Fall rushes in

Something about fall makes me more introspective.  I don't think I'm the only one, am I?  Maybe it's because I don't have to think about how dang hot it is all the time (Yes, I said dang, and I frequently say dangit, much to my husband's amusement).  Perhaps it's because fall always marks another year that I've aged.  Maybe it's because it's knitting season again.  Or then again, maybe I just think a lot. 
I looooooooove autumn.  It's always been my favorite season.  It makes me miss Georgia fiercely.  The leaves changing in those deciduous forests never fail to entrance me.  And maybe make me a little bit hungry; they look like Fruity Pebbles.  I'm pretty sure I discovered how much I loved this about GA before I left.  And now fall makes me nostalgic and a bit homesick for the south.  It's like remembering only the good parts of a relationship gone bad.  I mean, I don't sit around in the summer thinking about how much crappier it probably feels in GA.  And it does feel crappier.  I even relish the humidity when I go back to visit.  But when I lived there?  I HATED the humidity.  So, don't go thinking that I want to move back or anything, Mom.  That is definitely not where I'm going with this post. 
Actually, I don't really exactly know where I'm going with this post.  I was just surprised at how crisp and cool the air was today, and fall always makes me think of home.  And thinking of home makes me nostalgic and introspective.  There you have it.  That's why fall makes me more introspective.  I've answered my own question. 

I am soon to go to a state I have never before been to, but I have wanted to see for a long time.  Hello Montana!  I'm finally going to go visit a friend of mine there.  I'm really excited to go!  We're going to do all sorts of crafting and sewing and knitting and crocheting and jewelry making, and we're just going to be very very busy, as you can imagine.  Stay tuned for pictures if I can remember to take my camera with me to take them...

When history does that funny thing where it repeats itself

Remember last summer when my a/c went out at the trailer?  Indeed.  It happened at the new house, people.  Again, on a weekend.  And let me tell you, having a basement, a sliding glass door with a screen, and several windows we can actually open makes a huge world of difference in the comfort level until the repair guy can come on Monday.  Speaking of which, remember how I told you about our awesome realtors?  And how they purchased a home warranty for us?  Let me just say, we are very blessed because the whole a/c unit is covered for repair and replacement.  Huzzah!

I've been gearing up for Christmas projects for this year.  I'm making all my gifts again this year.  Uh, well, except for just one.   I'd forgotten about that one.  And I guess I'm not really making much for Ben either.  Most of his gifts will be purchased.  Okay, well, anyway, several of the gifts I'm giving this year will be made by moi.  And I'm excited.  I don't think I've made anything out of yarn since last Christmas.  Well, maybe.  Apparently nothing memorable.

Ben has started letting go of his supports and standing by himself for several moments.  It's funny because he's totally resistant to the idea of us holding his hands for him to walk around.  He's never been into that at all, no thank you.  But he can move himself around from one piece of furniture to the next while standing supported.  It's only a matter of time before his balance matches his desire, I'm sure...

He's also getting tired of my easy-way-out solid foods.  You know, the dry crunchy things that you can just put on their trays with no effort put forth by you whatsoever.  The other day he told me how tired he was of eating rice rusks by feeding a whole new one to the dog.  Then he looked at me and said, "Give me juicy delicious meat, Mother."  What can I say?  We must be raising him right.  His father was so proud.  So I'm going to have to start cooking more, since I have gotten fairly lax on it lately.  Ben pretty much enjoys ANYTHING we're eating.  So that makes things a little easier.  I realize I'm his mom, so I'm obviously biased, but I think it's really cute when he feels food falling from his mouth so he shoves the entire back of his hand into said orifice to push the food back in.  It makes me laugh. 

My postpartum shedding is driving me crazy!  I'm losing hair everywhere.  You wouldn't think it would be worse than having two heavily shedding dogs, but my hair is like two feet long!  My hair can often be seen stuck to the seats in the car, billowing in the air conditioning.  And I don't even want to talk about the hairballs that come out of the dryer.  Have mercy! (anyone EXCEPT Chris, name that show)  So I'm going to cut it on Friday.  I really like the Amelie haircut, and I have forever, but I'm afraid of my hair not working with it or my round face not working with it.  I don't really know how I should cut it.  I'm going to miss my long hair, though.  I love my hair.  I just can't stand it stopping up the bathtub all the time.  Blech.

Today* has happened 26 times in my life...

*I started writing this post on the 20th, but it took me FOREVER to finish it.

Well, technically it's happened 27 times to include the day I was born. I'm not really big into my birthday. It just doesn't have the same magic as when I was a kid. So, we usually don't do a whole lot. We'll probably go out to eat (Tucano's sent me a buy one get one free entree, so how can I not?) at some point when Chris has some time.

When I had a c-section to birth my son, my brother joked that my mom and I are like Russian nesting dolls. I was born by c-section also. That image is so hilarious to me. To think of me bursting out of my mom's stomach doing a crazy Russian dance and then Ben doing the same from mine. It's just really really funny.

On a side note, as Chris read what I've written so far over my shoulder, he suggested that perhaps he should have made my birthday magical. I asked him how he might do that, to which he responded that he could wear a magical fairy suit. That, my friends, is an even better image than the Russian nesting dolls.

I continue to be exhausted, but I'm discovering that I'll just need to cope. I bought the Baby Whisperer book on the recommendation of another blogger. I read most of it, and I really agree with so much of the philosophy in it. However, I tried the sleep method in the book, and while I really do feel that it would work for Ben, it's just not working for me for a variety of reasons. So I'm back to square one. We'll figure it out, though. I'm not really stressed about it at this moment; I'm just going to give it a rest for a bit.

Right now Ben is playing with a couple of pacifiers I bought for him because I'm hoping I can get him to take them again. He spontaneously stopped taking them around five months or so. It may be a long shot, but I'm going to try it. I'd rather him need the pacifier to sleep than my boob.

PPD is still plaguing me. It's really frustrating to me because I feel like I really have nothing to complain about. Life is really good. Sure, Ben isn't a great sleeper, but he is such a happy kid. He's a great little companion. We have a lot of fun together. But my depression has been worse lately, and I don't have a reason for it. So I'm going to go to a therapist. I really don't want this to affect Ben.

Making a motorboat sound

Ben is a climber.  He climbs everything, and he's gotten pretty good at it.  Before I knew this, I had him down in the playroom one day, so he could play and I could nap.  I woke up to find him sitting on top of his play table swinging one of his toys around.  This was also before he figured out how to get down from high places without breaking his neck (a skill he acquired just this weekend- YES!).  It's only a matter of time until he realizes he can move other objects to use as steps to help him climb instead of only utilizing the immediately adjacent materials.  And we are in such trouble when that happens.  I actually worry about that more than him learning to walk.

It's not necessarily common knowledge, but when I was a junior in high school, I attended a program at West Georgia that allowed me to enter college two years early.  I left early because I hardly ever went to class, and after the first semester I knew I needed to either go to class or leave.  So I left (which was SO dumb).  Anyway, my best friend, Kristen, at the Academy (I haven't seen her in 7 or 8 years) came through Boise on a cross country road trip, and she stayed with me a night last weekend.  It was really cool seeing her and reminiscing.  Usually when I think of my peers from back then, I feel so totally inadequate.  I haven't even finished my undergrad, you know?  And I guess I just have this image of all of them riding into the sunset with doctorates streaming behind them infusing life and flowers into the earth in their wake.  I also realize that's just a mechanism I've held onto for so many years out of guilt for wasting my chance.  Of course it's not like that.  They're people, I'm a person. There are countless paths each of us could have taken.  I didn't waste anything.  I can still finish school.  What I was trying to get to is that I didn't feel any of that inadequacy when Kristen gave me the low down on what's been happening in other Academy members' lives.  When I was given the reality of what has happened in the years since then, I am totally satisfied with where I am now (which is also why the PPD is so frustrating.  How do I know what to fix if I don't know what's broken in my life?).  I was relieved to feel that way.

I don't really have a good way to end this post.  That seems to be a theme of mine.  But if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to a very loud climbing hairy creature that sprang out of my stomach doing a crazy Russian dance. 

Ben keeps waking up in the middle of the night (usually between midnight and 2 am), and is awake for an hour or two. He wakes up and has to poop. And then he doesn't want to go to sleep again after his diaper change. SO that's fun.

I've been so tired lately. We're almost completely done with the trailer. I will say that I would be done already, but I haven't really done anything for several days. My mother in law is pretty much amazing and awesome. She helped me by cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, and she did such a great job. She isn't the only one that's helped, though. A lot of family members have helped, and I've been so grateful for it. All I have left is the stuff the previous occupants left in the storage shed. I plan on taking it to the dump so whoever buys the place won't have to bother with the junk. I really hope we can find a buyer soon.

Ben is growing up so fast. He's 10 months old now. So weird. He's also getting into everything. He pulls up to stand at my desk and tries to get his little hands on anything sitting close enough to the edge. He knows what "No" means, or at least he knows what the tone in my voice means. Then he gets really upset and cries when he concedes defeat. You see, he really really really wants to pull plugs out of their electrical outlets, wrap the cords around his body, and stick his fingers in to be shocked. He gets so very upset that we just won't let him do it.

I really need to post something more substantial, but it 3:30 am, and I think Ben's ready to go back to bed. And so am I...