Saturday, July 17, 2010

Hi Mom

You're probably going to be the only one to read this, since it's been several months since I've posted anything here. 

Some big things have been happening around here.  I got a temp job.  I got fired from said temp job after two weeks.  Because I had one mild disagreement with my trainer.  I didn't even get rude!  But she told my boss I was being unprofessional, and that was that.  The week before The Incident my trainer was talking to me about the long term opportunity of the position.  I told her I wasn't interested at all in being hired on.  When I interviewed at the temp agency, I specifically requested no temp to hire placements.  My husband's being deployed soon (oh yeah, that's another thing), and I have no interest in doing the single working mom thing while he's gone.  It's hard enough being a single stay at home mom.  (Also, Mom, I don't know how the heck you managed working and taking care of six kids.  Honestly, I will never get over how insane that must have been for you.) 
So, anyway, when my boss was doing the firing, she said that the position was going to be around for a long time, and then said she couldn't have someone that couldn't get along with her lead person.  Okay, remember, it was a MILD disagreement.  I don't even dislike the chick at all.  We have a lot in common.  So, whatever.  Keywords, I think, are "position is going to be around for a long time".  I think they just didn't want to put all that time into training me when I was going to leave and then they'd have to get someone else.  Whatever.  I didn't like working full time in downtown Boise anyway.  It added an extra unpaid two hours in traffic during which my head exploded daily.  I realize that Boise traffic isn't as bad as most other metropolitan areas where they actually have people and all.  I do remember Atlanta being much worse, and I would probably kill myself if I lived in Provo and worked in Salt Lake City like my brother used to do.  Traffic still makes me angry, though. 
Yes, the husband is being deployed again.  It will be in the next few months or so for a year.  I'm worried about several things- of course, I'm worried about his safety.  I worry enough about him just riding his motorcycle to work.  I'm also worried about how I'll take care of the house and Ben while he's gone.  I envy naturally organized people.  I desperately need routines and organization, and that's just not my bag.  I mean, it took me long enough to get a solid bedtime routine for Ben, and even then it pales in comparison to the "recommended" bedtime routines from books.  It's just going to take practice and lots of discipline, I guess.  I'm also worried about being pregnant and giving birth while he's gone.  Uh, yeah.  About that.
We don't have that awesome fertility coverage on our insurance that we had when I got pregnant with Ben.  But when my period came back, we both felt like we should try for another kid.  After my second cycle, we decided not to leave it up to chance because we still had no idea what the condition of of our fertility was, and we just didn't have time with him leaving so soon.  So I went to the fertility clinic again.  Luckily, our insurance covered the meds and the initial bloodwork, but all the procedures and ultrasounds had to come out of pocket.  And that part hurt, let me tell you.  It was money that we just didn't have.  So we decided we'd just do one IUI, and if it didn't work, well, there's always next year when he comes home. 
Our fertility, by the way, is in the exact same state as before.  My body still hasn't gotten the memo about ovulating, and Chris' swimmers are still wonky shaped.  But you know what?  It worked.  I'm growing a baby.  Actually, I'm growing two babies.  My mind is still blown.  It took so many months of IUIs to get pregnant with Ben, and this time?  Once.  And we get to have twins.  I can't believe it!  But it's true.  Chris and I saw their tiny little hearts pumping away.  Of course, the unthinkable could technically still happen and we could lose one or both.  But at this point, the chances are way slim.  I would post the ultrasound picture, but I haven't scanned it yet.  We'll go back in two weeks for another peek at the babies at 9 weeks.  But as of now, their heartbeats are strong, and they're measuring perfectly. 
My morning sickness has been crazy bad this time around.  Some days I can't keep anything but water down.  Although there are some days that I don't puke at all, but even then I'm queasy all day.  But how the heck can I even complain?  I'm so freaking lucky! 
When I was trying to get pregnant the first time, I went to a lot of infertility message boards for support.  I saw a lot of women with primary infertility criticizing others with secondary infertility.  Saying they didn't have it as bad.  And you know what?  They didn't.  Primary infertility is worse.  I was instantly at peace with the idea that this one IUI might not work.  I'm sure I would have cried if it hadn't, but I still have my son to cuddle and kiss and love and mother.  Dealing with infertility was so different the first time around.  And I'll never forget how awful it was. 
So if you know me on facebook, and you're wondering why I'm not shouting the news from the rooftops, it's because of primary infertility.  I have friends on there that have been trying for years and years and years- tried all the treatments they could afford- to no avail.  Granted, I'm not very close to some of them, but I still don't want to be that pregnancy announcement that makes their day feel a little bit worse.  Most of them don't know my whole story with infertility, and I don't want to cheapen by saying, "Hi, I'm pregnant, but it's okay because I dealt with infertility too!"  Somehow, I don't think that will make them feel any better. 
But I will be happy and giddy and talking about the babies off of facebook, which is probably the reason I'm posting this now.  I'm still awfully worried about how I'm going to manage two infants and a two and a half year old with my husband overseas, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.


  1. Bekah- You are going through so much! Congrats on twins I'm so excited for you guys!

    If you need any help while Chris is deployed please don't hesitate to ask. Abby and I could be down there with a quick plane ride to help out for a while.

    Miss you!


    ps I'm still reading lol :)

  2. "Mom" is not the only one to read it. :-) Congratulations to you all. Will keep you and all of the "stuff" going on in our prayers. Keep us posted.

  3. I'm still reading! Congratulations!

    And guess what? I'm having twins, too! It sounds like our due dates are really close - I'm 2/24.

    I agree with you - secondary infertility is a walk in the freaking park. The prospect of no kids is way worse than the prospect of an only child.

  4. congrats congrats congrats!!!
    i am sure you will be just fine with those little babies. this post made me miss your mom. i need to call her.

  5. I can't believe you are going to have twins! I'm so excited for your family. Jared and I were planning on doing in-vetro again this summer but guess what? We somehow managed to get pregnant on our own. Quite the shocker. Miracle baby boy is on his way and due in Dec. Sounds like your twins are coming a few months later. Congrats again from someone who understands.

  6. He will be 2 and a half? That's old enough for boot camp. Problem solved!

  7. Wow! I can't believe my friends still read my blog! Yay! I feel so loved. :)

    Kristin- Thank you so much for your willingness to help. It really means so much to me. I miss you, too! I need to make a trip up to Spokane to see you guys. Abby's grown so much!

    Jen- I know! I read about your twins on your blog. Identical! twins! That's just crazy! It seems like I read somewhere that the incidence of identical twins increases with the use of ICSI. Were your snowbabies engineered in such a way?

    Nikki- Holy crap! Congratulations! Best surprise ever! It's terrible to have to think about money when conceiving, but that's the harsh reality of infertility. So I hope you're not offended when I say, Yay for free babies!! Somehow, I'm sure you must feel the same way. ;)

    Michael- :P

  8. Dr. Russell the Love Muscle and Nurse Linda gave us the 2-for-1 deal!

  9. Honey I'm so sorry!!! I am probably the only one that didn't read it! I heard Eve talking about your posts and so I went to see what I was missing! I need to have a better way of knowing when you post obviously! I've been reading too much and not on the computer! I have talked to you and know all these things but thank you so much for writing them to me!!! I love you and your cute little family (growing)!

  10. Congratulations on your twins! If you need any help I'm totally willing to jump in then we could actually meet, right? :) My mom had two sets of twins, so that makes me an expert by proxy. Um, well, it made sense in my head. I'm good with babies, though, really. Anyway. Congrats and hang in there!