We were really really hopeful this month. Well, we're hopeful pretty much every month. I was so hopeful this month that I checked my voicemail containing my beta results before I even left work. Like, 4 hours before I left work. I don't really regret that, but crying at work sucks. Nobody really said much if they even noticed, but my boss did ask me if I was stressed out when I started tearing up in his office. I guess maybe it's my refusal to become bitter and angry that makes it just as painful with each negative. I get my hopes up every time because I know when it finally happens, it'll be worth it. Really, I feel guilty about being so sad because we're so blessed already in our lives. I just have to stay faithful to the things I know and get through this.
I would write more, but it's pretty late. I need to go to bed. Good night.
I'm sorry that this has to be such a painful thing to go through. I sincerely hope things start to look up. It will happen when the timing is right, at least that's how I'd look at it, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with, especially when you want something as badly as you do. Heavenly Father knows your frustration and only He knows why it hasn't happened yet. Just stay hopeful. If you ever need to talk, drop me an e-mail. :)
ReplyDelete