Monday, February 11, 2008

I'm so lame. It been almost a month since I made a real post, huh?
I finished the apron for my sister in law this past weekend. It's really cute. I'll post pictures when I take some.
So I went to Utah, and I had a lot of fun. I saw my mom, my brother, his wife, and their daughter. Their daughter is soooo stinking cute! She's such a happy little baby, too. She has this big open mouth smile that can make anybody coo at her. She has a smile that just makes you happy. You should go look at her at my brother's blog.
So, the day I left for Utah, I also had an appointment with my RE, Dr. Foulk. Chris even willingly got out of bed and came with me. I felt bad because I knew he wouldn't get much sleep, but I'm glad he went with me. Dr. Foulk told us that if IUIs were going to work for us, they pretty much would have by now. That was a week after IUI #5, so we still didn't know if it had worked yet or not. Dr. Foulk said, if this cycle didn't work, we'd do one more IUI, but if that one didn't work, it really wouldn't be efficient to go forward with them anymore. At that point, our next option would be in vitro fertilization. Well, about a week later, we found out that IUI #5 failed, and we would have one more IUI before IVF. IUI #6 is tomorrow.
I've had a hard time emotionally coming to terms with the fact that we may be facing IVF to start our family. Doing the procedure isn't at all what bothers me. Our insurance will pay for most of it, although we will have to pay for a portion of it out of pocket. We are very very blessed to have this insurance. What I have the hardest time dealing with is the very real possibility of doing IVF and having it not work. The emotional trauma of it is so painful to think about. We may have enough insurance benefit to do it one more time if the first time doesn't work, but I'm not sure. I've had a couple of weeks to think about it, though. And I think I can accept the risk. What am I talking about? I know I can accept the risk. If we do IVF and it fails, it will be the hardest part of this journey yet. But how could I possibly not do it? Losing the money on a failed cycle is meaningless. We've been through plenty of those. But there's no amount of emotional distress I'm not willing to take on to see this through. Several people have suggested to me that we should adopt. And actually, we do plan on adopting, but now isn't the time. I know we'll be able to bear a child or two, and I know we're supposed to be doing this. Every time I think about holding my baby's tiny hands, it's all worth it.


  1. If you don't feel the timing is right for adoption, then you're right at not going forward with it. Just be careful, don't let adoption become a "second best" option.

    I'm sorry that the IUI's haven't been working. At least with IVF they'll have already fertilized the egg with viable sperm and eggs, so things might turn out differently.

    I'm glad you have the insurance benefits and that IVF is even an option financially.

    Praying for you!


  2. Sometimes (always) when i think about all the hard things chris and esp. you have gone through trying to have children i feel really sad. and wish i could do something to help you feel better. and it sucks and i'm sorry. sometimes i think that if you guys would just relax... heh heh.
    sorry, that joke was put in at a strange time. not unlike my brother, i handle emotions with humor. very healthy!