found a sitter to take Ben to twice a week for several hours. I'm really really excited about this. I get to vacuum my house without having to hold Ben and having him still freak out because he is seriously distrustful of that machine. It is not easy vacuuming while holding 23 lbs of freaking out. And then, I also get to sew and knit and crochet and hopefully create an inventory to open up a shop on Etsy. I've been wanting to do this for a while now. But first, I have to finish Christmas projects. I hope I can get them done. Every time I pull out my yarn and needles while Ben is happily playing with his toys, he senses that I am about to be productive and seeks me out. Which would be fine if he didn't want to play with what I'm holding and then protest loudly and violently when I don't allow him to. So then the yarn and needles get put away and nobody gets to play with them. *pout* Because Mommy can't share, dang her. I've even tried giving him a different skein of yarn, but it doesn't work. He wants the one I'm using. Every time. So hopefully, I can jump start all these projects and finish them in the next three weeks (!).
I just realized that it's 3 am. I woke up and 1, was not able to get back to sleep by 2, and told myself I'd have to go back to bed again by 3. I'm tired of insomnia.

Obviously what I need is a Thanksgiving turkey

2009-11-19T05:27:00.001-07:00

It's five in the morning, people. I woke up at two, and I have not been able to get back to sleep. I hate it when this happens. It doesn't really help that the whole time I'm trying to get back to sleep Ben is flopping around and turning sideways to put his little tooting pee butt in my face. I love the kid, but really, no one likes it when farts (disgustingly warm and moist, I might add) are propelled into their face point blank. Not even from their own spawn, I tell you. I'll probably get pink eye now.
The problem is that I am tired, but I cannot sleep. I believe there is a term associated with that. I can't remember, but it is either zombification or insomnia. Is it possible that I have become what I fear most? No, not a cockroach, but I'm pretty scared of those, too (don't judge me- they're so icky!). I meant a zombie. I suppose you could call me a zombie in the sense that all mothers are. 100% walking dead all the time- now without brain cravings! What kind of cruelty is it that as I get older, I require more sleep to function but am offered exponentially less than when I was a child? I should have thought ahead and slept during the ages 13-18. It would have been time better spent, I tell you what.
I'm getting excited about the holidays. I've gotten just one present for Ben. I'll probably get him one or two more, but he doesn't really know what it's about anyway. I'm having trouble not giving that present to him, though. It's this thing here, and I wonder if it will help him to learn how to walk. Or at least give him more confidence that he actually will walk. He knows what it's all about, but I think he's afraid of falling. Which is kind of weird because he doesn't seem to be afraid of tumbling down the stairs face first or climbing into or onto anything and everything that can conceivably be climbed.

He climbed into the dryer by himself while holding those two spools of thread (must have something in each hand, preferably similar objects). Luckily, we don't actually make it a habit of leaving the dryer door open. I was standing there doing laundry at the time of the incident. And yes, that is a black eye he has from falling face first onto a toy. I also have a picture on my phone of him with his hand on the doorknob trying to open the front door. Also luckily, we're in the habit of keeping that thing locked. It's only a matter of time before he figures out how to turn it.

I digress. Holidays. I love them. My husband does not share the same affection for them as I do, though. He's such a grump. I think that'll change as we have more kids and they get older, though. I have such great Christmas memories from growing up. I remember when I must have been three or four and I slept in the living room because I wanted to catch Santa. And when I woke up on Christmas morning, I had wet myself. Er, okay, so maybe that wasn't particularly the best example of a great Christmas memory, but it still gives me the warm fuzzies. Not wet warm fuzzies, mind you. I finally outgrew that, you'll be happy to know.

I love love love Thanksgiving because I love love love food. 'Tis the season to be a glutton, that's what I always say. Okay, I don't always say that. Just occasionally, like right now. My father in law makes a pretty incredible turkey gravy. Seriously. I could drink that stuff. That coupled with my mother in law's mashed potatoes makes me never want to be anywhere else for Thanksgiving (but only because I don't ever have the money to buy plane tickets to GA during the holidays- I promise, Mom!). I'm so excited for next week. I'm drooling already. But I'm totally buying a turkey breast to make for me and Chris. How else will I be able to sleep between now and Thanksgiving? Tryptophan, people.

Baby butts, revisited

2009-11-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

Remember how I was thinking about cloth diapering before Ben was born? Well, it never happened, but I'm thinking about it again. This business about diapering is a lot easier now that his poops aren't so, er, runny and the happenings are considerably less often than when he was exclusively breastfed. So, I'm going to do it. But I'm not going to buy those really expensive one size pocket diapers. I'm going to make my own. My mom suggested it to me right before Ben was born, and I was all, "Are you crazy? People don't make their own cloth diapers! Pshhhhh!" And, uh yeah, like usual, my mom knew what she was talking about. People do make their own cloth diapers, and they can be as simple as the old fashioned prefolds or as convenient as the pricey all in ones, which are basically washable . Yeah, guess which ones I'll be making. (I'll give you a hint- they will be the ones I can convince my husband to use. Do you think that would involve more than one piece to the diaper? Probably not.)
Cloth diapers that people make can be just as insanely adorable as those mega expensive brand name clothies. I will actually probably do a combination of fitteds (which will require separate covers) and all in ones (which the husband will most likely use the most). I mostly just want an excuse to knit up some cute little wool pants for Ben to wear as covers. I'm also putting a layer of bamboo velour to hug Ben's little butt. Maybe I will also make myself some panties out of the velour because it just sounds like it would feel nice.
This renewed desire can be 100% attributed to the Relief Society Pres. in my new ward. Apparently there are quite a few families in our ward that make and use cloth diapers. She also knits, crochets, sews, quilts, and shares my birthday. No wonder I like her so much. If you didn't know already, Chris and I both have kind of extreme social anxiety when it comes to groups of people. So church can be kind of a hard thing for us. My admission is this: we just finally worked up the courage to go to our new ward a couple of Sundays ago. Everyone has their own trials to deal with, right? I just happened to meet someone who shares this one with me. It's pretty easy to talk each other out of going to public social settings, but it's something we're working on. Well, with church. Everything else can just live without us. Anyway, I really like my new ward. They're super nice even though they probably mostly think we're inactive heathens, and they're probably afraid of offending us and turning us away from the church. How would they know that we actually do have testimonies, and we're just scared of people? Gosh, that just sounds so dumb to put out there. Dur, I'm askeered of people, yall. But it's true. I have been for a long time.
On a completely different subject, check out this video my husband sent me today.

I love a capella groups- especially when they vocalize instrumental sounds. I think it stems from family sing alongs in the car to "Witchy Woman" by the Eagles. The guitar makes a neeeeer, neeeeer, neer-neer neeer sound. If you listen to the song, you'll know what I mean.

Obviously, I am such a slacker, but I'll make up for it, I promise!

2009-11-01T23:55:00.002-07:00

No posts at in October? Really?! Anyway, a lot has been happening. Ben's birthday and my fifth anniversary is coming up on Tuesday. Ben will no longer be my infant, and I will have been married for half a decade. I feel so old, lol.

To celebrate Ben's birthday, we had a Halloween party. Ben was a pirate.

My sis-in-law Shiloh made the cakes (and threw the birthday party). They were so cool. She has such a great imagination. She didn't have any pirates to put on the ships, so she made them ghost ships. They were a big hit!

After the birthday party, I went trick or treating with my friend, J and her kids. Ben and I just trailed along with his stroller. We seriously have so much candy left over from handing out to the neighborhood kids. Obviously, I overestimated our need for candy. And then we all had a homemade doughnut feast at my house. It was delicious. Good times, people, good times. I really enjoyed it.

So my trip to Montana was awesome! Jamie and I have so much in common. Ben was completely crazy about her 3 year old boy. He followed him around a lot. And he also attacked him a lot.

But what I really want to tell you about is the super cute bag that Jamie made while I was there. Check out this sweetness.

And she also taught me how to make this bag. I was so excited to make it when I got home! I worked on knitting things the whole time I was there. So check out the bag I made.

My bag is bigger than the bag Jamie made because I used the original specs in the pattern. However, I have enough fabric to make another bag similar to mine in the smaller size. Someday when I actually make it, I think I'll have a giveaway and give it away. I'm moving up in the blogosphere, people. If not in page hits, at least in desirable content. Hooray! I also hate the word blogosphere. Just for the record.

I guess I should also tell you that I got my haircut, and I really really like it. I got the Amelie haircut, but I really should not have asked for the bangs. Shorter bangs just don't look right on me. If I had a picture of them I would post it, but I don't My cowlick won't allow my bangs to lay flat against my forehead. Now really, what was I thinking?! I don't think these pictures really do my haircut justice.

(Aaaaaaaaargh, I'm givin' ye tha stink eye!)

(Oh hi, check out my premature waddle. What the crap?!!! I told you! I'm getting old!)

Hmmmmm... I'm thinking the back needs a trim already... Now if you'll excuse me, I have too much candy to eat, so I'd better get started.

Fall rushes in

2009-09-29T19:25:00.000-06:00

Something about fall makes me more introspective. I don't think I'm the only one, am I? Maybe it's because I don't have to think about how dang hot it is all the time (Yes, I said dang, and I frequently say dangit, much to my husband's amusement). Perhaps it's because fall always marks another year that I've aged. Maybe it's because it's knitting season again. Or then again, maybe I just think a lot.
I looooooooove autumn. It's always been my favorite season. It makes me miss Georgia fiercely. The leaves changing in those deciduous forests never fail to entrance me. And maybe make me a little bit hungry; they look like Fruity Pebbles. I'm pretty sure I discovered how much I loved this about GA before I left. And now fall makes me nostalgic and a bit homesick for the south. It's like remembering only the good parts of a relationship gone bad. I mean, I don't sit around in the summer thinking about how much crappier it probably feels in GA. And it does feel crappier. I even relish the humidity when I go back to visit. But when I lived there? I HATED the humidity. So, don't go thinking that I want to move back or anything, Mom. That is definitely not where I'm going with this post.
Actually, I don't really exactly know where I'm going with this post. I was just surprised at how crisp and cool the air was today, and fall always makes me think of home. And thinking of home makes me nostalgic and introspective. There you have it. That's why fall makes me more introspective. I've answered my own question.

I am soon to go to a state I have never before been to, but I have wanted to see for a long time. Hello Montana! I'm finally going to go visit a friend of mine there. I'm really excited to go! We're going to do all sorts of crafting and sewing and knitting and crocheting and jewelry making, and we're just going to be very very busy, as you can imagine. Stay tuned for pictures if I can remember to take my camera with me to take them...

When history does that funny thing where it repeats itself

2009-09-27T02:09:00.001-06:00

Remember last summer when my a/c went out at the trailer? Indeed. It happened at the new house, people. Again, on a weekend. And let me tell you, having a basement, a sliding glass door with a screen, and several windows we can actually open makes a huge world of difference in the comfort level until the repair guy can come on Monday. Speaking of which, remember how I told you about our awesome realtors? And how they purchased a home warranty for us? Let me just say, we are very blessed because the whole a/c unit is covered for repair and replacement. Huzzah!

I've been gearing up for Christmas projects for this year. I'm making all my gifts again this year. Uh, well, except for just one. I'd forgotten about that one. And I guess I'm not really making much for Ben either. Most of his gifts will be purchased. Okay, well, anyway, several of the gifts I'm giving this year will be made by moi. And I'm excited. I don't think I've made anything out of yarn since last Christmas. Well, maybe. Apparently nothing memorable.

Ben has started letting go of his supports and standing by himself for several moments. It's funny because he's totally resistant to the idea of us holding his hands for him to walk around. He's never been into that at all, no thank you. But he can move himself around from one piece of furniture to the next while standing supported. It's only a matter of time before his balance matches his desire, I'm sure...

He's also getting tired of my easy-way-out solid foods. You know, the dry crunchy things that you can just put on their trays with no effort put forth by you whatsoever. The other day he told me how tired he was of eating rice rusks by feeding a whole new one to the dog. Then he looked at me and said, "Give me juicy delicious meat, Mother." What can I say? We must be raising him right. His father was so proud. So I'm going to have to start cooking more, since I have gotten fairly lax on it lately. Ben pretty much enjoys ANYTHING we're eating. So that makes things a little easier. I realize I'm his mom, so I'm obviously biased, but I think it's really cute when he feels food falling from his mouth so he shoves the entire back of his hand into said orifice to push the food back in. It makes me laugh.

My postpartum shedding is driving me crazy! I'm losing hair everywhere. You wouldn't think it would be worse than having two heavily shedding dogs, but my hair is like two feet long! My hair can often be seen stuck to the seats in the car, billowing in the air conditioning. And I don't even want to talk about the hairballs that come out of the dryer. Have mercy! (anyone EXCEPT Chris, name that show) So I'm going to cut it on Friday. I really like the Amelie haircut, and I have forever, but I'm afraid of my hair not working with it or my round face not working with it. I don't really know how I should cut it. I'm going to miss my long hair, though. I love my hair. I just can't stand it stopping up the bathtub all the time. Blech.

Today* has happened 26 times in my life...

2009-09-21T01:41:00.001-06:00

*I started writing this post on the 20th, but it took me FOREVER to finish it.

Well, technically it's happened 27 times to include the day I was born. I'm not really big into my birthday. It just doesn't have the same magic as when I was a kid. So, we usually don't do a whole lot. We'll probably go out to eat (Tucano's sent me a buy one get one free entree, so how can I not?) at some point when Chris has some time.

When I had a c-section to birth my son, my brother joked that my mom and I are like Russian nesting dolls. I was born by c-section also. That image is so hilarious to me. To think of me bursting out of my mom's stomach doing a crazy Russian dance and then Ben doing the same from mine. It's just really really funny.

On a side note, as Chris read what I've written so far over my shoulder, he suggested that perhaps he should have made my birthday magical. I asked him how he might do that, to which he responded that he could wear a magical fairy suit. That, my friends, is an even better image than the Russian nesting dolls.

I continue to be exhausted, but I'm discovering that I'll just need to cope. I bought the Baby Whisperer book on the recommendation of another blogger. I read most of it, and I really agree with so much of the philosophy in it. However, I tried the sleep method in the book, and while I really do feel that it would work for Ben, it's just not working for me for a variety of reasons. So I'm back to square one. We'll figure it out, though. I'm not really stressed about it at this moment; I'm just going to give it a rest for a bit.

Right now Ben is playing with a couple of pacifiers I bought for him because I'm hoping I can get him to take them again. He spontaneously stopped taking them around five months or so. It may be a long shot, but I'm going to try it. I'd rather him need the pacifier to sleep than my boob.

PPD is still plaguing me. It's really frustrating to me because I feel like I really have nothing to complain about. Life is really good. Sure, Ben isn't a great sleeper, but he is such a happy kid. He's a great little companion. We have a lot of fun together. But my depression has been worse lately, and I don't have a reason for it. So I'm going to go to a therapist. I really don't want this to affect Ben.

Making a motorboat sound

Ben is a climber. He climbs everything, and he's gotten pretty good at it. Before I knew this, I had him down in the playroom one day, so he could play and I could nap. I woke up to find him sitting on top of his play table swinging one of his toys around. This was also before he figured out how to get down from high places without breaking his neck (a skill he acquired just this weekend- YES!). It's only a matter of time until he realizes he can move other objects to use as steps to help him climb instead of only utilizing the immediately adjacent materials. And we are in such trouble when that happens. I actually worry about that more than him learning to walk.

It's not necessarily common knowledge, but when I was a junior in high school, I attended a program at West Georgia that allowed me to enter college two years early. I left early because I hardly ever went to class, and after the first semester I knew I needed to either go to class or leave. So I left (which was SO dumb). Anyway, my best friend, Kristen, at the Academy (I haven't seen her in 7 or 8 years) came through Boise on a cross country road trip, and she stayed with me a night last weekend. It was really cool seeing her and reminiscing. Usually when I think of my peers from back then, I feel so totally inadequate. I haven't even finished my undergrad, you know? And I guess I just have this image of all of them riding into the sunset with doctorates streaming behind them infusing life and flowers into the earth in their wake. I also realize that's just a mechanism I've held onto for so many years out of guilt for wasting my chance. Of course it's not like that. They're people, I'm a person. There are countless paths each of us could have taken. I didn't waste anything. I can still finish school. What I was trying to get to is that I didn't feel any of that inadequacy when Kristen gave me the low down on what's been happening in other Academy members' lives. When I was given the reality of what has happened in the years since then, I am totally satisfied with where I am now (which is also why the PPD is so frustrating. How do I know what to fix if I don't know what's broken in my life?). I was relieved to feel that way.

I don't really have a good way to end this post. That seems to be a theme of mine. But if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to a very loud climbing hairy creature that sprang out of my stomach doing a crazy Russian dance.

2009-09-05T03:28:00.000-06:00

Ben keeps waking up in the middle of the night (usually between midnight and 2 am), and is awake for an hour or two. He wakes up and has to poop. And then he doesn't want to go to sleep again after his diaper change. SO that's fun.

I've been so tired lately. We're almost completely done with the trailer. I will say that I would be done already, but I haven't really done anything for several days. My mother in law is pretty much amazing and awesome. She helped me by cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, and she did such a great job. She isn't the only one that's helped, though. A lot of family members have helped, and I've been so grateful for it. All I have left is the stuff the previous occupants left in the storage shed. I plan on taking it to the dump so whoever buys the place won't have to bother with the junk. I really hope we can find a buyer soon.

Ben is growing up so fast. He's 10 months old now. So weird. He's also getting into everything. He pulls up to stand at my desk and tries to get his little hands on anything sitting close enough to the edge. He knows what "No" means, or at least he knows what the tone in my voice means. Then he gets really upset and cries when he concedes defeat. You see, he really really really wants to pull plugs out of their electrical outlets, wrap the cords around his body, and stick his fingers in to be shocked. He gets so very upset that we just won't let him do it.

I really need to post something more substantial, but it 3:30 am, and I think Ben's ready to go back to bed. And so am I...

All your coupons are belong to us

2009-08-21T19:05:00.003-06:00

This post is for Eve and ucmama and well, whoever else wants to know how I've been "exploiting" the system, as Michael puts it.

First, you need access to coupons. If you want to stock up on items when you can get them at a really good price, you'll need several copies of each coupon. You can order multiple copies of Sunday's paper (ask the paper if they have any couponer's deals) or just ask around your neighborhood to see if anyone gets the Sunday paper, but just throws the coupon inserts away. I have a friend who does this, and she tells me she can get easily three to four copies of inserts. I am socially inept (okay, maybe just anti-social), so I get papers. I've already saved enough money to pay for the paper for quite some time. You can also go to The Coupon Clippers to buy multiple copies of only the coupons you need. It's generally pretty inexpensive. You can also find tons of free coupons to print out online at coupons.com, Grocery Smarts, manufacturer's websites, and pretty much millions of other places. They're seriously everywhere My first huge couponing haul was solely with coupons I had printed out from the internet. Well, those and doubler coupons from Albertsons. Oh, and Eve, you can go to Kroger's website to print store coupons or load them to your shopper's card. Usually, you can use a store coupon and a manufacturer's coupon on the same item. You should definitely find out what your stores' policies are.

So you have coupons now. The key to saving more than .55 (or whatever the coupon is worth) is to buy when the item is on super sale and buy enough to last you until the item goes on super sale again (but have one coupon per item, or as specified on the coupon ie. save $1 when you buy 2, etc.). Also double the coupon, if that's an option. Big sales happen in cycles, so usually your coupon will be good when the item is on super sale. Just remember to keep an eye on the expiration dates.

And that's it really. There are couponing blogs and websites out there that do all the work matching up sales and coupons for the stores in your area. My favorite is Krazy Coupon Lady, which is based where I live, but they also cover some stores in the midwest. Deal Seeking Mom is also one that I visit frequently. Although, you might be able to find other sites that cater more to your individual areas. Maybe couponing is so big around here, Utah, and Arizona because of all the Mormons who are stay at home moms. I found this site for you, Eve- Southern Savers. I'm still looking for a good one for you, ucmama.

As far as organizing your coupons goes, I like Heather's method here because I don't like clipping coupons I may never use.

I hope yall are able to get some good deals. It's been pretty nice for us to not spend so much on groceries.

Please indulge my rambling...

2009-08-19T22:31:00.004-06:00

First, I want to talk savings. I'm still excited about couponing because I'm cheap! This is what I got yesterday

for $20.95. Heck yes, fool! Well, not that I'm calling YOU a fool. It's just, er, something I say. Like Mr. T, except that I'm nothing like him. Well, my mohawk does resemble his a bit... Anyway, awesome, right?

Next up, I want to talk about the never ending sleep saga that is my life. My most recent attempt in trying to get Ben to sleep by himself was to take one side of his crib off and put it next to my bed sidecar style. This worked and didn't work. Sure, he slept by himself, but he still needed me to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night. I knew he would, obviously, but I didn't know that I would bring him into our bed in my sleep, thus making the sidecar crib irrelevant. And on nights like last night where he tossed and turned and did cartwheels and flips and basically did an Olympic gymnastic floor routine in his sleep while we tried to sleep, co-sleeping just kind of doesn't work for us anymore. You know, like I've been saying for a while now.

So, what I'm getting at is that I really want to talk about sleep training. Which is a VERY taboo subject on the internets, but hey yall, I don't care how you get your kid to sleep. Maybe if it works for you, it can work for me, too. I'll tell you what has not worked. Cry it out. I tried it because it worked for some friends and family who I consider to be very good and loving parents and also sensitive to the needs of their children. It's worked quite wonderfully for them. The first night, Ben cried for an hour and a half. The second was an hour, the third an hour and a half, the fourth and fifth an hour each. He also slept for shorter and shorter periods each night after he fell asleep. And also, we were falling apart every night. It was just so awful to hear him cry like that. I'd never heard him cry like that before, and I haven't since then either. So, that particular method is out. Has anyone done something different to help their child fall asleep by his/herself? I'm going to moderate the comments on this post. If you are comfortable with sharing your method with the world, let me know. If you'd like to tell me (I will totally not judge you), but not the internets, I won't post your comment.

A little more info- we have a routine, a set bedtime, etc. I realize those are important to have for child, whether they fall asleep on their own or not. I appreciate any insight you have. I'm not dying over here or anything. I just want Ben to be well rested and also to be able to do something every once in a while when Ben sleeps. Well, last night I thought I'd die when Ben woke up to nurse for the millionth time and then decided he'd like to get up and play. Then I got to spend an hour trying to get him to go back to sleep. So, yeah, anything you'd like to tell me about that would be welcome.

And you'll know me by the little clipped pieces of paper clutched in my greasy fists

2009-08-05T11:17:00.003-06:00

Apparently I took an unannounced hiatus from my blog. I meant to post before I went to visit my brother, but it just kind of didn't happen. And now that it's been almost a week since I got back, I decided it's high time.

So, as you may or may not know: we're poor. I don't have a job, and we just bought a house. To offset my lack of income, I've decided to hit this couponing thing full time. I've seen where other people have saved tons doing it, and I figure I can do it, too. I've dabbled here and there up to now. Several weeks ago, I got nine pints of Breyer's ice cream for a dollar and some change. It felt good. Last night was my real mega coupon christening, though. I bought $343.75 worth of stuff from Albertsons as a part of the current General Mills/Unilever promotion. If I had not put forth the effort in ~~scheming~~ planning my trip, I would have gotten it all for $200.51, plus $15 back in coupons to use on my next shopping trip, effectively making it $185.51. However, because I did plan and clip and go through the line six times with different transactions, it cost me $57.83 with another $15 in coupons, effectively making my contribution $42.83. And this is what I got:

Ahhhhh, it's beautiful, isn't it? Well, not the picture. I couldn't find our camera, so I had to use my phone. But look at how much stuff there is! There are 97 items on that table, which means I got everything for .44 an item! Anyway, I got all of my matchups from Krazy Coupon Lady, as well as all of the links to the internet printable coupons that I used. I don't get the paper yet, so all of the coupons I used for my haul were free ones I found on the internet. I also got my doublers just by asking for them at the customer service desks at a couple of Albertsons stores. I vowed never to shop at Albertsons because they outsourced my job to India (they're the grocery chain I worked for), but because I'm poor, my wallet speaks louder than my grudge. And also, savings are delicious to a cheapskate like myself.

On the home update, um, we're still not done moving. Arrrrrgh! And we really need to get done because we really really need to sell the trailer.

Ben is getting huge. He is crawling normally now instead of swimming across the floor like he used to. Although, he will still swim occasionally when he gets really excited about something. He's pulling up on everything and, consequently, falling and bonking his head a lot. He's also very much attached to his mama. Which is endearing, but also inconvenient because it means he wants to be in my lap 60% or more of the time. He never wanted to be in my lap in the trailer where there was no room to put him down, but now that he has the run of the whole house in this place, he mostly wants to be in my lap. Babies are mercurial little creatures.

Also, you should go to Cake Wrecks if you haven't already. It's hilarious.

2009-07-16T12:32:00.002-06:00

Oh hai, Internets. We actually got our internet hooked up at our house a couple of days ago, but I've just been too lazy to post on my blog. Get this- Ben's awake, I'm posting on my blog, and I'm not holding him! Having space is pretty awesome. Our dogs also love it here.

Our refrigerator was delivered on Monday, and since then Chris has been figuring out how to install the water line to it. The instructions on the kit told us to drill a hole into the cold water supply pipe under the kitchen sink. This made him nervous, so we needed to find another way around it. You can read about the experience here.

I hate moving so much. I hate packing. I hate moving boxes and furniture. I hate unpacking. I hate living in between two homes while the moving happens. I'm so glad we don't have to move again for a long long time. Are you tired about hearing how much I love my house? I'm not tired of telling you. I love my house. I love our neighborhood. Love, love, love, love, love. Okay, I'll stop now.

So Phase 1 of getting Ben to sleep in his crib begins tonight. I left one side off the crib when assembling it, and I put it up against my side of the bed. I hope he can learn to sleep in it. He's just getting so big and pushing Chris and me off the bed in his sleep.
I just got him to sleep in it for his nap. I hope it lasts.

Chris and I have been talking about how we need more of a schedule and routine in our lives. We just don't seem to get as much done as we really need to do. I want to sew and knit and craft, He wants to paint miniatures and all of the wonderfully nerdy things he loves to do. We both want to start keeping a journal. I want to cook more from scratch (homemade bread, anyone?), and I want to start researching how I want to homeschool our kids. We desperately need to manage our time better. Why, facebook, why???? Who isn't addicted to facebook? Speaking of which, the guys who did that Bobby Denning commercial do a lot of funny videos. One of them is about facebook.

This post is awfully disjointed. I did tell you I need organization in my life. If you'll excuse me, I also need to change a poopy diaper.

2009-07-12T21:57:00.003-06:00

We're about to leave our internet for our first night at the house. Yay again for a real house! So, I leave you with this. It's an incredible commercial for a business in North Carolina. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...

Home Sweet Home

2009-07-10T23:03:00.002-06:00

We closed on our house yesterday, but I waited to post about it because our loan didn't fund until today. My dear sweet husband was convinced that we'd be the one out of a million that closed on a house but still didn't get it. When I called this morning to turn on the electricity and water (Waterworks said they couldn't come out until Monday. No water all weekend. Boo!), Chris wondered if we should have before hearing about the funding going through. Moving in boxes also felt very tentative. I kind of know how he felt, though. It still feels too good to be true, but it's true! We have a house! We own a home! It's awesome. And now we have a buttload of moving we need to do. That's the really not so fun part of getting a new house.

Our realtors were awesome enough to pay a locksmith to change the locks on all our doors (along with paying for our 2nd home inspection and a really good one year home warranty- if you need a realtor in the Treasure Valley, go to Don and Janice Cuff. They are awesome!). While we were waiting for the locksmith to finish up, our new neighbor from across the street came over to chat with us. We mentioned that our water wouldn't be turned on until Monday and he said, "Well I work for the city, so if you need water for the weekend, I can go grab my wrench and turn it on." And then he did. That was so cool. We also met our next door neighbors, and they were really nice, too. Hooray!

It just took me the better part of an hour since that last paragraph to get my child to sleep. He's always been one to fight sleep. Always, always, always. But for the past four or five nights, he's been almost as hard to get to sleep as he was when he was colicky. I'm going out of my mind. He gets to the edge of sleep, and he used to just pull off and roll over to play and wake himself up. Normally, I would just hold him from rolling over, put him back on the boob, and he'd go to sleep. Now he wigs out and screams to keep himself awake if I don't let him roll over. He won't allow the boob anywhere near his face because boob=sleepy time. He has also started to cry every time we even enter the bedroom when he's tired. I managed to get him to take a nap this morning, but I wasn't able to succeed a second time in the afternoon. He had half naps on the way to and from our new house. I'm so frustrated! Gaaaaaaaah!

My hygiene- it has reached new lows

2009-07-04T13:00:00.004-06:00

Remember when I talked about how I don't shower as often as I used to? Well, let's just say that today I probably crossed the line of new mom filth into mega-stinky land. I won't lie and tell you that I remember when I showered last. Because I don't remember. Not even a little. I just know it couldn't have been too terribly long ago, judging from my leg hair stubble and the knowledge that I did shave the last time I showered.

I was in the living room with Ben, and Chris came in and stood there for a second.

Chris: Do you want me to watch Ben?

Me: So I can pack?

Chris: So you can take a shower.

Me: Do I really smell that bad?

Chris : Well, I caught a couple of whiffs earlier...

Me: Bahahahaha, okay. Thanks.

Chris: Thanks for what? Telling you that you stink? I didn't want to offend you.

Me: No, thanks for watching Ben, so I can shower. I think it's funny.

And I really do think it's funny. Otherwise I wouldn't be sharing it with the internets. I'm just trying to keep it real, people. Don't worry; I showered before writing this post, and I smell delicious.

I want to ask yall about the division of kid duties between mom and dad. I always feel kind of guilty for asking Chris to help me too much with Ben after he gets home from work. I know he's tired, and he wants to get some stuff done. At this point in the day, I'm also tired, and I also want to get things done. So where can I find a balance? Chris hasn't complained or anything. He likes spending time with Ben, but I just don't want to burn him out. What do you do in your house?

Parenthood used to come with a manual, but it was covered in poop. People kept complaining about it, so they just stopped handing it out.

2009-06-28T01:54:00.004-06:00

More has probably happened in the past few days than in all of the month of May. Let's see... injury, check; house drama, check; explodey poop baby, double check. Craziness.

First, I'm going to direct you to my friend Savana's website. She took some awesome pictures of Ben and my niece and nephew last Saturday. She posted a sneak peek of our session for us. She's also one of the genuinely nicest people I know.

So let's start with the most recent. Poop. I reckon I signed up for it, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. Today Chris and I were getting ready to go to our friends' house when I noticed that Ben had a stinky diaper. This is a very common occurrence, as I'm sure anyone with a child in diapers can tell you. When you're getting ready to go somewhere, your child will most likely poop. So I took Ben back to the bedroom to change him. Well, I pulled down his pants and a slimy trail of poop followed down each of his legs. His pants were filled with it. It also exploded up his back, so it also got all over him when I pulled off his onesie. It was unavoidable. We had to give him another bath before we could leave. It didn't bother him at all.

Gah! I want to write a longer post, but I'm so super tired. So, in short, the house has been appraised, but for $4,000 less than our offer (so stupid). We've submitted a new offer, and hopefully it will be accepted as well.

The injury involves our man cub. He likes to crawl over (on our bed) to the window and look out of it. A few days ago he was at the window, rocking back and forth, and he lunged head first into it with a loud thwack. He cried, of course, but was not visibly hurt. The wound was healed by the boob. Several hours went by before I noticed the window. It was injured in the altercation. My son broke the window with his head. It had a crack where the impact was, and long cracks all coming out from there. Luckily, it was just the storm window, so we still have a window there. I would show you a picture, but a neighborhood creature (most likely a cat) knocked it over in the driveway where I had it propped. So it's even further broken now.

I did call his doctor to see if I should bring him in to be checked for any harm to his nugget. The nurse told me all the symptoms I should look for, and none of them cropped up. He's been completely fine. I guess naming him after the Thing was pretty appropriate for the kid.

Happy Father's Day, Mom

2009-06-22T13:36:00.004-06:00

I probably should have written this post on Father's Day, but my sis-in-law, Antje came into town the night before and she, Fontanna (they're twins), and I had some catching up to do. So we stayed awake well into the morning talking. So yesterday I mostly wanted to be asleep anytime that I actually wasn't.

Father's Day hasn't always necessarily been a difficult day for me, but it has always been a reminder of what was lacking in my childhood. I can't say that I feel the empty hole of where a father should be now; mostly I wish my kid had another grandpa. My dad's not dead. I know who he is, and he knows who I am. At least, he knows I exist and we've had somewhat of a relationship over the years. I won't recount my father's misdeeds as a husband other than to say that there were other things of this world that he loved more than family at the time of my birth. My mom told him to choose between the two, and he moved his stuff out of the house after returning from the hospital when I was born that morning.

Over the years, I remember seeing him or hearing from him only when he needed something from us. Not to say that this is exactly the way it was; it's just what I remember. I also remember feeling sad on Father's Day because I had no father who would wear my primary craft proudly. But I do remember giving those crafts to my mom. She always seemed genuinely happy to receive them. My mom ungrudgingly sacrificed everything for her children. It was more appropriate to honor her on Father's Day anyway.

Nowadays I really struggle in my relationship with my father. I feel like he expects us to treat him like our dad, but he does absolutely nothing to warrant it. I constantly make it my goal to forgive him, but every time I feel okay about him, he does something that makes me angry again. It usually involves him taking advantage of how nice my mom is (she's still friends with him because she's a saint). And if any of her children have anything to say to him about it, his general attitude is "mind your own business". It upsets me greatly. I know I'm supposed to forgive him seventy times seven (Matt. 18:22), but it's hard when he seems not to care that he keeps screwing people over. I'm going to talk to my bishop about what I need to do to be right with the Lord about this. I just haven't done it yet.

I'm so glad that in spite of our lack of a positive male role model growing up, my brothers have become good husbands and fathers and my sisters and I (through trial and error) have found good husbands and fathers for our children. I attribute much of it to my mom. She taught me that no matter what I've done, I am still loved and I deserve to be loved. It took a really long time for that to stick with me, but it's probably one of the most important things I've ever learned. Thanks, Mom.

P.S. If this feels rushed (it does to me), it's because I have a howler monkey on my lap.

I just hate practicing self restraint.

2009-06-20T20:43:00.003-06:00

I will preface this story by saying we are currently trying to cut back on unnecessary expenditures. We're even trying to cut back on necessary expenditures. We're tightening our belts because a) we have no money and b) we really want to buy this house.

So Target had a deal this week where you bought three packs of Huggies and you'd get a $5 gift card. They had the same deal if you bought 5 pints of Ben & Jerry's (which were on sale). I had coupons for the ice cream, and I use Huggies, so I figured what the heck. Then I daydreamed about what I would get with my extra $5 (because of course, I would use the first $5 on either the diapers or the ice cream because I am a good girl). I got to the store and carted Ben all around collecting my various items. The Ben & Jerry's was a no-go because they only had 5 flavors to choose from, and none of them were kinds I particularly like. I decided to get wipes and deodorant with my gift card from buying the Huggies. Not fun, but needs. Then I decided to figure up how much I was really saving per diaper, blabbity blah blah blah. Long story short, I decided I have enough of all these items to make it to our next pay day, so I put it all back in favor of immediate frugality. Very good girl, indeed. I was so proud of myself that I had to stop by Sonic on the way home to get myself a creamslush as a reward.

On the way home, I saw an item in front of a nearby trailer (remember that I live in a trailer park- it's classy, yall) being given away for free. Let me show you it:

Fontanna speculated that it is perhaps a shower chair. I like to think that it is a comfy camping toilet. Add one bucket and there you go! Fontanna added that there is also a nice padded seat for your friend to wait in line. I told her I was thinking that I should title the picture: "Hey, I found a place for you to poop, and it's free!" To which she gave me a hilarious mental image of her sitting and pooping on the contraption in front of the trailer with a look that says, "Hey, don't blame me, it was free".

Do you still want to be my friend after knowing I had this conversation? Hahaha, I just read the title of this post in relation to the padded toilet chair. I think I'll leave it.

2009-06-16T00:28:00.003-06:00

Do you remember my post about zombies? My friend ucmama also dislikes zombies, a fact that I had totally forgotten when I wrote about them. Anyway, she posted a link to this great article about zombie neurology. Scientific proof that fast zombies cannot exist!

We had the house inspection today, and it went pretty well. The inspector called it the Taj Mahal in comparison to the first house he inspected for us. Now I really hope we can get the house because I wouldn't mind living in a palace. It was nice that we were able to get another look at the house, though. We haven't seen it in a couple of months. There is a slight snag, however. The furnace doesn't really work very well. Our realtor is going to try and negotiate with the seller's bank to get the replaced or at least fixed. If the furnace doesn't work, it's not likely a bank is going to give a loan for it. And then there's also the appraiser who has to go out and look at it and decide if it conforms to a VA loan, as well. There are a lot of repairs that we'll have to do, but they can be done over the next several years. None of them are particularly pressing. Well, none of them except for the furnace. We kind of need one of those.

Did I mention that Ben popped out a tooth? Well he did, and he bit me really hard tonight. I yelled really loud, and it scared him and made him cry. I felt really bad.

Quote from Chris today

2009-06-14T16:08:00.001-06:00

"There's not just 13 year olds on the internet, honey. I'm on the internet."

If you see us moving into your neighborhood in the middle of the night, I swear we're not winos.

2009-06-13T14:54:00.004-06:00

So, hey, uh, long time no see, huh? Sorry about that. I have a wriggling mobile creature to keep up with now. Ben has figured out he can move forward now, and he refuses to be a lap baby any longer. You should see us trying to hold onto him while trying to do stuff on the internet. The problem is we don't have much floor space that isn't dog infested in our trailer. So he learned the crawling basics on the bed. And then he crawled 3 or 4 feet for the first time on the floor in the play area at the Pocatello mall while we were there visiting my sister in law and her new baby (holy crap, that kid is cute). This was about a week ago. He gets frustrated because he's still working out the kinks, but he can get around. So we can't really corral him on the bed anymore. He's started to lunge over obstacles like the pillows we put around him to keep him in one place while we wash our hands after a diaper change. I knew our house would feel even smaller once Ben became mobile, and it does.

The very very good news is that our offer was accepted on the house we want. Yay! I've been making plans and decorating it in my head for weeks. We have our home inspection set for Monday. I hope I hope I hope it goes well. We really really like this house, and I can definitely see us being there for the next ten years or so. There's enough space for all of our hobbies and for Ben and any other kids we have. I'm really excited about it. Can you tell? Our realtor told us that if everything goes without a hitch, we could possibly close by the end of the month. That would be pretty incredible.

So, to prepare for our impending move, we decided to procure some boxes. I don't like buying boxes because I'm cheap, and there are plenty of used boxes that need good homes. I called the local liquor store, and they told us to come on over as they had plenty of boxes to impart to us. So whoever sees us moving in to our house will probably think we're total lushes. You'd have to be drinking a LOT of liquor to come up with all those boxes on your own. And, well, we'll probably be moving in the middle of the night because that's just how we roll, you know? We're definitely night people.

I'm really not looking forward to the packing and the unpacking, though. Every other time we've moved, it's started out organized, but by the end of it, we would just start throwing crap into boxes all willy nilly. Then we end up having boxes full of random stuff, and we don't know where to put any of it. So we end up having unpacked boxes sitting around for the next year or two. It's happened once or twice. True story. We'll get through it, though. We always do.

On the ppd front, I'm hoping this move helps. I think it will give me some motivation to make things better instead of wallowing in my own despair. My meds seem to be working less and less. I don't particularly want to increase the dose, though. I would rather pursue other methods of treatment. So when I go to my doc for my lady appt next week (oh, joy), I'll probably ask her for a referral to a therapist.

One last thing, and it's a happy thing- I'm twelve pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant last year. Yay! That's a total of 64 lbs that I've lost since the peak of my pregnant weight gain. And yes, I believe my butt does look good in these jeans I'm wearing.

2009-05-29T16:46:00.003-06:00

How is it that even when I get enough sleep, I'm still tired?

Anyway, no more whining. I'm tired of reading through my blog and seeing so much whining. Although, it shouldn't surprise anyone because I am the baby of my family. We babies love to whine. Just ask my siblings.

I've been thinking about what I could do for myself to feel productive and purposeful and not so much housewifey and mommish (not to be confused with Amish. I will not be doing anything to make myself feel Amish. Except for maybe that beard I've bee attempting to grow...). I think I may try to make things to sell on etsy. I love making things, but I can hardly ever think of anything to actually make for myself. I make a lot of stuff for other people, but I want to craft more! So, I think etsy is my answer.

However, I won't be able to do anything until we have a house. I desperately need more space, and we STILL (!!!) haven't heard back on the house we want. We do know that no one else has offered on it, though. It's looking good for us, but it could change any day. The not knowing drives me crizazy! I've been decorating every room in my mind. This is interesting to me because I've never really been much into decorating. I mean, we've lived in our trailer for three years, and I've never put paint up to cover the hideous fake wood paneling. It's more like sheets of particle board with wood panel wallpaper. Really, it's so ugly. But the idea of having a house has given me so much to think about, and I want to realize my ideas. I've never been very good at waiting, but I've had to wait for most major life events. Maybe Heavenly Father is trying really hard to teach me patience. I guess I'm just not a very good pupil when it comes to that.

Not a lot else is going on as of late. We've been starting to try solids with Ben, but he doesn't really seem to be ready yet. He's interested, but he still has the extrusion reflex. I'm not worried about it. He'll eat when he's ready. Until then, he just likes to play with the spoon. He's still gaining well and getting everything he needs from breastmilk, so his doctor isn't worried either.

I'll sleep when I'm dead

2009-05-19T00:08:00.003-06:00

I started to post last week. I even wrote a couple of sentences. And the child screeched for me, and I never got another opportunity. Well, I lie a little. I've had the opportunity, but lacked the mental fortitude. Because writing requires me to also be awake. Well, somewhat.

The happiest news is that my husband is done with school for the semester. Yay! I'm so relieved. It's difficult, though. Because he wants to do a lot of the stuff that he hasn't been able to do during school, such as his hobbies. But I also really want to get stuff done that I haven't been able to do during school, such as my hobbies. And I require him to care for the man-cub. So we'll have to reach some sort of compromise with our time that will keep both of us happy. I'm sure we'll be able to come up with something.

I've been having some completely whacked out dreams. It's like my crazy pregnancy dreams just never stopped after gestation. I have insanely vivid dreams every night between every waking and also during every nap, no matter how short or long. I've had dreams about bloggers, dreams about famous people, dreams about my family (Chris is really Batman, yo), and of course, dreams about complete strangers. Creepy dreams, happy dreams, meh dreams, they're all there. Perhaps my subconscious is making up for the lack of adult interaction I get on a regular basis. Or maybe my subconscious is telling me that I desperately need a good solid eight hours of uninterrupted sleep with no one touching me.

An update on the house situation: We offered on another house, but someone else got it. We offered on yet another house, but it is a short sale. So we have to wait for the seller's lender to approve our offer price. The plus side is that the seller has accepted it. The crap side (yes, the opposite of plus is crap) is that their lender can take until July 15th to let us know. Technically, they have 120 days to decide, but they have the July deadline written in our offer. I really hope it doesn't take that long. I am so ready to move.

I should be in bed asleep, but it's been really bothering me that I haven't posted in so long. I mean, what will my fans think (ha ha!)? No really, I just need an outlet somewhere, even if it's not deeply soul-baring or anything. I need to make sure my brain still works a little bit. You know, just to crank out the drivel I produce here. I have this need that is somewhat hard to put into words. It started while I was pregnant, just in the first trimester. I love being a mother, but I'm terrified of having it completely define me. I blanch at the title of Stay at Home Mom, even though that is technically what I am. Not that I would like to work away from home or anything. I just want to be more than a mom. I want to have dreams, too. Which is fine, of course. That's what everyone will say. But these dreams that I make will have to be attainable, otherwise I'll be unhappy, which is no good. So I'm kind of afraid of aspiring to be more than a mom because I don't want to fail. Well, I guess I sort of can put it into words. Who needs a therapist to tell you things when you can just write it out on your blog? Anyway, I also feel a bit guilty for wanting to be more than a mom because that's what I've wanted for so long. Like being a mom is supposed to fulfill every lifelong dream I could ever have, but it doesn't. Blech. Mommy-guilt. Here, have a picture of my delicious offspring instead.

Bippity bobbity boo!

What's the worst that could happen?

2009-05-05T15:02:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking about zombies lately. I don't really know why. I haven't watched any zombie movies in quite some time. Because I hate zombies, and they freak me out. Especially those fast moving, thinking zombies. I honestly have never watched any movies featuring them because I may be forced to crap in my pants. And I just don't want to do that, you know?

I don't really believe in zombies. How would they fit into Heavenly Father's plan? However, they are still scary. So, I have had to really think about them, so I can be ready when the zombie apocalypse happens. It will be kind of difficult for me to be ready. I mean, I'm not a good shot and I'm very clumsy, but I should be faster than the zombies, at least. I think if zombies really existed, they'd be the slow, falling apart kind. I also think they'd have rigor mortis, which would definitely benefit the living. So, they would have a very difficult time moving around. Perhaps they would have to steal some Rascals or something. That could be bad for us, but still, reaching, tearing, and biting are going to be difficult for these guys.

I don't really know if they'll be contagious. I guess that depends on how the zombie apocalypse gets started. It could be food poisoning, butt pennies, swine flu, or many other scenarios. So wash your hands, kids, and don't stick your change in your mouth. Here's a good resource for defending yourself from zombies.

I don't really have any sort of a segue from that, so I'll just stop there. Zombies have just been on my mind lately.

2009-04-22T12:48:00.003-06:00

I just realized that I never gave an update on that house we were hoping to buy. The inspection revealed termites. Bummer. I really quite liked that house. I also really quite liked the price. But I guess you get what you pay for, right?

Today we're going to look at more houses. I don't necessarily love looking at houses. I really just wish the perfect house would fall out of the sky and land in my lap. Er, figuratively speaking, of course. Wouldn't that be awkward? And also, dead. We have approximately eleventy billion houses on our list to go and see, and I have to think that one of these absolutely has to be the one. Pretty please? I just want to buy a house and move already. We're so cramped. I need Ben to have his own room, so we can work on him sleeping by himself.

Blech. Ben and sleep. Like oil and water. Well, unless I'm laying next to him. Then he'll sleep for as long as his fidgety little body will let him. But we have to stop co-sleeping. We must. It's not that I don't enjoy the closeness to him because I really really do. It's his fidgety little body. The night before last, Chris and I awoke to him yelling, lying across the bed grabbing Chris' back and kicking my stomach in his sleep. Chris slept on the pullout bed from the couch last night because he seriously needs some sleep, the poor guy.

Ben also needs to be able to sleep by himself because he really needs naps. I don't need as much sleep as he does, and he doesn't want to sleep without me. He wakes up scared and cries and needs me to help him back to sleep. Then when he actually wakes up, he's clingy and he's afraid I'm going to leave him. And then he doesn't want to play by himself. I've tried to get him almost to sleep and then lay him down a la the No-Cry Sleep Solution, but his eyes pop open and he wants to play. So, I'll be trying it again, but I want to try it when he has his own room. It will make it much easier for me.

Thanks for stopping by

2009-04-21T01:09:00.004-06:00

I've composed so many blog posts in my head, but I'm sure I don't get credit because I never actually wrote any of them. That's just too bad for you, huh? I bet you feel like you're really missing out. No? Oh. Fine, then.

I came home from Georgia a few days ago (is it really Tuesday already?), and I'm just so glad I was able to go. It's not very often that all of my siblings and I are able to converge in the same place. I enjoyed it, to say the least. I was able to meet my sister's little boy who was born exactly two weeks after Ben, as well as my niece's baby, who was born last summer. They were both delectable. Ben had a good time. We also took some family pictures out in the front yard on Easter. My husband was the only one not present out of all the extended family. So when it was my family's turn to have a picture with my mom, we had to improvise.

A good time was definitely had by all.

And because I have nothing else in my head (I waste all my decent prose on compositions in my head while I'm driving), you should watch this:

You should also check out the videos linked on my husband's blog.

How do I love thy mullet? Let me count the waves...

2009-04-04T19:45:00.003-06:00

My husband has a habit of secretly changing my desktop picture when I'm sleeping. Imagine my ~~horror~~ surprise when this picture appeared on my desktop after closing Firefox one fine day.

His name is Reginald. I do not know if he has any brothers, but he may still be available if you'd like to look him up. Actually, my money says he still lives in his mother's basement.

The funniest thing about it is that as soon as Ben saw the guy's face, he broke out into the biggest smile. In fact, every time Ben looks at him, he gets a giant gummy grin. My guess is that he thinks Reginald is his father. This makes me laugh, and it also scares me a little. Because you know, I am married to Ben's actual father, and if he follows through with his plan of growing a mullet and a thin mustache after he gets out of the Army, well. Then I will be married to Reginald.

In other news, we put in an offer for a house and it was accepted. The only real thing standing in between us and potentially our new home is the inspection. I have a really good feeling about this house, but I don't know if maybe it's because I just really want it to work out for us, you know? But we find out everything on Monday. I'm nervous and hopeful. We're willing to put in some work on a house as long as it's not something that has to be done immediately or something that will just cost too much to make it ultimately worth it.

Not much else has been happening. But I will be flying home to Georgia to see my family on Tuesday! I'm pretty excited about it. If I'm not mistaken, both of my brothers will also be visiting at the same time, so we'll all be together in the same place. Yay!

ETA: The picture of Reginald is from Sexy People. Go there. You won't be disappointed.

Funny...

2009-03-26T23:39:00.002-06:00

I was looking through the pictures I took of Ben in the past couple of weeks and realized that the picture I posted earlier was pre-haircut. He has a comb over that's hiding the long hairs in the front. So here's a picture of him afterward. He's a handsome fellow, but perhaps I'm biased.

2009-03-26T16:32:00.003-06:00

Ben's grandpa gave him his first haircut. His hair was growing into his eyes.

Man, I'm tired. Ben is 17 1/2 lbs. It takes a lot of milk to satisfy that child. Milks well into the night. I don't mind. I'm just tired. He sleeps a lot better than he used to. My only problem now is that he won't sleep without me, but we're working on it.

Chris and I have started house hunting. Due to the unfortunate state of the economy, we may actually be able to afford a house payment. There are a lot of options in the valley that might actually be able to work out for us. I'm pretty excited at the possibility of owning a house. I'm so tired of living in our tiny little trailer. Our family has gotten too big. And by family, I'm also including dogs, tortoises, and all of our stuff. So having more space for all of us affordably would be pretty cool.

I have so much to write, but no time. Having a kid takes up a lot of your energy. It's pretty much the best job I could ever ask for.

The pay stinks, but the hours are great!

2009-03-15T22:01:00.000-06:00

I have joined the ranks of the unemployed as of March 6th at 4:45 pm. To be completely honest, it's a little bittersweet. I will preface this by saying that I do not, in any way, think stay at home moms are not contributing just as much to their families as their husbands. This is simply an expression of my own guilt and not a judgment on anyone. That being said, I totally do not feel like I am contributing as much as my husband is. It makes me feel an immense amount of guilt. He works full time and is taking 12 credits. His butt is being kicked daily and he gets four to five hours of sleep every night. He has so much stress, and I can't really do anything to alleviate it. And now I'm not working, and I'm doing what I want to do, which is being a stay at home mom. I really really appreciate my husband so much for everything he does. He doesn't give me any grief about not working anymore, and he's glad that our kid is being raised primarily by me and not an outside caregiver. I'm so glad I married the guy that I did.

This past week has felt more like I've been on vacation than anything else. I don't feel like work is done. I feel like I'll be going back to my desk at work on Monday, whenever Monday comes because every day is perpetually Saturday. It's weird.

You should use a battle axe.

2009-03-04T21:41:00.007-07:00

One very unfortunate side effect of working full time, feeding your family regularly, keeping the kitchen somewhat clean, and parenting a small baby is that my hygiene routinely suffers. I manage to brush my teeth and hair every day, but showers just don't always make it into my schedule. Sure, I know, there are at least hundreds of women who are able to do all this - and more(!), but I am not one of them.

Another, albeit marginally, unfortunate side effect of my sad bathing status is that the hair on my legs gets shaved maybe once or twice a month. So sad and gross. Why am I even telling you this? Because you're my friend, that's why. (Aren't you just so glad we're friends?) This is only embarrassing when my pant leg rides up when I'm crossing my legs. Lucky for me, I cross them all the time! I'm surprised no one has called the Sasquatch Gang, because BIG FOOT LIVES IN IDAHO AND SHE WILL EAT YOUR FAMILY! Also lucky for me, my secret is safe because no one has reported me- yet. I should also add that the last time I shaved my legs, I broke my last Intuition razor cartridge. You know that nice lotiony moisturizing bar that surrounds the razor? Gone. Broken by my porcupine leg hairs after its second use. I've still been using it to shave my armpits with copious amounts of Dove. What? Those cartridges are expensive. I've got to get my money's worth.

Anyway, I managed to get a shower today because my husband reminded me that I had planned on taking one (hint, HINT, stinky!). And I tackled the beast what lives on my lower extremities. With copious amounts of Dove because I forgot to buy more razor cartridges. I didn't even make it up to my knee caps because the hair was so long. I'm talking like a third of an inch or so. Again, sad and gross. You might ask me why I am telling you this. Well, I heard you needed to feel better about yourself, and since we're friends, I thought I'd oblige.

My last day at work is Friday, and I am so ready. I am tired of pumping my breasts four times a day like a dairy cow. I am tired of my sitter over-estimating how much Ben will eat and wasting my hard earned milk at the end of the day. I'm tired of sitting around at work with nothing to do. It's so boring, and I still have to act like I'm doing something, right? Most of all, I'm so tired of being away from my kid. I'm so glad it's almost Friday.

Cash or Credit

2009-02-21T02:53:00.005-07:00

If I want something awesome handmade by my strep throat wielding friend, ucmama, I must pay it forward (to the highest bidder, muahahahaha. Okay, not the highest bidder.)

Sooooooooo, here are the rules. Copied and pasted because I am lazy. But not so lazy that I won't follow through.

Be one of the first 3 people to leave a comment on this post and I will send you a handmade gift sometime in the next 3 months.
You get to pay it forward as well by doing the same thing for 3 people on your blog.
Once you leave a comment telling me that you want to participate, you need to make a pay it forward post on your blog within one day.
So, anyone game? You can be a friend, family member, or even a random visitor to this blog. Just as long as you’re willing to pay it forward, you are eligible to participate!

ETA: Please also answer these questions three:
1) What is your favorite color?
2) Would you like a craft that is knit, crocheted, or sewn?
3) Do you wear jewelry and what kind?

Who says the honeymoon has to be over?

2009-02-03T13:16:00.002-07:00

Can I just say how much I love my husband? I love him the most. He is the only man who has ever sent me flowers. Sure I’ve been given flowers before, but Chris has had them sent to me. Most recently, he had them sent to me today at work. I just loooooooove surprises. And apparently, he ordered them on Friday and kept the secret from me all weekend. If you know my husband, then you know it almost killed him to hide it for that long. I have the best husband ever.

One week down, five to go

2009-01-30T19:03:00.006-07:00

Times are crazy, and I am ill equipped. My husband is working full time and going to school full time. I am working full time and caring for a child full time. We are about to move. My, I am tired.

I think I misrepresented my husband a bit in my last post. He is quite helpful. It’s just that while I was staying at home, I opted to be Ben’s night time caregiver because I could sleep all day with him and Chris couldn’t. I didn’t want him to have to suffer all night and all day from lack of sleep. The weekends, however, were a different story. And now that I am back at work, we switch off with each other.

I started working again on Monday. My computer login was disabled while I was on leave. Lovely. I actually knew about this ahead of time and asked my supervisor to submit the form necessary to open my login again. She did her part, but apparently the security team took their sweet time about it. So I couldn’t do anything half the day before they activated it for me. And then on Thursday, it happened again. And also today. Annoying, yes.

I found a home day care really close to work, so I can see Ben at lunch and nurse him. The lady seems really nice, and she only has a couple of other children in her care. She has a rocking chair she lets me use to nurse him in. She also gives us a written report every day on when he ate and slept and how much and how his day was. It’s really nice. And for the record, I’m really glad I’m on Prozac right now. I’d been taking the whole day care thing extremely well. I was surprised, but I figured it was easier because I get to see Ben at lunch time. And then I forgot to take my dose on Wednesday, which didn’t affect me until Thursday. I bawled all the way to work and cried at my desk. I could barely function. I had very real ideas of going to pick Ben up and going home with him for good. I felt so horrible. But by lunch time, my Thursday dose kicked in and I felt much better. I hope I don’t have to be on this long term, but I can appreciate being on it now.

Pumping is going fairly well. I still don’t particularly like it, but my milk supply is increasing so it’s getting easier. And I have to pump like crazy. Right now I’m pumping four times a day, twice before lunch and twice after. I’m only supposed to pump twice at work on my two breaks, but I can’t only pump twice. I don’t get nearly enough milk. I’m so surprised at how much Ben eats. That kid can really put it away. But I do also realize that he could also be comfort eating or the sitter offers him a bottle and he takes if even if he’s not really hungry. Either way, I have to have the milk available for him. So far, so good, but I do stress about it. I realize it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he had to have some formula to supplement my milk, but I would just rather not have that happen if I can help it. I’m trying to help it.

Our sleep rollercoaster continues. Ben has much better days after he’s had a lot of sleep, so I’ve been trying to get him to sleep earlier. Getting him to sleep at 8:30 doesn’t seem to be a problem at the moment. But if I want him to stay asleep, I have to go to bed with him, too. He still won’t sleep for long periods of time by himself. I just don’t have it in me to try and get him to sleep in his bed while I’m working. I’ll get so much less sleep that way. So I’m hoping to start helping him to be comfortable sleeping by himself when I stop working. Then I can be there for him when he wakes up in the night and I won’t feel like a zombie the next day, or worse, resent Ben for making me a zombie.

Sorry I don’t update more. I can’t make any promises to update more right now either. In the meantime, you should read this article. I laughed so much, it made Ben start giggling hysterically. And yes, I think butts and poop are funny.

Happy New Year

2009-01-07T13:15:00.004-07:00

The longer I wait to blog, the more I have to say, and thus, the harder it is to write. My intrinsic laziness sets in, and I just stare at the blank screen thinking of all the things I want to tell you. And then I get so overwhelmed by the magnitude of it that I just start reading other people's blogs, or I start typing an incoherent stream of consciousness that I don't even want to read back through again. So I'm going to try and compartmentalize all this as much as possible so that you three readers I have left won't leave here with your eyes bleeding.

Let us address the crying baby. He doesn't cry as much anymore, which is so very wonderful. However, he solidly has his days and nights mixed up. There was one week, one blissful, beautiful, delicious week where he slept at night. And because he sleeps besides me, I can nurse him while I sleep. And before you judge me for sleeping with him, I will just tell you that we both actually get sleep this way. And that is why I'm not willing to try and give it up until after I'm not working anymore. Anyway, then he got a cold and he started going to sleep at 4 am again.

Ben is a joy when he first wakes up. He smiles and coos and giggles. And about half an hour to forty five minutes later, he's crabby. He's tired and cranky. This is when he cries. But, he fights the nap. He fights it so hard. And when he does go to sleep? He will wake up again within the hour. The result is the two of us fighting over sleep all day and him not getting enough sleep during the day which makes him overtired when it's time for him to go to bed for the night and then it's really hard to get him to sleep. And I don't mean I put him down for a nap and then he wakes up (because I know he'll wake up if I put him down). I'm holding him in the exact same way he went to sleep, and he'll still wake up.

I asked his doctor how I should go about switching his nights and days back around. He told me that I should limit his naps during the day and when he wakes up at night, don't interact with him other than to feed him or change him and that's it. And also keep the lights off. But don't pick him up or play with him or make eye contact. Well, if he wakes up in the bed, I have to pick him up to go into the living room so we don't keep Chris up. So there goes that. Last night, I was trying really hard not to make eye contact or encourage him to be awake or anything. But I saw him out of the corner of my eye, and he was just smiling ear to ear at me. And how can I resist? I don't want him to think smiling won't get my attention. So I looked at him and smiled back. He started kicking his legs and waving his arms in excitement, and he was giggling like crazy. My word, this kid already knows how to melt his mama. So of course, I played with him. My heart is not made of stone, and apparently neither is my resolve. I'm pretty much going to die when I have to go back to work.

I went to my doctor again today about ppd. The estradiol didn't work as my doctor had hoped. What it did do was decrease my milk supply and give me a period. Yay! So I started taking fenugreek to boost my milk. It finally kicked in last night. It's super sweet. I got 4 oz of milk in 7 minutes today when I usually only get 2 oz in 20. This is going to make pumping and working so so much easier. So even though my doc took me off the estradiol today, I'm definitely sticking with the fenugreek until I get laid off. Now I get to try Prozac. I'm not really thrilled about going on an anti-depressant, but I'm not getting any better on my own. Mostly, I just wish this would all go away. I don't want to deal with it, and I can't tell you how many times I thought about canceling the follow up with my doctor and just not dealing with it. But it's important to me to try and really be there for Ben. He's having such a rough time getting his sleep together, and I'm not going to be able to help him if I'm falling apart. I really really hope the Prozac works.

A happy thing that I have to share is my weight loss. I've lost 38 lbs since I had Ben. I still have 14 lbs until pre-pregnancy weight and, oh, probably 40 lbs until before I started trying to conceive weight, but I'm encouraged. I haven't done anything to lose this weight so far (just breastfeeding and staying hydrated), so I'm really trying to get motivated to start at least walking to get some exercise. But my big excuse right now is the snow. I just don't want to walk around in it. My other excuse not to walk in the snow is that I'm notoriously clumsy and I will slip and fall with my baby hanging on me in his sling. I'm sure even if we didn't have so much snow, I'd still have some sort of lame excuse. But I can still be happy about the weight I have lost and try not to put any back on.

I have other things I want to blog about, but I'm so tired. I'm running on about 4 hours of sleep and I should be sleeping with my baby right now. If anyone has any ideas about how to keep Ben asleep through his sleep cycles during his naps, that would be appreciated. He's not waking up because he's hurting. He always wakes up happy; he just wakes up too early.

The Good, the Bad, and the Merry

2008-12-23T21:56:00.005-07:00

There is very good news, indeed:

Ben has belly laughs in his sleep and give us the chuckles when we play with him. It is cute.

Ben slept last night. No kidding. I'm hoping for a repeat performance tonight, but I'm just so glad I had a little bit of a break. Thank you so much for your comments, by the way. I really appreciate them.

My husband is awesome. Okay, so that's not really news, but it is good.

And the best news of the day is this: You know how I'm getting laid off, right? Well, out of the three people in my group, I was getting laid off in the first quarter of next fiscal year (somewhere between March and June for us) while the other two ladies were given fourth quarter (which ends at the end of February). I asked if I could switch with one of them, and I was just told today that I can! Yay! This means I get my severance package (which is the only reason I wanted to work until getting laid off), and I'll get to stop working outside of the home sometime towards the end of February.

The bad news is: My dogs smell bad. Again, this isn't news at all, but it is bad.

Merry Christmas to you from us.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Could I buy a good night's sleep on eBay?

2008-12-21T15:14:00.002-07:00

Wow. I think this child has colic in full force. The kind of colic where nothing is wrong with him, but he's crying his head off. We can't see where he might be in pain or anything. He just has this internal clock that goes off at about 3 or 4 in the morning, and he is completely inconsolable for about three hours. And we've tried everything. Swaddling, shushing, swinging, dancing, jiggling, rocking, singing, crying (that would be me), snuggling, and of course the obligatory diaper change and feeding. And nothing works. He's also very sleepy the entire time, and fights the sleep tooth(less?) and nail. I also had a friend suggest that perhaps he was just tired of being held. So I tried putting him down. Yeah, that didn't work either. You might think he was kept up too late, and he's overtired and crabby. But if he is already asleep (like he was last night), he will wake up at the appointed hour and start the crying. And then, at the second appointed hour (you know, three hours later), he magically closes his eyes and goes to sleep.

Now, this might not be so bad because I'm not working right now, except that I've been unable to sleep when he's sleeping. I've had insomnia pretty bad. And so by the time he's gone to sleep at the end of his crying jag, I'm so dead. It's only then that I finally sleep, and my brain wakes me up for the day about six hours later (I sleep with Ben so I barely have to wake up for him to nurse). I guess the only thing pulling us through is the promise that it will get better, which we've been told by pretty much everyone.

Unfortunately, this is all compounded by the baby blues that have not gone away. The baby blues that have only gotten worse (particularly with the lack of sleep). The baby blues that could now be considered postpartum depression. And it's pretty hard. I finally saw my doctor for my six week visit, and he prescribed some low dose estradiol for me. He's hoping that by upping my estrogen a little, it will pull me out of it. I'm hoping that, too. *sigh* It all just makes me very very tired.

I do enjoy Ben, though. During the day, he's a happy little guy. He smiles a lot and goos and likes to snuggle. I'm really glad that nursing is working out for us. The hormones that are released are probably pretty good for my emotional well being. I still love him at night when he's crying, too. I just wish I knew what to do to help him feel better. It breaks my heart that I can't help him, even if I know it's nothing personal. If anyone has any more ideas I haven't tried, feel free to throw it out there. I can't say I'll try absolutely anything, but I am definitely open to trying something I haven't before.

2008-12-12T00:49:00.007-07:00

I should probably be asleep right now because the kid is sleeping soundly, but I know if I go lie down, I will be awake for another twenty minutes as I try to fall asleep. So I'll just prolong the inevitable a little.

I've been feeling like a bit of a sort of zombie lately. What's today again? Days and nights and days all meld together like a sleepless crying snuggly fondue, if you can imagine that. My guess is that if you have children, you can. I hear it gets easier. I also hear that the crying peaks at 6 weeks. And when I told my mom that Ben fights sleep by screaming for hours (or until we get it into our heads that we should swaddle him, etc- duh) (perhaps hours is an exaggeration), she told me that it's normal. Whew. That is our light at the end of the tunnel. And also, my kid was born with a mullet. It's a trailer park phenomenon.

Every time I come here to blog, I can only think of things to write about Ben. Oh, wait. That's because everything in my life right now involves my baby. Not that it's a bad thing at all. I actually went to Enrichment Night at church this past Tuesday because a friend of mine had planned and organized the program, so I wanted to make sure I didn't miss it. And so, I left Chris with the baby by himself. For a whole hour, folks. I pumped a bottle that morning. It was my first time pumping, so I really didn't know what to expect. I got a little less than two oz, which felt pretty measly. Ben slept the whole time I was gone, but he was hungry and crying just I got home. So I warmed up the bottle and gave it to Chris to feed him. He sucked those two oz down in about three minutes, and was still hungry. I hope that the pump gets more than that out once I get going with this whole business. Otherwise, I'm in trouble.

Let me tell you, I do not like this business with the bottles. I realize that it's ridiculous, but I feel like maybe he won't need me anymore once he has a bottle and someone else is taking care of him and I'm at work. Like, I said, I realize it's ridiculous, but it's there. I plan on finding a care provider close to work, so I can nurse on lunch break, but I still have anxiety. I also plan on not working anymore when I get laid off, but I don't know when that will happen. It's going to be a hard however many months when I go back to work. And I don't want to do it, but my severance package is worth staying until I get canned. We all have to do things we don't want to do, right?

Anyway, enough of that. If I keep thinking about it, I'll just get all messed up about it way before I have to. I want to talk about turkey. Yes, that delicious bird you ate for Thanksgiving. We went to my in laws' house for dinner, and it was incredible, as always. But when Chris and I finished eating our leftover turkey (like, a day later), we needed more. You see, I usually cook a Thanksgiving meal just for us as well. Because sometimes splitting leftovers with all of the rest of everyone leaves us with only one day's worth of delicious turkey meats. And also, I just love cooking turkeys. It gives me a sweet meaty satisfaction to cook a juicy delicious bird. (I can roast a mean turkey. It will slap your mouth with tenderness.) I decided not to cook our own meal this year because obviously, there is a needier mouth in our home now. He makes it a little difficult to orchestrate such projects. However, our leftover turkey left a longing need in our mouths for more turkey. So I bought a turkey breast to cook because we are only two people, and we don't really need a whole turkey, right? We finished said turkey breast in a couple of days. And still we needed more. So I bought a whole turkey, and I was finally able to cook it today. I don't know how long it will last, but I won't be upset if I still have to cook another one after this. I seriously love cooking turkeys.

And ever since I have been cooking turkeys, I have always tried to make turkey gravy. Turkey gravy is my nemesis. I have never been able to get it right. It's always lumpy or tasteless or too thin or thick and always just wrong. But when I cop out and use the gravy packet that comes with some turkeys, it's gross. I've been spoiled by my father in law's gravy. It's so good.
But! This turkey that I made today! I made gravy! And it was good. Not at good as my father in law's, but it was still pretty good. I've finally made a gravy I wouldn't be embarrassed to serve to someone other than my husband (and really, I'm still embarrassed to serve the crappy gravies to him, too). Success!

Now for more pictures. We just got a new camera, so we've been taking many more pictures. Please enjoy my baby's chubby cheeks. Thank you.

Please ignore all the miscellaneous crap on my kitchen counter...

Do you know how many pictures and how many days it took for us to get this picture? This kid just does not perform for an audience. As soon as the camera comes out, he stops doing whatever cute thing we wanted to capture.

So long, and thanks for all the poop

2008-11-28T16:24:00.006-07:00

Happy Black Friday everyone. Also, Black Friday makes me want to die. I want to take advantage of the sweet coupons and sales at Joann. And so does everyone else in the Treasure Valley. People with carts filled to the brim with bolts of fabric in a line stretching to the back of the store at 7 am. Which, mind you, is nothing compared to the Super Joann that we went to in Draper, UT last year. I am so glad that I wasn't there to buy fabric. Holy crap. Let me tell you what, Mormons sure do like to quilt with fabric that was purchased on sale. That place was insane.

Anyway, back to this morning. I wouldn't have minded waiting in line for all that time except I had Ben with me, and I had failed to coerce my husband into coming with me (it didn't even occur to me to ask him). I figured if I got there at 6:30 am, I would beat some of the crowd. And maybe I did. I just underestimated the size of the crowd. But we have three Joann stores in Boise, for pete's sake. Ben has this new sweet little habit of waking up in the middle of the night and crying inconsolably for three or four hours. Last night was one of those nights. Luckily, I did have Chris to care for him for about an hour until my alarm went off, so I could get a little bit of sleep before waking up to go to Joann. We all have colds right now, so that makes everything slightly crappier. Also, a little tiny three week old baby with a cold is so sad. I wonder if he wakes up and cries because it's hard to breathe through his snot nose even after it's suctioned out.

So Ben cried intermittently all the way to the first Joann store. He usually falls asleep in the car, but he kept waking up to cry some more. When it seemed he was not going to fall asleep again, I stopped the car in a parking lot to try and console him. He fell asleep as I pulled into the parking lot, and didn't wake up again until we got to the second Joann store (I didn't even go into the first store I went to. The parking lot was packed.). He was content in his carseat perched on the shopping cart for about ten minutes. When I took him out and held him, he was fine. All was well. I picked out my fabrics with one hand and went to line up for the cutting table. And that's when I realized I was a moron for not taking my husband with me. The line was so long. It would take forever, and I knew Ben would get hungry before I got out of there. Now I don't mind breastfeeding in public (especially since my mom and I made some sweet nursing covers from here), but I didn't have anyone to stand with my cart. I put my fabric back and left. Ben was happy all the way home and snuggled up with me to go to sleep. And we slept for a very long time. Well, he did. I wish I could sleep and eat at the same time. Oh, and poop, too. He's a multi-tasker, that one. But I got a lot of sleep during the morning hours.

And here's another reason that Black Friday sucks.

This is going to sound really cheesy, and I guess it is. I was thinking today about how unprepared I was to fall so completely in love with this baby. I mean, long before I ever conceived, when we wished and prayed constantly for kids, I knew I would love my baby. But I was unprepared for the real thing. And it's so awesome. I looked at my little squirmy guy snuggled up to me tummy to tummy, and I realized that this is exactly how my mom felt, too. Even though she had six kids, she had individual time with each of us, at least while nursing, and she felt the same way I do about my kid about me and each of my siblings (but more about me because I'm THE baby, heh). And then I thought about my teenage years, and I felt pretty bad. Sorry about that, Mom. But invariably, I also thought about our Heavenly Father and how much he must love us. And wow. That's a lot. Okay, so this ended up really not being written very well because I'm not so good about verbalizing feelings, but I think you can gather where I was trying to go with this. In short, being a parent is the most fulfilling and will be the most heart wrenching experience I will ever have. I'm so incredibly blessed to be mom.

And here are some more pics.

2008-11-17T11:32:00.004-07:00

This whole taking care of another person thing is kind of insane. Especially when that person doesn't like to sleep by himself and relies on your milk bar as his sole source of nutrition. This is actually a rare moment that he's sleeping in his co-sleeper. I was able to brush my teeth, use the bathroom, and eat some breakfast.

I shouldn't have jinxed myself. I am now a prize Jersey milk cow. I'm kidding. I actually like it when he's awake during the day. It's the night time waking that's hard for me. He's been having tummy troubles at different times during the night, and I feel so bad for him. It has to be something I ate because I'm also having tummy troubles. Poor little guy. I try to pump his legs and rub his belly, but it doesn't seem to help. The only thing that helps a little is to hold him upright with his bum in my hand and jiggle the toots out of him.

Anyway, how do you get your kid to sleep in his or her bed? I swaddle him, and that helps a lot, but he will still usually only sleep for about an hour before waking up.

Also, here is another picture of my little boy. He looks so much like his daddy to me.

2008-11-11T09:53:00.002-07:00

I'll give you a real post at some point. I'm still adjusting to my new schedule, which is to say, I don't have one. Ben is amazing. I loved him when I was pregnant with him, but I didn't know how much more I would love him when he was born. I think I can understand why the Duggars have so many kids. Clearly, they have a chronic addiction to newborns. Here is another picture. I have no doubt that you will get tired of seeing my kid in the somewhat near future, especially when we finally catch his little open mouthed smiles on camera.

My cup runneth over...

2008-11-06T14:03:00.004-07:00

Er, quite literally, but you probably don't need the details of that.

Wow. Where do I even begin? The event I've been dreaming about for years has finally happened. The birth of my little boy, Benjamin.

I woke up at about 1:15 on Monday morning and felt like I had peed myself. So I got up and continued "peeing" on myself all the way to the bathroom. I was pretty sure it was my water. So I woke Chris up, who wasn't really even asleep yet. He had stayed up kind of late. I called my doctor, who of course told me to go to the hospital. Heh, when I woke up my mom (who flew in on Saturday, yay!), she asked if maybe we should just keep sleeping and see if I started having contractions. It made me laugh, but in retrospect, I really wish we could have.

So to the hospital we went, and triage did all sorts of horrible things to me trying to determine if it was indeed amniotic fluid I was leaking. I am so glad I never had to go in for a false alarm. I was admitted, but still not really in labor. I was having contractions, but they were extremely mild and irregular. But I was so excited! I was going to have a baby in the next 24 hours! The doctor on call wanted to go ahead and start me on a high dose of pitocin to get things moving. Wanting to try and deal with the pain without medication, I asked if we could try to avoid that. So they gave me 6 hours to try and move my labor along myself by walking and using the jacuzzi and the birthing ball. After that check, I was 2 cm and 80% effaced, which was definite progress from my initial 1 cm. So they let me hold off on the pit. Time after that became a total blur. I think it was a few hours, but I started having some much heavier contractions and was a lot more uncomfortable. All for one more cm. My doctor (who was now a different doctor on call and is so freaking awesome) suggested I go ahead and start pitocin, and they would gradually increase the dose. We were, after all, on a time schedule. The goal is to have a baby within 24 hours of your water breaking because the chance of infection to the baby greatly increases after that.
So I started working through much stronger, more regular contractions. And they got really really hard. They were coming every 1-2 minutes, and they had multiple peaks. I really thought that if I wasn't in transition, I had to be close. The contractions felt constant. At this point, it was well into the evening on Monday. I had about an hour and a half of sleep from the night before when my water broke. I was incredibly tired. At the next check, I was 4 cm, 100% effaced. Now, you know I'm a crybaby, and I totally cried. I felt so overwhelmed. I had great support from my husband, my mom, and my mother in law. They told me how great I was doing, but I felt like I would die if I couldn't sleep and I had to keep having those contractions with little to no progress indefinitely. So I asked for some Staidol to help with the pain. Unfortunately, it didn't help with the pain of the peaks of my contractions, so I would fall asleep and wake up in the middle of horrible pain and have to try and get it together to breathe through it. This went on for about half an hour (or something, like I said, time was a blur), and I asked for an epidural. I needed sleep. I had been in labor all morning, afternoon, and evening. It was about 9:30 pm when I asked. They didn't waste any time in getting it for me either. The anesthesiologist rushed in and did his thing, and I felt like a different person. I figured they would just up the pitocin at this point, and I would sleep until it was time to push. I told my husband to go ahead and run home to let the dogs out and feed them.
After he left, my doctor came in and checked me. I was at 5 cm, but my cervix had started to swell. He recommended I have a c-section because it was very unlikely for my labor to continue successfully. I quickly agreed, and my mother in law called my husband to tell him to come back.
It all happened really fast after that. They wheeled me into the operating room. All the nurses and doctors were all joking and chatting and getting me ready. It was really relaxed, which made me feel more relaxed. My epidural was increased, so I didn't feel anything. My husband came in and sat beside me, and the next thing I knew my abdomen felt like it was being pulled and squished like taffy. It didn't hurt, but it was weird. I heard someone say how big he was, and then how hairy he was. And then I heard that he looked like he was too mad to cry. Chris peeked over my blue sterile canopy and told me he was so hairy! And then I heard Ben cry. And it made me cry, too. Because he was finally here. My sweet little booger man.

Benjamin Grimm
Born 11/03/2008 10:35 pm
Weight: 7 lbs 12 oz

Welcome home, little guy.

If you want to destroy my sweater....

2008-10-30T21:20:00.002-06:00

On second thought, please don't destroy my sweater. Then my child will have to roam naked.

P.S. Isn't our wood paneling sexy?

A Crying Shame

2008-10-30T11:48:00.002-06:00

Today I had my 39 week appointment. My doctor told me a couple of weeks ago that if I was ready at 39 weeks, she'd scrape my membranes and give me a 50% chance of going into labor while she's on call (I love my doctor. I don't want some stranger pulling out my kid.). Oh such false hope was built into me! Built into this very day! I should have known better.

She found my baby's heart with the doppler and did a little dance to the beat. His heart makes me want to dance, too, but I'm afraid I just might fall if I tried. She measured my grossly distended belly and declared his growth to be perfect. She felt around my baby's shape and said he'd probably be seven lbs and some change. And then she did my internal exam. And I am still 1 cm, although it is an "easy" 1 cm now. Two weeks ago I guess it was a difficult 1 cm. And my cervix has moved farther down still and is easier to reach. "Next week, you'll have this baby," she said. I will not lie to you. I cried. I tried not to, but I did. I really want to have this baby right now. *sigh* My doctor is so nice. She gave me some tissues and kind, sympathetic words. "You've fought so hard to get to where you are, and now you just have to fight just a little bit more. This part of your baby's life is such a short time." And she also told me to get more sleep. I must be looking extra haggard today because the nurse also asked me how I was sleeping. The answer is: not very well. I toss and turn a lot (with Herculean effort these days) and wake up with hip pain often, not to mention the several times a night I pull my whale body out of bed to go pee.

Pregnancy has not treated me badly in comparison to what it could be. However, I have yet to meet anyone who enjoys these last few weeks. My bones feel like they're going to fall apart. The weight of my baby pulls down on my stomach and makes me ache when I walk. My back begins to explode in angry furor after standing and making dinner (or cleaning or whatever else I do while standing) for only ten minutes. Making apple pie filling is difficult because of this. By the way, Mom, I'm going to enlist your help in making apple pie filling before all my apples go bad. I'll pay you with a baby (but you don't get to take him home... sorry).

I've prayed about it, and I've thought about it, and I've decided I just can't be butthurt about my baby taking the time he needs to get ready for his grand entrance into the world. This time is very hard, but I have to do it anyway; I may as well be optimistic and more cheerful. On the bright side, I still have time to finish the sweater I'm making. All I have to do is sew up the sides and attach the little collar. I'm getting a little better at staying on task with my knitting. I've only been working on this sweater for about three weeks and it's just about done. Now I just have to start on all those receiving blankets...

2008-10-27T20:23:00.005-06:00

I didn't really mean to announce that I'm full term and then run away for two weeks, so people could scratch their heads wondering if I had given birth or if I had been eaten by gila monsters in the dry heat of the desert (heh heh, suckers). Well, neither has happened, and I am wishing for one of them with all my heart. Guess which one?

Also, I feel like I should be constantly singing Weird Al Yankovic's parody of Michael Jackson's Bad. I guess I didn't realize that once my kid dropped, he would keep dropping. So now I have this weird pouch gut that resides mainly below my belly button. And I thought I had a front butt before. I can't help but laugh when I see it in the mirror ~~and dance around~~. I think this kid is great. But it really is time for him to come out now. My mom told me this time would come. This is the time when I don't care how it happens, I just want him out. And also, I need some snuggling from this kid. I need to kiss his cheeks and be a mama.

Sorry I don't have more to offer at this point in time, but the child consumes all thought. And in turn, I consume everything else. Like homemade mac and cheese and fried chicken. Could life get any better? Well, I guess it could have been better if I hadn't been the one who cooked it, but it was totally worth it. Delicious evil cheese....

Updated to add: At Eve's request, I had my husband take the latest picture. Please ignore the tiny spots of delicious chicken oil that popped onto my shirt as I cooked (I swear that's how it got there (I do realize I look and sound like a slob...)). We also took one with my shirt pulled up, and while it gives me a hearty laugh to look at it, I do not want to share it with the internets. Sorry.

I'm pointing at my belly button to give you an idea of how far down he's gone. Obviously he has not dropped far enough because I'm not cradling him and giving you a thumbs up sign...

Full term! Holla!

2008-10-14T20:36:00.004-06:00

It's official. I've made it to the final stretch (no pun intended) with baby and mom intact. Well, I'm mostly still intact. However, my shirts are starting up with an annoying habit of popping up and rolling up my belly. And you know why? This baby has dropped! I've been suspecting it for the past several days, and my doctor mentioned it today while she was poking around my belly. I didn't even remember to ask how many centimeters my uterus is measuring. I was at 40 cm last week. 40 cm = 40 weeks. He's a big boy now.

So now, I have a huge mass in the bottom of my stomach composed of baby, but it also kind of makes me feel like I have a front butt. Eh, whatever. It's a baby front butt. And here's the obligatory picture.

Also in baby news, I was given two baby showers last week. One was at work, and it was a big surprise. It was so nice. I didn't really want a shower at work because so many people are being laid off (yeah, like this Friday soon), and I didn't want anyone to feel like they needed to buy me anything. But a co-worker of mine asked around and decided that people are awesome (which, holy crap, they totally are), and then she made a surprise out of it, and I didn't suspect a thing.
And then, a good friend of mine and another friend of ours threw me another shower on Saturday and invited tons of people from my ward. I'm seriously floored by the generosity of all the people in my life. I counted up all the folks I need to write thank you notes to, and there are 38 people total. Wow. I didn't even know I knew 38 people (okay, that's a lie, but 38 is a lot of people to a recluse like me). I just can't believe that many people would be so thoughtful to give something to my baby. I'm so grateful, and so very lucky to have such good friends.

And now I'll wrap this up because I'm racing Blogger to their scheduled outage, and I want to post this before it happens. Hopefully, I'll write more soon. The sleepy is only getting worse...

2008-10-03T11:19:00.008-06:00

I stayed home sick today. It makes me so very very grumpy. I hate being sick, and I would rather be at work. Most disappointingly, I don't have any knit projects going right now. Yarn has been ordered to remedy the situation, but it has not yet been received. Very disappointing indeed. It's not like I'm empty handed, though. I have 8 receiving blankets to make, a serger to learn how to use, and a quilt I still haven't finished. I just crave the knitting. And while I would rather be doing any of these things instead of being at work, I don't want to be sick while doing them because it sucks. I just want to lie around. Very Pregnant + Sickie = Very Very Sleepy All The Time.Anyway, I did mention that I knitted some items for my kid (didn't I?). Here they are, and they took all of less than a week to finish. It would have only been two days, but a girl just can't spend all her time doing everything she likes, can she? And look at how tiny the hat is! I'll be taking more yarn to the hospital with me, in case it doesn't fit Ben's head. Luckily, the hat took a matter of only two to three hours to work up, so I should be able to make a bigger one for him relatively quickly.

We had our last childbirthing class this week. At the beginning of the class (it was once a week for four weeks), I felt like four weeks would feel like forever, but it just flew by. The actual classes felt really long, though. Well, we actually have one more class that I signed us up for, and it's one specifically for more relaxation techniques for a natural childbirth. I'm planning on going without pain meds, but I do also realize that sometimes labor just doesn't play out like you planned it to. So, I have to be flexible, but ideally, I'm going to be a bit granola about it. Since before I even got pregnant, I've felt that nothing about this whole conception thing has been natural (well, because it hasn't), so I really want to try and do this part with as little medical intervention as possible. Which isn't to say, I'm going to go find a tree branch to hang on to while I squat the baby out. I mean, I am using an OB in a hospital, so what will be will be, but I hope you catch the point of what I'm trying to say.

We're still not ready for a baby to arrive. His bed is not set up. His clothes are not unpacked and put away (clothing courtesy of Eve; I have not even had my baby shower yet, but I have an entire 0-3 month wardrobe thanks to my wonderful sister! :) ). My bedroom is not arranged the way I want it. My kitchen is not arranged the way I want it (like my kid is really going to care how the kitchen is set up, right?), and in general, our home is just not ready for this baby. But I'm pretty sure we are. I'm excited. Chris is excited. This kid keeps getting bigger and bigger and I just want to cuddle him and pinch his chubby cheeks. Because they are chubby. Seriously. How could the two of us not have an adorable pinchably chubby cheeked baby?

I can't wait to meet our kid. I know he'll probably cry a lot and poop a lot and pee a lot and poop and pee on me a lot, but I'm cool with that as long as he gets the pooping and peeing on me out of his system in his early years. I know that having a newborn will completely change our life and our routines, although at this point, I know that I can't even comprehend what a huge change it will be. But I'm already so in love with this kid that I'm willing to do this happily. And I'm so grateful that I have a husband who's ready to be a dad.

On an unrelated to baby, but completely related to pregnancy note: I had a dream the other night that I went to a pizza stand, and the guy in front of me took the exact slice of pizza that I wanted and he did it on purpose. There were none left, and I sunk my head onto the counter and cried. It still makes me laugh to think that my hormones and cravings can influence me so profoundly even in my dreams.

Wowsers

2008-09-29T21:49:00.002-06:00

This will be another pretty short update on things. This is also 35 weeks. Ummmm, yeah. Ha, watch me have a seven pound baby and wonder what happened. Well, I won't be wondering. An intense insatiable craving for bbq potato chips is what happened. I'm trying to stay away from them, but they just taste so good... Don't judge me.

Not a lot on the baby front is happening. I've just been growing (obviously) bigger. I get a lot of questions like, "Aren't you ready to get that baby out?" And actually, while I am excited to have this little guy, pregnancy still has not made me miserable, yet. I'll let you know how it stands in a couple of weeks, though. Although, it would be nice to not have to worry about peeing on myself anymore. This child has been grinding on my bladder for several weeks now. But all in all, it's a small complaint. I've heard much worse stories. I've been a busy knitter, though. This past weekend I made booties and a hat (which I hope will fit his head), and today I finished one little mitten. I'll take pictures when I finish the other mitten.

Also, my birthday was a week ago, and my husband got me a serger. Which. is. awesome. I'm pretty excited about it, but I just got it today, so I haven't had time to play with it yet. But I have plans. I also have the material to make 8 receiving blankets for my kid. Yeah. And Christmas is coming, so I have plans for Christmas projects as well. Too bad I can't knit and nurse at the same time. Because that would solve a lot of time issues. And also, my husband? He's awesome. I told him not to get me a serger because it would be kind of expensive, and I totally resigned myself to not getting one after I had already done the research and picked out the one I wanted. But how could I not be super excited to get it anyway? Woot!

We got released from teaching the 3 and 4 year olds at church a couple of weeks ago. A couple of months ago, it would have made me sad, but look at me. I am the Walrus. I can't chase kids very well at the moment, and when this baby shows up, it would be even harder. So I feel pretty grateful. I finally went to Relief Society for the first time in a very long time. And in spite of how much it freaks me out because of my social anxiety, it was really good. It was a good lesson on patterns and examples created in the home, and I want to blog about it, but I can't tonight. My eyelids are drooping. Sorry for the lack of posts and kind of lame content, but I'll post something eventually, I promise, lol.

The belly totally trumps the butt.

2008-09-04T21:04:00.002-06:00

And there it is. And I still have 8 1/2 weeks to go. How is this kind of growth even possible?

I know I've been a total slacker and haven't posted in forever, but... I'm just really tired, okay? Also, my sister in law, Shiloh, had her baby this past Sunday, giving her a true reason to celebrate Labor Day. Ha ha! Terrible jokes abound! Her baby is insanely adorable and has lots of hairs on his leetle head. So now I'm next in the family chain of birthing. Ugh, that sounds kind of creepy and gross. I'm not ready, but I'm trying to be. Oh, I'm ready to be holding my baby and loving on him, but I'm not ready for the rest of it, yet. Anyway, I wasn't kidding about being tired. I feel like I've been earning my dough working in the fields all day.

Sweet sweet success....and er, some failure, too

2008-08-19T20:56:00.004-06:00

Have you met my niece, Karli? I made that little purple dress for her. And now you can see her in it. She is so freaking cute, I want to eat her cheeks. Nom, nom, nom! And check out those little chubby legs! And it appears that she loves the dress, too.

So I had yet another OB appointment today. Last week my dr did not like my levels of amniotic fluid that were measured by the sonographer, so she wanted to measure it herself. They appeared to be too low. So, she measured again today and he has plenty of water to swim in. Oh, you know, I just hated having another excuse to look at my kid.

I have to say that it is the coolest feeling to have him move around. None of his movements are painful yet, so it's still really enjoyable to me and Chris. If the baby is awake, he'll kick Chris' hand pretty quickly when he puts it on my belly. And it's so crazy watching my stomach move. It's like some creepy alien thing. But he's my creepy alien thing, and he's adorable already.

And uh, oh yeah. The failure. I failed my glucose screening by a couple of points. Which totally sucks because now I have to go take the three hour test. I'm not really looking forward to that. But here, have a look at my baby fats at 29 weeks.

2008-08-13T20:53:00.003-06:00

When I went to bed after I posted my last entry, my left big toe came to life and exploded into a furious flaming devil of pain and destruction. And I got very little sleep because it did not feel good at all. It's weird because I don't remember my the surgery on my right toe last October being so traumatic to that particular phalange. I was able to sleep last night without waking up from the devil toe's prodding, but it's still a pretty sore looking fellow. I would take a picture, but it would gross too many of you out. And I'm limping around a lot. Everyone at work sees this giant pregnant woman who is waddling way before her time when really, I'm just limping from the injury.

Speaking of "The Injury", is anyone else so super psyched to for The Office to come back on? I love that show. I'm so happy to watch Michael, knowing that he's just on a tv show, and I don't have to work for him. That part about him makes me love him all the more.

My child is huge. My ultrasound yesterday revealed that he is 2 lbs, 15 oz. I realize that weight estimations based on ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate, but his tummy measurement is also in the 75th or 85th percentile or something like that. Neither Chris nor I can remember the exact number, but it was big, yall. A cute squishable tummy just waiting for me to blow raspberries all over it. And his head is still miraculously in the 61st percentile, and I'm hoping it stays that way. Because given the track record on giant heads in both our families, this measurement could get pretty ugly really fast. He is also head down, and I am hoping that stays the same, too.

Side note: I actually saw a pink Mary Kay Caddy today. I didn't know they seriously existed in the general public. And it was really really ugly, too. But I guess I just don't really appreciate the design of new Cadillacs.

And now for something completely different.

2008-08-11T20:38:00.003-06:00

I always have a bunch of stuff floating around in my head that I want to blog about, but I always forget by the time I sit down to actually do it.

I'm roasting in my house. It's not that it's hot in here. I'm SOOOOO grateful that our a/c works again because I know first hand just how bad it could be. It's just that I don't want to increase our electric bill more than I need to, and well, my husband is creating less body heat than I am right now. I'm pretty sure our tiny child is creating more body heat than Chris is, actually. So, as spoiled as I am to be able to regulate my home environment to a very nice 75 degrees, I am still hot. And I deal with it by sitting around in my underwear a lot. Which, while not attractive in the least, is actually pretty funny when I'm trying to turn around and get out of bed. I don't know how those mariners ever thought manatees could possibly be beautiful mermaids because holy ungainly! - that is what I am.

It doesn't help tonight that I have to keep my socks on as I sit around the house. I had my left big toe cut up today to remove yet another ingrown toenail. I can't remove the dressing until tomorrow, and I don't want to get dog hair all over it. So I have to keep my socks on. I know, I know. Wah wah wah, I'm such a baby. I'm just trying to keep writing to give you something new to read, gosh. So, having your big toe completely numbed is so weird. It's like a dead thing on your foot, although my foot doctor preferred that I not use such dreadful terminology to describe it. So I said it was kind of like my toe was detached from my foot, like an out of body experience, not so much like it was cut off or something. Ew.

My gestational diabetes screen is tomorrow. Hurrah! I really hope I pass it without any problems.

Also, holy crap, did you see the men's swimming 400m relay last night? Oh my gosh, it was so good. And now Chris and I are addicted to Olympic swimming. And also bursting with patriotic pride. At least, I am. Go America! Yay!

Totally Hawt

2008-08-05T21:48:00.002-06:00

Today I told my husband I felt like a giant lumbering manatee...

He told me that ancient mariners used to mistake manatees for beautiful mermaids. Sometimes having a husband who is an endless font of random trivia proves to be a good thing.

Wilted

2008-08-04T13:30:00.004-06:00

Ugh. Have you ever lived in a trailer with no air conditioning? (Well, I know Shiloh and Michael have) Our a/c stopped blowing cool air on Saturday afternoon. So Saturday in our house was warm, but not completely unbearable. Sunday, however, I wanted to die. It was SO hot! It was over 90 inside (and it felt cooler outside all day). We tried using fans to pull in cool air from outside. We tried using our little roll around swamp cooler I still have from when I lived in Caldwell. And we ended up living in a bayou trapped in a tin can for the day.

Oh my gosh, it was awful. I actually cried, I was so upset because I didn't know how we were possibly going to fix it. Broken a/c = lots and lots of money. We actually slept in the bed of Chris' truck (it has a cover on it) because it felt so much better outside than it did inside. And we also still have our old bed in the back of it, so we were fairly comfortable. It got a little chilly, but it was better than being sweltering hot all night and waking up in puddles of our own heat.
So, this morning I called the first number on my list for heating and air, and they said they could actually send someone in the next few hours. Needless to say, I went ahead and scheduled. Their diagnostic fee just to come out was within range with other places I've heard of, so I was hoping the rest of their fees would be reasonable as well. The guy got here right on time, and found our problem almost immediately. It didn't take him long to fix it, and besides the diagnostic fee, he only had us pay for the part he replaced. So we ended up only paying $155 in all. !!!! And the cool air is so so sweet! I couldn't be happier at this moment, actually.
I've also almost finished that little dress for my niece. I just have to sew the rest of the little flowers on, but I'll show you a picture anyway.

This is what the finished front looks like. I just have to sew flowers onto the back. I can't wait to see her chubby little legs poking out underneath.

Worries...

2008-07-30T17:19:00.005-06:00

I have a confession to make. I'm a huge worrier. I know, big shock, right? Anyway, I've been so worried lately about all the junk that's happening with our jobs right now. As you already know, my job is being outsourced. I still don't agree with the company's decision, but I've made my peace. Nothing is set in stone, but I think I'll have roughly until April or May before I'm severanced. If you read my husband's blog at all, you'll have seen that his job is also being affected by the current economy. Needless to say, it has been very stressful on both of us. I have never before been so grateful for a husband who doesn't want to fight about money. That's one thing we have going for us, I guess.
So, of course I'm worried about how we'll make ends meet when we have our baby. I'm worried because I know I'll probably have to work full time (well, I definitely will at least until I'm laid off), and it'll be so hard to take my little guy to day care every day. But I know I can do it because I have to. Besides, I know so many other mothers who have done the same thing and have just as much devotion to their children as I know I will have to mine. So I know it's possible, and I will live through it.
I'm worried the most about my husband, actually. I'm worried about all the pressure that is being placed on him to make more money. I hate it. I don't want him to have to get a job he doesn't like. I don't want him to be unhappy. That, in itself, stresses me to no end. I know that he'll do what he has to do for our family, but I hate the stress that comes with making those decisions. We make big decisions together, but this is about a job that I wouldn't have to go to every day and he would. And he would probably hate it. So I would feel guilty if I encouraged him to take a job he hated, but I would also feel guilty for forcing him to make the decision alone. And I would feel guilty if I discouraged him from taking the job, and then nothing else came along. Am I not ridiculous? Yes, I tend to be that way from time to time.

On a lighter note, let's talk about something else my dear, sweet husband did this weekend. He peed in my shower. I was minding my own business, shaving my legs in the shower, and here's Chris, just popping in for a pee! Okay, well, he did tease me that he was going to do it before hand, but I didn't think he actually would!! And thank goodness none of it got on me, because, oh! that would have definitely been tragic. But it's a good thing (for him) I was so grossed out because I later thought that I should have splashed his pee back on him. But blech. I couldn't have touched it.

And I know you've been waiting for it: My fat at 26 weeks.

Please forgive the super crappy picture. I didn't notice just how bad it was until I had already taken it off the memory card, and I'm way too lazy to do a retake. But feel free to compare to same shirt at 19 weeks.

2008-07-23T18:15:00.003-06:00

My chest appears to be getting smaller and smaller in comparison...

Now my belly is balancing out my butt, at least. And I also look like a weird crazy zebra in this shirt. Luckily, I wore another shirt over it today.

I don't really have a lot going on right now. I just thought I'd show you some more of my fatness because people seem to like that. I know I do. I'm also finishing a super cute knitted dress for my niece Karli (FINALLY!!). I'll post a picture when I'm done.

Stank butt

2008-07-17T21:27:00.003-06:00

I've been thinking about cutting costs lately. Babies are super expensive, as I think everyone who reads this blog already knows. So, I've been thinking about how to make the most of our income when Ben is born. Yeah, I really should have probably been thinking about this four months ago, but I'm pretty slow like that. I'm seriously looking into full time cloth diapering. There's a kind made by bumGenius that has expandable snaps enabling them to fit your child from newborn through potty training. There was a kid at a friend's baby shower recently who was wearing one, and his mom told us about them. She's due with another kid right before me, and she plans on diapering them with the same diapers. That is awesome.

Um, okay, they're pretty expensive, but even if I spent $400 on a buttload of them (no pun intended) and they would not only last through Ben but also through our next kid (and hopefully at least another one after), that would definitely be worth it, wouldn't it? I know it's extra laundry and everything, but even though time will be a precious commodity with a little one, money will be even less available when I'm on FMLA. Walmart has some clothies that are similar and about half as expensive. But I also read in the reviews that some people have had to buy twice as many because washing them wears them out so quickly. I like the bumGenius better. From the reviews, they seem to be more durable, and you get more for your money. Like I said, I know the extra laundry will be a pain, but cloth diapering these days is nothing like it used to be. I mean, if my brother can do it even part time, anyone can. He's lazy. Hehe, just kidding, Michael. I know Velvet takes care of all that. ;)

I wish I could be all noble and say I'm just doing it for the environment and all that, but I'm a penny pincher. I've got to save us some money. So, what do yall think?

Next step: convincing my husband that we should spend $400 on cloth diapers...

This has made my life complete

2008-07-15T18:46:00.005-06:00

Well, for today, anyway. I've been cooking dinner every night, and reserving leftovers for lunches the next day to save some money (which has definitely been working). Because I only have a few recipes in my repertoire that I know by heart, I've had to seek out uncomplicated, healthful, delicious meals to cook every night. The healthful was added in the past week because I've gained way too much weight since my last doctor's visit (which my doctor was very nice about). Anyway, I found this recipe for Mediterranean Beef Stew with Rosemary over at Kalyn's Kitchen. I'm trying to do one at least crockpot meal a week, and this was it this week. Holy crap. It is so good. It would be even better with the mushrooms it calls for, but Chris isn't really a fan. I kind of like him, so I'm willing to sacrifice the mushrooms every once in a while. And if you don't like olives, you may not even notice them very much. Their taste is really toned down from cooking for 10 hours. Or you could just leave them out. (*cry) Anyway, Mom, you should really cook this because it'll be good for you. Very low carb, very diabetic mama friendly. And so very very easy and cheap. I also recommend that website for other recipes, too. Especially her low carb pancakes. They're so good.

I saw my OB today. Everything is good. I've gained weight, but I'm resolving to be better about my snacks (why do I always have to be SO HUNGRY?!). The baby is good and is measuring perfectly. Nothing eventful happened at this visit. Next visit, however, will be my gestational diabetes screening. Also, I get another ultrasound. Yay! On the ultrasound at my last visit, the doctor who did my review (my doc was on vacation) said he wanted me to have another u/s to make sure Ben's kidneys are working properly. They had some fluid in them, which could just mean Ben was making pee and it hadn't come out yet, but the dr said we should look again just in case. I'm really not worried about it, my doctor's really not worried about it, but hey, I get another Level 2 u/s my insurance will pay for because my doctor says it's medically necessary. Woot! I suppose it's also time to show you a picture of my belly. You also get to see my maternity pants that cover my belly. Chris calls them "my stretchy butt pants" because I have another pair of these that has the stretch panel going practically halfway down my butt. Don't worry, I wasn't seen in public like this. I only dress like this for the internet.

2008-07-08T22:00:00.003-06:00

I just have a couple of thoughts that were rattling around in my head at work today. Why do people ask you constantly how you are feeling when you're pregnant? I'm not ill, I'm fat with baby. And I'm not going to complain about my aches and pains to someone who sees me in passing and asks, "Oh! How are you feeling?" and then rushes away. It's just so weird. It's only people who don't know me very well or hardly ever see me. Don't you think a more appropriate question would be, "How are you doing?" like every other non-gestating member of the population hears? I'm always so tempted to ask them how they are feeling, but I know it will come out sounding snotty and without concern. Because that's how I feel.

Also, on a completely unrelated note. Sometimes I question my state of consciousness, say, when I have just starting peeing. Actually, it's the only time I do it. I have to ask myself, "Am I asleep?" because I want to make sure I'm really awake and peeing in a toilet instead asleep and only peeing in a toilet in my dream. Please tell me someone else does this even once a year. Anyone?

What's in a name?

2008-07-06T17:01:00.003-06:00

I've been lazy and eating too many cherries, so I haven't gotten around to this post yet. An update on the cherries: Chris and I have consumed about 4 1/2 lbs in about 3 days. Oh, the deliciousness.

Chris and I have had our official baby names picked out for at least a year, probably longer. The benefit to having so long to think about it is that we actually came to an agreement pretty far in advance of actually needing one. Well, we came to an agreement on two boy names and one girl name. Most of you know that Chris has a love for comic books, and he has for way longer than I've known him. So it's fitting that we give our kid a comic book name, isn't it?

We're naming him Benjamin Grimm after Chris' all time favorite super hero The Thing from the Fantastic Four. Believe it or not, it took me a little while to warm up to the idea. I love the name Benjamin, but I wasn't completely sold on Grimm being a middle name. I didn't want our kid to be traumatized by having a weird name. But then I recalled my childhood nickname, given to me by my sister Eve and brother Michael: Bekah big banana booty bottom with a big banana bulging belly, buck tooth bug eyes Bekah. It wasn't just a name, mind you. It was a gleeful song, chanted by the two of them all the way down our seemingly endless driveway to the bus stop. Needless to say, I didn't appreciate it then, but now it really blows me away at how creative they were. I mean, really. How do kids come up with that kind of stuff? It's hilarious. So, if my kid is going to have a terrible nickname, having a normal middle name isn't going to stop anyone from making something up. So I relented, and now I really love the name. And Mom, please make sure you're at the hospital with me, so Chris doesn't change our baby's name to Hulk Hogan on the birth certificate papers without me knowing. Thanks. :)

I should also add that Ben's initials are BGR. Ha! Booger. It makes me laugh.

Can you die from eating a pound of cherries?

2008-07-03T21:41:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty sure I've eaten close to that many today. It's one of the best perks of living in Idaho in the summer. Bing cherries are the most delicious wonderful fruit. They make me so happy. There's an orchard in Emmett that takes orders in my office and delivers it to us in Boise. So that's nice. They also have the best cherries I've had from Emmett (there are a lot of orchards there). In a couple of months, they'll do the same with apples. I always get a 20 lb box and spend about a week making and freezing pie filling. Mmmmmm.......

Not much has been happening around here. Well, Chris got a sweet new ride. He's pretty excited about it. I'm okay with it because he's pretty much the safest driver I know. And I know he'll wear all of his protective gear every time he rides around on it. Right, honey?

All's well in baby growing land. He's been turned around and kicking me in the intestines for the past couple of days. It's really weird because it really feels like gas. I know they say that fetal movements tend to feel a lot like gas bubbles, but this is the first that it has felt like that. Before he felt like butterflies from being on a roller coaster. But man, my stomach is getting bigger. I feel like a house. I can only imagine what I'll feel like in two months. A Russian mosque maybe?

Things have been pretty boring around here, though. We've been getting our house ready for the baby, slowly but surely. I've been drinking my weight in water everyday to combat the relentless heat. Well, maybe not my weight, but 2 or 3 liters (67.6 to 101.4 oz). And I still wake up thirsty in the middle of the night. I'm lucky I like water so much, actually. Also, I'm so glad the last part of my pregnancy is in the fall. I already feel like I'm going to die in this heat, and I'm still in the "pleasant" trimester.

Anyway, happy Fourth, yall. May you have a good long weekend with copious amounts of everything you love.

Oops...

2008-06-22T00:13:00.003-06:00

I really should have posted before now, and I feel pretty bad that I haven’t. Did I mention I was having my “big” ultrasound on Thursday? You didn’t remember that, right? Because if you love me (and I know you do), the anticipation just might be killing you. That is, if you weren’t one of those that Chris text messaged from the waiting room immediately afterwards and I was in the bathroom. He’s pretty excited. So, I’ll go ahead and show you some pics.

This is a side view of our kid in mid kick to my uterus. Check out that giant foot.

This is a profile face shot.

And this is the money shot.

We’re having a boy! I love it when my intuition works with me instead not working at all (which is what happens most of the time). I totally knew I was having a boy.

So, I also wanted to add how incredible it was to watch our little guy wiggling and moving all around on the ultrasound. It was also really cool to feel him move while seeing the movement simultaneously. I’m so glad this is happening. I’m sure I’ll post more about it later, but I knew I needed to at least get the news out.

Invasion of the Job Snatchers

2008-06-13T18:51:00.005-06:00

If you live close to Idaho, chances are you've heard about the lay offs happening in the company that employs me. There are about 80 people being laid off in Boise and forty in Minneapolis. And lucky me, it's pretty much my whole department. I am lucky that we weren't just given pink slips and escorted out of the building. They've just given us fair warning and individualized timelines so far. The first wave goes sometime in the third quarter. We've just started our second quarter today, so they've got about 3 to 6 months left. Another wave will go in the fourth quarter. I'm lucky enough to be in the first quarter of next fiscal year (which runs from the end of Feb. through the beginning of June), so at least I'll still have my maternity leave. I was planning on taking the full 12 weeks of FMLA, but I don't want to get laid off while I'm gone. So I'm not sure what will happen, but at least I have a little time. There are a lot of people that don't have that luxury.

We all kind of expected to get laid off eventually when our company was purchased by another company. But we thought our jobs would be moved to their headquarters in Minneapolis. I certainly didn't expect this. If you didn't catch it in the news, all our jobs are being outsourced to India. Which is great for India, but it really sucks for our economy, you know? Our CEO just kind of shrugged it off as "well, everyone is doing it". It disappoints me, quite frankly. I can understand the company trying to cut costs, but obviously "cost" to them is only calculated in dollars.

I do want to say that the company has treated me very well thus far. If it weren't for their totally rockin' health coverage, I wouldn't be getting fat with baby right now. I will always thank them for that. But I will also always be disappointed at the loss American jobs to try and save an extra buck (or a few mill, whatever). It's also disappointing that they've taken so many jobs out of the valley. This company was built here. Granted, new company is not the one who ran it into the ground, but a lot of people shop there as part of a kind of local pride. And now a lot of people won't be shopping there because so many people know people who have been affected by this new occurrence.

Anyway, enough of that mess. I have to think about it all day at work every day. Let's talk about this baby, shall we? I forget how big I've gotten until I lay down in the bed at night. Then I feel huge. Of course, I realize I'm nowhere near how big I will become in the coming months. It's just kind of a shock to look in the mirror because, well, my belly is a lot bigger than it was a few months ago, or even a few weeks ago. Check it out. I don't think it's much bigger than last time, but this is at 19 weeks.

My knockas look smaller now, though. I had to give up my fancy Victoria's Secret bra that made them look fantastic. Now I wear a nursing bra that's a little too big (you know, room to grow. please?). Ah, so glamorous! This baby has been moving around like kuurazy. I feel flutters and bumps all the time now. It's pretty awesome. Sprout's activities still can't be felt from the outside, though. And they're still sooooo unpredictable. But it makes me happy to feel them. Everything about this pregnancy has made me happy. I don't even care that I peed on myself a couple of times when I got really sick last week (note to self: you should really do those kegel exercises for more than just labor preparation...). Luckily, I was at home or on my way home, so a shower and a change of underwear were quickly forthcoming.

Uuugh, I got reeeeeally sick. Well, really sick for me anyway. It was just a cold, but it totally kicked my butt. See, I usually take a lot of medication for colds because I hate feeling so crappy. My "safe" drug list from my OB gave me a good idea of what I could take. It gave me a list of safe active ingredients, as well as a list of safe OTC brand names. All of the OTC drugs had phenylephrine in them, which is not on the safe active ingredient list. So I looked it up online, and decided not to take anything with that in it. I felt crappy for several days before I realized I could take Mucinex, and I even had some in the house already. It didn't matter because it didn't help anyway. So I drank a mug of warm water with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, and my congestion finally started breaking up. I'm still not completely better yet, though. But at least I don't feel so crappy anymore. Poor Chris. I gave it to him, and he's getting sick now. :(

I love Weezer

2008-06-04T21:32:00.002-06:00

And after this video, my husband will love Rivers Cuomo with all his heart. Chris has respect and admiration for a good mustache.

A Very Baby Post

2008-06-03T20:54:00.003-06:00

Hahahaha! I'm actually crouching in this picture, trying to get my face into it. See that grin? I'm trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of how I must look! Self timers feel like they take FOREVER when you're standing in that position, trying not to die and ruin the picture. But look at mah belleh! It's fo' reals, folks. Oh, and Chris is back from AT, but now he's at work, and I'll be asleep when he gets home. But really, this picture would not be nearly as entertaining to me if I hadn't taken it myself. And that is a cell phone in my pocket, people. Just so you know...

So I had another Dr appt today, and my weight is good. I did gain this time, but I already knew that. So I'm feeling pretty good about that. I did ask her to tell me what Sprout's heart rate is this time, and it's about 150 bpm. So according to that wive's tale, we're having a girl. I do realize that it's only a wive's tale and according to the accumulation that I've read, I still have a 50/50 chance of having either sex, lol. But we're excited either way! And if the baby cooperates, we'll be finding out in just TWO weeks! Woot!

I know this is going to sound silly, but lately I've had this feeling that something is probably going to be wrong with this baby. Like he/she will have some kind of physical or mental handicap. I know, I know. 9 out of 10 mothers worry about this. But I'm not anxious about it like it's a bad thing. Chris and I have even talked about "what if we have a handicapped kid" before, and it's not a fear for me. I think I have this feeling because in my head I'm thinking that there's no way we could be so lucky to have a normally healthy baby. I mean, we are SO very lucky to be having a baby at all, you know? Like I said, it's probably silly, but the thought is there and it won't go away.

I also wanted to mention the best pregnancy symptom so far (well, except for the 'child in the womb' symptom- that pretty much trumps anything else). So earlier on, I did notice that I lost less hair in the shower, just like the pregnancy books told me. But I didn't notice how much hair actually stayed in my head until today. My hair almost feels thick! I have very fine hair, so while I have always had a lot of hair, it has always felt thin because the strands are so thin. Even with my newfound bounty of hair, I still have the wimpiest ponytail you've ever seen. But it is glorious and shiny and wavy, and I love it.

I don't have anything else to talk about really. I've been so tired lately. I could take a couple of naps a day. And I think it's bed time now...

2008-05-25T17:57:00.005-06:00

You had a glimmer of hope that I would post more regularly now, huh? Ha Ha! (Nelson laugh)

Every time I thought about posting, I was thinking about food and how delicious it is. And since my last real post was a food post, I thought I'd spare you. Although, it was really tempting to write about the fried okra I had for lunch the other day. Mmmmm....delicacy in Idaho... Anyway, enough about food. I'm not hungry right now. And according my scale I'm still not gaining much. I've just been yo-yoing with water weight. But I've been eating. No more morning sickness here. And about the only thing I can't stand is yogurt. Oh, and I have totally been eating sweets like there's no tomorrow. Okay, I lie. I won't eat more than, like, four cookies in a day. But still, every one counts for something, right?

And at Eve's request, I finally have a belly shot. This was taken today with the self timer on the camera. I had to sit the camera on Chris' desk, so it cut off my head. So this is me at almost 17 weeks. I was looking more pregnant than usual, so I decided I should hurry and take a picture before my tummy deflated again.

I wonder how small my butt will look when my stomach is finally the biggest thing on my body. Heh, I find that thought to be hilarious. Don't ask me why I do, it just makes me laugh to think about.

So Chris has been gone for the past week for National Guard annual training. Holy crap, it sucks. Yes, that's why I had to take my belly picture myself and cut off my own sweet pretty head. Aside from the obvious annoyance of not having my husband around to do my bidding (another thought that makes me chuckle), and well I'm pretty attached to the guy and I hate it when he's away, my main complaint at his absence is that his dog is driving me COMPLETELY INSANE. Buddy has always had the occasional bout of managing to get out of the back yard while we're not paying attention and wreaking havoc (read: sniffing butts) around the general vicinity, but he usually stops doing it after a couple of days of us keeping a super tight watch on him and taking some sort of measure to find and close up wherever he has escaped. Right now, however, he has gotten out pretty much every day that Chris has been gone.

This little dog may seem like he's a sleepy, droopy eyed, and laid back basset hound, but he has a secret side of neurotic thrown in there. Any kind of change completely flips him out. Like when we moved the dogs' kennels from the living room to the back bed room, he started peeing in the house randomly. Um, what? And he completely adores Chris. If I wake up before him on the weekend and I come into the living room, Buddy will go and wait for Chris in the hallway and scratch at the baby gate that we put there to keep him from scratching on our bedroom door. If Chris takes too long to get up, Buddy will whine. So I'm pretty sure he's breaking out because Chris isn't here, and he's a nervous freak. Well, my single consolation is that he hasn't been eating his poop lately. So at least I have that.

Anyway, you should see the mess of scrap wooden boards I screwed and nailed all of the whole at the bottom of our porch (where he was getting out this time). He's a crafty little butt and kept finding flaws in my defenses, so I'd have to add another board or two every time. Ha! Man, is it ghetto. But I think I've finally defeated him... hopefully. Every time I think I have, he gets out again.

So that's my news. I'm ready for my husband to come home because he's pretty entertaining and fun to be around. Oh, and also, a friend of mine at work told me her daughter is getting her maternity clothes together and is going to give them to me. How awesome is that?! And yes, I am wearing some maternity tops, and yes, it is only so people will think I'm actually pregnant and not just chubbing out. I'm still roomy in all my pre-pregnancy pants and I'm still comfy in all my old tops, too. I'm really interested in knowing how I'm going to be carrying this baby, and if it will be anything like what I imagined. Oh well, I guess we'll find out soon. This baby is definitely wiggling and growing and will make his/her presence known to the public soon.

2008-05-22T10:16:00.000-06:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
5
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

how/'>http://howmanyofme.com">How many have your name?

Mmmmmm, hot red breading...

2008-05-09T21:39:00.003-06:00

Let's talk about food, yes? More specifically, foods that are bad for you. Even more specifically, one food that is bad for you. There are some times in your life when you need to eat spicy chicken sandwiches with cheese, no mayo, and drizzled with ranch every day for every meal OR YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. I guess I would like to call that time of my life the pregnant time.* Yes, I just ate one, and I am happy. Anyway, I don't really need to regale you with the loveliness that is a spicy chicken sandwiches with cheese, no mayo, and drizzled with ranch, do I? Doesn't the juicy chicken breast breaded with that hot red breading speak for itself? Of course it does! I'm mostly speaking of THE CONSEQUENCES YOU WILL SUFFER, ahem, well, the consequences I will suffer if I don't eat them more often in this pregnant time of my life.
I had my OB visit yesterday. I found it humorous that I've seen her several times in the past year or so, and this is the first time I didn't have to take off my pants. Score one for me! Anyway, I mentioned it to her, and she laughed. Heh, I'm glad she didn't think it was creepy. So, OB visit, right. Baby is fine. I heard that little "whoosh whoosh" heartbeat for the first time. That was pretty cool. She found it really quickly, which made me happy. Everything else was fine, well, except that I lost 4 pounds in the past 4 weeks. Um, what? That's kind of freaks me out a little. I know many people will tell me it's fine and all, but let me tell you why it freaks me out. My morning sickness was negligible, people! As in, puked less than once a week! Also, I GORGED myself on pizza, pizza, pizza! Well, not all of the time, but more than I felt I should. My doctor wasn't necessarily worried a lot, but she was surprised and told me not to lose anymore weight. So I've decided to allow myself some more of my favorite cravings, even though I was trying to avoid them for the health of my little one. Maybe this kid is taking after me. Maybe the baby wants a spicy chicken sandwich, too. *sniff sniff* So much like your mama! Now let's go to McDonald's and get 2 Big Macs for $3. *kiss kiss*

*I would also like to call it every other time in my life. If you were to, hypothetically, try to win my undying love and affection with said regimen of food, I would be undoubtedly yours. However, be warned: If your offering is missing either cheese or ranch, it will be for naught. Oh, I'll still eat it, but I'll glare at you with pure hatred while licking the morsels from my fingers. But if you forget both cheese and ranch, I will behead you. And then I will eat your sandwich.

Check me out

2008-05-06T18:33:00.018-06:00

Jamie did a hair post last month, and it inspired me to do one of my own. This is really only a partial review of all the hairstyles and colors I've had. I wish I had thought to at least take one picture of each of my different looks, if some of them could be called as such. There are also periods of time for which I know pictures exist, but I don't have them. I'm hoping my mom does. Anyway, here we go!

Look at my adorable fats. Well, maybe not adorable, but definitely fats! This is how my hair started, you know, non-existent.

I love this picture. My brother and I looked like such good friends. This is the youngest picture I own since my newborn picture in which I'm not naked. I must have been around three or something. My hair grew! This is obviously before I took a spoon and made a game of twisting it around in my hair and pulling it out. It got stuck, and I think I cut it out (am I remembering this right?). My mom had to take me to get my hair cut. She was pretty pissed. But sorry, I don't have any pictures of that.

I think I was in first grade in this picture. I'm pretty sure this is after Sarah cut my hair. She kept cutting shorter to make it even, lol. Never let your 15 year old sister cut your hair, no matter how much she threatens you if you don't.

I'm going to fast forward through the early years. It was really just all varying lengths of straight brown. And this is sixth grade. The longest straight brown of my childhood.

This is the first drastic color I ever did to my hair. I dyed it pitch black for the majority of my seventh grade year. This was Halloween. Guess what I was that year?

Eighth grade, eighth grade. This small collage is still missing at least three other hair colors or styles that I had during that year. Hmmmm, looking back, I think I can understand why I intimidated boys my age at that time. I just thought I was ugly. Don't most eight grade girls?

This is what my hair looked like in 9th and 10th grade. Just growing it out to be straight and brown again. Although, my ends were awfully unruly. At this point, I'd given up on "fighting" the system (read: no more grunge era angst or detention). But man, I hated high school.

This is my junior year. My hair grows pretty fast. And it also grew out really wavy, which was weird for me. It was always straight before. And I decided to go red for awhile, I think for a year. This was me being Tori Amos for Halloween that year.

I went platinum and short for a while when I worked at a couple of salons. I had other colors during that time, but no pictures. *sigh* Oh, I guess I should address the ears. They were for my fairy costume for the next Halloween when I actually got to see Tori Amos in Houston.

And a tongue ring, too.

Another growing out phase. This is the time period that some guy on LDSpals told me I looked like a lesbian. And I also met Chris on the same site shortly afterward. My hair was just a little bit longer when we met each other in person in Utah.

This was when I lived in Moscow, ID when Chris and I were dating. I think this is one of the pictures I took to send with him to training before he went to Iraq. I don't think it made the cut, though. My hair was pretty much the same when we got married, just longer. Another thing I noticed when going through all these pictures is that my eyes have gotten a lot lighter as I've gotten older. My eyes were a lot darker brown when I was little than they are now.

While Chris was in Iraq, I dyed my hair a semi-permanent dark brown. I really liked it a lot.

I got my hair cut short again the spring after Chris came home. I really liked this hairstyle, but it involved too much work for me. Since my hair became wavy, it doesn't like straight anymore, particularly when it's short. So, I loved it, but I didn't keep it very long.

So this is how I look now, but it is a little longer. It's not a very exciting look, but it's pretty low maintenance, and therefore suits me the best.

I hope you liked my hair post. I'm sure it was a little boring because I didn't talk it up very much, but I guess I just don't have much to say today. I wish my sister Rachel had a blog. She would have an awesome hair time line (hairline?).

Row, row, row your boat

2008-05-04T12:11:00.003-06:00

I'm not really very good at updating. I would like to say that it's because nothing has been happening, which is mostly true, but it's more likely that I'm just really really lazy. I think of things that I want to write about ALL the time. It's just that the motivation required to actually write any of it is scarce. If my head had a USB port, you'd have almost daily updates.

My father in law took all his daughters (and me- daughter in law) as well as my mother in law and one of her sisters to see Celtic Woman. The opening act was The High Kings, and they were pretty awesome. I also really liked the main event, but I'd have to say The High Kings had more of what I expected, considering I had never heard anything from either of them before.

Also, I just spent Friday night and practically all of Saturday reading The Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer. I'd been hearing a lot about the series from oh, I don't know, EVERYONE. My mom even called me to beg me to read them, so she could talk to me about them. I happened to be in the parking lot of the place I was getting my haircut, so I had to cut the pleading short a little. Then my hairdresser couldn't stop talking about it! It's an epidemic, people! Anyway, through my mom's gracious assistance, I did obtain these books (which are on a three month waiting list at my library, I'll have you know).

Now, I know I have a problem with really good books. When I start reading one, I physically can not put it down. I pretty much try to ignore as many of my bodily functions as possible until it is finished. If I have the next book, I allow myself a second to eat, brush my teeth, shower, you know, whatever I've neglected to do for myself in the past several hours, but then I immediately start the next book. I know this about myself. It's a definite pattern. So even though I got the books on Thursday, I didn't start reading them until Friday night after I had done everything I needed to do for the evening. And then I read and read and read. Poor Chris. I mean, I really ignore everything (and consequently everyone) while I'm reading. I only had four hours of sleep between the the first and second books because my brain told me to wake up and start reading the next book at 8 am on a Saturday! What is wrong with me? Anyway, it's over now, and I'm jonesing. I should never start reading a series of books before they're finished. I've already pre-ordered the next book, but I have to wait three months! My obsession demands it now.

It all started with Piers Anthony novels when I was 11 or 12. The summer before my sixth grade year I spent many many many sleepless nights and days reading the Xanth series. There something like 15 or 20 books already in that series, so it felt like an unlimited supply which I kept eating and eating and eating. I remember reading the last book (at the time; there are many more by now) in between classes the first couple of days at school. Any interruption by my new classmates who really just wanted to be friends caused me extreme irritation. It's an addiction, I'm telling you. But I blame my mom. I totally get it from her.

As far as baby updates, I don't really have any. My first trimester symptoms are all but gone now, so I'm officially considering myself to be in the second trimester. 13 weeks, 14 weeks, you know, whatever, I'm totally there. Yay! Go baby! It's just kind of weird because now I don't really feel pregnant anymore. So now it seems less real. Even my extreme bloat is receding enough that I don't look pregnant. I have barely a paunch that isn't even noticeable really unless you know to look for it. So, I'm looking forward to this baby growing and making him or herself known. I have an appointment next week, and holy crap, my June appointment is my anatomical scan (read: gender ultrasound)! Initially, I wanted to find out the baby's gender, and later I changed my mind. Then when a friend of mine found out she's having a girl, I really really wanted to know what brand of baby we're having. I kind of feel bad because my husband doesn't want to know and I do (which means we're finding out), but with any luck hopefully we'll have another baby or two in the sometime future. Maybe those babies will be surprises (or maybe only one will be, whatever). It feels like it's all happening so fast, but at the same time, it isn't fast enough. Sure I won't be able to read any books the way I do now ever again, but hey, that's a small sacrifice for our little one.