Friday, September 17, 2010

Oh, the dramz!

Okay, so they're actually letting Chris come home everyday after formation, and probably will keep doing so until he has to leave on Monday.  Which is also my birthday.  Boo!  It's a good thing I'm not all into my birthday anymore.  It's just really not a big deal anymore.  I don't think I've actually even had a cake in years.  Which is fine because I don't like cake.  That's probably why I never have one. 
Anyway, I'm sure I'll probably be pretty upset next week when I leave Chris at the airfield.  I'm thinking I should be able to see him when he has pass again right before he leaves the country.  We don't know when it will be, but I have an idea of around the time it *should* be.  So Ben and I are going to GA for a little while to spend Thanksgiving with my family and also be ready to drive to wherever Chris is when he goes on pass (he'll most likely be at one of two bases in the southeast). 
I'm so insanely tired.  I'm always tired right now.  Ben and the babies are pretty much sucking the life force out of me.  Which is as expected, but it's pretty much kicking my butt.  I keep waking up in the middle of the night at the tiniest little sounds, and then it takes me two hours to get back to sleep.  I'm pretty sure this didn't start happening to me last pregnancy until third trimester.  It's so frustrating, though.  I'm so glad Ben still naps, though.  If he stops wanting to nap before he's three and a half, I'm going to die.  Period. 
Blah.  This is so boring.  I don't blame you if you stop reading now.  Uh, if anyone is actually reading this now.  Hello? *echoes*  Yeah, I thought so. :) 

I got so bored just re-reading what I had written that I wandered off to read other people's blogs for a while last night.  I found this great charity album that was put together by Pacing the Panic Room.  The writer's step-son has Smith-Magenis Syndrome, which is an uncommon genetic disorder that affects the individual's physical and cognitive characteristics.  More research is needed, of course, and the proceeds from this album are 100% going towards that.  And the music is pretty awesome.  Children's music usually grates on my brain.  I HATE it.  You will never find a Wheels on the Bus cd in my house.  Because of course, Ben would love it SO much that he'd want to listen to it a million trillion times a day.  Perhaps I'm a really horrible mother because of this deliberate omission in his childhood (I don't care).  I already have to bargain with him as to how many times I will read his new tractor book to him in one sitting.  I didn't even know he knew the word 'tractor'.  Anyway, the music is for kids, but definitely enjoyable for an adult.  Ben is currently dancing around the room to "Potty Time" and yelling "POTTY!!!!".

We saw the babies again this past week.  I'm still not quite far along enough for their gender bits to be big enough for accurate identification.  However, the sonographer's guess is two boys.  TWO BOYS!!!  I'm may have three boys, y'all!  Just thinking about it makes me really really tired.  I was SO sure I was having a boy and a girl, but I think it was mostly in interest of self preserving my sanity (and also buying cute girl clothes).  So yeah, my sanity?  Will be losing it.  Baby A is pretty much definitely a boy, but she wasn't so sure about Baby B.  So we'll see in a month. 

Also, mah belly is huge.  One day I just looked kind of dumpy and overweight.  The next day I woke up and had a pregnant belly.  I just looked through my archives for comparison with my last pregnancy, and I'm already so much bigger than last time.  I'll have to take a picture because, uh, I've been too lazy to take any belly pictures thus far.  Except for a really crappy one on my phone, but I'm not putting that on here. 

Now if you'll excuse me, Ben is having a crisis because he can run his trains across the air vent in the floor.  I think he thinks it's supposed to be a track...

Monday, September 13, 2010

Chris is home on pass.  He has today and tomorrow left.  Time just doesn't stop.  No matter how much I wish for it to stop or will it to stop with my mind ('cause, you know, the whole 'willing things to happen with your mind' totally works normally...), time completely disregards my desires.  For the past several months, time has been somewhat of an aggressor in my life- constantly pushing me forward, hurtling towards some unknown future.  Well, unknown except for the fact that I knew my husband would have to go, and that is what I've wanted to avoid.  I've been trying very hard not to think about his impending absence, but the day is almost here.  I can  no longer avoid confronting his departure.

It's been easy to hold it together, simply because I've been in a sort of denial of time.  There's always been more time, so I would make the best of it.  But now there is no more time.  Well, a day and a half.  I have him for a day and a half more.  My house will feel so lonely when he leaves.

P.S.  I disabled comments on this post because I'm not looking to have a pity party of any sort.  I know folks feel bad for me and wish that it didn't have to be this way, and I appreciate those good feelings from people.  I just wanted to express what I'm feeling right now.