The Ghost of Christmas Trash

That is actually a real title in my husband's family on Christmas.  Santa is the person who hands out the presents from under the tree, and The Ghost of Christmas Trash is the person with the trash bag for all the wrapping paper, obviously.  It started a few years ago when my husband put a big black trash bag over his body and declared himself to be the ghost of Christmas trash.  Everyone thought it was pretty funny except for his grandmother who exclaimed, "The child!", in reference to my young brother in law who was 9 at the time.  She was afraid he would be influenced to put a bag on his head and suffocate.  It's still a joke, of course.
I hope everyone's Christmas was wonderful and all you expected.  We had a great Christmas.  I managed to finish all my projects except for one, so I'm pretty happy about that.  And I, of course, forgot to get pictures of them.  I'll have to request pictures from their new found owners.  I received some very nice gifts which are also practical.  I love to get practical things.  I believe in owning fun

Blech.  Half of my post just got eaten, and it makes me grumpy.  I'll just have to finish it later.  Sorry, folks.

Happy Christmas Time

When I was growing up, I remember my mom making Christmas candies and giving out plates of them to friends and neighbors.  I don't really know how often she did it.  It could have been every year or maybe just a few.  But it happened enough for me to remember, so I'll call it a tradition.  I've always wanted to do Christmas candies, but never have until now.  And so I did.  Yay!  The end.

Okay, so I'm having trouble thinking about something good to write for you.  For one, I really did make cookies and candies, and if you know what's good for you, you'll make these right now.  I also made truffles, but I wasn't super happy with them.  I'm a truffle snob.  Ben tasted a bit of everything I made because I'm a terrible mother.  But he was pretty happy about it. 
Truth be told, I was hoping that it would make me feel more ready for Christmas, and it so didn't.  I do this to myself every year, don't I?  You think I would just buy all my Christmas gifts like a normal person, but I like making things for people.  It's just that I have this affair with procrastination (my husband's totally in on it, too btw), and the little munchkin that demands my constant attention doesn't necessarily help either.  He is fascinated by whatever it is I have in my hand, whether it's yarn or fabric.  I do, however, have those times to myself when he goes to the sitter, but those times have thus far been lacking in productivity for various reasons.  I can feel my anxiety bubbling up.  Will I be ready for Christmas?  Will I be able to get all that I had planned done?  What if I don't?  What if I grow a hunchback and move into a church to ring the bell and fall in love with a young gypsy woman named Esmerelda?  What if, what if, what if?! 
I know that my therapist would ask me what would happen if everything didn't get done.  And I would say that nothing would happen, at least nothing bad.  So why am I so stressed?  I guess if I'm going to set expectations for myself, I shouldn't set them so high.  That doesn't really keep me from feeling like a failure now, though.  I'm still working on my projects, though.  Hopefully I'll finish.  I have four more days of Ben's being at the sitter before Christmas, which gives me 16 hours of child free work intensive project time.  I can do it, I can do it!
Gosh, I'm so whiney.  Some things just never change, heh.  Okay, annoying pity party over.  It's been snowy for the past couple days, and we're supposed to have more here and there throughout the week.  It makes me really wish that Ben could walk, so he could play in the snow.  I mean, I guess he could, but it's pretty cold to be crawling around in the snow.  He's getting really close to walking, though.  He's actually starting to show interest in it, which was lacking even a week ago, it seems.  He'll take a few steps in short spaces to get to something else.  It's exciting, and he's really excited about it, too.  I have a question for you other moms out there who have been doing this for longer than I have.  Is there every a time when you're not just completely interested in every little thing your kid does?  Is it the novelty of having a child that makes me excited about everything he does, or is it because it's him who's doing it?  Because I love him and he's a part of me and I'll always feel like he is even after he grows up, gets himself a wife and moves to Houston (purely hypothetical; I'm pretty sure the world will end before that happens)?  Actually, though, Ben's training to become a chef.

Is he supposed to be a mom?

I forgot to post this before, but it makes me laugh so much.  I keep seeing this ad all over facebook, and I can't figure out why they used this guy's face other than to be really funny.

I was trained to do that with peanut butter.

I had four hours all to myself yesterday, and it was blissful.  I ran errands, did dishes, vacuumed, and went over our budget without having to worry about Ben needing anything from me.  Even though I was still doing things that weren't necessarily fun to do, I still felt refreshed.  And when I brought Ben home, I was happy to spend a couple of hours solely devoted to playing with him and soaking in his big happy smiles.  Yes, this is going to work out really well for us.

Here is one of the diapers I made for Ben.

 

 

It is very hard to get good pictures of it while he's wearing it.  If it looks really bulky, that's because it is at the moment.  It has several inserts in it for extra absorbency for bedtime.  When I'm able to make some wool soakers, those will probably be better for nighttime pee soakage.  They fit fairly trim during the day when he doesn't need all the extra padding.  But I won't even be able to finish making all these diapers until after Christmas, I'm sure, so I'm still doing a mix of cloth and disposables right now.  And you know?  Cloth really isn't hard to do.  And I really like that any rash he gets wearing disposables is gone within a day of using just cloth diapers.   And I also really like to sew and knit.  It just kind of works for me, I guess. 

You know how I posted about performance anxiety?  Well, you're about to see the closest I am probably ever going to get to singing in public by myself again (well, besides the errant karaoke every now and then).  We got a good Black Friday deal on a digital video camera, and I decided to record myself singing.  I figured I'd probably end up deleting it because I always end up hating how I sound in any recording.  But I watched it, and aside from my recurring ped lip and various strange faces, it actually didn't make me want to vomit.  So I'm sharing it with you because my blog audience is pretty small and mostly family and friends, and I don't have to look at you while you watch it (or don't watch it).  And if you have something bad to say about it, you can tell each other about it and not me!  There's a reason I'm not destined for American Idol, people.  And Simon Cowell's meanness is that reason!  Well, that and inadequate talent, lol.

The best part of this video is Ben trying to open the door in the background in the last minute.  That kid is so stinking cute.  As soon as we can get a video of him laughing hysterically, I promise to post it.  His laugh is so contagious and adorable, but I am pretty biased, I guess. 

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, er, almost a week ago.  What the heck?  Really?  I swear, I spend all my time wondering where all my time has gone.  Apparently, I should manage my time better.  Easier said than done. 
My Thanksgiving was great.  I ate my turkey and mashed potatoes with my father in law's amazing gravy.  Everybody liked my pies, which always makes me happy.  I love making food that other people like to eat.  I also like making food that I like to eat.  We played Rock Band, and I sang a Journey song and an Allman Bros song.  Everybody sang at least once.  Well, I guess not everybody, but almost.  The dumb thing is, though, I got performance anxiety.  I always do, even in front of family.  I don't even care if I fail miserably in front of them, and we make a joke about it that lasts forever.  That already happens all the time.  Chris will never let me forget about the time I tripped on NOTHING and fell while we were dating six years ago.  And there was also the time that he called me and woke me up, and as I got up out of bed, I discovered that my legs were asleep.  I fell on my face, and the phone flew out of my hand.  I also made a bit of a screamy sound.  These two incidents were in the same time period, and every time I've forgotten about them, he inevitably reminds me. 
So, yes, performance anxiety.  I hate it.  I would love to feel confident enough to sing in front of people because I really do like to sing quite a bit.  And I'm pretty sure the whole "imagine everyone is in their underwear" thing wouldn't work for me because then I couldn't look at anyone!  I don't want to see a bunch of people in their underwear.  What if they have really apparent skid marks?  Ewwwwww. 
I sang a song with my brother at my grandfather's funeral.  We didn't know that song, but he and I were able to familiarize ourselves with it and practice a bit before we were supposed to sing it in front of everyone (my aunt was supposed to sing it, but she got sick right before and lost her voice.  Boo.).  So, we're singing, and it's really wonderful and I start feeling comfortable and I start into this really emotional part of the song, and I look down to find the next words to sing and I have no freaking idea where I'm supposed to be.  Thankfully, no one was there to hear us sing (my brother did not mess up because he is not a freak like me).  They were there to pay their respects to my awesome grandfather.  But it was like my subconscious was all, "Wait, what?  You think you can actually do this?  Okay.  Well how about THIS?!  You don't know what the words are do you?!  Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"  To which I am all, "Screw you, subconscious.  Screw you."
In other news, I have found a sitter to take Ben to twice a week for several hours.  I'm really really excited about this.  I get to vacuum my house without having to hold Ben and having him still freak out because he is seriously distrustful of that machine.  It is not easy vacuuming while holding 23 lbs of freaking out.  And then, I also get to sew and knit and crochet and hopefully create an inventory to open up a shop on Etsy.  I've been wanting to do this for a while now.  But first, I have to finish Christmas projects.  I hope I can get them done.  Every time I pull out my yarn and needles while Ben is happily playing with his toys, he senses that I am about to be productive and seeks me out.  Which would be fine if he didn't want to play with what I'm holding and then protest loudly and violently when I don't allow him to.  So then the yarn and needles get put away and nobody gets to play with them.  *pout*  Because Mommy can't share, dang her.  I've even tried giving him a different skein of yarn, but it doesn't work.  He wants the one I'm using.  Every time.  So hopefully, I can jump start all these projects and finish them in the next three weeks (!).
I just realized that it's 3 am.  I woke up and 1, was not able to get back to sleep by 2, and told myself I'd have to go back to bed again by 3.  I'm tired of insomnia. 

Obviously what I need is a Thanksgiving turkey

It's five in the morning, people.  I woke up at two, and I have not been able to get back to sleep.  I hate it when this happens.  It doesn't really help that the whole time I'm trying to get back to sleep Ben is flopping around and turning sideways to put his little tooting pee butt in my face.  I love the kid, but really, no one likes it when farts (disgustingly warm and moist, I might add) are propelled into their face point blank.  Not even from their own spawn, I tell you.  I'll probably get pink eye now.
The problem is that I am tired, but I cannot sleep.  I believe there is a term associated with that.  I can't remember, but it is either zombification or insomnia.  Is it possible that I have become what I fear most?  No, not a cockroach, but I'm pretty scared of those, too (don't judge me- they're so icky!).  I meant a zombie.  I suppose you could call me a zombie in the sense that all mothers are.  100% walking dead all the time- now without brain cravings!  What kind of cruelty is it that as I get older, I require more sleep to function but am offered exponentially less than when I was a child?  I should have thought ahead and slept during the ages 13-18.  It would have been time better spent, I tell you what.
I'm getting excited about the holidays.  I've gotten just one present for Ben.  I'll probably get him one or two more, but he doesn't really know what it's about anyway.  I'm having trouble not giving that present to him, though.  It's this thing here, and I wonder if it will help him to learn how to walk.  Or at least give him more confidence that he actually will walk.  He knows what it's all about, but I think he's afraid of falling.  Which is kind of weird because he doesn't seem to be afraid of tumbling down the stairs face first or climbing into or onto anything and everything that can conceivably be climbed. 

He climbed into the dryer by himself while holding those two spools of thread (must have something in each hand, preferably similar objects).  Luckily, we don't actually make it a habit of leaving the dryer door open.  I was standing there doing laundry at the time of the incident.  And yes, that is a black eye he has from falling face first onto a toy.  I also have a picture on my phone of him with his hand on the doorknob trying to open the front door.  Also luckily, we're in the habit of keeping that thing locked.  It's only a matter of time before he figures out how to turn it.  

I digress.  Holidays.  I love them.  My husband does not share the same affection for them as I do, though.  He's such a grump.  I think that'll change as we have more kids and they get older, though.  I have such great Christmas memories from growing up.  I remember when I must have been three or four and I slept in the living room because I wanted to catch Santa.  And when I woke up on Christmas morning, I had wet myself.  Er, okay, so maybe that wasn't particularly the best example of a great Christmas memory, but it still gives me the warm fuzzies.  Not wet warm fuzzies, mind you.  I finally outgrew that, you'll be happy to know. 

I love love love Thanksgiving because I love love love food.  'Tis the season to be a glutton, that's what I always say.  Okay, I don't always say that.  Just occasionally, like right now.  My father in law makes a pretty incredible turkey gravy.  Seriously.  I could drink that stuff.  That coupled with my mother in law's mashed potatoes makes me never want to be anywhere else for Thanksgiving (but only because I don't ever have the money to buy plane tickets to GA during the holidays- I promise, Mom!).  I'm so excited for next week.  I'm drooling already.  But I'm totally buying a turkey breast to make for me and Chris.  How else will I be able to sleep between now and Thanksgiving?  Tryptophan, people. 

Baby butts, revisited

Remember how I was thinking about cloth diapering before Ben was born?  Well, it never happened, but I'm thinking about it again.  This business about diapering is a lot easier now that his poops aren't so, er, runny and the happenings are considerably less often than when he was exclusively breastfed.  So, I'm going to do it.  But I'm not going to buy those really expensive one size pocket diapers.  I'm going to make my own.  My mom suggested it to me right before Ben was born, and I was all, "Are you crazy?  People don't make their own cloth diapers!  Pshhhhh!"  And, uh yeah, like usual, my mom knew what she was talking about.  People do make their own cloth diapers, and they can be as simple as the old fashioned prefolds or as convenient as the pricey all in ones, which are basically washable .  Yeah, guess which ones I'll be making.  (I'll give you a hint- they will be the ones I can convince my husband to use.  Do you think that would involve more than one piece to the diaper?  Probably not.)  
Cloth diapers that people make can be just as insanely adorable as those mega expensive brand name clothies.  I will actually probably do a combination of fitteds (which will require separate covers) and all in ones (which the husband will most likely use the most).  I mostly just want an excuse to knit up some cute little wool pants for Ben to wear as covers.  I'm also putting a layer of bamboo velour to hug Ben's little butt.  Maybe I will also make myself some panties out of the velour because it just sounds like it would feel nice.
This renewed desire can be 100% attributed to the Relief Society Pres. in my new ward.  Apparently there are quite a few families in our ward that make and use cloth diapers.  She also knits, crochets, sews, quilts, and shares my birthday.  No wonder I like her so much.  If you didn't know already, Chris and I both have kind of extreme social anxiety when it comes to groups of people.  So church can be kind of a hard thing for us.  My admission is this: we just finally worked up the courage to go to our new ward a couple of Sundays ago.  Everyone has their own trials to deal with, right?  I just happened to meet someone who shares this one with me.  It's pretty easy to talk each other out of going to public social settings, but it's something we're working on.  Well, with church.  Everything else can just live without us.  Anyway, I really like my new ward.  They're super nice even though they probably mostly think we're inactive heathens, and they're probably afraid of offending us and turning us away from the church.  How would they know that we actually do have testimonies, and we're just scared of people?  Gosh, that just sounds so dumb to put out there.  Dur, I'm askeered of people, yall.  But it's true.  I have been for a long time. 
On a completely different subject, check out this video my husband sent me today. 
 
 I love a capella groups- especially when they vocalize instrumental sounds.  I think it stems from family sing alongs in the car to "Witchy Woman" by the Eagles.  The guitar makes a neeeeer, neeeeer, neer-neer neeer sound.  If you listen to the song, you'll know what I mean. 

Obviously, I am such a slacker, but I'll make up for it, I promise!

No posts at in October?  Really?!  Anyway, a lot has been happening.  Ben's birthday and my fifth anniversary is coming up on Tuesday.  Ben will no longer be my infant, and I will have been married for half a decade.  I feel so old, lol.

 To celebrate Ben's birthday, we had a Halloween party.  Ben was a pirate. 

My sis-in-law Shiloh made the cakes (and threw the birthday party).  They were so cool.  She has such a great imagination.  She didn't have any pirates to put on the ships, so she made them ghost ships.  They were a big hit!
 
After the birthday party, I went trick or treating with my friend, J and her kids.  Ben and I just trailed along with his stroller.  We seriously have so much candy left over from handing out to the neighborhood kids.  Obviously, I overestimated our need for candy.  And then we all had a homemade doughnut feast at my house.  It was delicious.  Good times, people, good times.  I really enjoyed it.

So my trip to Montana was awesome!  Jamie and I have so much in common.  Ben was completely crazy about her 3 year old boy.  He followed him around a lot.  And he also attacked him a lot.

But what I really want to tell you about is the super cute bag that Jamie made while I was there.  Check out this sweetness.

And she also taught me how to make this bag.  I was so excited to make it when I got home!  I worked on knitting things the whole time I was there.  So check out the bag I made.

 

My bag is bigger than the bag Jamie made because I used the original specs in the pattern.  However, I have enough fabric to make another bag similar to mine in the smaller size.  Someday when I actually make it, I think I'll have a giveaway and give it away.  I'm moving up in the blogosphere, people.  If not in page hits, at least in desirable content.  Hooray!  I also hate the word blogosphere.  Just for the record.

I guess I should also tell you that I got my haircut, and I really really like it.  I got the Amelie haircut, but I really should not have asked for the bangs.  Shorter bangs just don't look right on me.  If I had a picture of them I would post it, but I don't  My cowlick won't allow my bangs to lay flat against my forehead.  Now really, what was I thinking?!  I don't think these pictures really do my haircut justice.

(Aaaaaaaaargh, I'm givin' ye tha stink eye!)

 

 (Oh hi, check out my premature waddle.  What the crap?!!!  I told you!  I'm getting old!)

Hmmmmm... I'm thinking the back needs a trim already...  Now if you'll excuse me, I have too much candy to eat, so I'd better get started.

Fall rushes in

Something about fall makes me more introspective.  I don't think I'm the only one, am I?  Maybe it's because I don't have to think about how dang hot it is all the time (Yes, I said dang, and I frequently say dangit, much to my husband's amusement).  Perhaps it's because fall always marks another year that I've aged.  Maybe it's because it's knitting season again.  Or then again, maybe I just think a lot. 
I looooooooove autumn.  It's always been my favorite season.  It makes me miss Georgia fiercely.  The leaves changing in those deciduous forests never fail to entrance me.  And maybe make me a little bit hungry; they look like Fruity Pebbles.  I'm pretty sure I discovered how much I loved this about GA before I left.  And now fall makes me nostalgic and a bit homesick for the south.  It's like remembering only the good parts of a relationship gone bad.  I mean, I don't sit around in the summer thinking about how much crappier it probably feels in GA.  And it does feel crappier.  I even relish the humidity when I go back to visit.  But when I lived there?  I HATED the humidity.  So, don't go thinking that I want to move back or anything, Mom.  That is definitely not where I'm going with this post. 
Actually, I don't really exactly know where I'm going with this post.  I was just surprised at how crisp and cool the air was today, and fall always makes me think of home.  And thinking of home makes me nostalgic and introspective.  There you have it.  That's why fall makes me more introspective.  I've answered my own question. 

I am soon to go to a state I have never before been to, but I have wanted to see for a long time.  Hello Montana!  I'm finally going to go visit a friend of mine there.  I'm really excited to go!  We're going to do all sorts of crafting and sewing and knitting and crocheting and jewelry making, and we're just going to be very very busy, as you can imagine.  Stay tuned for pictures if I can remember to take my camera with me to take them...

When history does that funny thing where it repeats itself

Remember last summer when my a/c went out at the trailer?  Indeed.  It happened at the new house, people.  Again, on a weekend.  And let me tell you, having a basement, a sliding glass door with a screen, and several windows we can actually open makes a huge world of difference in the comfort level until the repair guy can come on Monday.  Speaking of which, remember how I told you about our awesome realtors?  And how they purchased a home warranty for us?  Let me just say, we are very blessed because the whole a/c unit is covered for repair and replacement.  Huzzah!

I've been gearing up for Christmas projects for this year.  I'm making all my gifts again this year.  Uh, well, except for just one.   I'd forgotten about that one.  And I guess I'm not really making much for Ben either.  Most of his gifts will be purchased.  Okay, well, anyway, several of the gifts I'm giving this year will be made by moi.  And I'm excited.  I don't think I've made anything out of yarn since last Christmas.  Well, maybe.  Apparently nothing memorable.

Ben has started letting go of his supports and standing by himself for several moments.  It's funny because he's totally resistant to the idea of us holding his hands for him to walk around.  He's never been into that at all, no thank you.  But he can move himself around from one piece of furniture to the next while standing supported.  It's only a matter of time before his balance matches his desire, I'm sure...

He's also getting tired of my easy-way-out solid foods.  You know, the dry crunchy things that you can just put on their trays with no effort put forth by you whatsoever.  The other day he told me how tired he was of eating rice rusks by feeding a whole new one to the dog.  Then he looked at me and said, "Give me juicy delicious meat, Mother."  What can I say?  We must be raising him right.  His father was so proud.  So I'm going to have to start cooking more, since I have gotten fairly lax on it lately.  Ben pretty much enjoys ANYTHING we're eating.  So that makes things a little easier.  I realize I'm his mom, so I'm obviously biased, but I think it's really cute when he feels food falling from his mouth so he shoves the entire back of his hand into said orifice to push the food back in.  It makes me laugh. 

My postpartum shedding is driving me crazy!  I'm losing hair everywhere.  You wouldn't think it would be worse than having two heavily shedding dogs, but my hair is like two feet long!  My hair can often be seen stuck to the seats in the car, billowing in the air conditioning.  And I don't even want to talk about the hairballs that come out of the dryer.  Have mercy! (anyone EXCEPT Chris, name that show)  So I'm going to cut it on Friday.  I really like the Amelie haircut, and I have forever, but I'm afraid of my hair not working with it or my round face not working with it.  I don't really know how I should cut it.  I'm going to miss my long hair, though.  I love my hair.  I just can't stand it stopping up the bathtub all the time.  Blech.

Today* has happened 26 times in my life...

*I started writing this post on the 20th, but it took me FOREVER to finish it.

Well, technically it's happened 27 times to include the day I was born. I'm not really big into my birthday. It just doesn't have the same magic as when I was a kid. So, we usually don't do a whole lot. We'll probably go out to eat (Tucano's sent me a buy one get one free entree, so how can I not?) at some point when Chris has some time.

When I had a c-section to birth my son, my brother joked that my mom and I are like Russian nesting dolls. I was born by c-section also. That image is so hilarious to me. To think of me bursting out of my mom's stomach doing a crazy Russian dance and then Ben doing the same from mine. It's just really really funny.

On a side note, as Chris read what I've written so far over my shoulder, he suggested that perhaps he should have made my birthday magical. I asked him how he might do that, to which he responded that he could wear a magical fairy suit. That, my friends, is an even better image than the Russian nesting dolls.

I continue to be exhausted, but I'm discovering that I'll just need to cope. I bought the Baby Whisperer book on the recommendation of another blogger. I read most of it, and I really agree with so much of the philosophy in it. However, I tried the sleep method in the book, and while I really do feel that it would work for Ben, it's just not working for me for a variety of reasons. So I'm back to square one. We'll figure it out, though. I'm not really stressed about it at this moment; I'm just going to give it a rest for a bit.

Right now Ben is playing with a couple of pacifiers I bought for him because I'm hoping I can get him to take them again. He spontaneously stopped taking them around five months or so. It may be a long shot, but I'm going to try it. I'd rather him need the pacifier to sleep than my boob.

PPD is still plaguing me. It's really frustrating to me because I feel like I really have nothing to complain about. Life is really good. Sure, Ben isn't a great sleeper, but he is such a happy kid. He's a great little companion. We have a lot of fun together. But my depression has been worse lately, and I don't have a reason for it. So I'm going to go to a therapist. I really don't want this to affect Ben.

Making a motorboat sound

Ben is a climber.  He climbs everything, and he's gotten pretty good at it.  Before I knew this, I had him down in the playroom one day, so he could play and I could nap.  I woke up to find him sitting on top of his play table swinging one of his toys around.  This was also before he figured out how to get down from high places without breaking his neck (a skill he acquired just this weekend- YES!).  It's only a matter of time until he realizes he can move other objects to use as steps to help him climb instead of only utilizing the immediately adjacent materials.  And we are in such trouble when that happens.  I actually worry about that more than him learning to walk.

It's not necessarily common knowledge, but when I was a junior in high school, I attended a program at West Georgia that allowed me to enter college two years early.  I left early because I hardly ever went to class, and after the first semester I knew I needed to either go to class or leave.  So I left (which was SO dumb).  Anyway, my best friend, Kristen, at the Academy (I haven't seen her in 7 or 8 years) came through Boise on a cross country road trip, and she stayed with me a night last weekend.  It was really cool seeing her and reminiscing.  Usually when I think of my peers from back then, I feel so totally inadequate.  I haven't even finished my undergrad, you know?  And I guess I just have this image of all of them riding into the sunset with doctorates streaming behind them infusing life and flowers into the earth in their wake.  I also realize that's just a mechanism I've held onto for so many years out of guilt for wasting my chance.  Of course it's not like that.  They're people, I'm a person. There are countless paths each of us could have taken.  I didn't waste anything.  I can still finish school.  What I was trying to get to is that I didn't feel any of that inadequacy when Kristen gave me the low down on what's been happening in other Academy members' lives.  When I was given the reality of what has happened in the years since then, I am totally satisfied with where I am now (which is also why the PPD is so frustrating.  How do I know what to fix if I don't know what's broken in my life?).  I was relieved to feel that way.

I don't really have a good way to end this post.  That seems to be a theme of mine.  But if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to a very loud climbing hairy creature that sprang out of my stomach doing a crazy Russian dance. 

Ben keeps waking up in the middle of the night (usually between midnight and 2 am), and is awake for an hour or two. He wakes up and has to poop. And then he doesn't want to go to sleep again after his diaper change. SO that's fun.

I've been so tired lately. We're almost completely done with the trailer. I will say that I would be done already, but I haven't really done anything for several days. My mother in law is pretty much amazing and awesome. She helped me by cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, and she did such a great job. She isn't the only one that's helped, though. A lot of family members have helped, and I've been so grateful for it. All I have left is the stuff the previous occupants left in the storage shed. I plan on taking it to the dump so whoever buys the place won't have to bother with the junk. I really hope we can find a buyer soon.

Ben is growing up so fast. He's 10 months old now. So weird. He's also getting into everything. He pulls up to stand at my desk and tries to get his little hands on anything sitting close enough to the edge. He knows what "No" means, or at least he knows what the tone in my voice means. Then he gets really upset and cries when he concedes defeat. You see, he really really really wants to pull plugs out of their electrical outlets, wrap the cords around his body, and stick his fingers in to be shocked. He gets so very upset that we just won't let him do it.

I really need to post something more substantial, but it 3:30 am, and I think Ben's ready to go back to bed. And so am I...

All your coupons are belong to us

This post is for Eve and ucmama and well, whoever else wants to know how I've been "exploiting" the system, as Michael puts it.

First, you need access to coupons. If you want to stock up on items when you can get them at a really good price, you'll need several copies of each coupon. You can order multiple copies of Sunday's paper (ask the paper if they have any couponer's deals) or just ask around your neighborhood to see if anyone gets the Sunday paper, but just throws the coupon inserts away. I have a friend who does this, and she tells me she can get easily three to four copies of inserts. I am socially inept (okay, maybe just anti-social), so I get papers. I've already saved enough money to pay for the paper for quite some time. You can also go to The Coupon Clippers to buy multiple copies of only the coupons you need. It's generally pretty inexpensive. You can also find tons of free coupons to print out online at coupons.com, Grocery Smarts, manufacturer's websites, and pretty much millions of other places. They're seriously everywhere My first huge couponing haul was solely with coupons I had printed out from the internet. Well, those and doubler coupons from Albertsons. Oh, and Eve, you can go to Kroger's website to print store coupons or load them to your shopper's card. Usually, you can use a store coupon and a manufacturer's coupon on the same item. You should definitely find out what your stores' policies are.

So you have coupons now. The key to saving more than .55 (or whatever the coupon is worth) is to buy when the item is on super sale and buy enough to last you until the item goes on super sale again (but have one coupon per item, or as specified on the coupon ie. save $1 when you buy 2, etc.). Also double the coupon, if that's an option. Big sales happen in cycles, so usually your coupon will be good when the item is on super sale. Just remember to keep an eye on the expiration dates.

And that's it really. There are couponing blogs and websites out there that do all the work matching up sales and coupons for the stores in your area. My favorite is Krazy Coupon Lady, which is based where I live, but they also cover some stores in the midwest. Deal Seeking Mom is also one that I visit frequently. Although, you might be able to find other sites that cater more to your individual areas. Maybe couponing is so big around here, Utah, and Arizona because of all the Mormons who are stay at home moms. I found this site for you, Eve- Southern Savers. I'm still looking for a good one for you, ucmama.

As far as organizing your coupons goes, I like Heather's method here because I don't like clipping coupons I may never use.

I hope yall are able to get some good deals. It's been pretty nice for us to not spend so much on groceries.

Please indulge my rambling...

First, I want to talk savings. I'm still excited about couponing because I'm cheap! This is what I got yesterday


for $20.95. Heck yes, fool! Well, not that I'm calling YOU a fool. It's just, er, something I say. Like Mr. T, except that I'm nothing like him. Well, my mohawk does resemble his a bit... Anyway, awesome, right?

Next up, I want to talk about the never ending sleep saga that is my life. My most recent attempt in trying to get Ben to sleep by himself was to take one side of his crib off and put it next to my bed sidecar style. This worked and didn't work. Sure, he slept by himself, but he still needed me to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night. I knew he would, obviously, but I didn't know that I would bring him into our bed in my sleep, thus making the sidecar crib irrelevant. And on nights like last night where he tossed and turned and did cartwheels and flips and basically did an Olympic gymnastic floor routine in his sleep while we tried to sleep, co-sleeping just kind of doesn't work for us anymore. You know, like I've been saying for a while now.

So, what I'm getting at is that I really want to talk about sleep training. Which is a VERY taboo subject on the internets, but hey yall, I don't care how you get your kid to sleep. Maybe if it works for you, it can work for me, too. I'll tell you what has not worked. Cry it out. I tried it because it worked for some friends and family who I consider to be very good and loving parents and also sensitive to the needs of their children. It's worked quite wonderfully for them. The first night, Ben cried for an hour and a half. The second was an hour, the third an hour and a half, the fourth and fifth an hour each. He also slept for shorter and shorter periods each night after he fell asleep. And also, we were falling apart every night. It was just so awful to hear him cry like that. I'd never heard him cry like that before, and I haven't since then either. So, that particular method is out. Has anyone done something different to help their child fall asleep by his/herself? I'm going to moderate the comments on this post. If you are comfortable with sharing your method with the world, let me know. If you'd like to tell me (I will totally not judge you), but not the internets, I won't post your comment.

A little more info- we have a routine, a set bedtime, etc. I realize those are important to have for child, whether they fall asleep on their own or not. I appreciate any insight you have. I'm not dying over here or anything. I just want Ben to be well rested and also to be able to do something every once in a while when Ben sleeps. Well, last night I thought I'd die when Ben woke up to nurse for the millionth time and then decided he'd like to get up and play. Then I got to spend an hour trying to get him to go back to sleep. So, yeah, anything you'd like to tell me about that would be welcome.

And you'll know me by the little clipped pieces of paper clutched in my greasy fists

Apparently I took an unannounced hiatus from my blog. I meant to post before I went to visit my brother, but it just kind of didn't happen. And now that it's been almost a week since I got back, I decided it's high time.

So, as you may or may not know: we're poor. I don't have a job, and we just bought a house. To offset my lack of income, I've decided to hit this couponing thing full time. I've seen where other people have saved tons doing it, and I figure I can do it, too. I've dabbled here and there up to now. Several weeks ago, I got nine pints of Breyer's ice cream for a dollar and some change. It felt good. Last night was my real mega coupon christening, though. I bought $343.75 worth of stuff from Albertsons as a part of the current General Mills/Unilever promotion. If I had not put forth the effort in scheming planning my trip, I would have gotten it all for $200.51, plus $15 back in coupons to use on my next shopping trip, effectively making it $185.51. However, because I did plan and clip and go through the line six times with different transactions, it cost me $57.83 with another $15 in coupons, effectively making my contribution $42.83. And this is what I got:



Ahhhhh, it's beautiful, isn't it? Well, not the picture. I couldn't find our camera, so I had to use my phone. But look at how much stuff there is! There are 97 items on that table, which means I got everything for .44 an item! Anyway, I got all of my matchups from Krazy Coupon Lady, as well as all of the links to the internet printable coupons that I used. I don't get the paper yet, so all of the coupons I used for my haul were free ones I found on the internet. I also got my doublers just by asking for them at the customer service desks at a couple of Albertsons stores. I vowed never to shop at Albertsons because they outsourced my job to India (they're the grocery chain I worked for), but because I'm poor, my wallet speaks louder than my grudge. And also, savings are delicious to a cheapskate like myself.

On the home update, um, we're still not done moving. Arrrrrgh! And we really need to get done because we really really need to sell the trailer.

Ben is getting huge. He is crawling normally now instead of swimming across the floor like he used to. Although, he will still swim occasionally when he gets really excited about something. He's pulling up on everything and, consequently, falling and bonking his head a lot. He's also very much attached to his mama. Which is endearing, but also inconvenient because it means he wants to be in my lap 60% or more of the time. He never wanted to be in my lap in the trailer where there was no room to put him down, but now that he has the run of the whole house in this place, he mostly wants to be in my lap. Babies are mercurial little creatures.

Also, you should go to Cake Wrecks if you haven't already. It's hilarious.

Oh hai, Internets. We actually got our internet hooked up at our house a couple of days ago, but I've just been too lazy to post on my blog. Get this- Ben's awake, I'm posting on my blog, and I'm not holding him! Having space is pretty awesome. Our dogs also love it here.

Our refrigerator was delivered on Monday, and since then Chris has been figuring out how to install the water line to it. The instructions on the kit told us to drill a hole into the cold water supply pipe under the kitchen sink. This made him nervous, so we needed to find another way around it. You can read about the experience here.

I hate moving so much. I hate packing. I hate moving boxes and furniture. I hate unpacking. I hate living in between two homes while the moving happens. I'm so glad we don't have to move again for a long long time. Are you tired about hearing how much I love my house? I'm not tired of telling you. I love my house. I love our neighborhood. Love, love, love, love, love. Okay, I'll stop now.

So Phase 1 of getting Ben to sleep in his crib begins tonight. I left one side off the crib when assembling it, and I put it up against my side of the bed. I hope he can learn to sleep in it. He's just getting so big and pushing Chris and me off the bed in his sleep.
I just got him to sleep in it for his nap. I hope it lasts.

Chris and I have been talking about how we need more of a schedule and routine in our lives. We just don't seem to get as much done as we really need to do. I want to sew and knit and craft, He wants to paint miniatures and all of the wonderfully nerdy things he loves to do. We both want to start keeping a journal. I want to cook more from scratch (homemade bread, anyone?), and I want to start researching how I want to homeschool our kids. We desperately need to manage our time better. Why, facebook, why???? Who isn't addicted to facebook? Speaking of which, the guys who did that Bobby Denning commercial do a lot of funny videos. One of them is about facebook.


This post is awfully disjointed. I did tell you I need organization in my life. If you'll excuse me, I also need to change a poopy diaper.

We're about to leave our internet for our first night at the house. Yay again for a real house! So, I leave you with this. It's an incredible commercial for a business in North Carolina. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...

Home Sweet Home

We closed on our house yesterday, but I waited to post about it because our loan didn't fund until today. My dear sweet husband was convinced that we'd be the one out of a million that closed on a house but still didn't get it. When I called this morning to turn on the electricity and water (Waterworks said they couldn't come out until Monday. No water all weekend. Boo!), Chris wondered if we should have before hearing about the funding going through. Moving in boxes also felt very tentative. I kind of know how he felt, though. It still feels too good to be true, but it's true! We have a house! We own a home! It's awesome. And now we have a buttload of moving we need to do. That's the really not so fun part of getting a new house.

Our realtors were awesome enough to pay a locksmith to change the locks on all our doors (along with paying for our 2nd home inspection and a really good one year home warranty- if you need a realtor in the Treasure Valley, go to Don and Janice Cuff. They are awesome!). While we were waiting for the locksmith to finish up, our new neighbor from across the street came over to chat with us. We mentioned that our water wouldn't be turned on until Monday and he said, "Well I work for the city, so if you need water for the weekend, I can go grab my wrench and turn it on." And then he did. That was so cool. We also met our next door neighbors, and they were really nice, too. Hooray!


It just took me the better part of an hour since that last paragraph to get my child to sleep. He's always been one to fight sleep. Always, always, always. But for the past four or five nights, he's been almost as hard to get to sleep as he was when he was colicky. I'm going out of my mind. He gets to the edge of sleep, and he used to just pull off and roll over to play and wake himself up. Normally, I would just hold him from rolling over, put him back on the boob, and he'd go to sleep. Now he wigs out and screams to keep himself awake if I don't let him roll over. He won't allow the boob anywhere near his face because boob=sleepy time. He has also started to cry every time we even enter the bedroom when he's tired. I managed to get him to take a nap this morning, but I wasn't able to succeed a second time in the afternoon. He had half naps on the way to and from our new house. I'm so frustrated! Gaaaaaaaah!

My hygiene- it has reached new lows

Remember when I talked about how I don't shower as often as I used to? Well, let's just say that today I probably crossed the line of new mom filth into mega-stinky land. I won't lie and tell you that I remember when I showered last. Because I don't remember. Not even a little. I just know it couldn't have been too terribly long ago, judging from my leg hair stubble and the knowledge that I did shave the last time I showered.

I was in the living room with Ben, and Chris came in and stood there for a second.

Chris: Do you want me to watch Ben?

Me: So I can pack?

Chris: So you can take a shower.

Me: Do I really smell that bad?

Chris : Well, I caught a couple of whiffs earlier...

Me: Bahahahaha, okay. Thanks.

Chris: Thanks for what? Telling you that you stink? I didn't want to offend you.

Me: No, thanks for watching Ben, so I can shower. I think it's funny.

And I really do think it's funny. Otherwise I wouldn't be sharing it with the internets. I'm just trying to keep it real, people. Don't worry; I showered before writing this post, and I smell delicious.

I want to ask yall about the division of kid duties between mom and dad. I always feel kind of guilty for asking Chris to help me too much with Ben after he gets home from work. I know he's tired, and he wants to get some stuff done. At this point in the day, I'm also tired, and I also want to get things done. So where can I find a balance? Chris hasn't complained or anything. He likes spending time with Ben, but I just don't want to burn him out. What do you do in your house?

Parenthood used to come with a manual, but it was covered in poop. People kept complaining about it, so they just stopped handing it out.

More has probably happened in the past few days than in all of the month of May. Let's see... injury, check; house drama, check; explodey poop baby, double check. Craziness.

First, I'm going to direct you to my friend Savana's website. She took some awesome pictures of Ben and my niece and nephew last Saturday. She posted a sneak peek of our session for us. She's also one of the genuinely nicest people I know.

So let's start with the most recent. Poop. I reckon I signed up for it, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. Today Chris and I were getting ready to go to our friends' house when I noticed that Ben had a stinky diaper. This is a very common occurrence, as I'm sure anyone with a child in diapers can tell you. When you're getting ready to go somewhere, your child will most likely poop. So I took Ben back to the bedroom to change him. Well, I pulled down his pants and a slimy trail of poop followed down each of his legs. His pants were filled with it. It also exploded up his back, so it also got all over him when I pulled off his onesie. It was unavoidable. We had to give him another bath before we could leave. It didn't bother him at all.

Gah! I want to write a longer post, but I'm so super tired. So, in short, the house has been appraised, but for $4,000 less than our offer (so stupid). We've submitted a new offer, and hopefully it will be accepted as well.

The injury involves our man cub. He likes to crawl over (on our bed) to the window and look out of it. A few days ago he was at the window, rocking back and forth, and he lunged head first into it with a loud thwack. He cried, of course, but was not visibly hurt. The wound was healed by the boob. Several hours went by before I noticed the window. It was injured in the altercation. My son broke the window with his head. It had a crack where the impact was, and long cracks all coming out from there. Luckily, it was just the storm window, so we still have a window there. I would show you a picture, but a neighborhood creature (most likely a cat) knocked it over in the driveway where I had it propped. So it's even further broken now.

I did call his doctor to see if I should bring him in to be checked for any harm to his nugget. The nurse told me all the symptoms I should look for, and none of them cropped up. He's been completely fine. I guess naming him after the Thing was pretty appropriate for the kid.

Happy Father's Day, Mom

I probably should have written this post on Father's Day, but my sis-in-law, Antje came into town the night before and she, Fontanna (they're twins), and I had some catching up to do. So we stayed awake well into the morning talking. So yesterday I mostly wanted to be asleep anytime that I actually wasn't.

Father's Day hasn't always necessarily been a difficult day for me, but it has always been a reminder of what was lacking in my childhood. I can't say that I feel the empty hole of where a father should be now; mostly I wish my kid had another grandpa. My dad's not dead. I know who he is, and he knows who I am. At least, he knows I exist and we've had somewhat of a relationship over the years. I won't recount my father's misdeeds as a husband other than to say that there were other things of this world that he loved more than family at the time of my birth. My mom told him to choose between the two, and he moved his stuff out of the house after returning from the hospital when I was born that morning.

Over the years, I remember seeing him or hearing from him only when he needed something from us. Not to say that this is exactly the way it was; it's just what I remember. I also remember feeling sad on Father's Day because I had no father who would wear my primary craft proudly. But I do remember giving those crafts to my mom. She always seemed genuinely happy to receive them. My mom ungrudgingly sacrificed everything for her children. It was more appropriate to honor her on Father's Day anyway.

Nowadays I really struggle in my relationship with my father. I feel like he expects us to treat him like our dad, but he does absolutely nothing to warrant it. I constantly make it my goal to forgive him, but every time I feel okay about him, he does something that makes me angry again. It usually involves him taking advantage of how nice my mom is (she's still friends with him because she's a saint). And if any of her children have anything to say to him about it, his general attitude is "mind your own business". It upsets me greatly. I know I'm supposed to forgive him seventy times seven (Matt. 18:22), but it's hard when he seems not to care that he keeps screwing people over. I'm going to talk to my bishop about what I need to do to be right with the Lord about this. I just haven't done it yet.

I'm so glad that in spite of our lack of a positive male role model growing up, my brothers have become good husbands and fathers and my sisters and I (through trial and error) have found good husbands and fathers for our children. I attribute much of it to my mom. She taught me that no matter what I've done, I am still loved and I deserve to be loved. It took a really long time for that to stick with me, but it's probably one of the most important things I've ever learned. Thanks, Mom.

P.S. If this feels rushed (it does to me), it's because I have a howler monkey on my lap.

I just hate practicing self restraint.

I will preface this story by saying we are currently trying to cut back on unnecessary expenditures. We're even trying to cut back on necessary expenditures. We're tightening our belts because a) we have no money and b) we really want to buy this house.

So Target had a deal this week where you bought three packs of Huggies and you'd get a $5 gift card. They had the same deal if you bought 5 pints of Ben & Jerry's (which were on sale). I had coupons for the ice cream, and I use Huggies, so I figured what the heck. Then I daydreamed about what I would get with my extra $5 (because of course, I would use the first $5 on either the diapers or the ice cream because I am a good girl). I got to the store and carted Ben all around collecting my various items. The Ben & Jerry's was a no-go because they only had 5 flavors to choose from, and none of them were kinds I particularly like. I decided to get wipes and deodorant with my gift card from buying the Huggies. Not fun, but needs. Then I decided to figure up how much I was really saving per diaper, blabbity blah blah blah. Long story short, I decided I have enough of all these items to make it to our next pay day, so I put it all back in favor of immediate frugality. Very good girl, indeed. I was so proud of myself that I had to stop by Sonic on the way home to get myself a creamslush as a reward.

On the way home, I saw an item in front of a nearby trailer (remember that I live in a trailer park- it's classy, yall) being given away for free. Let me show you it:



Fontanna speculated that it is perhaps a shower chair. I like to think that it is a comfy camping toilet. Add one bucket and there you go! Fontanna added that there is also a nice padded seat for your friend to wait in line. I told her I was thinking that I should title the picture: "Hey, I found a place for you to poop, and it's free!" To which she gave me a hilarious mental image of her sitting and pooping on the contraption in front of the trailer with a look that says, "Hey, don't blame me, it was free".

Do you still want to be my friend after knowing I had this conversation? Hahaha, I just read the title of this post in relation to the padded toilet chair. I think I'll leave it.

Do you remember my post about zombies? My friend ucmama also dislikes zombies, a fact that I had totally forgotten when I wrote about them. Anyway, she posted a link to this great article about zombie neurology. Scientific proof that fast zombies cannot exist!

We had the house inspection today, and it went pretty well. The inspector called it the Taj Mahal in comparison to the first house he inspected for us. Now I really hope we can get the house because I wouldn't mind living in a palace. It was nice that we were able to get another look at the house, though. We haven't seen it in a couple of months. There is a slight snag, however. The furnace doesn't really work very well. Our realtor is going to try and negotiate with the seller's bank to get the replaced or at least fixed. If the furnace doesn't work, it's not likely a bank is going to give a loan for it. And then there's also the appraiser who has to go out and look at it and decide if it conforms to a VA loan, as well. There are a lot of repairs that we'll have to do, but they can be done over the next several years. None of them are particularly pressing. Well, none of them except for the furnace. We kind of need one of those.

Did I mention that Ben popped out a tooth? Well he did, and he bit me really hard tonight. I yelled really loud, and it scared him and made him cry. I felt really bad.

Quote from Chris today

"There's not just 13 year olds on the internet, honey. I'm on the internet."

If you see us moving into your neighborhood in the middle of the night, I swear we're not winos.

So, hey, uh, long time no see, huh? Sorry about that. I have a wriggling mobile creature to keep up with now. Ben has figured out he can move forward now, and he refuses to be a lap baby any longer. You should see us trying to hold onto him while trying to do stuff on the internet. The problem is we don't have much floor space that isn't dog infested in our trailer. So he learned the crawling basics on the bed. And then he crawled 3 or 4 feet for the first time on the floor in the play area at the Pocatello mall while we were there visiting my sister in law and her new baby (holy crap, that kid is cute). This was about a week ago. He gets frustrated because he's still working out the kinks, but he can get around. So we can't really corral him on the bed anymore. He's started to lunge over obstacles like the pillows we put around him to keep him in one place while we wash our hands after a diaper change. I knew our house would feel even smaller once Ben became mobile, and it does.

The very very good news is that our offer was accepted on the house we want. Yay! I've been making plans and decorating it in my head for weeks. We have our home inspection set for Monday. I hope I hope I hope it goes well. We really really like this house, and I can definitely see us being there for the next ten years or so. There's enough space for all of our hobbies and for Ben and any other kids we have. I'm really excited about it. Can you tell? Our realtor told us that if everything goes without a hitch, we could possibly close by the end of the month. That would be pretty incredible.

So, to prepare for our impending move, we decided to procure some boxes. I don't like buying boxes because I'm cheap, and there are plenty of used boxes that need good homes. I called the local liquor store, and they told us to come on over as they had plenty of boxes to impart to us. So whoever sees us moving in to our house will probably think we're total lushes. You'd have to be drinking a LOT of liquor to come up with all those boxes on your own. And, well, we'll probably be moving in the middle of the night because that's just how we roll, you know? We're definitely night people.

I'm really not looking forward to the packing and the unpacking, though. Every other time we've moved, it's started out organized, but by the end of it, we would just start throwing crap into boxes all willy nilly. Then we end up having boxes full of random stuff, and we don't know where to put any of it. So we end up having unpacked boxes sitting around for the next year or two. It's happened once or twice. True story. We'll get through it, though. We always do.

On the ppd front, I'm hoping this move helps. I think it will give me some motivation to make things better instead of wallowing in my own despair. My meds seem to be working less and less. I don't particularly want to increase the dose, though. I would rather pursue other methods of treatment. So when I go to my doc for my lady appt next week (oh, joy), I'll probably ask her for a referral to a therapist.

One last thing, and it's a happy thing- I'm twelve pounds lighter than I was when I got pregnant last year. Yay! That's a total of 64 lbs that I've lost since the peak of my pregnant weight gain. And yes, I believe my butt does look good in these jeans I'm wearing.

How is it that even when I get enough sleep, I'm still tired?

Anyway, no more whining. I'm tired of reading through my blog and seeing so much whining. Although, it shouldn't surprise anyone because I am the baby of my family. We babies love to whine. Just ask my siblings.

I've been thinking about what I could do for myself to feel productive and purposeful and not so much housewifey and mommish (not to be confused with Amish. I will not be doing anything to make myself feel Amish. Except for maybe that beard I've bee attempting to grow...). I think I may try to make things to sell on etsy. I love making things, but I can hardly ever think of anything to actually make for myself. I make a lot of stuff for other people, but I want to craft more! So, I think etsy is my answer.

However, I won't be able to do anything until we have a house. I desperately need more space, and we STILL (!!!) haven't heard back on the house we want. We do know that no one else has offered on it, though. It's looking good for us, but it could change any day. The not knowing drives me crizazy! I've been decorating every room in my mind. This is interesting to me because I've never really been much into decorating. I mean, we've lived in our trailer for three years, and I've never put paint up to cover the hideous fake wood paneling. It's more like sheets of particle board with wood panel wallpaper. Really, it's so ugly. But the idea of having a house has given me so much to think about, and I want to realize my ideas. I've never been very good at waiting, but I've had to wait for most major life events. Maybe Heavenly Father is trying really hard to teach me patience. I guess I'm just not a very good pupil when it comes to that.

Not a lot else is going on as of late. We've been starting to try solids with Ben, but he doesn't really seem to be ready yet. He's interested, but he still has the extrusion reflex. I'm not worried about it. He'll eat when he's ready. Until then, he just likes to play with the spoon. He's still gaining well and getting everything he needs from breastmilk, so his doctor isn't worried either.

I'll sleep when I'm dead

I started to post last week. I even wrote a couple of sentences. And the child screeched for me, and I never got another opportunity. Well, I lie a little. I've had the opportunity, but lacked the mental fortitude. Because writing requires me to also be awake. Well, somewhat.

The happiest news is that my husband is done with school for the semester. Yay! I'm so relieved. It's difficult, though. Because he wants to do a lot of the stuff that he hasn't been able to do during school, such as his hobbies. But I also really want to get stuff done that I haven't been able to do during school, such as my hobbies. And I require him to care for the man-cub. So we'll have to reach some sort of compromise with our time that will keep both of us happy. I'm sure we'll be able to come up with something.

I've been having some completely whacked out dreams. It's like my crazy pregnancy dreams just never stopped after gestation. I have insanely vivid dreams every night between every waking and also during every nap, no matter how short or long. I've had dreams about bloggers, dreams about famous people, dreams about my family (Chris is really Batman, yo), and of course, dreams about complete strangers. Creepy dreams, happy dreams, meh dreams, they're all there. Perhaps my subconscious is making up for the lack of adult interaction I get on a regular basis. Or maybe my subconscious is telling me that I desperately need a good solid eight hours of uninterrupted sleep with no one touching me.

An update on the house situation: We offered on another house, but someone else got it. We offered on yet another house, but it is a short sale. So we have to wait for the seller's lender to approve our offer price. The plus side is that the seller has accepted it. The crap side (yes, the opposite of plus is crap) is that their lender can take until July 15th to let us know. Technically, they have 120 days to decide, but they have the July deadline written in our offer. I really hope it doesn't take that long. I am so ready to move.

I should be in bed asleep, but it's been really bothering me that I haven't posted in so long. I mean, what will my fans think (ha ha!)? No really, I just need an outlet somewhere, even if it's not deeply soul-baring or anything. I need to make sure my brain still works a little bit. You know, just to crank out the drivel I produce here. I have this need that is somewhat hard to put into words. It started while I was pregnant, just in the first trimester. I love being a mother, but I'm terrified of having it completely define me. I blanch at the title of Stay at Home Mom, even though that is technically what I am. Not that I would like to work away from home or anything. I just want to be more than a mom. I want to have dreams, too. Which is fine, of course. That's what everyone will say. But these dreams that I make will have to be attainable, otherwise I'll be unhappy, which is no good. So I'm kind of afraid of aspiring to be more than a mom because I don't want to fail. Well, I guess I sort of can put it into words. Who needs a therapist to tell you things when you can just write it out on your blog? Anyway, I also feel a bit guilty for wanting to be more than a mom because that's what I've wanted for so long. Like being a mom is supposed to fulfill every lifelong dream I could ever have, but it doesn't. Blech. Mommy-guilt. Here, have a picture of my delicious offspring instead.



Bippity bobbity boo!

What's the worst that could happen?

I've been thinking about zombies lately. I don't really know why. I haven't watched any zombie movies in quite some time. Because I hate zombies, and they freak me out. Especially those fast moving, thinking zombies. I honestly have never watched any movies featuring them because I may be forced to crap in my pants. And I just don't want to do that, you know?

I don't really believe in zombies. How would they fit into Heavenly Father's plan? However, they are still scary. So, I have had to really think about them, so I can be ready when the zombie apocalypse happens. It will be kind of difficult for me to be ready. I mean, I'm not a good shot and I'm very clumsy, but I should be faster than the zombies, at least. I think if zombies really existed, they'd be the slow, falling apart kind. I also think they'd have rigor mortis, which would definitely benefit the living. So, they would have a very difficult time moving around. Perhaps they would have to steal some Rascals or something. That could be bad for us, but still, reaching, tearing, and biting are going to be difficult for these guys.

I don't really know if they'll be contagious. I guess that depends on how the zombie apocalypse gets started. It could be food poisoning, butt pennies, swine flu, or many other scenarios. So wash your hands, kids, and don't stick your change in your mouth. Here's a good resource for defending yourself from zombies.

I don't really have any sort of a segue from that, so I'll just stop there. Zombies have just been on my mind lately.

I just realized that I never gave an update on that house we were hoping to buy. The inspection revealed termites. Bummer. I really quite liked that house. I also really quite liked the price. But I guess you get what you pay for, right?

Today we're going to look at more houses. I don't necessarily love looking at houses. I really just wish the perfect house would fall out of the sky and land in my lap. Er, figuratively speaking, of course. Wouldn't that be awkward? And also, dead. We have approximately eleventy billion houses on our list to go and see, and I have to think that one of these absolutely has to be the one. Pretty please? I just want to buy a house and move already. We're so cramped. I need Ben to have his own room, so we can work on him sleeping by himself.

Blech. Ben and sleep. Like oil and water. Well, unless I'm laying next to him. Then he'll sleep for as long as his fidgety little body will let him. But we have to stop co-sleeping. We must. It's not that I don't enjoy the closeness to him because I really really do. It's his fidgety little body. The night before last, Chris and I awoke to him yelling, lying across the bed grabbing Chris' back and kicking my stomach in his sleep. Chris slept on the pullout bed from the couch last night because he seriously needs some sleep, the poor guy.

Ben also needs to be able to sleep by himself because he really needs naps. I don't need as much sleep as he does, and he doesn't want to sleep without me. He wakes up scared and cries and needs me to help him back to sleep. Then when he actually wakes up, he's clingy and he's afraid I'm going to leave him. And then he doesn't want to play by himself. I've tried to get him almost to sleep and then lay him down a la the No-Cry Sleep Solution, but his eyes pop open and he wants to play. So, I'll be trying it again, but I want to try it when he has his own room. It will make it much easier for me.

Thanks for stopping by

I've composed so many blog posts in my head, but I'm sure I don't get credit because I never actually wrote any of them. That's just too bad for you, huh? I bet you feel like you're really missing out. No? Oh. Fine, then.

I came home from Georgia a few days ago (is it really Tuesday already?), and I'm just so glad I was able to go. It's not very often that all of my siblings and I are able to converge in the same place. I enjoyed it, to say the least. I was able to meet my sister's little boy who was born exactly two weeks after Ben, as well as my niece's baby, who was born last summer. They were both delectable. Ben had a good time. We also took some family pictures out in the front yard on Easter. My husband was the only one not present out of all the extended family. So when it was my family's turn to have a picture with my mom, we had to improvise.

A good time was definitely had by all.

And because I have nothing else in my head (I waste all my decent prose on compositions in my head while I'm driving), you should watch this:



You should also check out the videos linked on my husband's blog.

How do I love thy mullet? Let me count the waves...

My husband has a habit of secretly changing my desktop picture when I'm sleeping. Imagine my horror surprise when this picture appeared on my desktop after closing Firefox one fine day.



His name is Reginald. I do not know if he has any brothers, but he may still be available if you'd like to look him up. Actually, my money says he still lives in his mother's basement.

The funniest thing about it is that as soon as Ben saw the guy's face, he broke out into the biggest smile. In fact, every time Ben looks at him, he gets a giant gummy grin. My guess is that he thinks Reginald is his father. This makes me laugh, and it also scares me a little. Because you know, I am married to Ben's actual father, and if he follows through with his plan of growing a mullet and a thin mustache after he gets out of the Army, well. Then I will be married to Reginald.

In other news, we put in an offer for a house and it was accepted. The only real thing standing in between us and potentially our new home is the inspection. I have a really good feeling about this house, but I don't know if maybe it's because I just really want it to work out for us, you know? But we find out everything on Monday. I'm nervous and hopeful. We're willing to put in some work on a house as long as it's not something that has to be done immediately or something that will just cost too much to make it ultimately worth it.

Not much else has been happening. But I will be flying home to Georgia to see my family on Tuesday! I'm pretty excited about it. If I'm not mistaken, both of my brothers will also be visiting at the same time, so we'll all be together in the same place. Yay!

ETA: The picture of Reginald is from Sexy People. Go there. You won't be disappointed.