Monday, July 08, 2013

Doing Things

I should be asleep. I stay up way too late virtually every night. I can't even really say why I do it except that I find so many things I want to read on the internet, and I fall into a worm hole that immediately spits me out four hours later. But really! I only read a couple of blogs! Okay, so that part isn't true. Don't you know that no one has discovered worm holes yet? Seriously, don't talk to people about that part. I don't need that kind of media buzzing around here. My house just isn't drop in ready.

Speaking of which, I've been struggling so much with my house lately, and I haven't been able to understand it. I finally feel like I have a handle on my depression. And well, I think I have for a while now. However, I am still so chronically disorganized and a mess. A hot mess. I'm tired of having stuff everywhere, but I just can't force my arms and legs to move about and do something about it. I can read about organizing and cleaning and that kind of stuff all day long. And I have. Well, figuratively. Most of my day is spent feeding three little boys with bottomless pits for stomachs.

Anyway, my sister mentioned that she might possibly have ADHD, and she sent me an online questionnaire about it. I took it and scored pretty high. So I talked to my counselor and my psychiatrist (two of the reasons I have a handle on my depression now), and they're like, oh yeah, it does sound like you probably have that. So it's kind of nice to know that there's a reason for this kind of 'doing' paralysis. I didn't really know it was a thing that happened to other people. And of course, it's other things, too. I won't bother typing it all out because is that really necessary? Let's just say I have a lot of the symptoms. But now I have to approach the 'doing' things from a different way. I have to change my thought patterns and learn new coping skills. And I hate it. It's annoying. It would be a lot easier if I could just be normal, right? But it also feels like a breakthrough for me because I feel like maybe my life can be different, and I can get my crap together. Because I really really need to get my crap together.


  1. Is one symptom reading the beginning of a paragraph and then skipping to the end, then realizing that it totally didn't work and then having a really hard time reading each and every sentence one at a time? Because I have that.

  2. Yes, it is. I haven't read one full page of one of my textbooks this semester. It's a health class, and reading the text is excruciating to me. Like, my brain goes on strike if it has to read that crap. Thankfully, I anticipated that and I rented the digital format of the book, so I can word search for what I need to find during tests and quizzes. I am so cheap.
    I also have tendency to read books (like, ones that I choose to read that are interesting to me) and my mind wanders off while my eyes are reading the words. Then I realize I have no idea what's going on in the book anymore, and I have to start over.