Firelight

Our house still has its original electric furnace.  Blech.  That means it costs us an arm and a leg to use it.  We found that out the hard way.  Chris and I don't like to be cold.  We hates it.  And because we are self indulgent, that means our furnace has always been set on 71 or 72 in the winter.  Because we also like lounging around in our underwear.  We're way spoiled, obviously.  So our power bill for December was absolutely outrageous and somewhat crippling, really, and now we've had to change the way things are meant to be. 
Luckily for us, our house came with a wood stove.  It's a smallish old thing and it's a bit drafty, but it appears to actually work well enough to keep our entire house warm.  We were thinking about getting a new one, but I think we've nixed that plan.  We were also thinking about getting a new furnace, but that was dismissed as well.  We are determined not to go farther into debt. 
So I've been learning how to build a fire in the wood stove.  I've had limited experience trying to build them in my in laws' wood stove, but I've always failed.  I've also pretty much failed in building lasting, hot fires in our little stove- until today, my friends, until today.  I woke up too late to revive the fire Chris built this morning.  I tried, and I'm actually a bit decent at fire revival (but let's face it, it's pretty easy), but there just weren't enough live coals left.  And then I built a fire that I had to fight a bit to get going, but eventually, it was beautiful.  I'm so proud of myself, folks.  It took a while for it to start radiating heat into the rest of the house, but right now it's comfortable enough that I could be in just my underwear if I wanted to be.  But, uh, don't worry 'cuz I'm not. 
My husband and I sat down yesterday to look at our finances and make a plan for the next couple of years.  First off, it was really apparent how much less we make without me working.  I realize that what I do at home in caring for our kid is valuable, but I still feel guilty about not contributing to our income.  I'm not sure I'll ever stop feeling guilty until I find some way to add to our bank account through my own efforts.  Chris doesn't feel the same way as I do, though.
The process of looking ahead and making plans was really upsetting for me.  Chris already talked about it on his blog, so I guess I can say something here.  He's *probably* (but not certainly) going to be deployed again sometime later this year.  I've done pretty well about not dwelling on it, but we had to talk about it last night, and I'm just really messed up about it.  I hate it so much when he's gone.  And this time I'll have Ben, and and just wish we could all be together.  We've been trying to look at the positives like the extra pay that will be coming and how much we'll be able to save, but to be honest, the money just isn't worth it to me.  I just wish he could stay home with us.  But time will probably go even faster than it did last time he was deployed.  We were thinking that we'd record Chris reading a bunch of books on video, so Ben can see him every day.  I want him to be able to recognize his Dad when he comes back.  Any other ideas on what we could do to keep them close during the deployment?

I've got to wrap this up, but I don't want to end on such a crappy note.  My title reminded me of this SNL short.  It makes me laugh so much.

The Ghost of Christmas Trash

That is actually a real title in my husband's family on Christmas.  Santa is the person who hands out the presents from under the tree, and The Ghost of Christmas Trash is the person with the trash bag for all the wrapping paper, obviously.  It started a few years ago when my husband put a big black trash bag over his body and declared himself to be the ghost of Christmas trash.  Everyone thought it was pretty funny except for his grandmother who exclaimed, "The child!", in reference to my young brother in law who was 9 at the time.  She was afraid he would be influenced to put a bag on his head and suffocate.  It's still a joke, of course.
I hope everyone's Christmas was wonderful and all you expected.  We had a great Christmas.  I managed to finish all my projects except for one, so I'm pretty happy about that.  And I, of course, forgot to get pictures of them.  I'll have to request pictures from their new found owners.  I received some very nice gifts which are also practical.  I love to get practical things.  I believe in owning fun

Blech.  Half of my post just got eaten, and it makes me grumpy.  I'll just have to finish it later.  Sorry, folks.

Happy Christmas Time

When I was growing up, I remember my mom making Christmas candies and giving out plates of them to friends and neighbors.  I don't really know how often she did it.  It could have been every year or maybe just a few.  But it happened enough for me to remember, so I'll call it a tradition.  I've always wanted to do Christmas candies, but never have until now.  And so I did.  Yay!  The end.

Okay, so I'm having trouble thinking about something good to write for you.  For one, I really did make cookies and candies, and if you know what's good for you, you'll make these right now.  I also made truffles, but I wasn't super happy with them.  I'm a truffle snob.  Ben tasted a bit of everything I made because I'm a terrible mother.  But he was pretty happy about it. 
Truth be told, I was hoping that it would make me feel more ready for Christmas, and it so didn't.  I do this to myself every year, don't I?  You think I would just buy all my Christmas gifts like a normal person, but I like making things for people.  It's just that I have this affair with procrastination (my husband's totally in on it, too btw), and the little munchkin that demands my constant attention doesn't necessarily help either.  He is fascinated by whatever it is I have in my hand, whether it's yarn or fabric.  I do, however, have those times to myself when he goes to the sitter, but those times have thus far been lacking in productivity for various reasons.  I can feel my anxiety bubbling up.  Will I be ready for Christmas?  Will I be able to get all that I had planned done?  What if I don't?  What if I grow a hunchback and move into a church to ring the bell and fall in love with a young gypsy woman named Esmerelda?  What if, what if, what if?! 
I know that my therapist would ask me what would happen if everything didn't get done.  And I would say that nothing would happen, at least nothing bad.  So why am I so stressed?  I guess if I'm going to set expectations for myself, I shouldn't set them so high.  That doesn't really keep me from feeling like a failure now, though.  I'm still working on my projects, though.  Hopefully I'll finish.  I have four more days of Ben's being at the sitter before Christmas, which gives me 16 hours of child free work intensive project time.  I can do it, I can do it!
Gosh, I'm so whiney.  Some things just never change, heh.  Okay, annoying pity party over.  It's been snowy for the past couple days, and we're supposed to have more here and there throughout the week.  It makes me really wish that Ben could walk, so he could play in the snow.  I mean, I guess he could, but it's pretty cold to be crawling around in the snow.  He's getting really close to walking, though.  He's actually starting to show interest in it, which was lacking even a week ago, it seems.  He'll take a few steps in short spaces to get to something else.  It's exciting, and he's really excited about it, too.  I have a question for you other moms out there who have been doing this for longer than I have.  Is there every a time when you're not just completely interested in every little thing your kid does?  Is it the novelty of having a child that makes me excited about everything he does, or is it because it's him who's doing it?  Because I love him and he's a part of me and I'll always feel like he is even after he grows up, gets himself a wife and moves to Houston (purely hypothetical; I'm pretty sure the world will end before that happens)?  Actually, though, Ben's training to become a chef.

Is he supposed to be a mom?

I forgot to post this before, but it makes me laugh so much.  I keep seeing this ad all over facebook, and I can't figure out why they used this guy's face other than to be really funny.

I was trained to do that with peanut butter.

I had four hours all to myself yesterday, and it was blissful.  I ran errands, did dishes, vacuumed, and went over our budget without having to worry about Ben needing anything from me.  Even though I was still doing things that weren't necessarily fun to do, I still felt refreshed.  And when I brought Ben home, I was happy to spend a couple of hours solely devoted to playing with him and soaking in his big happy smiles.  Yes, this is going to work out really well for us.

Here is one of the diapers I made for Ben.

 

 

It is very hard to get good pictures of it while he's wearing it.  If it looks really bulky, that's because it is at the moment.  It has several inserts in it for extra absorbency for bedtime.  When I'm able to make some wool soakers, those will probably be better for nighttime pee soakage.  They fit fairly trim during the day when he doesn't need all the extra padding.  But I won't even be able to finish making all these diapers until after Christmas, I'm sure, so I'm still doing a mix of cloth and disposables right now.  And you know?  Cloth really isn't hard to do.  And I really like that any rash he gets wearing disposables is gone within a day of using just cloth diapers.   And I also really like to sew and knit.  It just kind of works for me, I guess. 

You know how I posted about performance anxiety?  Well, you're about to see the closest I am probably ever going to get to singing in public by myself again (well, besides the errant karaoke every now and then).  We got a good Black Friday deal on a digital video camera, and I decided to record myself singing.  I figured I'd probably end up deleting it because I always end up hating how I sound in any recording.  But I watched it, and aside from my recurring ped lip and various strange faces, it actually didn't make me want to vomit.  So I'm sharing it with you because my blog audience is pretty small and mostly family and friends, and I don't have to look at you while you watch it (or don't watch it).  And if you have something bad to say about it, you can tell each other about it and not me!  There's a reason I'm not destined for American Idol, people.  And Simon Cowell's meanness is that reason!  Well, that and inadequate talent, lol.

The best part of this video is Ben trying to open the door in the background in the last minute.  That kid is so stinking cute.  As soon as we can get a video of him laughing hysterically, I promise to post it.  His laugh is so contagious and adorable, but I am pretty biased, I guess. 

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, er, almost a week ago.  What the heck?  Really?  I swear, I spend all my time wondering where all my time has gone.  Apparently, I should manage my time better.  Easier said than done. 
My Thanksgiving was great.  I ate my turkey and mashed potatoes with my father in law's amazing gravy.  Everybody liked my pies, which always makes me happy.  I love making food that other people like to eat.  I also like making food that I like to eat.  We played Rock Band, and I sang a Journey song and an Allman Bros song.  Everybody sang at least once.  Well, I guess not everybody, but almost.  The dumb thing is, though, I got performance anxiety.  I always do, even in front of family.  I don't even care if I fail miserably in front of them, and we make a joke about it that lasts forever.  That already happens all the time.  Chris will never let me forget about the time I tripped on NOTHING and fell while we were dating six years ago.  And there was also the time that he called me and woke me up, and as I got up out of bed, I discovered that my legs were asleep.  I fell on my face, and the phone flew out of my hand.  I also made a bit of a screamy sound.  These two incidents were in the same time period, and every time I've forgotten about them, he inevitably reminds me. 
So, yes, performance anxiety.  I hate it.  I would love to feel confident enough to sing in front of people because I really do like to sing quite a bit.  And I'm pretty sure the whole "imagine everyone is in their underwear" thing wouldn't work for me because then I couldn't look at anyone!  I don't want to see a bunch of people in their underwear.  What if they have really apparent skid marks?  Ewwwwww. 
I sang a song with my brother at my grandfather's funeral.  We didn't know that song, but he and I were able to familiarize ourselves with it and practice a bit before we were supposed to sing it in front of everyone (my aunt was supposed to sing it, but she got sick right before and lost her voice.  Boo.).  So, we're singing, and it's really wonderful and I start feeling comfortable and I start into this really emotional part of the song, and I look down to find the next words to sing and I have no freaking idea where I'm supposed to be.  Thankfully, no one was there to hear us sing (my brother did not mess up because he is not a freak like me).  They were there to pay their respects to my awesome grandfather.  But it was like my subconscious was all, "Wait, what?  You think you can actually do this?  Okay.  Well how about THIS?!  You don't know what the words are do you?!  Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"  To which I am all, "Screw you, subconscious.  Screw you."
In other news, I have found a sitter to take Ben to twice a week for several hours.  I'm really really excited about this.  I get to vacuum my house without having to hold Ben and having him still freak out because he is seriously distrustful of that machine.  It is not easy vacuuming while holding 23 lbs of freaking out.  And then, I also get to sew and knit and crochet and hopefully create an inventory to open up a shop on Etsy.  I've been wanting to do this for a while now.  But first, I have to finish Christmas projects.  I hope I can get them done.  Every time I pull out my yarn and needles while Ben is happily playing with his toys, he senses that I am about to be productive and seeks me out.  Which would be fine if he didn't want to play with what I'm holding and then protest loudly and violently when I don't allow him to.  So then the yarn and needles get put away and nobody gets to play with them.  *pout*  Because Mommy can't share, dang her.  I've even tried giving him a different skein of yarn, but it doesn't work.  He wants the one I'm using.  Every time.  So hopefully, I can jump start all these projects and finish them in the next three weeks (!).
I just realized that it's 3 am.  I woke up and 1, was not able to get back to sleep by 2, and told myself I'd have to go back to bed again by 3.  I'm tired of insomnia. 

Obviously what I need is a Thanksgiving turkey

It's five in the morning, people.  I woke up at two, and I have not been able to get back to sleep.  I hate it when this happens.  It doesn't really help that the whole time I'm trying to get back to sleep Ben is flopping around and turning sideways to put his little tooting pee butt in my face.  I love the kid, but really, no one likes it when farts (disgustingly warm and moist, I might add) are propelled into their face point blank.  Not even from their own spawn, I tell you.  I'll probably get pink eye now.
The problem is that I am tired, but I cannot sleep.  I believe there is a term associated with that.  I can't remember, but it is either zombification or insomnia.  Is it possible that I have become what I fear most?  No, not a cockroach, but I'm pretty scared of those, too (don't judge me- they're so icky!).  I meant a zombie.  I suppose you could call me a zombie in the sense that all mothers are.  100% walking dead all the time- now without brain cravings!  What kind of cruelty is it that as I get older, I require more sleep to function but am offered exponentially less than when I was a child?  I should have thought ahead and slept during the ages 13-18.  It would have been time better spent, I tell you what.
I'm getting excited about the holidays.  I've gotten just one present for Ben.  I'll probably get him one or two more, but he doesn't really know what it's about anyway.  I'm having trouble not giving that present to him, though.  It's this thing here, and I wonder if it will help him to learn how to walk.  Or at least give him more confidence that he actually will walk.  He knows what it's all about, but I think he's afraid of falling.  Which is kind of weird because he doesn't seem to be afraid of tumbling down the stairs face first or climbing into or onto anything and everything that can conceivably be climbed. 

He climbed into the dryer by himself while holding those two spools of thread (must have something in each hand, preferably similar objects).  Luckily, we don't actually make it a habit of leaving the dryer door open.  I was standing there doing laundry at the time of the incident.  And yes, that is a black eye he has from falling face first onto a toy.  I also have a picture on my phone of him with his hand on the doorknob trying to open the front door.  Also luckily, we're in the habit of keeping that thing locked.  It's only a matter of time before he figures out how to turn it.  

I digress.  Holidays.  I love them.  My husband does not share the same affection for them as I do, though.  He's such a grump.  I think that'll change as we have more kids and they get older, though.  I have such great Christmas memories from growing up.  I remember when I must have been three or four and I slept in the living room because I wanted to catch Santa.  And when I woke up on Christmas morning, I had wet myself.  Er, okay, so maybe that wasn't particularly the best example of a great Christmas memory, but it still gives me the warm fuzzies.  Not wet warm fuzzies, mind you.  I finally outgrew that, you'll be happy to know. 

I love love love Thanksgiving because I love love love food.  'Tis the season to be a glutton, that's what I always say.  Okay, I don't always say that.  Just occasionally, like right now.  My father in law makes a pretty incredible turkey gravy.  Seriously.  I could drink that stuff.  That coupled with my mother in law's mashed potatoes makes me never want to be anywhere else for Thanksgiving (but only because I don't ever have the money to buy plane tickets to GA during the holidays- I promise, Mom!).  I'm so excited for next week.  I'm drooling already.  But I'm totally buying a turkey breast to make for me and Chris.  How else will I be able to sleep between now and Thanksgiving?  Tryptophan, people. 

Baby butts, revisited

Remember how I was thinking about cloth diapering before Ben was born?  Well, it never happened, but I'm thinking about it again.  This business about diapering is a lot easier now that his poops aren't so, er, runny and the happenings are considerably less often than when he was exclusively breastfed.  So, I'm going to do it.  But I'm not going to buy those really expensive one size pocket diapers.  I'm going to make my own.  My mom suggested it to me right before Ben was born, and I was all, "Are you crazy?  People don't make their own cloth diapers!  Pshhhhh!"  And, uh yeah, like usual, my mom knew what she was talking about.  People do make their own cloth diapers, and they can be as simple as the old fashioned prefolds or as convenient as the pricey all in ones, which are basically washable .  Yeah, guess which ones I'll be making.  (I'll give you a hint- they will be the ones I can convince my husband to use.  Do you think that would involve more than one piece to the diaper?  Probably not.)  
Cloth diapers that people make can be just as insanely adorable as those mega expensive brand name clothies.  I will actually probably do a combination of fitteds (which will require separate covers) and all in ones (which the husband will most likely use the most).  I mostly just want an excuse to knit up some cute little wool pants for Ben to wear as covers.  I'm also putting a layer of bamboo velour to hug Ben's little butt.  Maybe I will also make myself some panties out of the velour because it just sounds like it would feel nice.
This renewed desire can be 100% attributed to the Relief Society Pres. in my new ward.  Apparently there are quite a few families in our ward that make and use cloth diapers.  She also knits, crochets, sews, quilts, and shares my birthday.  No wonder I like her so much.  If you didn't know already, Chris and I both have kind of extreme social anxiety when it comes to groups of people.  So church can be kind of a hard thing for us.  My admission is this: we just finally worked up the courage to go to our new ward a couple of Sundays ago.  Everyone has their own trials to deal with, right?  I just happened to meet someone who shares this one with me.  It's pretty easy to talk each other out of going to public social settings, but it's something we're working on.  Well, with church.  Everything else can just live without us.  Anyway, I really like my new ward.  They're super nice even though they probably mostly think we're inactive heathens, and they're probably afraid of offending us and turning us away from the church.  How would they know that we actually do have testimonies, and we're just scared of people?  Gosh, that just sounds so dumb to put out there.  Dur, I'm askeered of people, yall.  But it's true.  I have been for a long time. 
On a completely different subject, check out this video my husband sent me today. 
 
 I love a capella groups- especially when they vocalize instrumental sounds.  I think it stems from family sing alongs in the car to "Witchy Woman" by the Eagles.  The guitar makes a neeeeer, neeeeer, neer-neer neeer sound.  If you listen to the song, you'll know what I mean. 

Obviously, I am such a slacker, but I'll make up for it, I promise!

No posts at in October?  Really?!  Anyway, a lot has been happening.  Ben's birthday and my fifth anniversary is coming up on Tuesday.  Ben will no longer be my infant, and I will have been married for half a decade.  I feel so old, lol.

 To celebrate Ben's birthday, we had a Halloween party.  Ben was a pirate. 

My sis-in-law Shiloh made the cakes (and threw the birthday party).  They were so cool.  She has such a great imagination.  She didn't have any pirates to put on the ships, so she made them ghost ships.  They were a big hit!
 
After the birthday party, I went trick or treating with my friend, J and her kids.  Ben and I just trailed along with his stroller.  We seriously have so much candy left over from handing out to the neighborhood kids.  Obviously, I overestimated our need for candy.  And then we all had a homemade doughnut feast at my house.  It was delicious.  Good times, people, good times.  I really enjoyed it.

So my trip to Montana was awesome!  Jamie and I have so much in common.  Ben was completely crazy about her 3 year old boy.  He followed him around a lot.  And he also attacked him a lot.

But what I really want to tell you about is the super cute bag that Jamie made while I was there.  Check out this sweetness.

And she also taught me how to make this bag.  I was so excited to make it when I got home!  I worked on knitting things the whole time I was there.  So check out the bag I made.

 

My bag is bigger than the bag Jamie made because I used the original specs in the pattern.  However, I have enough fabric to make another bag similar to mine in the smaller size.  Someday when I actually make it, I think I'll have a giveaway and give it away.  I'm moving up in the blogosphere, people.  If not in page hits, at least in desirable content.  Hooray!  I also hate the word blogosphere.  Just for the record.

I guess I should also tell you that I got my haircut, and I really really like it.  I got the Amelie haircut, but I really should not have asked for the bangs.  Shorter bangs just don't look right on me.  If I had a picture of them I would post it, but I don't  My cowlick won't allow my bangs to lay flat against my forehead.  Now really, what was I thinking?!  I don't think these pictures really do my haircut justice.

(Aaaaaaaaargh, I'm givin' ye tha stink eye!)

 

 (Oh hi, check out my premature waddle.  What the crap?!!!  I told you!  I'm getting old!)

Hmmmmm... I'm thinking the back needs a trim already...  Now if you'll excuse me, I have too much candy to eat, so I'd better get started.

Fall rushes in

Something about fall makes me more introspective.  I don't think I'm the only one, am I?  Maybe it's because I don't have to think about how dang hot it is all the time (Yes, I said dang, and I frequently say dangit, much to my husband's amusement).  Perhaps it's because fall always marks another year that I've aged.  Maybe it's because it's knitting season again.  Or then again, maybe I just think a lot. 
I looooooooove autumn.  It's always been my favorite season.  It makes me miss Georgia fiercely.  The leaves changing in those deciduous forests never fail to entrance me.  And maybe make me a little bit hungry; they look like Fruity Pebbles.  I'm pretty sure I discovered how much I loved this about GA before I left.  And now fall makes me nostalgic and a bit homesick for the south.  It's like remembering only the good parts of a relationship gone bad.  I mean, I don't sit around in the summer thinking about how much crappier it probably feels in GA.  And it does feel crappier.  I even relish the humidity when I go back to visit.  But when I lived there?  I HATED the humidity.  So, don't go thinking that I want to move back or anything, Mom.  That is definitely not where I'm going with this post. 
Actually, I don't really exactly know where I'm going with this post.  I was just surprised at how crisp and cool the air was today, and fall always makes me think of home.  And thinking of home makes me nostalgic and introspective.  There you have it.  That's why fall makes me more introspective.  I've answered my own question. 

I am soon to go to a state I have never before been to, but I have wanted to see for a long time.  Hello Montana!  I'm finally going to go visit a friend of mine there.  I'm really excited to go!  We're going to do all sorts of crafting and sewing and knitting and crocheting and jewelry making, and we're just going to be very very busy, as you can imagine.  Stay tuned for pictures if I can remember to take my camera with me to take them...

When history does that funny thing where it repeats itself

Remember last summer when my a/c went out at the trailer?  Indeed.  It happened at the new house, people.  Again, on a weekend.  And let me tell you, having a basement, a sliding glass door with a screen, and several windows we can actually open makes a huge world of difference in the comfort level until the repair guy can come on Monday.  Speaking of which, remember how I told you about our awesome realtors?  And how they purchased a home warranty for us?  Let me just say, we are very blessed because the whole a/c unit is covered for repair and replacement.  Huzzah!

I've been gearing up for Christmas projects for this year.  I'm making all my gifts again this year.  Uh, well, except for just one.   I'd forgotten about that one.  And I guess I'm not really making much for Ben either.  Most of his gifts will be purchased.  Okay, well, anyway, several of the gifts I'm giving this year will be made by moi.  And I'm excited.  I don't think I've made anything out of yarn since last Christmas.  Well, maybe.  Apparently nothing memorable.

Ben has started letting go of his supports and standing by himself for several moments.  It's funny because he's totally resistant to the idea of us holding his hands for him to walk around.  He's never been into that at all, no thank you.  But he can move himself around from one piece of furniture to the next while standing supported.  It's only a matter of time before his balance matches his desire, I'm sure...

He's also getting tired of my easy-way-out solid foods.  You know, the dry crunchy things that you can just put on their trays with no effort put forth by you whatsoever.  The other day he told me how tired he was of eating rice rusks by feeding a whole new one to the dog.  Then he looked at me and said, "Give me juicy delicious meat, Mother."  What can I say?  We must be raising him right.  His father was so proud.  So I'm going to have to start cooking more, since I have gotten fairly lax on it lately.  Ben pretty much enjoys ANYTHING we're eating.  So that makes things a little easier.  I realize I'm his mom, so I'm obviously biased, but I think it's really cute when he feels food falling from his mouth so he shoves the entire back of his hand into said orifice to push the food back in.  It makes me laugh. 

My postpartum shedding is driving me crazy!  I'm losing hair everywhere.  You wouldn't think it would be worse than having two heavily shedding dogs, but my hair is like two feet long!  My hair can often be seen stuck to the seats in the car, billowing in the air conditioning.  And I don't even want to talk about the hairballs that come out of the dryer.  Have mercy! (anyone EXCEPT Chris, name that show)  So I'm going to cut it on Friday.  I really like the Amelie haircut, and I have forever, but I'm afraid of my hair not working with it or my round face not working with it.  I don't really know how I should cut it.  I'm going to miss my long hair, though.  I love my hair.  I just can't stand it stopping up the bathtub all the time.  Blech.

Today* has happened 26 times in my life...

*I started writing this post on the 20th, but it took me FOREVER to finish it.

Well, technically it's happened 27 times to include the day I was born. I'm not really big into my birthday. It just doesn't have the same magic as when I was a kid. So, we usually don't do a whole lot. We'll probably go out to eat (Tucano's sent me a buy one get one free entree, so how can I not?) at some point when Chris has some time.

When I had a c-section to birth my son, my brother joked that my mom and I are like Russian nesting dolls. I was born by c-section also. That image is so hilarious to me. To think of me bursting out of my mom's stomach doing a crazy Russian dance and then Ben doing the same from mine. It's just really really funny.

On a side note, as Chris read what I've written so far over my shoulder, he suggested that perhaps he should have made my birthday magical. I asked him how he might do that, to which he responded that he could wear a magical fairy suit. That, my friends, is an even better image than the Russian nesting dolls.

I continue to be exhausted, but I'm discovering that I'll just need to cope. I bought the Baby Whisperer book on the recommendation of another blogger. I read most of it, and I really agree with so much of the philosophy in it. However, I tried the sleep method in the book, and while I really do feel that it would work for Ben, it's just not working for me for a variety of reasons. So I'm back to square one. We'll figure it out, though. I'm not really stressed about it at this moment; I'm just going to give it a rest for a bit.

Right now Ben is playing with a couple of pacifiers I bought for him because I'm hoping I can get him to take them again. He spontaneously stopped taking them around five months or so. It may be a long shot, but I'm going to try it. I'd rather him need the pacifier to sleep than my boob.

PPD is still plaguing me. It's really frustrating to me because I feel like I really have nothing to complain about. Life is really good. Sure, Ben isn't a great sleeper, but he is such a happy kid. He's a great little companion. We have a lot of fun together. But my depression has been worse lately, and I don't have a reason for it. So I'm going to go to a therapist. I really don't want this to affect Ben.

Making a motorboat sound

Ben is a climber.  He climbs everything, and he's gotten pretty good at it.  Before I knew this, I had him down in the playroom one day, so he could play and I could nap.  I woke up to find him sitting on top of his play table swinging one of his toys around.  This was also before he figured out how to get down from high places without breaking his neck (a skill he acquired just this weekend- YES!).  It's only a matter of time until he realizes he can move other objects to use as steps to help him climb instead of only utilizing the immediately adjacent materials.  And we are in such trouble when that happens.  I actually worry about that more than him learning to walk.

It's not necessarily common knowledge, but when I was a junior in high school, I attended a program at West Georgia that allowed me to enter college two years early.  I left early because I hardly ever went to class, and after the first semester I knew I needed to either go to class or leave.  So I left (which was SO dumb).  Anyway, my best friend, Kristen, at the Academy (I haven't seen her in 7 or 8 years) came through Boise on a cross country road trip, and she stayed with me a night last weekend.  It was really cool seeing her and reminiscing.  Usually when I think of my peers from back then, I feel so totally inadequate.  I haven't even finished my undergrad, you know?  And I guess I just have this image of all of them riding into the sunset with doctorates streaming behind them infusing life and flowers into the earth in their wake.  I also realize that's just a mechanism I've held onto for so many years out of guilt for wasting my chance.  Of course it's not like that.  They're people, I'm a person. There are countless paths each of us could have taken.  I didn't waste anything.  I can still finish school.  What I was trying to get to is that I didn't feel any of that inadequacy when Kristen gave me the low down on what's been happening in other Academy members' lives.  When I was given the reality of what has happened in the years since then, I am totally satisfied with where I am now (which is also why the PPD is so frustrating.  How do I know what to fix if I don't know what's broken in my life?).  I was relieved to feel that way.

I don't really have a good way to end this post.  That seems to be a theme of mine.  But if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to a very loud climbing hairy creature that sprang out of my stomach doing a crazy Russian dance. 

Ben keeps waking up in the middle of the night (usually between midnight and 2 am), and is awake for an hour or two. He wakes up and has to poop. And then he doesn't want to go to sleep again after his diaper change. SO that's fun.

I've been so tired lately. We're almost completely done with the trailer. I will say that I would be done already, but I haven't really done anything for several days. My mother in law is pretty much amazing and awesome. She helped me by cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, and she did such a great job. She isn't the only one that's helped, though. A lot of family members have helped, and I've been so grateful for it. All I have left is the stuff the previous occupants left in the storage shed. I plan on taking it to the dump so whoever buys the place won't have to bother with the junk. I really hope we can find a buyer soon.

Ben is growing up so fast. He's 10 months old now. So weird. He's also getting into everything. He pulls up to stand at my desk and tries to get his little hands on anything sitting close enough to the edge. He knows what "No" means, or at least he knows what the tone in my voice means. Then he gets really upset and cries when he concedes defeat. You see, he really really really wants to pull plugs out of their electrical outlets, wrap the cords around his body, and stick his fingers in to be shocked. He gets so very upset that we just won't let him do it.

I really need to post something more substantial, but it 3:30 am, and I think Ben's ready to go back to bed. And so am I...

All your coupons are belong to us

This post is for Eve and ucmama and well, whoever else wants to know how I've been "exploiting" the system, as Michael puts it.

First, you need access to coupons. If you want to stock up on items when you can get them at a really good price, you'll need several copies of each coupon. You can order multiple copies of Sunday's paper (ask the paper if they have any couponer's deals) or just ask around your neighborhood to see if anyone gets the Sunday paper, but just throws the coupon inserts away. I have a friend who does this, and she tells me she can get easily three to four copies of inserts. I am socially inept (okay, maybe just anti-social), so I get papers. I've already saved enough money to pay for the paper for quite some time. You can also go to The Coupon Clippers to buy multiple copies of only the coupons you need. It's generally pretty inexpensive. You can also find tons of free coupons to print out online at coupons.com, Grocery Smarts, manufacturer's websites, and pretty much millions of other places. They're seriously everywhere My first huge couponing haul was solely with coupons I had printed out from the internet. Well, those and doubler coupons from Albertsons. Oh, and Eve, you can go to Kroger's website to print store coupons or load them to your shopper's card. Usually, you can use a store coupon and a manufacturer's coupon on the same item. You should definitely find out what your stores' policies are.

So you have coupons now. The key to saving more than .55 (or whatever the coupon is worth) is to buy when the item is on super sale and buy enough to last you until the item goes on super sale again (but have one coupon per item, or as specified on the coupon ie. save $1 when you buy 2, etc.). Also double the coupon, if that's an option. Big sales happen in cycles, so usually your coupon will be good when the item is on super sale. Just remember to keep an eye on the expiration dates.

And that's it really. There are couponing blogs and websites out there that do all the work matching up sales and coupons for the stores in your area. My favorite is Krazy Coupon Lady, which is based where I live, but they also cover some stores in the midwest. Deal Seeking Mom is also one that I visit frequently. Although, you might be able to find other sites that cater more to your individual areas. Maybe couponing is so big around here, Utah, and Arizona because of all the Mormons who are stay at home moms. I found this site for you, Eve- Southern Savers. I'm still looking for a good one for you, ucmama.

As far as organizing your coupons goes, I like Heather's method here because I don't like clipping coupons I may never use.

I hope yall are able to get some good deals. It's been pretty nice for us to not spend so much on groceries.

Please indulge my rambling...

First, I want to talk savings. I'm still excited about couponing because I'm cheap! This is what I got yesterday


for $20.95. Heck yes, fool! Well, not that I'm calling YOU a fool. It's just, er, something I say. Like Mr. T, except that I'm nothing like him. Well, my mohawk does resemble his a bit... Anyway, awesome, right?

Next up, I want to talk about the never ending sleep saga that is my life. My most recent attempt in trying to get Ben to sleep by himself was to take one side of his crib off and put it next to my bed sidecar style. This worked and didn't work. Sure, he slept by himself, but he still needed me to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night. I knew he would, obviously, but I didn't know that I would bring him into our bed in my sleep, thus making the sidecar crib irrelevant. And on nights like last night where he tossed and turned and did cartwheels and flips and basically did an Olympic gymnastic floor routine in his sleep while we tried to sleep, co-sleeping just kind of doesn't work for us anymore. You know, like I've been saying for a while now.

So, what I'm getting at is that I really want to talk about sleep training. Which is a VERY taboo subject on the internets, but hey yall, I don't care how you get your kid to sleep. Maybe if it works for you, it can work for me, too. I'll tell you what has not worked. Cry it out. I tried it because it worked for some friends and family who I consider to be very good and loving parents and also sensitive to the needs of their children. It's worked quite wonderfully for them. The first night, Ben cried for an hour and a half. The second was an hour, the third an hour and a half, the fourth and fifth an hour each. He also slept for shorter and shorter periods each night after he fell asleep. And also, we were falling apart every night. It was just so awful to hear him cry like that. I'd never heard him cry like that before, and I haven't since then either. So, that particular method is out. Has anyone done something different to help their child fall asleep by his/herself? I'm going to moderate the comments on this post. If you are comfortable with sharing your method with the world, let me know. If you'd like to tell me (I will totally not judge you), but not the internets, I won't post your comment.

A little more info- we have a routine, a set bedtime, etc. I realize those are important to have for child, whether they fall asleep on their own or not. I appreciate any insight you have. I'm not dying over here or anything. I just want Ben to be well rested and also to be able to do something every once in a while when Ben sleeps. Well, last night I thought I'd die when Ben woke up to nurse for the millionth time and then decided he'd like to get up and play. Then I got to spend an hour trying to get him to go back to sleep. So, yeah, anything you'd like to tell me about that would be welcome.

And you'll know me by the little clipped pieces of paper clutched in my greasy fists

Apparently I took an unannounced hiatus from my blog. I meant to post before I went to visit my brother, but it just kind of didn't happen. And now that it's been almost a week since I got back, I decided it's high time.

So, as you may or may not know: we're poor. I don't have a job, and we just bought a house. To offset my lack of income, I've decided to hit this couponing thing full time. I've seen where other people have saved tons doing it, and I figure I can do it, too. I've dabbled here and there up to now. Several weeks ago, I got nine pints of Breyer's ice cream for a dollar and some change. It felt good. Last night was my real mega coupon christening, though. I bought $343.75 worth of stuff from Albertsons as a part of the current General Mills/Unilever promotion. If I had not put forth the effort in scheming planning my trip, I would have gotten it all for $200.51, plus $15 back in coupons to use on my next shopping trip, effectively making it $185.51. However, because I did plan and clip and go through the line six times with different transactions, it cost me $57.83 with another $15 in coupons, effectively making my contribution $42.83. And this is what I got:



Ahhhhh, it's beautiful, isn't it? Well, not the picture. I couldn't find our camera, so I had to use my phone. But look at how much stuff there is! There are 97 items on that table, which means I got everything for .44 an item! Anyway, I got all of my matchups from Krazy Coupon Lady, as well as all of the links to the internet printable coupons that I used. I don't get the paper yet, so all of the coupons I used for my haul were free ones I found on the internet. I also got my doublers just by asking for them at the customer service desks at a couple of Albertsons stores. I vowed never to shop at Albertsons because they outsourced my job to India (they're the grocery chain I worked for), but because I'm poor, my wallet speaks louder than my grudge. And also, savings are delicious to a cheapskate like myself.

On the home update, um, we're still not done moving. Arrrrrgh! And we really need to get done because we really really need to sell the trailer.

Ben is getting huge. He is crawling normally now instead of swimming across the floor like he used to. Although, he will still swim occasionally when he gets really excited about something. He's pulling up on everything and, consequently, falling and bonking his head a lot. He's also very much attached to his mama. Which is endearing, but also inconvenient because it means he wants to be in my lap 60% or more of the time. He never wanted to be in my lap in the trailer where there was no room to put him down, but now that he has the run of the whole house in this place, he mostly wants to be in my lap. Babies are mercurial little creatures.

Also, you should go to Cake Wrecks if you haven't already. It's hilarious.

Oh hai, Internets. We actually got our internet hooked up at our house a couple of days ago, but I've just been too lazy to post on my blog. Get this- Ben's awake, I'm posting on my blog, and I'm not holding him! Having space is pretty awesome. Our dogs also love it here.

Our refrigerator was delivered on Monday, and since then Chris has been figuring out how to install the water line to it. The instructions on the kit told us to drill a hole into the cold water supply pipe under the kitchen sink. This made him nervous, so we needed to find another way around it. You can read about the experience here.

I hate moving so much. I hate packing. I hate moving boxes and furniture. I hate unpacking. I hate living in between two homes while the moving happens. I'm so glad we don't have to move again for a long long time. Are you tired about hearing how much I love my house? I'm not tired of telling you. I love my house. I love our neighborhood. Love, love, love, love, love. Okay, I'll stop now.

So Phase 1 of getting Ben to sleep in his crib begins tonight. I left one side off the crib when assembling it, and I put it up against my side of the bed. I hope he can learn to sleep in it. He's just getting so big and pushing Chris and me off the bed in his sleep.
I just got him to sleep in it for his nap. I hope it lasts.

Chris and I have been talking about how we need more of a schedule and routine in our lives. We just don't seem to get as much done as we really need to do. I want to sew and knit and craft, He wants to paint miniatures and all of the wonderfully nerdy things he loves to do. We both want to start keeping a journal. I want to cook more from scratch (homemade bread, anyone?), and I want to start researching how I want to homeschool our kids. We desperately need to manage our time better. Why, facebook, why???? Who isn't addicted to facebook? Speaking of which, the guys who did that Bobby Denning commercial do a lot of funny videos. One of them is about facebook.


This post is awfully disjointed. I did tell you I need organization in my life. If you'll excuse me, I also need to change a poopy diaper.

We're about to leave our internet for our first night at the house. Yay again for a real house! So, I leave you with this. It's an incredible commercial for a business in North Carolina. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...

Home Sweet Home

We closed on our house yesterday, but I waited to post about it because our loan didn't fund until today. My dear sweet husband was convinced that we'd be the one out of a million that closed on a house but still didn't get it. When I called this morning to turn on the electricity and water (Waterworks said they couldn't come out until Monday. No water all weekend. Boo!), Chris wondered if we should have before hearing about the funding going through. Moving in boxes also felt very tentative. I kind of know how he felt, though. It still feels too good to be true, but it's true! We have a house! We own a home! It's awesome. And now we have a buttload of moving we need to do. That's the really not so fun part of getting a new house.

Our realtors were awesome enough to pay a locksmith to change the locks on all our doors (along with paying for our 2nd home inspection and a really good one year home warranty- if you need a realtor in the Treasure Valley, go to Don and Janice Cuff. They are awesome!). While we were waiting for the locksmith to finish up, our new neighbor from across the street came over to chat with us. We mentioned that our water wouldn't be turned on until Monday and he said, "Well I work for the city, so if you need water for the weekend, I can go grab my wrench and turn it on." And then he did. That was so cool. We also met our next door neighbors, and they were really nice, too. Hooray!


It just took me the better part of an hour since that last paragraph to get my child to sleep. He's always been one to fight sleep. Always, always, always. But for the past four or five nights, he's been almost as hard to get to sleep as he was when he was colicky. I'm going out of my mind. He gets to the edge of sleep, and he used to just pull off and roll over to play and wake himself up. Normally, I would just hold him from rolling over, put him back on the boob, and he'd go to sleep. Now he wigs out and screams to keep himself awake if I don't let him roll over. He won't allow the boob anywhere near his face because boob=sleepy time. He has also started to cry every time we even enter the bedroom when he's tired. I managed to get him to take a nap this morning, but I wasn't able to succeed a second time in the afternoon. He had half naps on the way to and from our new house. I'm so frustrated! Gaaaaaaaah!

My hygiene- it has reached new lows

Remember when I talked about how I don't shower as often as I used to? Well, let's just say that today I probably crossed the line of new mom filth into mega-stinky land. I won't lie and tell you that I remember when I showered last. Because I don't remember. Not even a little. I just know it couldn't have been too terribly long ago, judging from my leg hair stubble and the knowledge that I did shave the last time I showered.

I was in the living room with Ben, and Chris came in and stood there for a second.

Chris: Do you want me to watch Ben?

Me: So I can pack?

Chris: So you can take a shower.

Me: Do I really smell that bad?

Chris : Well, I caught a couple of whiffs earlier...

Me: Bahahahaha, okay. Thanks.

Chris: Thanks for what? Telling you that you stink? I didn't want to offend you.

Me: No, thanks for watching Ben, so I can shower. I think it's funny.

And I really do think it's funny. Otherwise I wouldn't be sharing it with the internets. I'm just trying to keep it real, people. Don't worry; I showered before writing this post, and I smell delicious.

I want to ask yall about the division of kid duties between mom and dad. I always feel kind of guilty for asking Chris to help me too much with Ben after he gets home from work. I know he's tired, and he wants to get some stuff done. At this point in the day, I'm also tired, and I also want to get things done. So where can I find a balance? Chris hasn't complained or anything. He likes spending time with Ben, but I just don't want to burn him out. What do you do in your house?