Grumblecakes

I just want to say that I disapprove of the weather we're having. We had three days of actual spring this past weekend, and now we're due for another week of winter. Grrrrr.....I hate it. Spring and fall are the seasons I miss Georgia the most. Well, I don't miss Georgia in the summer at all. But spring and fall and particularly magnificent there. Unfortunately, Idaho doesn't make those seasons in bulk. We get cumulatively about two weeks of each per year, in spurts between winter and summer and summer and winter. It's probably my biggest complaint about Idaho. Well, that and the dry air. I never even knew I had severely dry skin until I spent my first winter here. Other than that, Idaho is a pretty nice state. But I'm still holding a grudge about this stupid weather. :P

Oh, I'm terrible, aren't I? I should really update more. I actually think of things to post on my blog when I'm going to sleep at night, but those thoughts never seem to get anymore attention when I wake in the morning. As you can see, I'm officially 10 weeks along this week. I actually graduated from my reproductive endocrinologist last week with the capture of this picture:



And we also were able to see this little one moving around like crazy before he/she settled down to pose for photos. My baby looks like a baby! Well, kind of like a caveman baby. I wonder if we could sell the picture to Geico for commercials... I also had my first official OB appointment this week. I triumphed over the billing department! They wanted $150 up front. I politely told them that I would gladly pay anything my insurance wouldn't, but considering I'm covered pretty well, I would not be giving them any of my hard earned cash at this time. I pretty much thought they'd kick my poor butt out, but the receptionist came back and told me it was fine because I have a good payment history. Victory is sweet, isn't it? Whew! Nothing exciting happened at the appointment other than my awesomeness over billing. We're going to hear the heartbeat at my next appt, though.

Pretty much everyone at work knows I'm pregnant now. Which is fine. But I hate it when people are congratulating me (I don't hate that part) and then they keep looking down at my stomach. I can see the question scrolling in their minds, "Is she already showing, or is she just fat? Wow, it's pretty early for her to be showing." You'd think none of them have had babies before. I mean, come on, do you know how freaking bloated pregnant women get? In the morning, I look normal, but by the end of the day the paunch has made its home on my gut. Speaking of paunch however, I'm already feeling some pressure from my doctor not to gain too much weight. I know it's important not to gain too much, but it just stresses me out. Weight has always stressed me out.

Nothing else of interest has been happening as of late. I'm still soooo tired. Not a lot of morning sickness, thankfully. I'm usually nauseous at least once or twice a day, but I haven't puked very much at all. Yay! A coworker of mine thinks the baby is a boy because my morning sickness isn't very bad. I don't really think it makes a difference, though. Although, that's question people ask me a lot, "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?". Well, I don't really care if we have a boy or a girl. I just really hope we have a healthy full term baby with no complications. The other most common question is "How are you feeling?" This one catches me off guard because they usually ask it before making any reference to my pregnancy. At first I have no idea why they are asking me that. And before I realize why they ask, I always answer that I'm feeling fine. Which is usually true, but even if I was feeling sick at the time, I'd probably just say I was fine. I guess I just feel like they're odd questions for strangers to ask me. I can already sense their fingers aching for a rub on my tummy. And frankly, it kind of scares me.

So I haven't been around for a week. My grandmother passed away on March 15. Last Saturday was a flurry of trying to figure out how I would get out to Georgia. With spring break, flight tickets were ridiculously expensive. Even bereavement fares were really out of my price range. My brother managed to find someone back home who had buddy passes with Delta, so we were able to get pretty inexpensive tickets. I still had to drive down to Salt Lake to fly out, but it was still way cheaper.
Grandmother was my last surviving grandparent. Granddaddy Jack, her husband, passed away 7 years ago. They were married for over 50 years, and Grandmother really was never the same again. She developed Alzheimer's, and eventually she chose to live in an assisted living facility.
I have a lot of really good memories of both of them. We lived closer to them than my paternal grandparents, so we saw them often while I was growing up. Grandmother was the best cook, and she made the best spaghetti. I remember her letting me grate the cheese for it. Cheese was an important part of her sauce. I also remember how she always stood on her porch and waved to us as we pulled out of the driveway when we went home. I'll miss her a lot, but I'm so glad she can be back with her husband again. I know they both missed each other a lot.

In some happy news, Chris and I had our first look at our baby on Friday when I got back. The baby looks perfect! He/she is cute little nugget with a strong little heartbeat. I'm so excited! Actual size is 11mm.

Slosh, slosh, slosh

Check out my floatie baby to the side. Kind of creepy, huh? Heh, I can't believe how tiny this little bebeh is.
So I haven't been posting much since "the news" because I've been freakishly paranoid about every twinge and cramp I've been having. Luckily, no problems. In reality, I've just been farting a lot. I've told Chris that I have to fart or the baby will get sick. I don't think he believes me.
Everything seems to be going fine. I'm insanely exhausted. I've been sleeping a lot. I haven't really had much morning sickness yet. Occasionally I'll feel a bit queasy, but nothing dramatic. But I'm too far along yet either. I won't be surprised if I start heaving about a week from now. Oh, I also have an incessant need to pee. Like, every fifteen minutes at work.
I'm counting the days to our first ultrasound, and they are just going way. too. slow. March 19th we get to see that little heartbeat, and I can ease up a little on the miscarriage fear. I'm sure there will be plenty of other things to worry about in due time.
In other news, I still have about five different projects that are started and nowhere near finishing. I'm just so stinking tired when I get home. I mostly just want to sleep. Tonight, though, I'm going to see a movie. Chris is at drill this weekend (pppbbbbbbttttttt!!!), and I get to do the things that I want to do, but he doesn't necessarily want to do. I'm going to see Juno. My visiting teacher (a fellow infertile, coincidentally) says it was really good and really funny. I might make Chris watch it if I think he'll like it. I'm just hoping I don't fall asleep. I was going to go to an earlier show, but I was talking to my mom and figured that was more important. Anyway, I don't really have anything else to report. Good night, yall! I'll tell you how I liked the movie.

Im pretty sure most of you know...

Actually, I'm pretty sure all of you know. Unless, of course there's someone reading my blog that I don't know. Then maybe they wouldn't know... Anyway, the news is I'm pregnant! The statistics finally worked in our favor, and my sixth IUI worked! Holy crap!

It's my strict policy to never do home pregnancy tests before my beta. However, last Saturday night I fell asleep without taking my progesterone. Sunday morning I realized this, and I weighed whether or not I should just skip it or take it late (vag. suppositories are messy, and I still had to sit through church). So I decided I would test, and when it was negative, I could feel justified in skipping it. And then I saw this:

And in the subsequent days I saw this:

I realize they're pretty blurry, but the second lines can be seen on the left side. Needless to say, I took my progesterone immediately. Then I jumped up and down in the bathroom and kind of danced around a little. Chris was still asleep when I saw it, and I kept walking into the bedroom door and hovering, not wanting to wake him up, but really really wanting to wake him up. That lasted all of about three minutes, and I jumped into the bed. I tried to get him to come with me to see something "really important". If you didn't know, Chris is the master of all guessing, and he already knew what I wanted to show him. But it didn't make it any less exciting to tell him, by the way. He was also really excited, although he doesn't display excitement to the outside world. By the outside world, I mean anywhere outside of our house.
I also had blood tests done at my doctor's office. My first beta was 199 on 14 days past ovulation, and my second beta was 601 72 hours later, giving me a doubling time of about 45 hours, which is poi-fect! But of course, I'm still obsessed over the possibility of a miscarriage. I even had the most disturbing dream I can remember last night that centered around that fear. It was a symbolic dream, and there were no babies in it, but the theme was unmistakable. It woke me up, and I had to stay awake for a while because I couldn't stop thinking about it. Anyway, I know the probability of carrying a healthy baby to term is better than anything else. It's just still so hard not to think about because it would be so heartbreaking. We get to see the heartbeat at my seven week appointment, which seems eons away. We also get to see whether or not we have twins. So I just have to try my best not to think about it and celebrate the happy things (of which there are so many right now!).
So that pretty much brings us up to date. Apparently my intuition is not very good because I was just completely sure we were going to be doing in-vitro. I was so sure that the week before I found out I'm pregnant, I had my clinic get a prior authorization for IVF from my insurance company. I'm so happy not to be using that.
Please wish us luck, and if you might remember us in your prayers, we would appreciate it so much!

But I do not condone giving horses cheeseburgers...

Are we there yet?

In all honesty, I don't really feel like this IUI worked. I mean, it could just be pessimism creeping in, but I just feel this sense of foreboding. Chris and I talked about it the day I had my IUI. He feels the same way. Maybe it's because from the very beginning, roughly two years ago before we even knew we had problems, I felt like IVF would be the worst possible thing I could ever go through. Not because of the money (but the Lord is totally looking out for us on that one, my insurance rocks) or the actual procedure, but I just feel like I've failed somehow as a woman. In evolutionary terms, my genetics aren't supposed to perpetuate the gene pool. Thank goodness for medical progress. No amount of feeling sub-par in my species is going to make me give up my goal. I know that I shouldn't feel any less of a person or a woman for a variety of reasons, but when you're in this situation, the thought comes up, believe me. I mean, I should feel lucky, really. This is the most medically significant thing that's ever happened to me. It's good that it's not life threatening. I count my blessings, I really do. I'm so grateful to be where we are right now.
In Dec 2005, I applied for a job at Direct TV and got it. We were so broke because Chris had just come home and we foolishly had not planned on what we would do when he came home. I was thrilled to have a job. And two days after orientation I woke up and realized I forgot to take my drug test. I called them, and they told me I couldn't have the job because of it. I was devastated. But the same week, I got a temp job where I work now. I got hired on full time after three months. I am so lucky. I don't know of any other employer in the Valley that offers infertility insurance, but at the time, of course, I didn't think I'd ever need it. Even though, I have brief moments (and sometimes not so brief moments) of feeling inadequate as a human (physically, obviously), I know that there is a plan for us. It may be complex and painful to travel, but I know it's all leading up to the right moment. The time when it will all come together and start working. Well, it already is working; just not the way I want it to, lol.
So many things have happened in my life at very specific times, sometimes utterly against my will. And all of those situations came to the best possible resolution when I just gave up and let go. Not to say, I'm going to give up trying to conceive. I just really need to let go of all my fears and worries. Speaking of fears, though. You know how I told you the actual procedure of IVF didn't bother me? I mean, I've read through what happens and everything. Well, I just read it again today with the new mindset of "this will be happening to me". Okay, I am so weirded out with the egg retrieval. Anyone who doesn't want to read about the egg retrieval should stop reading here. Good night and good luck. So, yeah, they knock you out, puncture your vaginal wall with a needle and suck your eggs out of your ovaries with it. This makes your ovaries bleed and if you lay down the blood will pool in your diaphragm and make you hurt. What?! Puncture wounds sound no good at all! But, you know, of course I'll do it. I sound like a total pansy, don't I? Any way, this is all rambling. I hope you didn't come away from this thinking I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm really not. It's all an adventure of some kind. Different things in life come easier to some than others. Like I said, I have many blessings to count.

Crafty

Holy crap, I finished my pirate quilt!! It doesn't actually have any pirates on it. It just has skulls and stripes on it.


I didn't do an awesome job on the binding, but hey, it was my first time. I learned several things about binding, though. a) I will never use pre-made bias tape again. b) I will never try to take a short cut by just sewing both sides at the same time. And most importantly c) I really hate bias tape (refer to lesson a). I am definitely not proficient enough at quilting yet to be a perfectionist, so I am very happy with my product. There's no way anyone can make me re-do it. It's warm, and it's lovely. Here's a close up of the fabrics I used.


The reason I finished my quilt is because I wanted to start on a new one. When I went down to Utah and visited my brother and his family, his wife introduced me to chenille quilting. I didn't actually get to see any of it being done, but I saw the finished project, and she told me the basics of how it was done. Well, Jo-Ann Fabrics is having a super sale for President's Day, and that was my opportunity to buy all the materials and everything I needed to make the quilt. So, this is the gist: you take several cuts of fabric and layer them, let's say 5 pieces. You sew diagonal seams about 3/4" apart from each other on the entire piece. You take this special blade by Olfa (which I got on sale for $15), and cut through the first four layers of fabric in between the seams. Or you could also cut through the first two layers on each side of the quilt, preserving the middle layer. You then bind the quilt and then wash and dry it for the chenille effect. If I'm wrong, please someone correct me. Otherwise I'll screw up my own, lol. Anyway, these are the fabrics I'm using for mine.

Front and back will be stripes, and the middle will be the light blue. I haven't decided which will be the binding yet. I'm excited, though! I've already started sewing the diagonal lines across. I'll definitely post pictures when I finish, even if it's five months in the future. I'm also currently waiting for yarn to come in the mail, and I'll be working on more stuff. I really do plan more projects than I should, don't you think?

I'm so lame. It been almost a month since I made a real post, huh?
I finished the apron for my sister in law this past weekend. It's really cute. I'll post pictures when I take some.
So I went to Utah, and I had a lot of fun. I saw my mom, my brother, his wife, and their daughter. Their daughter is soooo stinking cute! She's such a happy little baby, too. She has this big open mouth smile that can make anybody coo at her. She has a smile that just makes you happy. You should go look at her at my brother's blog.
So, the day I left for Utah, I also had an appointment with my RE, Dr. Foulk. Chris even willingly got out of bed and came with me. I felt bad because I knew he wouldn't get much sleep, but I'm glad he went with me. Dr. Foulk told us that if IUIs were going to work for us, they pretty much would have by now. That was a week after IUI #5, so we still didn't know if it had worked yet or not. Dr. Foulk said, if this cycle didn't work, we'd do one more IUI, but if that one didn't work, it really wouldn't be efficient to go forward with them anymore. At that point, our next option would be in vitro fertilization. Well, about a week later, we found out that IUI #5 failed, and we would have one more IUI before IVF. IUI #6 is tomorrow.
I've had a hard time emotionally coming to terms with the fact that we may be facing IVF to start our family. Doing the procedure isn't at all what bothers me. Our insurance will pay for most of it, although we will have to pay for a portion of it out of pocket. We are very very blessed to have this insurance. What I have the hardest time dealing with is the very real possibility of doing IVF and having it not work. The emotional trauma of it is so painful to think about. We may have enough insurance benefit to do it one more time if the first time doesn't work, but I'm not sure. I've had a couple of weeks to think about it, though. And I think I can accept the risk. What am I talking about? I know I can accept the risk. If we do IVF and it fails, it will be the hardest part of this journey yet. But how could I possibly not do it? Losing the money on a failed cycle is meaningless. We've been through plenty of those. But there's no amount of emotional distress I'm not willing to take on to see this through. Several people have suggested to me that we should adopt. And actually, we do plan on adopting, but now isn't the time. I know we'll be able to bear a child or two, and I know we're supposed to be doing this. Every time I think about holding my baby's tiny hands, it's all worth it.

I suppose I should finally respond to this. Jamie and Chris both singled me out. Eve, consider yourself tagged.

1. Where did you meet your husband? We met each other on the internets. Just two lonely fools looking for love in cyberspace... Er, um... yuck. I think I just threw up in my mouth.

2. What was the first thing said? I'm pretty sure I made the first move. I saw that Chris had looked at my profile pretty much non stop for three days, so I decided to break the ice for him. I sent him a message admiring his goals of growing a mullet and owning a Camaro one day. I also told him I was looking forward to seeing the Incredible Hulk movie. What can I say? We were pretty much meant for each other.

3. What was your first date? I'm assuming you mean the first date that didn't involve a computer. We met each other out in Utah, and my brother was hesitant to leave me with this hairy seemingly insane stranger (that would be Chris). Lucky for me, my brother hates me. Yay!

4. How long did you date? We dated for over a year or something. I don't know, dates escape me. Hey, at least I remember our anniversary.

5. Where did you get engaged? After foiling Chris' attempts at his secret plan of plans to woo me into matrimony, we went to my apartment and watched Pirates of the Caribbean. When the credits rolled, I asked him if he wanted to watch the special features to which his reply was, "Here's a special feature." Then he pulled my ring out from under the blanket we had over us and flashed it at me. I just kind of looked wide eyed and drooled a bit (you'd think he would've maybe put the ring down at that point), and he asked, "Well, how 'bout it?" Poor guy. Of course, I squealed like never before (really. I'm not exactly a squealer).

6. When did you know you loved each other? I don't know. I was so twitterpated over him. We communicated through email a lot because instant messenger programs were forbidden on his family's computer. Chris is a really funny guy. I think that it was a bit of an advantage getting to know him on the internet because he's fairly dead pan in person (well, unless you know him already). I know I was pretty much in love with him by the time I moved out to Moscow, though.

7. What does your ring look like? Pretty much like a fairy princess. It's white gold with a diamond in the middle and swirlies around the diamond. I still get happy warms feelings when I look at it. Oh, crap. I think I just threw up in my mouth again.

8. Where did you get married? In the Boise Idaho LDS Temple

9. How did the reception go? We had a very small reception that was planned in about three days. It went well, but we were sooooo tired by the time we left. Then we had to drive around forever trying to find a hotel room because all the rooms in Boise were booked. When we found one, they gave us a discount because we were still in our wedding clothes. So that was pretty cool.

10. Where did you go on your honeymoon? Honeymoon? We were supposed to have one of those?

11. Do you have pet-names for each other? Not really.

12. What's your favorite thing to do together? We have very different hobbies, but I like it when we can do our hobbies together. Like when I'm knitting and he's painting or reading a magazine, but we're in the same room. Holy crap, we're really boring, aren't we? I guess one thing we really like to do together is to go on road trips. We really like to drive around together. Okay, we're still boring.

13. Do you show affection for each other? Almost constantly, actually. I like it.

14. Do you have a song? I have to agree with Chris. We have a whole album. Scorpions - The Best of Rockers 'n' Ballads rocks the freakin' casbah. I think Chris bought it used at Hastings, and we listened to it all the way to Spokane where he was taking me to the airport. Incidentally, that also happened to be the first time we professed out love for each other (parting is such sweet sorrow, you know).

15. Do you like pygmy goats or regular goats better? This is a trick question, right? I mean, why would you want a normal sized goat when you could have a tiny goat that can jump five feet in the air with all the benefits of the normal sized goat with less mess? Really, there's just no contest.

DO NOT DELETE

Do you ever get those forwarded emails that say “DO NOT DELETE” either in the subject line or in the first two sentences? Those can pretty much automatically tell you that you’re going to want to delete them. Because you will anyway.

So, only seven and a half hours of work before I get to go home, take a nap, and then wake up to get packed. I’m sooooooo excited! Well, except for the part where I have to be on the plane. Yuck. At least I have my crochet to keep me company. At the moment, I am working on More Than an Apron from Crochetme.com. It’s Shiloh’s belated birthday gift. I already told her because I had to consult her on the size of it because she’s pregnant now and will be fat with baby fairly soon.

Oh, also I’m taking my pirate quilt with me to Utah. I haven’t bound it yet because I lack the know how. My lovely sis in law, Velvet, will (hopefully) help me crawl out of my failure. I also have grandiose plans of knitting sweet little things for the new babies in my life out of a book I got last time I went down to Utah Natural Knits for Babies and Moms. Hopefully that works out for me. I also got a couple of really cool books for Christmas. They are Knitting Lingerie Style and Knit Kimono. I can't wait to start some projects out of those, but it might be a little while. I always have a lot that I want to do, but time never really coopoerates with me. Anyway, break's over. Back to work...

So my IUI was yesterday, and it was probably easier, if not more painful, than any of my other IUIs. All of my nurses/nurse practitioners that have done my IUIs always have a really hard time threading the catheter because my cervix is twisted like a corkscrew. This is the first time I had one pulled out the tenaculum. It even sounds scary to me. And because I have heard stories from other infertiles about this device, I knew that it is a ruthless instrument of pain. Here's a picture of different kinds. I believe they used product number LT340-209 on me, if you were wondering. It was painful. I almost cried, actually. I would have cried if 30 seconds after she clamped me she hadn't said, "There it goes!". So I was spared the tears. Anyway, she had my IUI done in five minutes when prevoiusly, it had always taken around twenty. I was impressed. So, welcome to the two week wait. And keep those fingers crossed.

I have three and a half more work days until I go to Utah next week! Oh, I haven't talked about it on here yet, huh? Well, I am. My Mom got a rock awesome deal on a plane ticket out to SLC on her vacation, so I'm going down there on the 24th. Last time she came out to Utah, and I was supposed to visit her, the driver side door on my old car stopped shutting. So, yeah, that pretty much stopped my road trip down there. But this time, I got a pretty sweet deal on Southwest, so I only have an hour of travel time each way. Yay! I hate flying. It's mega boring. Anyway, I'm really excited to see my mom, and I'm excited to see my brother's daughter who is a super cutie. I love happy babies. Although, she'll probably be sad that Chris isn't coming with me. She really liked him a lot when we visited for Thanksgiving.

I hate that I keep thinking that today is Friday. I want it to be Friday. That would be so nice.

Cross your fingers, please.

I have one follicle ready to go. Which is good because at least I have one, and also bad because I wish I had at least one more. It's okay, though. I'm excited to finally be doing something again, and it only takes one, right?

I haven't really been doing a lot of crocheting or knitting lately. I'm pretty burned out from the Christmas rush, and I'm not even done with those. Mostly right now I'm tired, and typing poorly. Good night.

I'm going to post something new even though I didn't really give myself any time tonight to do so. All of my free time is currently called for by season 2 of The Office. Sorry, but yall will just have to wait your turn. I just thought I'd post something so you wouldn't have to be tricked into reading about my ovaries over and over and over again (because I know you're checking me out every day-- nay, several times a day even. When will she post something new already?!)
So today I was thinking about how ultra mega awesome I am, and I started counting the ways. Mostly, I started thinking about the ways I am most certainly not ultra mega awesome. I will share with you two examples of the same fatal flaw (yes, I'm dead now. Sorry you had to hear about it this way). In the past couple of weeks, I've been really crappy sick. It was just a cold, but it sucked.
Scenario A) I was at work walking down the hall to the bathroom. I coughed really hard, and I peed just a tiny bit. In my underwear. It was okay. It was just a teeny bit. I could have kept it to myself, but Chris was having a really crappy day, so I messaged him about it. You know, to cheer him up because that's what friends do. Anyway, he was the only who knew. Well, until now. I hope I cheered you up, too.
Scenario B) Two days later. I was at Shiloh's house with Chris and we were about to leave. We were just talking and laughing and stuff. I laugh a whole lot, by the way. I can't help it. Anyway, this time I knew I didn't even have to use the bathroom. I sneezed, and of course *sigh* I peed in my pants again. This time, though, I had a wet spot on the outside of my pants. A little dark pee spot. On. my. pants. It was pretty funny. I can't even be fake embarrassed about it because it makes me laugh. Anyway, Chris was pretty freaked out for a few days. I think he was afraid it was some new super power his wife had been given that she still had to tame, and it would get worse before it got better. Actually, I almost wish I could tell you it got worse, but then I would have just been doing it on purpose.
Really, if you want to hear funny stories about someone peeing in their pants, though, you should talk to my Mom. She's also a much better story teller than I am.

My ovaries did something awesome!!

So my appointment this morning went really well. All that was seen on my quiet little ovaries were a few tiny antral follicles (follicles that could become mature if stimulated). It's great news because now I get to start a new medicated cycle! I don't know when, yet, but as soon as my next cycle begins or Monday, whichever comes first. My lining is so thin from the birth control, I may not even have a period. So, yay for us! I also made an appointment for another consult with Dr. Foulk, so if this cycle doesn't work out, we'll have a new protocol with (hopefully) a little more agression.

Happy New Year!

My favorite thing about New Year's Day is that I get time off from work again, only a week after Christmas. What was I doing when the clocked turned? I was driving my sister in law to pick up her boyfriend from the airport (Pathetic really because I was worried she'd get lost/get hit by a drunk driver/slide off the road and burst into a flaming ball of twisted metal and rubber). New Year's Eve just isn't incredibly significant to me. It's pretty much a drinker's holiday, and well, I don't drink.
However, I am all about the New Year. It's a new, fresh beginning. It's my year to get things done. It's the year good things will happen. Hopefully. I've already started eating better in an attempt to lose weight. I'm hoping I can keep with it because I would love to shed a couple of love handles and a saddle bag or two (gross, wouldn't it be weird if I only had one saddle bag?). I do have an ulterior motive, though. It's likely that my ovulatory function will increase if I lose just 10% of my body weight. Psh, piece of cake. Mostly, though, I just really want to look hot this summer and not be embarrassed to wear a bathing suit.
Speaking of ovulatory function, I really hope that stupid cyst has gone away. I'm ready to start a new medicated cycle already! I will admit that it has been really nice to not have to think about getting knocked up all the time. I can't be too upset about the cyst (although I was when I found out it was there) because it gave us a much needed break from fertility treatments. Well, I have an ultrasound to find out on Thursday morning. Wish me luck!

Sing with your head up and your eyes closed...

Four reasons I wish my life was a musical:

1. People wouldn’t stare at me when I sing out loud when I’m shopping in public. They would gather around me magically knowing the words and sing with me in harmony. We would dance around automatically knowing all the steps and they would all pick me up and hold me upwards at a camera shot looking down on us for the finale. Trust me, it would be freaking awesome.

2. I would never sing off key unless it was written into the song, at which point it would serve the story line. I would sing perfectly and my improv skills would be pretty sweet, which means I wouldn’t start singing really stupid things because I can’t think of words that rhyme with each other.

3. Singing is romantic. If I started singing romantically to Chris now, he’d probably look at me like I’m nuts and then say something to that effect. But if my life was a musical, we’d sing songs and dance together before a fade to black that leaves us in a steamy kiss. That works for both of us.

4. Because I would never be bored! I could sing my way through work every day with a definite plot progression-- enter conflict (which I currently have), enter resolution (which doesn’t come into the picture as often as I’d like). Also, I wouldn’t be annoying anyone with my songs because they’d come in and sing along. It would be great.

Can you tell I really like to sing? It’s pretty much one of my favorite things to do, but I get really nervous when I sing around people. Then I forget the words, and I’m traumatized. My anxiety is terrible. I wish I could feel more self confident. I would love to sing in public without sweating and freaking out and forgetting the words. But if my life were a musical, I wouldn’t have to worry about anxiety, and I could sing all I wanted all of the time.

My Glory Day in the Hot Sun

This is my first knitting project that I have completed. I have hurdled such tasks as double pointed needles and the cable stitch. I'm very excited because both of these things were fairly intimidating until I actually did them and found that they are very very easy. The whole project took me about three days cumulatively. You can find the pattern here. And now for a session on how useful they are:




I can brush my teeth while keeping my hands toasty.








I can write letters to friends and family with crayons. I could even use a pen, but I couldn't find one nearby to use.











I can look condescendingly sophisticated (not that I'd ever be inclined or anything).

I even created this post while wearing them.













Sweetness, eh?

I just watched the new Hairspray. Holy crap! I love it so much! I hope I dream about it every night for three weeks. Well, maybe only two and a half. Three is excessive, I agree. That movie was freaking fantastic. I'm totally in love with it. I've been wanting to see it ever since it was in the theater, but there's no way I'd make Chris go and watch it with me. I might think it's amizazing, but to him, it'd probably be torture. So I finally rented it, and it makes me happy in my heart. I really like the nods they made to the original Hairspray movie. I'm sure I didn't catch them all, but Jon Waters was the flasher, Ricki Lake was one of the agents, Jerry Stiller was the dress guy (but that didn't really play out like the original), and they cast a guy (John Travolta) as the part of the mom. I'm sure there's much more, but it's been at least a decade (yikes) since I've seen the first movie. Now I want to go rent it and see it again, though. I just love song and dance.

I also think that I should talk about my sister, Sarah, who died 3 years ago today. I still really really miss her, and it still hurts that she's gone. I think a lot about her kids not having their mother with them as they grow up. Sarah was one of the most giving people I've ever met, and she was also really quick to forgive. I just wish I could have known her better. I wish I would have spent more time with her when I could have. And even though I know she probably doesn't hold it against me, I wish I hadn't been angry at her and so judgmental of her right before she died. I'm so grateful for the gospel and the promise that I'll see her again and that her children can see her again also. Family really is the greatest gift anyone can have. How beautiful is it that we can have that gift forever?

Family Angel


Eve and Gina sing a tribute at Eve's wedding reception