Friday, May 29, 2009

How is it that even when I get enough sleep, I'm still tired?

Anyway, no more whining. I'm tired of reading through my blog and seeing so much whining. Although, it shouldn't surprise anyone because I am the baby of my family. We babies love to whine. Just ask my siblings.

I've been thinking about what I could do for myself to feel productive and purposeful and not so much housewifey and mommish (not to be confused with Amish. I will not be doing anything to make myself feel Amish. Except for maybe that beard I've bee attempting to grow...). I think I may try to make things to sell on etsy. I love making things, but I can hardly ever think of anything to actually make for myself. I make a lot of stuff for other people, but I want to craft more! So, I think etsy is my answer.

However, I won't be able to do anything until we have a house. I desperately need more space, and we STILL (!!!) haven't heard back on the house we want. We do know that no one else has offered on it, though. It's looking good for us, but it could change any day. The not knowing drives me crizazy! I've been decorating every room in my mind. This is interesting to me because I've never really been much into decorating. I mean, we've lived in our trailer for three years, and I've never put paint up to cover the hideous fake wood paneling. It's more like sheets of particle board with wood panel wallpaper. Really, it's so ugly. But the idea of having a house has given me so much to think about, and I want to realize my ideas. I've never been very good at waiting, but I've had to wait for most major life events. Maybe Heavenly Father is trying really hard to teach me patience. I guess I'm just not a very good pupil when it comes to that.

Not a lot else is going on as of late. We've been starting to try solids with Ben, but he doesn't really seem to be ready yet. He's interested, but he still has the extrusion reflex. I'm not worried about it. He'll eat when he's ready. Until then, he just likes to play with the spoon. He's still gaining well and getting everything he needs from breastmilk, so his doctor isn't worried either.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

I'll sleep when I'm dead

I started to post last week. I even wrote a couple of sentences. And the child screeched for me, and I never got another opportunity. Well, I lie a little. I've had the opportunity, but lacked the mental fortitude. Because writing requires me to also be awake. Well, somewhat.

The happiest news is that my husband is done with school for the semester. Yay! I'm so relieved. It's difficult, though. Because he wants to do a lot of the stuff that he hasn't been able to do during school, such as his hobbies. But I also really want to get stuff done that I haven't been able to do during school, such as my hobbies. And I require him to care for the man-cub. So we'll have to reach some sort of compromise with our time that will keep both of us happy. I'm sure we'll be able to come up with something.

I've been having some completely whacked out dreams. It's like my crazy pregnancy dreams just never stopped after gestation. I have insanely vivid dreams every night between every waking and also during every nap, no matter how short or long. I've had dreams about bloggers, dreams about famous people, dreams about my family (Chris is really Batman, yo), and of course, dreams about complete strangers. Creepy dreams, happy dreams, meh dreams, they're all there. Perhaps my subconscious is making up for the lack of adult interaction I get on a regular basis. Or maybe my subconscious is telling me that I desperately need a good solid eight hours of uninterrupted sleep with no one touching me.

An update on the house situation: We offered on another house, but someone else got it. We offered on yet another house, but it is a short sale. So we have to wait for the seller's lender to approve our offer price. The plus side is that the seller has accepted it. The crap side (yes, the opposite of plus is crap) is that their lender can take until July 15th to let us know. Technically, they have 120 days to decide, but they have the July deadline written in our offer. I really hope it doesn't take that long. I am so ready to move.

I should be in bed asleep, but it's been really bothering me that I haven't posted in so long. I mean, what will my fans think (ha ha!)? No really, I just need an outlet somewhere, even if it's not deeply soul-baring or anything. I need to make sure my brain still works a little bit. You know, just to crank out the drivel I produce here. I have this need that is somewhat hard to put into words. It started while I was pregnant, just in the first trimester. I love being a mother, but I'm terrified of having it completely define me. I blanch at the title of Stay at Home Mom, even though that is technically what I am. Not that I would like to work away from home or anything. I just want to be more than a mom. I want to have dreams, too. Which is fine, of course. That's what everyone will say. But these dreams that I make will have to be attainable, otherwise I'll be unhappy, which is no good. So I'm kind of afraid of aspiring to be more than a mom because I don't want to fail. Well, I guess I sort of can put it into words. Who needs a therapist to tell you things when you can just write it out on your blog? Anyway, I also feel a bit guilty for wanting to be more than a mom because that's what I've wanted for so long. Like being a mom is supposed to fulfill every lifelong dream I could ever have, but it doesn't. Blech. Mommy-guilt. Here, have a picture of my delicious offspring instead.

Bippity bobbity boo!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

What's the worst that could happen?

I've been thinking about zombies lately. I don't really know why. I haven't watched any zombie movies in quite some time. Because I hate zombies, and they freak me out. Especially those fast moving, thinking zombies. I honestly have never watched any movies featuring them because I may be forced to crap in my pants. And I just don't want to do that, you know?

I don't really believe in zombies. How would they fit into Heavenly Father's plan? However, they are still scary. So, I have had to really think about them, so I can be ready when the zombie apocalypse happens. It will be kind of difficult for me to be ready. I mean, I'm not a good shot and I'm very clumsy, but I should be faster than the zombies, at least. I think if zombies really existed, they'd be the slow, falling apart kind. I also think they'd have rigor mortis, which would definitely benefit the living. So, they would have a very difficult time moving around. Perhaps they would have to steal some Rascals or something. That could be bad for us, but still, reaching, tearing, and biting are going to be difficult for these guys.

I don't really know if they'll be contagious. I guess that depends on how the zombie apocalypse gets started. It could be food poisoning, butt pennies, swine flu, or many other scenarios. So wash your hands, kids, and don't stick your change in your mouth. Here's a good resource for defending yourself from zombies.

I don't really have any sort of a segue from that, so I'll just stop there. Zombies have just been on my mind lately.