Tuesday, July 27, 2010


You know, I'm trying really hard to be a good sport about this morning sickness thing, but it just really really sucks.  I could at least tolerate it if I could just feel better after I hurl.  But of course not!  The focus of much of my day is to not puke.  And sometimes I lose it by the end of the day, and it's just bile.  I try to keep something in my stomach all the time because it's worse when I'm hungry, but it doesn't seem to be working so well anymore.  The dr's office offered me Zofran if it gets too unbearable, but I've read that it mostly just keeps you from throwing up, but you still feel sick.  I don't know.  Maybe I should try it.  Sometimes my nausea is debilitating.  If I move, I will puke.  I know.  Whine, whine, whine.  Well, I guess I can because it's my blog.  So there.

In preparation for Operation: Outnumber Mommy Overkill, we traded in my husband's truck for a minivan.  I'm not really one of those people who gets hung up about what kind of car I drive, so I'm not worried about looking like a soccer mom or anything.  Anyone who thinks that will see my slovenly butt get out of the car and perhaps change their mind.  Or not.  I don't care. 

But now I'm obsessed with the possibility that I may somehow land in a body of water somewhere and not be able to get all of my children out of the car.  I told this to my husband, and his response was, "Just don't drive into a lake or anything."  But what if a semi rams into me on a bridge?!  So I'm going to have to get one of these to be able to cut seat belts and break a window if I ever need to.  But two infants and a toddler?!  The idea of not being able to save one (or more) of them scares the pee pee out of me.  I know I'm being a little ridiculous here, but it still seriously freaks me out.  Luckily you don't cross quite as many long bridges over rivers in southern Idaho as you do in the northern part. 
Although, just a few years ago, there were five kids going to school (this happened in my husband's home town), and they slid on an icy road into a pond.  They all drowned.  I didn't even know these children, but I couldn't even read that article just now without crying, I'm still sad about it.  I also find it hard not to cry when I drive by that pond.  I can't imagine what it must be like for their parents.  So maybe that has something to do with why I'm so freaked out about my kids drowning in a car and me not being able to do anything about it.  It's just so horrible and tragic.
Yes, I know.  I'm crazy. 

Man, now I feel like Debbie Downer.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Not for the faint of heart

Or something.  This is a disclaimer that I will be talking about a yeast infection (mine) and associated parts (the vajayjay- also mine).  So if you are offended/completely grossed out by this, you might just want to skip this post.

Some people get a lovely pregnancy glow or shiny beautiful hair.  And then when other ladies get pregnant, they get yeast infections.  I guess I'm one of those ladies this time around.  I thought that maybe it was an allergic reaction to the new progesterone suppositories I started using.  (ahem, they do not go in the butt- in case you were wondering) But as time when on, and it got worse and worse, I realized the beast for what it was. 
I did some googling and enough reputable (although I admit, I'm using the term somewhat loosely) sources told me that it was okay to use Monistat.  So I get the seven day because it takes longer, so it will seriously just knock the crap out of that yeast, right?  I wasn't relishing the idea of having to stick progesterone and Monistat up the hooha for a week, but really, I don't like sticking something up there every day anyway and I have to, so it's moot. 
Did they do something to Monistat?  Change it in some way?  Because it burned like 300 flaming demon suns of evil doom.  I have never wished I could completely remove my vagina until that moment in my life.  I ran around the house doing the pee pee dance and basically dying.  I thought maybe there was a reaction with the progesterone and cursed my brain for not thinking of the possibility BEFORE I took it until I found some forum full of people talking about how horribly Monistat burned them.  Thank you, internet, for reassuring me that I hadn't ruined my vagina forever.  It was really hard to imagine otherwise at the time.  I called my OB, and they prescribed some diflucan.  I didn't want to go that route originally, but my yeast infection was so so so bad at this point that I just couldn't stand the idea of waiting for yogurt and probiotics to work.  It takes time, yo. 
So I was bragging at Jen at Maybe If You Just Relax that I hadn't puked in days(!)  I guess you must know what happened then.  Vomiting and lots of it.  (Wow, I am just the purest source of disgusting topics today, aren't I?  Thank you, babies!)  And queasiness that won't go away now.  I want to eat, but everything looks just gross.  I've been able to eat french fries and chicken sandwiches.  I'm doing somewhat well with salty.  I know I won't mind eating healthfully someday when I can actually eat again.  I made this casserole last night with broccoli, carrots, celery, brown rice, and cheese that I would normally just drool over.  I was able to eat it last night, but when I heated some leftovers for Ben today, I gagged.  It's sad because the concept tastes so good to non-morning sickness Bekah.  Anything with cheese on it tastes so good.  But not right now. :(  So sad. 
Okay, no more complaining about being sick (at least for this post).  I just didn't get hit with it very bad with Ben.  But it does make me feel better that the babies must be doing all right in there.  I'm anxious about my next ultrasound.  I'd be pretty upset if we lost one and didn't know it. 
I really should take some pictures of Ben to show you.  He's getting pretty big.  He's getting better at communicating, even though there's still plenty he tries to tell us that we just don't understand.  He's such a fun kid.  He's started to play pretend more.  He has a plush snake he sleeps with that everyone kisses every night (and a puppy and a koala).  Chris will make the snake hiss and tickle Ben's face with its tongue.  Well yesterday, Ben brings a tower of single mega blocks over to me and hisses while he tickles my face with it.  I just love that kid.  And yes, I think he's amazing and awesome and adorable and the best.  Because he's my baby.  Holy crap, what am I going to do with three babies?

Monday, July 19, 2010

It's like the song that never ends.

You know what's ironic about the title of my last post?  I still don't think my mom has even read it yet. 

I need to clean my house with an urgency.  And yet.  Here I sit.  Not doing anything urgently even though I should be.  I hate cleaning anyway, and moving too much upsets my stomach at the moment.  So yeah, it's like that.  I'm sure I'll get off my butt and do something about it today, though.  Ben keeps pulling can openers off the counter in the kitchen.  You know what really sucks?  That he can pull anything off the counter in the kitchen.  Man, it is really annoying.  It's my fault.  I'm supposed to keep the counters clear, right?  *grumble grumble*
Let's talk about Ben's sleep habits.  I know how boring it must be, but it's an all encompassing endeavor over here.  Before I started working at that temp job, Chris and I decided it was time to Get Serious about having Ben sleep on his own.  We put a chair outside of his door and after his bedtime routine, we kissed him, said good night, and put him in his bed.  Chris sat outside of his door until he fell asleep.  It actually went really well.  He got upset at first, but in a pretty short period of time, he fell asleep.  We had some ups and downs, but we managed to get it to where he was going to bed by himself consistently every night.  When he woke up in the night, it was usually pretty easy to settle him. 
Until, randomly, he started waking up in the middle of the night and not going back to sleep for three or four hours.  I was working by then, so we pretty much died.  We put him to bed later, and it stopped the extreme night waking, but I don't know if he gets enough sleep like this.  And now, he has decided that going to sleep is for suckers and he'd rather get out of bed, so I have to escort him back to his bed.  It's a game for him, but I don't know how to make it stop.  It usually takes an hour and a half to two hours to get him to go to sleep this way, and there's a lot of frustration on my part.  I don't like being grumpy and impatient with my kid, you know?
I guess I'll probably have to start from square one again, but even further from where we started in the first place.  We're doing kind of a modified version of The Baby Whisperer's Gradual Withdrawal, but now that he is actually able to sleep on his own, I don't know if that will work.  The problem seems to be that he gets up and wants me to take him back to his bed.  Now, I will lead him back to his bed, and just say something like, "It's time for night night, go to sleep, " and then go back to my chair, not engaging with him in any interesting way.  But for him, he thinks it's fun that when he gets out of bed, I get out of my chair and take him back to bed.  He just thinks that's hilarious, and he will do it again and again ad nauseum.  So, really, I'm just playing his game with him and helping him to prolong the inevitable of sleep.  So now, I have to develop a new strategy.  I know we wouldn't really have this problem if he was in a crib, but it's just not an option.  He has never ever ever been a crib sleeper.  And when I realized this, I took down the crib and got him a toddler bed.  Anyway, anyone else have this kind of problem?  Any suggestions?  Even though it takes so long to get him to sleep, it has been so blissful to be able to sleep in my own bed all night, next to my husband even!
Blah.  I guess I should go clean my house.  I've been putting it off for long enough today, I suppose. 

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Hi Mom

You're probably going to be the only one to read this, since it's been several months since I've posted anything here. 

Some big things have been happening around here.  I got a temp job.  I got fired from said temp job after two weeks.  Because I had one mild disagreement with my trainer.  I didn't even get rude!  But she told my boss I was being unprofessional, and that was that.  The week before The Incident my trainer was talking to me about the long term opportunity of the position.  I told her I wasn't interested at all in being hired on.  When I interviewed at the temp agency, I specifically requested no temp to hire placements.  My husband's being deployed soon (oh yeah, that's another thing), and I have no interest in doing the single working mom thing while he's gone.  It's hard enough being a single stay at home mom.  (Also, Mom, I don't know how the heck you managed working and taking care of six kids.  Honestly, I will never get over how insane that must have been for you.) 
So, anyway, when my boss was doing the firing, she said that the position was going to be around for a long time, and then said she couldn't have someone that couldn't get along with her lead person.  Okay, remember, it was a MILD disagreement.  I don't even dislike the chick at all.  We have a lot in common.  So, whatever.  Keywords, I think, are "position is going to be around for a long time".  I think they just didn't want to put all that time into training me when I was going to leave and then they'd have to get someone else.  Whatever.  I didn't like working full time in downtown Boise anyway.  It added an extra unpaid two hours in traffic during which my head exploded daily.  I realize that Boise traffic isn't as bad as most other metropolitan areas where they actually have people and all.  I do remember Atlanta being much worse, and I would probably kill myself if I lived in Provo and worked in Salt Lake City like my brother used to do.  Traffic still makes me angry, though. 
Yes, the husband is being deployed again.  It will be in the next few months or so for a year.  I'm worried about several things- of course, I'm worried about his safety.  I worry enough about him just riding his motorcycle to work.  I'm also worried about how I'll take care of the house and Ben while he's gone.  I envy naturally organized people.  I desperately need routines and organization, and that's just not my bag.  I mean, it took me long enough to get a solid bedtime routine for Ben, and even then it pales in comparison to the "recommended" bedtime routines from books.  It's just going to take practice and lots of discipline, I guess.  I'm also worried about being pregnant and giving birth while he's gone.  Uh, yeah.  About that.
We don't have that awesome fertility coverage on our insurance that we had when I got pregnant with Ben.  But when my period came back, we both felt like we should try for another kid.  After my second cycle, we decided not to leave it up to chance because we still had no idea what the condition of of our fertility was, and we just didn't have time with him leaving so soon.  So I went to the fertility clinic again.  Luckily, our insurance covered the meds and the initial bloodwork, but all the procedures and ultrasounds had to come out of pocket.  And that part hurt, let me tell you.  It was money that we just didn't have.  So we decided we'd just do one IUI, and if it didn't work, well, there's always next year when he comes home. 
Our fertility, by the way, is in the exact same state as before.  My body still hasn't gotten the memo about ovulating, and Chris' swimmers are still wonky shaped.  But you know what?  It worked.  I'm growing a baby.  Actually, I'm growing two babies.  My mind is still blown.  It took so many months of IUIs to get pregnant with Ben, and this time?  Once.  And we get to have twins.  I can't believe it!  But it's true.  Chris and I saw their tiny little hearts pumping away.  Of course, the unthinkable could technically still happen and we could lose one or both.  But at this point, the chances are way slim.  I would post the ultrasound picture, but I haven't scanned it yet.  We'll go back in two weeks for another peek at the babies at 9 weeks.  But as of now, their heartbeats are strong, and they're measuring perfectly. 
My morning sickness has been crazy bad this time around.  Some days I can't keep anything but water down.  Although there are some days that I don't puke at all, but even then I'm queasy all day.  But how the heck can I even complain?  I'm so freaking lucky! 
When I was trying to get pregnant the first time, I went to a lot of infertility message boards for support.  I saw a lot of women with primary infertility criticizing others with secondary infertility.  Saying they didn't have it as bad.  And you know what?  They didn't.  Primary infertility is worse.  I was instantly at peace with the idea that this one IUI might not work.  I'm sure I would have cried if it hadn't, but I still have my son to cuddle and kiss and love and mother.  Dealing with infertility was so different the first time around.  And I'll never forget how awful it was. 
So if you know me on facebook, and you're wondering why I'm not shouting the news from the rooftops, it's because of primary infertility.  I have friends on there that have been trying for years and years and years- tried all the treatments they could afford- to no avail.  Granted, I'm not very close to some of them, but I still don't want to be that pregnancy announcement that makes their day feel a little bit worse.  Most of them don't know my whole story with infertility, and I don't want to cheapen by saying, "Hi, I'm pregnant, but it's okay because I dealt with infertility too!"  Somehow, I don't think that will make them feel any better. 
But I will be happy and giddy and talking about the babies off of facebook, which is probably the reason I'm posting this now.  I'm still awfully worried about how I'm going to manage two infants and a two and a half year old with my husband overseas, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.