Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Ben has belly laughs in his sleep and give us the chuckles when we play with him. It is cute.
Ben slept last night. No kidding. I'm hoping for a repeat performance tonight, but I'm just so glad I had a little bit of a break. Thank you so much for your comments, by the way. I really appreciate them.
My husband is awesome. Okay, so that's not really news, but it is good.
And the best news of the day is this: You know how I'm getting laid off, right? Well, out of the three people in my group, I was getting laid off in the first quarter of next fiscal year (somewhere between March and June for us) while the other two ladies were given fourth quarter (which ends at the end of February). I asked if I could switch with one of them, and I was just told today that I can! Yay! This means I get my severance package (which is the only reason I wanted to work until getting laid off), and I'll get to stop working outside of the home sometime towards the end of February.
The bad news is: My dogs smell bad. Again, this isn't news at all, but it is bad.
Merry Christmas to you from us.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Now, this might not be so bad because I'm not working right now, except that I've been unable to sleep when he's sleeping. I've had insomnia pretty bad. And so by the time he's gone to sleep at the end of his crying jag, I'm so dead. It's only then that I finally sleep, and my brain wakes me up for the day about six hours later (I sleep with Ben so I barely have to wake up for him to nurse). I guess the only thing pulling us through is the promise that it will get better, which we've been told by pretty much everyone.
Unfortunately, this is all compounded by the baby blues that have not gone away. The baby blues that have only gotten worse (particularly with the lack of sleep). The baby blues that could now be considered postpartum depression. And it's pretty hard. I finally saw my doctor for my six week visit, and he prescribed some low dose estradiol for me. He's hoping that by upping my estrogen a little, it will pull me out of it. I'm hoping that, too. *sigh* It all just makes me very very tired.
I do enjoy Ben, though. During the day, he's a happy little guy. He smiles a lot and goos and likes to snuggle. I'm really glad that nursing is working out for us. The hormones that are released are probably pretty good for my emotional well being. I still love him at night when he's crying, too. I just wish I knew what to do to help him feel better. It breaks my heart that I can't help him, even if I know it's nothing personal. If anyone has any more ideas I haven't tried, feel free to throw it out there. I can't say I'll try absolutely anything, but I am definitely open to trying something I haven't before.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I've been feeling like a bit of a sort of zombie lately. What's today again? Days and nights and days all meld together like a sleepless crying snuggly fondue, if you can imagine that. My guess is that if you have children, you can. I hear it gets easier. I also hear that the crying peaks at 6 weeks. And when I told my mom that Ben fights sleep by screaming for hours (or until we get it into our heads that we should swaddle him, etc- duh) (perhaps hours is an exaggeration), she told me that it's normal. Whew. That is our light at the end of the tunnel. And also, my kid was born with a mullet. It's a trailer park phenomenon.
Every time I come here to blog, I can only think of things to write about Ben. Oh, wait. That's because everything in my life right now involves my baby. Not that it's a bad thing at all. I actually went to Enrichment Night at church this past Tuesday because a friend of mine had planned and organized the program, so I wanted to make sure I didn't miss it. And so, I left Chris with the baby by himself. For a whole hour, folks. I pumped a bottle that morning. It was my first time pumping, so I really didn't know what to expect. I got a little less than two oz, which felt pretty measly. Ben slept the whole time I was gone, but he was hungry and crying just I got home. So I warmed up the bottle and gave it to Chris to feed him. He sucked those two oz down in about three minutes, and was still hungry. I hope that the pump gets more than that out once I get going with this whole business. Otherwise, I'm in trouble.
Let me tell you, I do not like this business with the bottles. I realize that it's ridiculous, but I feel like maybe he won't need me anymore once he has a bottle and someone else is taking care of him and I'm at work. Like, I said, I realize it's ridiculous, but it's there. I plan on finding a care provider close to work, so I can nurse on lunch break, but I still have anxiety. I also plan on not working anymore when I get laid off, but I don't know when that will happen. It's going to be a hard however many months when I go back to work. And I don't want to do it, but my severance package is worth staying until I get canned. We all have to do things we don't want to do, right?
Anyway, enough of that. If I keep thinking about it, I'll just get all messed up about it way before I have to. I want to talk about turkey. Yes, that delicious bird you ate for Thanksgiving. We went to my in laws' house for dinner, and it was incredible, as always. But when Chris and I finished eating our leftover turkey (like, a day later), we needed more. You see, I usually cook a Thanksgiving meal just for us as well. Because sometimes splitting leftovers with all of the rest of everyone leaves us with only one day's worth of delicious turkey meats. And also, I just love cooking turkeys. It gives me a sweet meaty satisfaction to cook a juicy delicious bird. (I can roast a mean turkey. It will slap your mouth with tenderness.) I decided not to cook our own meal this year because obviously, there is a needier mouth in our home now. He makes it a little difficult to orchestrate such projects. However, our leftover turkey left a longing need in our mouths for more turkey. So I bought a turkey breast to cook because we are only two people, and we don't really need a whole turkey, right? We finished said turkey breast in a couple of days. And still we needed more. So I bought a whole turkey, and I was finally able to cook it today. I don't know how long it will last, but I won't be upset if I still have to cook another one after this. I seriously love cooking turkeys.
And ever since I have been cooking turkeys, I have always tried to make turkey gravy. Turkey gravy is my nemesis. I have never been able to get it right. It's always lumpy or tasteless or too thin or thick and always just wrong. But when I cop out and use the gravy packet that comes with some turkeys, it's gross. I've been spoiled by my father in law's gravy. It's so good.
But! This turkey that I made today! I made gravy! And it was good. Not at good as my father in law's, but it was still pretty good. I've finally made a gravy I wouldn't be embarrassed to serve to someone other than my husband (and really, I'm still embarrassed to serve the crappy gravies to him, too). Success!
Now for more pictures. We just got a new camera, so we've been taking many more pictures. Please enjoy my baby's chubby cheeks. Thank you.
Please ignore all the miscellaneous crap on my kitchen counter...
Do you know how many pictures and how many days it took for us to get this picture? This kid just does not perform for an audience. As soon as the camera comes out, he stops doing whatever cute thing we wanted to capture.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Anyway, back to this morning. I wouldn't have minded waiting in line for all that time except I had Ben with me, and I had failed to coerce my husband into coming with me (it didn't even occur to me to ask him). I figured if I got there at 6:30 am, I would beat some of the crowd. And maybe I did. I just underestimated the size of the crowd. But we have three Joann stores in Boise, for pete's sake. Ben has this new sweet little habit of waking up in the middle of the night and crying inconsolably for three or four hours. Last night was one of those nights. Luckily, I did have Chris to care for him for about an hour until my alarm went off, so I could get a little bit of sleep before waking up to go to Joann. We all have colds right now, so that makes everything slightly crappier. Also, a little tiny three week old baby with a cold is so sad. I wonder if he wakes up and cries because it's hard to breathe through his snot nose even after it's suctioned out.
So Ben cried intermittently all the way to the first Joann store. He usually falls asleep in the car, but he kept waking up to cry some more. When it seemed he was not going to fall asleep again, I stopped the car in a parking lot to try and console him. He fell asleep as I pulled into the parking lot, and didn't wake up again until we got to the second Joann store (I didn't even go into the first store I went to. The parking lot was packed.). He was content in his carseat perched on the shopping cart for about ten minutes. When I took him out and held him, he was fine. All was well. I picked out my fabrics with one hand and went to line up for the cutting table. And that's when I realized I was a moron for not taking my husband with me. The line was so long. It would take forever, and I knew Ben would get hungry before I got out of there. Now I don't mind breastfeeding in public (especially since my mom and I made some sweet nursing covers from here), but I didn't have anyone to stand with my cart. I put my fabric back and left. Ben was happy all the way home and snuggled up with me to go to sleep. And we slept for a very long time. Well, he did. I wish I could sleep and eat at the same time. Oh, and poop, too. He's a multi-tasker, that one. But I got a lot of sleep during the morning hours.
And here's another reason that Black Friday sucks.
This is going to sound really cheesy, and I guess it is. I was thinking today about how unprepared I was to fall so completely in love with this baby. I mean, long before I ever conceived, when we wished and prayed constantly for kids, I knew I would love my baby. But I was unprepared for the real thing. And it's so awesome. I looked at my little squirmy guy snuggled up to me tummy to tummy, and I realized that this is exactly how my mom felt, too. Even though she had six kids, she had individual time with each of us, at least while nursing, and she felt the same way I do about my kid about me and each of my siblings (but more about me because I'm THE baby, heh). And then I thought about my teenage years, and I felt pretty bad. Sorry about that, Mom. But invariably, I also thought about our Heavenly Father and how much he must love us. And wow. That's a lot. Okay, so this ended up really not being written very well because I'm not so good about verbalizing feelings, but I think you can gather where I was trying to go with this. In short, being a parent is the most fulfilling and will be the most heart wrenching experience I will ever have. I'm so incredibly blessed to be mom.
And here are some more pics.
Monday, November 17, 2008
I shouldn't have jinxed myself. I am now a prize Jersey milk cow. I'm kidding. I actually like it when he's awake during the day. It's the night time waking that's hard for me. He's been having tummy troubles at different times during the night, and I feel so bad for him. It has to be something I ate because I'm also having tummy troubles. Poor little guy. I try to pump his legs and rub his belly, but it doesn't seem to help. The only thing that helps a little is to hold him upright with his bum in my hand and jiggle the toots out of him.
Anyway, how do you get your kid to sleep in his or her bed? I swaddle him, and that helps a lot, but he will still usually only sleep for about an hour before waking up.
Also, here is another picture of my little boy. He looks so much like his daddy to me.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Wow. Where do I even begin? The event I've been dreaming about for years has finally happened. The birth of my little boy, Benjamin.
I woke up at about 1:15 on Monday morning and felt like I had peed myself. So I got up and continued "peeing" on myself all the way to the bathroom. I was pretty sure it was my water. So I woke Chris up, who wasn't really even asleep yet. He had stayed up kind of late. I called my doctor, who of course told me to go to the hospital. Heh, when I woke up my mom (who flew in on Saturday, yay!), she asked if maybe we should just keep sleeping and see if I started having contractions. It made me laugh, but in retrospect, I really wish we could have.
So to the hospital we went, and triage did all sorts of horrible things to me trying to determine if it was indeed amniotic fluid I was leaking. I am so glad I never had to go in for a false alarm. I was admitted, but still not really in labor. I was having contractions, but they were extremely mild and irregular. But I was so excited! I was going to have a baby in the next 24 hours! The doctor on call wanted to go ahead and start me on a high dose of pitocin to get things moving. Wanting to try and deal with the pain without medication, I asked if we could try to avoid that. So they gave me 6 hours to try and move my labor along myself by walking and using the jacuzzi and the birthing ball. After that check, I was 2 cm and 80% effaced, which was definite progress from my initial 1 cm. So they let me hold off on the pit. Time after that became a total blur. I think it was a few hours, but I started having some much heavier contractions and was a lot more uncomfortable. All for one more cm. My doctor (who was now a different doctor on call and is so freaking awesome) suggested I go ahead and start pitocin, and they would gradually increase the dose. We were, after all, on a time schedule. The goal is to have a baby within 24 hours of your water breaking because the chance of infection to the baby greatly increases after that.
So I started working through much stronger, more regular contractions. And they got really really hard. They were coming every 1-2 minutes, and they had multiple peaks. I really thought that if I wasn't in transition, I had to be close. The contractions felt constant. At this point, it was well into the evening on Monday. I had about an hour and a half of sleep from the night before when my water broke. I was incredibly tired. At the next check, I was 4 cm, 100% effaced. Now, you know I'm a crybaby, and I totally cried. I felt so overwhelmed. I had great support from my husband, my mom, and my mother in law. They told me how great I was doing, but I felt like I would die if I couldn't sleep and I had to keep having those contractions with little to no progress indefinitely. So I asked for some Staidol to help with the pain. Unfortunately, it didn't help with the pain of the peaks of my contractions, so I would fall asleep and wake up in the middle of horrible pain and have to try and get it together to breathe through it. This went on for about half an hour (or something, like I said, time was a blur), and I asked for an epidural. I needed sleep. I had been in labor all morning, afternoon, and evening. It was about 9:30 pm when I asked. They didn't waste any time in getting it for me either. The anesthesiologist rushed in and did his thing, and I felt like a different person. I figured they would just up the pitocin at this point, and I would sleep until it was time to push. I told my husband to go ahead and run home to let the dogs out and feed them.
After he left, my doctor came in and checked me. I was at 5 cm, but my cervix had started to swell. He recommended I have a c-section because it was very unlikely for my labor to continue successfully. I quickly agreed, and my mother in law called my husband to tell him to come back.
It all happened really fast after that. They wheeled me into the operating room. All the nurses and doctors were all joking and chatting and getting me ready. It was really relaxed, which made me feel more relaxed. My epidural was increased, so I didn't feel anything. My husband came in and sat beside me, and the next thing I knew my abdomen felt like it was being pulled and squished like taffy. It didn't hurt, but it was weird. I heard someone say how big he was, and then how hairy he was. And then I heard that he looked like he was too mad to cry. Chris peeked over my blue sterile canopy and told me he was so hairy! And then I heard Ben cry. And it made me cry, too. Because he was finally here. My sweet little booger man.
Born 11/03/2008 10:35 pm
Weight: 7 lbs 12 oz
Welcome home, little guy.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
She found my baby's heart with the doppler and did a little dance to the beat. His heart makes me want to dance, too, but I'm afraid I just might fall if I tried. She measured my grossly distended belly and declared his growth to be perfect. She felt around my baby's shape and said he'd probably be seven lbs and some change. And then she did my internal exam. And I am still 1 cm, although it is an "easy" 1 cm now. Two weeks ago I guess it was a difficult 1 cm. And my cervix has moved farther down still and is easier to reach. "Next week, you'll have this baby," she said. I will not lie to you. I cried. I tried not to, but I did. I really want to have this baby right now. *sigh* My doctor is so nice. She gave me some tissues and kind, sympathetic words. "You've fought so hard to get to where you are, and now you just have to fight just a little bit more. This part of your baby's life is such a short time." And she also told me to get more sleep. I must be looking extra haggard today because the nurse also asked me how I was sleeping. The answer is: not very well. I toss and turn a lot (with Herculean effort these days) and wake up with hip pain often, not to mention the several times a night I pull my whale body out of bed to go pee.
Pregnancy has not treated me badly in comparison to what it could be. However, I have yet to meet anyone who enjoys these last few weeks. My bones feel like they're going to fall apart. The weight of my baby pulls down on my stomach and makes me ache when I walk. My back begins to explode in angry furor after standing and making dinner (or cleaning or whatever else I do while standing) for only ten minutes. Making apple pie filling is difficult because of this. By the way, Mom, I'm going to enlist your help in making apple pie filling before all my apples go bad. I'll pay you with a baby (but you don't get to take him home... sorry).
I've prayed about it, and I've thought about it, and I've decided I just can't be butthurt about my baby taking the time he needs to get ready for his grand entrance into the world. This time is very hard, but I have to do it anyway; I may as well be optimistic and more cheerful. On the bright side, I still have time to finish the sweater I'm making. All I have to do is sew up the sides and attach the little collar. I'm getting a little better at staying on task with my knitting. I've only been working on this sweater for about three weeks and it's just about done. Now I just have to start on all those receiving blankets...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Also, I feel like I should be constantly singing Weird Al Yankovic's parody of Michael Jackson's Bad. I guess I didn't realize that once my kid dropped, he would keep dropping. So now I have this weird pouch gut that resides mainly below my belly button. And I thought I had a front butt before. I can't help but laugh when I see it in the mirror
Sorry I don't have more to offer at this point in time, but the child consumes all thought. And in turn, I consume everything else. Like homemade mac and cheese and fried chicken. Could life get any better? Well, I guess it could have been better if I hadn't been the one who cooked it, but it was totally worth it. Delicious evil cheese....
Updated to add: At Eve's request, I had my husband take the latest picture. Please ignore the tiny spots of delicious chicken oil that popped onto my shirt as I cooked (I swear that's how it got there (I do realize I look and sound like a slob...)). We also took one with my shirt pulled up, and while it gives me a hearty laugh to look at it, I do not want to share it with the internets. Sorry.
I'm pointing at my belly button to give you an idea of how far down he's gone. Obviously he has not dropped far enough because I'm not cradling him and giving you a thumbs up sign...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
So now, I have a huge mass in the bottom of my stomach composed of baby, but it also kind of makes me feel like I have a front butt. Eh, whatever. It's a baby front butt. And here's the obligatory picture.
Also in baby news, I was given two baby showers last week. One was at work, and it was a big surprise. It was so nice. I didn't really want a shower at work because so many people are being laid off (yeah, like this Friday soon), and I didn't want anyone to feel like they needed to buy me anything. But a co-worker of mine asked around and decided that people are awesome (which, holy crap, they totally are), and then she made a surprise out of it, and I didn't suspect a thing.
And then, a good friend of mine and another friend of ours threw me another shower on Saturday and invited tons of people from my ward. I'm seriously floored by the generosity of all the people in my life. I counted up all the folks I need to write thank you notes to, and there are 38 people total. Wow. I didn't even know I knew 38 people (okay, that's a lie, but 38 is a lot of people to a recluse like me). I just can't believe that many people would be so thoughtful to give something to my baby. I'm so grateful, and so very lucky to have such good friends.
And now I'll wrap this up because I'm racing Blogger to their scheduled outage, and I want to post this before it happens. Hopefully, I'll write more soon. The sleepy is only getting worse...
Friday, October 03, 2008
We had our last childbirthing class this week. At the beginning of the class (it was once a week for four weeks), I felt like four weeks would feel like forever, but it just flew by. The actual classes felt really long, though. Well, we actually have one more class that I signed us up for, and it's one specifically for more relaxation techniques for a natural childbirth. I'm planning on going without pain meds, but I do also realize that sometimes labor just doesn't play out like you planned it to. So, I have to be flexible, but ideally, I'm going to be a bit granola about it. Since before I even got pregnant, I've felt that nothing about this whole conception thing has been natural (well, because it hasn't), so I really want to try and do this part with as little medical intervention as possible. Which isn't to say, I'm going to go find a tree branch to hang on to while I squat the baby out. I mean, I am using an OB in a hospital, so what will be will be, but I hope you catch the point of what I'm trying to say.
We're still not ready for a baby to arrive. His bed is not set up. His clothes are not unpacked and put away (clothing courtesy of Eve; I have not even had my baby shower yet, but I have an entire 0-3 month wardrobe thanks to my wonderful sister! :) ). My bedroom is not arranged the way I want it. My kitchen is not arranged the way I want it (like my kid is really going to care how the kitchen is set up, right?), and in general, our home is just not ready for this baby. But I'm pretty sure we are. I'm excited. Chris is excited. This kid keeps getting bigger and bigger and I just want to cuddle him and pinch his chubby cheeks. Because they are chubby. Seriously. How could the two of us not have an adorable pinchably chubby cheeked baby?
I can't wait to meet our kid. I know he'll probably cry a lot and poop a lot and pee a lot and poop and pee on me a lot, but I'm cool with that as long as he gets the pooping and peeing on me out of his system in his early years. I know that having a newborn will completely change our life and our routines, although at this point, I know that I can't even comprehend what a huge change it will be. But I'm already so in love with this kid that I'm willing to do this happily. And I'm so grateful that I have a husband who's ready to be a dad.
On an unrelated to baby, but completely related to pregnancy note: I had a dream the other night that I went to a pizza stand, and the guy in front of me took the exact slice of pizza that I wanted and he did it on purpose. There were none left, and I sunk my head onto the counter and cried. It still makes me laugh to think that my hormones and cravings can influence me so profoundly even in my dreams.
Monday, September 29, 2008
This will be another pretty short update on things. This is also 35 weeks. Ummmm, yeah. Ha, watch me have a seven pound baby and wonder what happened. Well, I won't be wondering. An intense insatiable craving for bbq potato chips is what happened. I'm trying to stay away from them, but they just taste so good... Don't judge me.
Not a lot on the baby front is happening. I've just been growing (obviously) bigger. I get a lot of questions like, "Aren't you ready to get that baby out?" And actually, while I am excited to have this little guy, pregnancy still has not made me miserable, yet. I'll let you know how it stands in a couple of weeks, though. Although, it would be nice to not have to worry about peeing on myself anymore. This child has been grinding on my bladder for several weeks now. But all in all, it's a small complaint. I've heard much worse stories. I've been a busy knitter, though. This past weekend I made booties and a hat (which I hope will fit his head), and today I finished one little mitten. I'll take pictures when I finish the other mitten.
Also, my birthday was a week ago, and my husband got me a serger. Which. is. awesome. I'm pretty excited about it, but I just got it today, so I haven't had time to play with it yet. But I have plans. I also have the material to make 8 receiving blankets for my kid. Yeah. And Christmas is coming, so I have plans for Christmas projects as well. Too bad I can't knit and nurse at the same time. Because that would solve a lot of time issues. And also, my husband? He's awesome. I told him not to get me a serger because it would be kind of expensive, and I totally resigned myself to not getting one after I had already done the research and picked out the one I wanted. But how could I not be super excited to get it anyway? Woot!
We got released from teaching the 3 and 4 year olds at church a couple of weeks ago. A couple of months ago, it would have made me sad, but look at me. I am the Walrus. I can't chase kids very well at the moment, and when this baby shows up, it would be even harder. So I feel pretty grateful. I finally went to Relief Society for the first time in a very long time. And in spite of how much it freaks me out because of my social anxiety, it was really good. It was a good lesson on patterns and examples created in the home, and I want to blog about it, but I can't tonight. My eyelids are drooping. Sorry for the lack of posts and kind of lame content, but I'll post something eventually, I promise, lol.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
And there it is. And I still have 8 1/2 weeks to go. How is this kind of growth even possible?
I know I've been a total slacker and haven't posted in forever, but... I'm just really tired, okay? Also, my sister in law, Shiloh, had her baby this past Sunday, giving her a true reason to celebrate Labor Day. Ha ha! Terrible jokes abound! Her baby is insanely adorable and has lots of hairs on his leetle head. So now I'm next in the family chain of birthing. Ugh, that sounds kind of creepy and gross. I'm not ready, but I'm trying to be. Oh, I'm ready to be holding my baby and loving on him, but I'm not ready for the rest of it, yet. Anyway, I wasn't kidding about being tired. I feel like I've been earning my dough working in the fields all day.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
So I had yet another OB appointment today. Last week my dr did not like my levels of amniotic fluid that were measured by the sonographer, so she wanted to measure it herself. They appeared to be too low. So, she measured again today and he has plenty of water to swim in. Oh, you know, I just hated having another excuse to look at my kid.
I have to say that it is the coolest feeling to have him move around. None of his movements are painful yet, so it's still really enjoyable to me and Chris. If the baby is awake, he'll kick Chris' hand pretty quickly when he puts it on my belly. And it's so crazy watching my stomach move. It's like some creepy alien thing. But he's my creepy alien thing, and he's adorable already.
And uh, oh yeah. The failure. I failed my glucose screening by a couple of points. Which totally sucks because now I have to go take the three hour test. I'm not really looking forward to that. But here, have a look at my baby fats at 29 weeks.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Speaking of "The Injury", is anyone else so super psyched to for The Office to come back on? I love that show. I'm so happy to watch Michael, knowing that he's just on a tv show, and I don't have to work for him. That part about him makes me love him all the more.
My child is huge. My ultrasound yesterday revealed that he is 2 lbs, 15 oz. I realize that weight estimations based on ultrasounds are notoriously inaccurate, but his tummy measurement is also in the 75th or 85th percentile or something like that. Neither Chris nor I can remember the exact number, but it was big, yall. A cute squishable tummy just waiting for me to blow raspberries all over it. And his head is still miraculously in the 61st percentile, and I'm hoping it stays that way. Because given the track record on giant heads in both our families, this measurement could get pretty ugly really fast. He is also head down, and I am hoping that stays the same, too.
Side note: I actually saw a pink Mary Kay Caddy today. I didn't know they seriously existed in the general public. And it was really really ugly, too. But I guess I just don't really appreciate the design of new Cadillacs.
And now for something completely different.
Monday, August 11, 2008
I'm roasting in my house. It's not that it's hot in here. I'm SOOOOO grateful that our a/c works again because I know first hand just how bad it could be. It's just that I don't want to increase our electric bill more than I need to, and well, my husband is creating less body heat than I am right now. I'm pretty sure our tiny child is creating more body heat than Chris is, actually. So, as spoiled as I am to be able to regulate my home environment to a very nice 75 degrees, I am still hot. And I deal with it by sitting around in my underwear a lot. Which, while not attractive in the least, is actually pretty funny when I'm trying to turn around and get out of bed. I don't know how those mariners ever thought manatees could possibly be beautiful mermaids because holy ungainly! - that is what I am.
It doesn't help tonight that I have to keep my socks on as I sit around the house. I had my left big toe cut up today to remove yet another ingrown toenail. I can't remove the dressing until tomorrow, and I don't want to get dog hair all over it. So I have to keep my socks on. I know, I know. Wah wah wah, I'm such a baby. I'm just trying to keep writing to give you something new to read, gosh. So, having your big toe completely numbed is so weird. It's like a dead thing on your foot, although my foot doctor preferred that I not use such dreadful terminology to describe it. So I said it was kind of like my toe was detached from my foot, like an out of body experience, not so much like it was cut off or something. Ew.
My gestational diabetes screen is tomorrow. Hurrah! I really hope I pass it without any problems.
Also, holy crap, did you see the men's swimming 400m relay last night? Oh my gosh, it was so good. And now Chris and I are addicted to Olympic swimming. And also bursting with patriotic pride. At least, I am. Go America! Yay!
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
So, this morning I called the first number on my list for heating and air, and they said they could actually send someone in the next few hours. Needless to say, I went ahead and scheduled. Their diagnostic fee just to come out was within range with other places I've heard of, so I was hoping the rest of their fees would be reasonable as well. The guy got here right on time, and found our problem almost immediately. It didn't take him long to fix it, and besides the diagnostic fee, he only had us pay for the part he replaced. So we ended up only paying $155 in all. !!!! And the cool air is so so sweet! I couldn't be happier at this moment, actually.
I've also almost finished that little dress for my niece. I just have to sew the rest of the little flowers on, but I'll show you a picture anyway.
This is what the finished front looks like. I just have to sew flowers onto the back. I can't wait to see her chubby little legs poking out underneath.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
So, of course I'm worried about how we'll make ends meet when we have our baby. I'm worried because I know I'll probably have to work full time (well, I definitely will at least until I'm laid off), and it'll be so hard to take my little guy to day care every day. But I know I can do it because I have to. Besides, I know so many other mothers who have done the same thing and have just as much devotion to their children as I know I will have to mine. So I know it's possible, and I will live through it.
I'm worried the most about my husband, actually. I'm worried about all the pressure that is being placed on him to make more money. I hate it. I don't want him to have to get a job he doesn't like. I don't want him to be unhappy. That, in itself, stresses me to no end. I know that he'll do what he has to do for our family, but I hate the stress that comes with making those decisions. We make big decisions together, but this is about a job that I wouldn't have to go to every day and he would. And he would probably hate it. So I would feel guilty if I encouraged him to take a job he hated, but I would also feel guilty for forcing him to make the decision alone. And I would feel guilty if I discouraged him from taking the job, and then nothing else came along. Am I not ridiculous? Yes, I tend to be that way from time to time.
On a lighter note, let's talk about something else my dear, sweet husband did this weekend. He peed in my shower. I was minding my own business, shaving my legs in the shower, and here's Chris, just popping in for a pee! Okay, well, he did tease me that he was going to do it before hand, but I didn't think he actually would!! And thank goodness none of it got on me, because, oh! that would have definitely been tragic. But it's a good thing (for him) I was so grossed out because I later thought that I should have splashed his pee back on him. But blech. I couldn't have touched it.
And I know you've been waiting for it: My fat at 26 weeks.
Please forgive the super crappy picture. I didn't notice just how bad it was until I had already taken it off the memory card, and I'm way too lazy to do a retake. But feel free to compare to same shirt at 19 weeks.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Now my belly is balancing out my butt, at least. And I also look like a weird crazy zebra in this shirt. Luckily, I wore another shirt over it today.
I don't really have a lot going on right now. I just thought I'd show you some more of my fatness because people seem to like that. I know I do. I'm also finishing a super cute knitted dress for my niece Karli (FINALLY!!). I'll post a picture when I'm done.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Um, okay, they're pretty expensive, but even if I spent $400 on a buttload of them (no pun intended) and they would not only last through Ben but also through our next kid (and hopefully at least another one after), that would definitely be worth it, wouldn't it? I know it's extra laundry and everything, but even though time will be a precious commodity with a little one, money will be even less available when I'm on FMLA. Walmart has some clothies that are similar and about half as expensive. But I also read in the reviews that some people have had to buy twice as many because washing them wears them out so quickly. I like the bumGenius better. From the reviews, they seem to be more durable, and you get more for your money. Like I said, I know the extra laundry will be a pain, but cloth diapering these days is nothing like it used to be. I mean, if my brother can do it even part time, anyone can. He's lazy. Hehe, just kidding, Michael. I know Velvet takes care of all that. ;)
I wish I could be all noble and say I'm just doing it for the environment and all that, but I'm a penny pincher. I've got to save us some money. So, what do yall think?
Next step: convincing my husband that we should spend $400 on cloth diapers...
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I saw my OB today. Everything is good. I've gained weight, but I'm resolving to be better about my snacks (why do I always have to be SO HUNGRY?!). The baby is good and is measuring perfectly. Nothing eventful happened at this visit. Next visit, however, will be my gestational diabetes screening. Also, I get another ultrasound. Yay! On the ultrasound at my last visit, the doctor who did my review (my doc was on vacation) said he wanted me to have another u/s to make sure Ben's kidneys are working properly. They had some fluid in them, which could just mean Ben was making pee and it hadn't come out yet, but the dr said we should look again just in case. I'm really not worried about it, my doctor's really not worried about it, but hey, I get another Level 2 u/s my insurance will pay for because my doctor says it's medically necessary. Woot! I suppose it's also time to show you a picture of my belly. You also get to see my maternity pants that cover my belly. Chris calls them "my stretchy butt pants" because I have another pair of these that has the stretch panel going practically halfway down my butt. Don't worry, I wasn't seen in public like this. I only dress like this for the internet.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Also, on a completely unrelated note. Sometimes I question my state of consciousness, say, when I have just starting peeing. Actually, it's the only time I do it. I have to ask myself, "Am I asleep?" because I want to make sure I'm really awake and peeing in a toilet instead asleep and only peeing in a toilet in my dream. Please tell me someone else does this even once a year. Anyone?
Sunday, July 06, 2008
I've been lazy and eating too many cherries, so I haven't gotten around to this post yet. An update on the cherries: Chris and I have consumed about 4 1/2 lbs in about 3 days. Oh, the deliciousness.
Chris and I have had our official baby names picked out for at least a year, probably longer. The benefit to having so long to think about it is that we actually came to an agreement pretty far in advance of actually needing one. Well, we came to an agreement on two boy names and one girl name. Most of you know that Chris has a love for comic books, and he has for way longer than I've known him. So it's fitting that we give our kid a comic book name, isn't it?
We're naming him Benjamin Grimm after Chris' all time favorite super hero The Thing from the Fantastic Four. Believe it or not, it took me a little while to warm up to the idea. I love the name Benjamin, but I wasn't completely sold on Grimm being a middle name. I didn't want our kid to be traumatized by having a weird name. But then I recalled my childhood nickname, given to me by my sister Eve and brother Michael: Bekah big banana booty bottom with a big banana bulging belly, buck tooth bug eyes Bekah. It wasn't just a name, mind you. It was a gleeful song, chanted by the two of them all the way down our seemingly endless driveway to the bus stop. Needless to say, I didn't appreciate it then, but now it really blows me away at how creative they were. I mean, really. How do kids come up with that kind of stuff? It's hilarious. So, if my kid is going to have a terrible nickname, having a normal middle name isn't going to stop anyone from making something up. So I relented, and now I really love the name. And Mom, please make sure you're at the hospital with me, so Chris doesn't change our baby's name to Hulk Hogan on the birth certificate papers without me knowing. Thanks. :)
I should also add that Ben's initials are BGR. Ha! Booger. It makes me laugh.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Not much has been happening around here. Well, Chris got a sweet new ride. He's pretty excited about it. I'm okay with it because he's pretty much the safest driver I know. And I know he'll wear all of his protective gear every time he rides around on it. Right, honey?
All's well in baby growing land. He's been turned around and kicking me in the intestines for the past couple of days. It's really weird because it really feels like gas. I know they say that fetal movements tend to feel a lot like gas bubbles, but this is the first that it has felt like that. Before he felt like butterflies from being on a roller coaster. But man, my stomach is getting bigger. I feel like a house. I can only imagine what I'll feel like in two months. A Russian mosque maybe?
Things have been pretty boring around here, though. We've been getting our house ready for the baby, slowly but surely. I've been drinking my weight in water everyday to combat the relentless heat. Well, maybe not my weight, but 2 or 3 liters (67.6 to 101.4 oz). And I still wake up thirsty in the middle of the night. I'm lucky I like water so much, actually. Also, I'm so glad the last part of my pregnancy is in the fall. I already feel like I'm going to die in this heat, and I'm still in the "pleasant" trimester.
Anyway, happy Fourth, yall. May you have a good long weekend with copious amounts of everything you love.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
This is a side view of our kid in mid kick to my uterus. Check out that giant foot.
This is a profile face shot.
And this is the money shot.
We’re having a boy! I love it when my intuition works with me instead not working at all (which is what happens most of the time). I totally knew I was having a boy.
So, I also wanted to add how incredible it was to watch our little guy wiggling and moving all around on the ultrasound. It was also really cool to feel him move while seeing the movement simultaneously. I’m so glad this is happening. I’m sure I’ll post more about it later, but I knew I needed to at least get the news out.
Friday, June 13, 2008
We all kind of expected to get laid off eventually when our company was purchased by another company. But we thought our jobs would be moved to their headquarters in Minneapolis. I certainly didn't expect this. If you didn't catch it in the news, all our jobs are being outsourced to India. Which is great for India, but it really sucks for our economy, you know? Our CEO just kind of shrugged it off as "well, everyone is doing it". It disappoints me, quite frankly. I can understand the company trying to cut costs, but obviously "cost" to them is only calculated in dollars.
I do want to say that the company has treated me very well thus far. If it weren't for their totally rockin' health coverage, I wouldn't be getting fat with baby right now. I will always thank them for that. But I will also always be disappointed at the loss American jobs to try and save an extra buck (or a few mill, whatever). It's also disappointing that they've taken so many jobs out of the valley. This company was built here. Granted, new company is not the one who ran it into the ground, but a lot of people shop there as part of a kind of local pride. And now a lot of people won't be shopping there because so many people know people who have been affected by this new occurrence.
Anyway, enough of that mess. I have to think about it all day at work every day. Let's talk about this baby, shall we? I forget how big I've gotten until I lay down in the bed at night. Then I feel huge. Of course, I realize I'm nowhere near how big I will become in the coming months. It's just kind of a shock to look in the mirror because, well, my belly is a lot bigger than it was a few months ago, or even a few weeks ago. Check it out. I don't think it's much bigger than last time, but this is at 19 weeks.
My knockas look smaller now, though. I had to give up my fancy Victoria's Secret bra that made them look fantastic. Now I wear a nursing bra that's a little too big (you know, room to grow. please?). Ah, so glamorous! This baby has been moving around like kuurazy. I feel flutters and bumps all the time now. It's pretty awesome. Sprout's activities still can't be felt from the outside, though. And they're still sooooo unpredictable. But it makes me happy to feel them. Everything about this pregnancy has made me happy. I don't even care that I peed on myself a couple of times when I got really sick last week (note to self: you should really do those kegel exercises for more than just labor preparation...). Luckily, I was at home or on my way home, so a shower and a change of underwear were quickly forthcoming.
Uuugh, I got reeeeeally sick. Well, really sick for me anyway. It was just a cold, but it totally kicked my butt. See, I usually take a lot of medication for colds because I hate feeling so crappy. My "safe" drug list from my OB gave me a good idea of what I could take. It gave me a list of safe active ingredients, as well as a list of safe OTC brand names. All of the OTC drugs had phenylephrine in them, which is not on the safe active ingredient list. So I looked it up online, and decided not to take anything with that in it. I felt crappy for several days before I realized I could take Mucinex, and I even had some in the house already. It didn't matter because it didn't help anyway. So I drank a mug of warm water with a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar, and my congestion finally started breaking up. I'm still not completely better yet, though. But at least I don't feel so crappy anymore. Poor Chris. I gave it to him, and he's getting sick now. :(
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Hahahaha! I'm actually crouching in this picture, trying to get my face into it. See that grin? I'm trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of how I must look! Self timers feel like they take FOREVER when you're standing in that position, trying not to die and ruin the picture. But look at mah belleh! It's fo' reals, folks. Oh, and Chris is back from AT, but now he's at work, and I'll be asleep when he gets home. But really, this picture would not be nearly as entertaining to me if I hadn't taken it myself. And that is a cell phone in my pocket, people. Just so you know...
So I had another Dr appt today, and my weight is good. I did gain this time, but I already knew that. So I'm feeling pretty good about that. I did ask her to tell me what Sprout's heart rate is this time, and it's about 150 bpm. So according to that wive's tale, we're having a girl. I do realize that it's only a wive's tale and according to the accumulation that I've read, I still have a 50/50 chance of having either sex, lol. But we're excited either way! And if the baby cooperates, we'll be finding out in just TWO weeks! Woot!
I know this is going to sound silly, but lately I've had this feeling that something is probably going to be wrong with this baby. Like he/she will have some kind of physical or mental handicap. I know, I know. 9 out of 10 mothers worry about this. But I'm not anxious about it like it's a bad thing. Chris and I have even talked about "what if we have a handicapped kid" before, and it's not a fear for me. I think I have this feeling because in my head I'm thinking that there's no way we could be so lucky to have a normally healthy baby. I mean, we are SO very lucky to be having a baby at all, you know? Like I said, it's probably silly, but the thought is there and it won't go away.
I also wanted to mention the best pregnancy symptom so far (well, except for the 'child in the womb' symptom- that pretty much trumps anything else). So earlier on, I did notice that I lost less hair in the shower, just like the pregnancy books told me. But I didn't notice how much hair actually stayed in my head until today. My hair almost feels thick! I have very fine hair, so while I have always had a lot of hair, it has always felt thin because the strands are so thin. Even with my newfound bounty of hair, I still have the wimpiest ponytail you've ever seen. But it is glorious and shiny and wavy, and I love it.
I don't have anything else to talk about really. I've been so tired lately. I could take a couple of naps a day. And I think it's bed time now...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Every time I thought about posting, I was thinking about food and how delicious it is. And since my last real post was a food post, I thought I'd spare you. Although, it was really tempting to write about the fried okra I had for lunch the other day. Mmmmm....delicacy in Idaho... Anyway, enough about food. I'm not hungry right now. And according my scale I'm still not gaining much. I've just been yo-yoing with water weight. But I've been eating. No more morning sickness here. And about the only thing I can't stand is yogurt. Oh, and I have totally been eating sweets like there's no tomorrow. Okay, I lie. I won't eat more than, like, four cookies in a day. But still, every one counts for something, right?
And at Eve's request, I finally have a belly shot. This was taken today with the self timer on the camera. I had to sit the camera on Chris' desk, so it cut off my head. So this is me at almost 17 weeks. I was looking more pregnant than usual, so I decided I should hurry and take a picture before my tummy deflated again.
I wonder how small my butt will look when my stomach is finally the biggest thing on my body. Heh, I find that thought to be hilarious. Don't ask me why I do, it just makes me laugh to think about.
So Chris has been gone for the past week for National Guard annual training. Holy crap, it sucks. Yes, that's why I had to take my belly picture myself and cut off my own sweet pretty head. Aside from the obvious annoyance of not having my husband around to do my bidding (another thought that makes me chuckle), and well I'm pretty attached to the guy and I hate it when he's away, my main complaint at his absence is that his dog is driving me COMPLETELY INSANE. Buddy has always had the occasional bout of managing to get out of the back yard while we're not paying attention and wreaking havoc (read: sniffing butts) around the general vicinity, but he usually stops doing it after a couple of days of us keeping a super tight watch on him and taking some sort of measure to find and close up wherever he has escaped. Right now, however, he has gotten out pretty much every day that Chris has been gone.
This little dog may seem like he's a sleepy, droopy eyed, and laid back basset hound, but he has a secret side of neurotic thrown in there. Any kind of change completely flips him out. Like when we moved the dogs' kennels from the living room to the back bed room, he started peeing in the house randomly. Um, what? And he completely adores Chris. If I wake up before him on the weekend and I come into the living room, Buddy will go and wait for Chris in the hallway and scratch at the baby gate that we put there to keep him from scratching on our bedroom door. If Chris takes too long to get up, Buddy will whine. So I'm pretty sure he's breaking out because Chris isn't here, and he's a nervous freak. Well, my single consolation is that he hasn't been eating his poop lately. So at least I have that.
Anyway, you should see the mess of scrap wooden boards I screwed and nailed all of the whole at the bottom of our porch (where he was getting out this time). He's a crafty little butt and kept finding flaws in my defenses, so I'd have to add another board or two every time. Ha! Man, is it ghetto. But I think I've finally defeated him... hopefully. Every time I think I have, he gets out again.
So that's my news. I'm ready for my husband to come home because he's pretty entertaining and fun to be around. Oh, and also, a friend of mine at work told me her daughter is getting her maternity clothes together and is going to give them to me. How awesome is that?! And yes, I am wearing some maternity tops, and yes, it is only so people will think I'm actually pregnant and not just chubbing out. I'm still roomy in all my pre-pregnancy pants and I'm still comfy in all my old tops, too. I'm really interested in knowing how I'm going to be carrying this baby, and if it will be anything like what I imagined. Oh well, I guess we'll find out soon. This baby is definitely wiggling and growing and will make his/her presence known to the public soon.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
I had my OB visit yesterday. I found it humorous that I've seen her several times in the past year or so, and this is the first time I didn't have to take off my pants. Score one for me! Anyway, I mentioned it to her, and she laughed. Heh, I'm glad she didn't think it was creepy. So, OB visit, right. Baby is fine. I heard that little "whoosh whoosh" heartbeat for the first time. That was pretty cool. She found it really quickly, which made me happy. Everything else was fine, well, except that I lost 4 pounds in the past 4 weeks. Um, what? That's kind of freaks me out a little. I know many people will tell me it's fine and all, but let me tell you why it freaks me out. My morning sickness was negligible, people! As in, puked less than once a week! Also, I GORGED myself on pizza, pizza, pizza! Well, not all of the time, but more than I felt I should. My doctor wasn't necessarily worried a lot, but she was surprised and told me not to lose anymore weight. So I've decided to allow myself some more of my favorite cravings, even though I was trying to avoid them for the health of my little one. Maybe this kid is taking after me. Maybe the baby wants a spicy chicken sandwich, too. *sniff sniff* So much like your mama! Now let's go to McDonald's and get 2 Big Macs for $3. *kiss kiss*
*I would also like to call it every other time in my life. If you were to, hypothetically, try to win my undying love and affection with said regimen of food, I would be undoubtedly yours. However, be warned: If your offering is missing either cheese or ranch, it will be for naught. Oh, I'll still eat it, but I'll glare at you with pure hatred while licking the morsels from my fingers. But if you forget both cheese and ranch, I will behead you. And then I will eat your sandwich.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I love this picture. My brother and I looked like such good friends. This is the youngest picture I own since my newborn picture in which I'm not naked. I must have been around three or something. My hair grew! This is obviously before I took a spoon and made a game of twisting it around in my hair and pulling it out. It got stuck, and I think I cut it out (am I remembering this right?). My mom had to take me to get my hair cut. She was pretty pissed. But sorry, I don't have any pictures of that.
I think I was in first grade in this picture. I'm pretty sure this is after Sarah cut my hair. She kept cutting shorter to make it even, lol. Never let your 15 year old sister cut your hair, no matter how much she threatens you if you don't.
I'm going to fast forward through the early years. It was really just all varying lengths of straight brown. And this is sixth grade. The longest straight brown of my childhood.
This is the first drastic color I ever did to my hair. I dyed it pitch black for the majority of my seventh grade year. This was Halloween. Guess what I was that year?
Eighth grade, eighth grade. This small collage is still missing at least three other hair colors or styles that I had during that year. Hmmmm, looking back, I think I can understand why I intimidated boys my age at that time. I just thought I was ugly. Don't most eight grade girls?
This is what my hair looked like in 9th and 10th grade. Just growing it out to be straight and brown again. Although, my ends were awfully unruly. At this point, I'd given up on "fighting" the system (read: no more grunge era angst or detention). But man, I hated high school.
This is my junior year. My hair grows pretty fast. And it also grew out really wavy, which was weird for me. It was always straight before. And I decided to go red for awhile, I think for a year. This was me being Tori Amos for Halloween that year.
I went platinum and short for a while when I worked at a couple of salons. I had other colors during that time, but no pictures. *sigh* Oh, I guess I should address the ears. They were for my fairy costume for the next Halloween when I actually got to see Tori Amos in Houston.
And a tongue ring, too.
Another growing out phase. This is the time period that some guy on LDSpals told me I looked like a lesbian. And I also met Chris on the same site shortly afterward. My hair was just a little bit longer when we met each other in person in Utah.
This was when I lived in Moscow, ID when Chris and I were dating. I think this is one of the pictures I took to send with him to training before he went to Iraq. I don't think it made the cut, though. My hair was pretty much the same when we got married, just longer. Another thing I noticed when going through all these pictures is that my eyes have gotten a lot lighter as I've gotten older. My eyes were a lot darker brown when I was little than they are now.
While Chris was in Iraq, I dyed my hair a semi-permanent dark brown. I really liked it a lot.
I got my hair cut short again the spring after Chris came home. I really liked this hairstyle, but it involved too much work for me. Since my hair became wavy, it doesn't like straight anymore, particularly when it's short. So, I loved it, but I didn't keep it very long.
So this is how I look now, but it is a little longer. It's not a very exciting look, but it's pretty low maintenance, and therefore suits me the best.
I hope you liked my hair post. I'm sure it was a little boring because I didn't talk it up very much, but I guess I just don't have much to say today. I wish my sister Rachel had a blog. She would have an awesome hair time line (hairline?).